


Shattered Reflections

by Clexa15



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curious Lexa, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Sad Clarke, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:59:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 101,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clexa15/pseuds/Clexa15
Summary: Lexa Woods has everything she wanted in life. Friends, family, and working towards the major of her dreams. She thought life was perfect until she met Clarke Griffin, a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty who just happens to sit next to her in class. But Clarke holds a dangerous secret. Determined to figure out what Clarke is hiding Lexa will go to any length to discover her secret. Can she help Clarke out of the darkness or allow herself to be pulled in with her?





	1. Hand-shaped Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm back again with yet another story! SR has been in my head for quite awhile now and I'm finally able to post it after some help from a friend! You can find her on twitter as @MaryGreenRed ! She's definitely helped a lot with the details and planning so I honestly don't know if I'd be posting today without her! So thank you Mary! 
> 
> Anyway, this story will be a whirlwind of emotions so I hope you guys are ready for this crazy rollercoaster! Updates will more than likely take place on the weekends but I will try to update whenever possible! So, enjoy the first chapter of my new baby, Shattered Memories!

_The sound of a plate dropping. Shattering across the tile floor with a deafening crash._

_Angered footsteps growing closer. The sting of a hand connecting with flesh._

_“You stupid bitch! Can’t you do anything right?”_

_A body fell to the floor, holding a reddened cheek in the process,“I’m sorry! It’s won’t happen again!”_

_Calloused hands gripped blonde hair and picked the young girl off the floor at brought her close to his face._

_“Clean this up, now. If I find so much as one shard of glass on the floor you’ll be wishing you’d never been born.”_

_With a hard shove the girl was once again sprawled out on the floor, head bashing against the kitchen cabinet. With the man now gone, she allowed her hushed sobs to fill the silent kitchen, careful not to let him hear in fear of him returning._

_Life seemed bleak and meaningless now._

_She was bleak and meaningless._

* * *

Brunette hair fluttered in the window as a petite yet strong woman ran across the college campus, desperately trying to make it to her first class of the semester on time. Lexa Woods, young, fearless, and compassionate, was never one to be late, but this morning couldn’t be helped. Her alarm clock hadn’t gone off, her roommate didn’t bother to wake her up, and she couldn’t find her favorite pair of shorts that somehow found themselves stuffed in a box under her bed. Lexa spurred herself faster as she glanced down at the watch that adorned her wrist.

_Two minutes._

Lexa was a social work major, working her way to becoming a Consultant for abused women and children. It had always been a passion of her’s after one day seeing one of her friends in elementary school being beaten by her father. After telling her own father of what she witnessed he had told her that she did the right thing and possibly saved that girl’s life and that filled her chest with pride. Pride that she could help someone and know that they were going to be okay in the end.

Going through middle and high school she had always known that she wanted to help anyone who was being abused and had even gone so far as to start, with the help of some school counselors, a group therapy session every morning before school. Every time someone who was being abused finally found the courage to come out and report the violence that surrounded them she felt that she was a little closer to achieving the peace she so desperately wanted for everyone.

Now, here she was, in her third year at the University of Central Florida running late for her first Psychology class of the semester. Way to start off the new school year. Her legs carried her faster, brushing past a few girls gawking at a few shirtless male students playing football. Lexa rolled her eyes, only feeling slightly sorry when she accidentally bumped into one of them.

_Less than one minute._

Lexa could finally see the doors to the building that she should have been in ten minutes ago. If even possible, she pushed herself faster and barreled through the doors and ran down the hallway to her left and slowed down once she saw the entrance to her classroom. Opening the door she was met with a slightly dark room, the professor taking a quick glance at her before going back to the power point that displayed over the projector. Blushing madly at the curious stares she received from the students Lexa made her way up the stairs and began searching for an empty seat.

As her eyes scanned over the rising rows of seats she could only see one available spot all the way in the back and the very edge. Sighing quietly Lexa made her way up the rest of the stairs before placing her bag on the floor next to her and sitting down. After pulling out her computer and starting it up, she took a few moments to glance around, the sound of the professor introducing the course syllabus slightly filling her ears. Only the stairs were to her right so she decided to take a short glance to her left to access the person she would be sitting by for the remainder of the semester.

Wavy blonde hair suddenly caught her attention and caused her to do a quick double take. The woman next to her probably had the softest and most gorgeous looking blonde hair she had ever seen. She could just make out the hint of pale smooth cheeks that peaked out from the blonde locks. She couldn’t see the woman’s face but Lexa knew that she had to be a vision of beauty, but there was something off. Lexa instantly noticed then that the blonde wore jeans and a grey long sleeve shirt.

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows as she slowly turned her head to look down at her computer. It was a good 82 degrees outside, and compared to everyones apparel of shorts and tank tops, Lexa knew the girl had to be hot. Throwing a side glance at the girl one more time, seeing the fabric of her sleeve clenched tightly in her hand, Lexa decided not to dwell on it. The woman had her rights to wear what she wanted and it was no place for Lexa to judge.

Pushing the blonde from her mind, Lexa put her mind to focusing on the professor carry on about what they would be learning over the course. The three hour class dragged on for what seemed like forever. As Lexa typed down a few important notes she kept finding herself stealing glances at the blonde, who only seemed to curl into herself with each passing second. It wasn’t until the professor finally announced their dismissal that the young woman next to her shot out of her seat and hurried out the back door of the classroom. Lexa sat there for a moment before shaking her head and began packing away her computer into her bag.

Something was clearly off about the blonde.

* * *

Lexa’s emerald eyes dropped down to look at the class schedule in her hands as she walked out down on of the many sidewalks in the middle of campus. She still had another two hours before her second and last class of the day. Since she had skipped breakfast, Lexa decided it would be the perfect time to get some lunch. As she made her way towards the cafeteria Lexa heard her name being called out into the sunny day.

“Lexa! Wait up!”

Lexa smirked as she watched Anya, a friend she had met during her first year of college, run towards her slightly out of breath. As the dirty blonde female finally reached her she let her hands rest against her knees as she tried to catch her breath.

“God, for someone shorter than me you walk pretty fast.”

“Maybe you’re just slow,” Lexa said as she turned around and continued towards the cafeteria.

Anya scoffed as she found her place next to Lexa,“As if. I could beat your ass in a 5k run any day. Just not this early in the morning.”

“It’s twelve in the afternoon, Anya. Some people actually like to wake up at a decent hour.”

“Whatever,” Anya said as she waved her off,“So where we heading?”

“I’m heading to the cafeteria to get some food since I missed breakfast this morning,”At Anya’s confused look Lexa quickly began to explain,“My alarm didn’t go off this morning and my roommate didn’t think to wake me up, and then I could barely find my favorite shorts. I almost gave up until I found them stuffed in a box under my bed. Then I had to run the ten minute walk to class. I made it there just as my professor was introducing the course. Everyone stared at me when I walked in and I had to sit all the way in the back.”

Anya laughed loudly, causing a few people walking by to look at her strangely,“Finally! Lexa Woods was late to something! God I would have paid to see you walking in all out of breath and looking lost!”

Lexa rolled her eyes and gave Anya a good shove,“I wasn’t late. I had three seconds to spare. So technically I was on time.”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

Lexa shoved her friend once more before picking up her pace and leaving her behind. Anya’s laugh could be heard across the courtyard they were walking trough. As they made their way inside of the cafeteria Lexa was unaware of the blue eyes that glanced in her direction as she disappeared through the doors.

* * *

Lexa happily munched on her turkey club after finding an empty table a small ways away from the large cafeteria windows. Across from her Anya sipped languidly on her drink as she scrolled through something on her phone. Even with the buzz of everyone talking around them there was a peaceful silence that settled between the two friends. At least until the sound of Lexa’s name rung out through the cafeteria. Anya and Lexa’s eyes shifted up and watched as two females made their way towards their table.

“What’s up, bitches?” A tall Latina said as she took the seat next to Anya while the other brunette sat to Lexa’s right.

Lexa shook her head at the girl’s words. She had become friends with the two girls during her second year of college. Raven, the spitfire Latina, she had met after getting pulled by Anya to a frat party. The brunette was casually sipping her drink when the woman had strutted up to her, clearly a little tipsy, and began flirting with her. Anya had quickly gotten Raven off her, saying that she wouldn’t be able to handle her, and moved on to flirt with the Latina herself. After that night Raven and Anya had become close friends and a short while after, started dating.

As for the other brunette, Octavia, she had met through her childhood friend, Lincoln. The teddy bear of a man had introduced them during a night out at a bar and they had hit it off easily. Both loving to tease Anya and Raven, Lexa a bit surprised to find out that the Latina and brunette were close friends, as much as possible while also bonding over their love for taekwondo. Both women had become fast friends with her, as well as Anya, and Lexa knew that without them in her life she would probably be sulking somewhere in a corner, bored to death.

“I thought you had class right now?” Anya said as she glared at Raven who grabbed a fry from her plate and popped it into her mouth.

Raven shrugged her shoulders as she swallowed the food,“Some idiot blew up the lab. Didn’t know what the hell he was doing.”

“It’s the first day. How does someone blow something up on the first day?” Octavia asked.

Raven, being the engineering major she was, began explaining in detail about where the boy had gone wrong. As her friends chatted away, Lexa’s eyes wondered out the window to stare out into the open courtyard ahead of the large building. Her jade eyes roamed over the trees, swaying in the light Florida breeze, the birds soaring above them, before they landed on a lone figure sitting on a bench a small distance from the cafeteria entrance. The blonde from her first class sat quietly on the metal bench, head bowed down as she scribbled on what looked to be a notebook. Lexa could barely make out the light sheen of sweat that covered the girl’s temple as she sat in the bright sun, still wearing the long sleeve shirt and jeans from earlier.

“Hey, guys. Do you know who that girl is?” Lexa said as she pointed discreetly towards the blonde.

Her three friends quickly dropped their conversation as they turned to look at who she had been pointing at. They stared at her for a moment before Raven and Octavia looked at each other and let out a small sigh.

“That’s Clarke,” Octavia all but whispered.

“You know her?” Lexa asked.

Raven was the one to nod her head as she folded her arms across the table,“Yeah, O and I used to be friends with her back in high school.”

“Used to? What happened?” Anya pipped up from her spot.

“Don’t really know. During our senior year she just suddenly pushed us away and kept to herself. We tried to talk to her but every time she just got defensive and said she just didn’t want to be friends with us anymore,” Octavia said as she glanced back out at the blonde.

“I wonder why,” Lexa said as she followed Octavia’s gaze.

Raven cleared her throat before stealing another one of Anya’s fries,“Who knows? But it’s cool. Whatever makes princess happy.”

Lexa knew the woman was hurt by her previous friend’s decision to push her out but she was quick to shove that feeling away. Anya met Lexa’s eyes from across the table for a moment before pulling Raven into another conversation, trying to distract her girlfriend from the painful memories. Lexa’s eyes darted to Octavia as the woman continued glancing in Clarke’s direction. A few quiet seconds passed before Octavia turned away and looked over at Lexa.

“What made you ask about her?”

Lexa paused for a moment,“Uh, she sits next to me in my Psychology class. I just…noticed that something seemed a bit off even though I didn’t say one word to her. Wanted to know if any of you knew her.”

“Oh, okay,” Octavia said hesitantly before narrowing her eyes,“What do you mean by ‘off’?”

“I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to explain. She curled in on herself almost like she was scared of anyone seeing her. And when the professor dismissed class she didn’t even wait two seconds before she was out of the classroom. It just seemed…odd.”

Octavia nodded slowly as she took in the information,“It is. Clarke used to have such a bubbly personality. She loved talking and being around people.”

“I wonder what changed,” Lexa said as she propped her chin in her hand and glanced back towards the blonde.

Octavia’s eyes followed her’s before letting out a deep sigh,“Yeah, me too.”

Jade eyes lingered on the seemingly carefree blonde as she continued to work away on whatever she was jotting down in her notebook. As Lexa watched her golden hair flutter in the wind, she wondered just what had caused Clarke’s personality to take such a drastic turn. Unbeknownst to herself, she would soon find out firsthand what had turned the woman into such a damp spirit.

* * *

Lexa smiled in relief as she walked out of Economics class, finally happy to be done with her first day back. The class had taken the remainder of her day, the blazing sun beginning to disappear past the tree line as she made her way back towards her campus apartment. Lexa’s obvious relief to be out of class subsided as she thought about the amount of homework she already had as she shifted her backpack higher on her shoulder.

Knowing the walk to her apartment was a good fifteen minutes, Lexa shuffled through her bag and pulled out her phone and a pair of earbuds. Sticking the tiny speakers into her ears, Lexa scrolled through her playlist before deciding on Hayley Kiyoko’s song Sleepover and slipping her phone into her back pocket. The lyrics and soft beat filled her ears as she became lost in the song.

As she rounded the corner of the corner of a building a petite body crashed into hers. Her hand reached out on instinct to grab ahold of the person’s shirt sleeve to try and keep them from falling but was only met with the sound of ripping fabric. Lexa stumbled as she watched blonde hair tumble down to the ground in front of her, jade eyes catching just a hint of pale skin from the torn shirt.

Lexa looked down at the torn fabric in her hands with a small gasp before moving to help whoever it was off the ground,“I’m so sorry! I should have been paying attention to where I was going!”

As she reached to help the person off the ground they suddenly flinched away from her touch before blue eyes looked up at her.

_Clarke._

Her eyes held a sense of fear, as she looked at Lexa from her position on the ground. Her lips parted open to taken in ragged breathes and her fingers scrapped against the concrete under her. Lexa stood frozen in place for a moment as she took in the blonde’s behavior before slowly squatting down in front of her, hands held up to show the woman that she wasn’t going to touch her.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to touch you,” Lexa said quietly,“I’m sorry about your shirt. I didn’t mean to rip it. I can get you a new one.”

That’s when Lexa’s eyes shifted over to Clarke’s arm where she had ripped her shirt. Pale skin peaked out, but what caught Lexa’s attention the most was the deep purple bruise that marred the smooth skin. The brunette’s breath caught in her throat at the obviously fresh bruise and looked back into Clarke’s eyes, who had never stopped looking at Lexa.

“Did someone do this to you?” Lexa said, horrified, as she reached a cautious hand towards Clarke’s arm.

Clarke’s unwavering gaze broke from her’s to flicker down to her arm before a strangled gasp left her lips and she quickly hauled herself from the ground, hand clasping over her bruised arm.

“It’s nothing,” The blonde’s tight voice drifted to her ears,“I’m sorry for running into you. It was my fault. It won’t happen again.”

Before Lexa could react Clarke darted past her, careful to keep plenty of distance between as to not bump into her once more, and hightailed it down the sidewalk next to the building. The brunette stood there, trying to wrap her mind around what had just occurred, as she watched Clarke disappear into the distance. Lexa’s heart urged her to follow the blonde. To make sure that she was indeed okay, even though that she knew that was far from the truth.

Lexa’s instincts had been right. There was definitely something off about the blonde. And she had seen the proof right in front of her.

_A hand-shaped bruise wrapped clear around Clarke’s arm._

That’s when Lexa knew that she wasn’t going to just let the blonde push her away so easily. She was going to find out what was going on. No matter what.


	2. Abuser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get Clarke's POV from the first chapter. A few interesting things happen, like introducing a 'special' character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am above and beyond sorry guys! I know I totally went MIA on you all and that you've been waiting so patiently (or impatiently) for this, as well as my other stories, to be updated! 
> 
> Life as been....well hell. I recently had a family member go into hospice care so that's been weighing me down a bit, as well as getting ready to go out of town, car troubles, and then work being surprisingly hectic. 
> 
> BUT...I'm back! Ready to write now more than ever! I will be gone for week on vacation starting on Saturday night...but here's the good thing. I have a nine hour drive which will be filled with nothing but writing! Nine LONG hours of non-stop writing so I can get you all the chapters you deserve! I have a tiny bit of time to write between now and Saturday night so I'll be doing my best to write the next chapters for my other two stories so I can possibly (key word possibly) get you guys at least a few more updates to help you catch up for those of you who have been dying to read them. ;)
> 
> Anyway, I've babbled enough! Here's to chapter 2 of Shattered Reflections!

A bead of sweat rolled down a pale temple before being swiped away by a lone hand. Blue eyes glared at the shining sun as their owner felt the sticky sweat now coating her spine through her long sleeve shirt. But this was the only way. To keep her secret… _a secret_. With a puff of breath the female tried to blow a few strands of blonde hair out of her face before reaching to open the door of the building that held her first class.

Clarke Griffin.   
  
Clarke wanted nothing more than to just blend in to the crowd. To be invisible to the world as she tried to get through the rest of her college career. It didn’t help that some people would stare at her like she had grown a second head when they noticed she wore long sleeve shirts and jeans in the hot Florida weather, but she did her best. And so far it seemed to work. On the first day of any class Clarke would normally arrive early to secure her seat in the back of the class room away from prying eyes.

But today, after thirty minutes of watching students file into the classroom and then watching the professor begin to introduce the course, Clarke wasn’t expecting the beautiful brunette to come shuffling through the door. Green eyes scanned the class before a deep blush had settled over her cheeks and she began making her way up the stairs, searching for a seat. Clarke’s heart became lodged in her throat as she realized the only empty seat was sitting to the left of her own chair.

Her throat only tightened further when the brunette slid into the seat and began unpacking her computer. Clarke clenched her sleeve tightly in her shirt as she tried to stave off the flush that took over her body. She had only glanced at the woman a mere second when she entered the classroom before directing her vision away. But it was more than enough to see how beautiful the brunette was. A sharp jawline, eyes as green as the forest, tan skin, the perfect swimsuit body. She had it all.

Clarke tried to focus on the professor ahead of her, making sure her hair covered as much of the side of her face as possible. Through her blonde locks, she could barley make out the woman beside her take a subtle glance in her direction only for her to look away before snapping her gaze back to her once more. As she felt her eyes bore into the side of her face covered by her hair, Clarke curled into herself, as if trying to shield herself from the brunette’s gaze. Her hand tightened even more around her sleeve, if humanly possible, and laid her other hand over her chest to try and calm her racing heart.

She wasn’t sure just what the woman made her feel.

Fear? Anxiousness? Embarrassed?

Her mind finally eased as she saw the woman’s head turn back towards the front of the classroom. As the class slunk along, the minutes seeming like hours to Clarke, the blonde couldn’t help but curl further into herself as she catch the brunette stealing subtle glances at her from the corners of her eyes. The beating of Clarke’s heart sped up to rival that of a humming bird’s wings. This woman…she couldn’t explain it. Clarke kept her invisibility up pretty well but here was this woman sitting right next to her casting small glances in her direction every few minutes. And for reasons unknown to her.

Clarke felt her breathing pick up pace.

She couldn’t do this. The heat of green eyes boring into the side of her head every few minutes made her twitch in her seat. Nothing made her feel more frightened than the eyes of someone else watching her. Someone watching meant they could possibly see. See what she tried to keep hidden from the world. A desperate secret that was sure to be her undoing if anyone found out.

So, when the first tell tale sounds of the professor dismissing the class rung through Clarke’s ears, she didn’t hesitate for a second to push herself from her chair, nearly knocking it on it’s back, and bolting out the back door. As she rushed down the hallway, desperate to find a place in solitude, she couldn’t help but replay the vision of surprised green eyes being cast in her direction as she shot out of her seat.

* * *

After calming herself down in an empty stair well, Clarke finally felt brave enough to take the short walk back home, no longer afraid of the eyes of the brunette catching her. She had plenty of time before her next class so she figured a quick lunch at home would be the perfect way to pass the time. No one would be home. Her mother was always busy at the hospital, barely home most of the time. Being head surgeon of the city’s biggest hospitals called for many overtime hours, much to Clarke’s dismay.

And Clarke’s step father…Anthony Johnson. He was a pleasant man. Someone who her mother had met about two years after divorcing her father. Abby and Jake’s split had caused a rift between Clarke and her mother. One where they didn’t talk near as often as they used to, and when Abby announced her engagement to Anthony during Clarke’s senior year of high school it had only caused that rift to grow larger. Sure, Clarke was happy for her mother, happy that she found someone that made her smile and laugh at their horrible jokes, but something about Anthony had always thrown Clarke off.

The way his voice would steadily rise when something didn’t go his way. Or the way his hands would sometimes slam down on the kitchen counter whenever Clarke didn’t put away the dishes in a timely manner. Just the small things threw her off balance. At least until one horrible night.

The first night that Anthony had ever laid his hands on Clarke.

And certainly not the last.

She had been working quietly on a new painting in the living room when the front door slammed open causing the paint covered brush to fall unceremoniously to the carpeted floor. Blue paint smeared across the light surface, Clarke staring down at it in disbelief. Clarke knew who was standing in the living room, her mother haven taken an extra shift at the hospital would be gone until the early morning hours of the next day. So it wasn’t a complete shocker to see Anthony standing frozen a few feet away.

What Clarke wasn’t prepared for was the deep anger that flared in his brown eyes, chest rattling with harsh breathes as he stared down at the marred carpet. But what she really didn’t see coming was the large hand that had quite literally thrown her backwards as it connected with her cheek. Clarke had sat there, stunned, holing her stinging cheek and busted lip as Anthony spewed harsh words in her face, the smell of alcohol rolling off him in waves.

_Bitch._

_Ungrateful._

_A waste of air._

But, as he had lowered himself lowly in front of her grabbing ahold of her chin firmly in his hand, Clarke felt her body tense up in fear like never had before at his next words.

_“You tell **anyone** about this, I won’t hesitate to kill you and your mother. Do you understand me?”_

The words were malicious. Dripping harshly from his tongue with not a single bout of remorse. Of course, the worry for her mother overpowered all need to keep herself safe, so Clarke had simply nodded. Sealing her fate to the horrible monster that lived in her home, always silently waiting until she was alone to strike. After giving orders to clean the mess Anthony had stumbled his way to the kitchen before grabbing a beer from the fridge and making his way up the stairs, leaving Clarke dazed on the living room floor.

She didn’t know when it happened but tears quickly began streaming down her face, blood from her split lip mingling with the salty liquid before dropping down onto the painted smudge carpet below her. Yes, the man had been a little angry at time, but never once had he raised a hand to her or her mother. Never once made so much as a move towards them when anything ‘disastrous’ happened. At least not until now.

And now Clarke couldn’t tell her mother.

And certainly no one else would believe her over him.

Why?

Because Anthony was a cop.

And not just any cop.

The goddamn _sheriff_.

Sure, he had other officials that ranked over him in power, but who would believe her words compared to that of a decorated officer? Who likely had no record of any wrongdoings? Someone who clearly had the power to make her look like the bad guy and also possible hurt her mother in the process?

Clarke was at a standstill.

Between keeping her mother safe and fearing for her life.

But Clarke wouldn’t let him lay a finger on her mother.

Not if she could help it.

She just had to keep him happy and anger free. If that was possible.

Clarke sighed deeply as she removed her house key from her pocket and unlocked the front door before pushing inside. Thankfully the house was quiet. No one in sight. No Abby. No _Anthony_. Just the silence that Clarke welcomed with open ears and a content sigh. She had nothing to fear in these moments. Not her life or her mothers. Just freedom.

Dropping her bag next to the door Clarke made her way towards the kitchen to prepare herself a quick lunch. Rolling up her sleeves, thankful to finally be in the air-conditioned house, Clarke set about grabbing the necessities to make herself a turkey sandwich. Yellow faded bruises that covered her forearms stood out across her pale skin as she reached into the fridge for the package of turkey.

Anthony wasn’t afraid of leaving bruises anywhere on her body. Seeing as to how he made sure she had covered them all up before she even stepped foot out of the house. Over the duration of his beatings Clarke had become a skilled master in hiding even the darkest of bruises. Granted most of them were easily covered up by clothing, even if said clothing made her sweat like a pig in the harsh Florida sun. Busted lips and cuts on her face were always the hardest to cover. Thankfully Clarke was a naturally clumsy person and it was easy to convince her mother and professors with stories of her falling or accidentally running into a door or some other stupid excuse. Her mother had been very wary at first, even going so far to ask if someone was hurting her, but Clarke had shut her down quickly. Laughing it off as she assured her mother that she knew how clumsy she was.

And Clarke’s heart clenched painfully when her mother finally waved it off and laughed along with her.

_**“I do this for her. To keep her safe,”**_ Clarke thought as she took a bite of her sandwich, leaning lazily against the counter as she dazed out the kitchen window, lost in thought.

She never saw it coming.

The painful, bruising grip that wretched her from her daze and caused her food to fly from her hand as she was whipped around to stare into brown eyes filled with malicious. Her eyes widened as Anthony’s hands wrapped tightly around her upper arms, squeezing to the point of pain, causing her to cry out.

“What the hell is this?! I come home to your damn bag on the floor almost making me trip and break my neck and then find out in here with this goddamn mess all over the kitchen?!”

Clarke could only stare in horror, her body frozen in fear, tensing up at the oncoming pain. He wasn’t supposed to be home. He was supposed to be at work, far away from her, at least until tonight. But god was cruel, shoving her back into his evil grip.

Clarke was brought out her her fear by a swift punch to her side and pained yell rising from her throat.

“Answer me! I get off early and come home to this fucking mess! Your job is to keep this house clean, not make it a damn pigsty by leaving your bag in the middle of the floor in front of the door and destroy the kitchen!”

Clarke sucked in a sharp breath before finally finding the power to respond,“I’m sorry. I’ll clean this up as fast as I can.”

Anthony gripped her upper arms tightly once more and pulled her in close, her face only a few inches from his,”If you can’t keep this shit clean maybe you don’t deserve to eat in this kitchen or in this house for that matter. For your punishment you will not eat tonight. Tell your mother you’re not hungry. If you take one bite of food…well I don’t have to tell you what will happen.”

And with that he shoved her away causing her to grab ahold of the counter for support so she wouldn’t go flying backwards. Anthony shuffled over to the fridge and pulled out a beer before popping the cap and letting it fall to the floor as he took a large gulp. As he lowered the bottle he glared at Clarke before letting his eyes roam over the kitchen.

“Get this shit cleaned and then get out of my sight. Your mother doesn’t pay for your school for you to be slacking off at home. Not that your smart enough to understand most of it,” Anthony said as he strut out of the kitchen, a deep chuckle rolling off his chest.

Clarke finally let out a pained breath, gripping her side where she had been punched, winching as her arms cried in protest. Surely there were already bruises forming from where her stepfather had manhandled her and she was suddenly very thankful that her sleeves covered her arms. She wasn’t entirely sure she could handle going back to class with the image of the hand-shaped bruises marring her arms.

Ignoring the ache in her side Clarke quickly began cleaning her mess, moving as quietly as possible, fearing that any sudden noise would cause Anthony to rush back down the steps and deliver another blow to her side. Not even ten minutes passed before Clarke had the kitchen shining once again, no obvious sign of her or Anthony ever being present. Finally done, Clarke quickly fled the kitchen to grab her bag off the floor next to the front door and fling herself out of the house, trying to put as much distance between herself and the sheriff as quickly as possible.

* * *

Clarke found herself sitting on a bench in the middle of a courtyard, sketch pad in hand as she lazily let her pencil float along the paper, not really sure what she was sketching. She ignored the sweat that she felt trickle down her temple as the sun blared above her. As much as she wished to be inside, in the air-conditioned cafeteria, she couldn’t handle the people. At least every other person would stare at her with a mixture of confusion or distaste when they noticed her choice of clothing. Long sleeves and jeans weren’t necessarily the best fashion choices made in one of the hottest states in the country, not that Clarke could help it.

Not even a full hour had passed since her Psychology class, with her house being a surprisingly easy ten minute walk from the campus, and her lunch being…harmfully interrupted. So she decided, for the next few hours until her next class, she would let the serenity of knowing that she was in public, where Anthony would never lay a finger on her in fear of having witnesses to his actions. Soon she became lost in her sketch. Letting it take form into something akin to a face. Feminine. A sharp jawline.

_Green eyes._

Clarke’s pencil almost flew from her hands as she finally realize just what - _who_ \- she had sketched. She had really only caught glimpses of her, but they were enough. Just one flickered gaze into those eyes and Clarke had been able to memorize them as if she had stared into them for years. A wild forest come to life in the girl’s eyes as they had swept over the room before landing on Clarke. A double take that didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde. One that had her sinking into herself. Trying to protect the fast pace of her heart from the outside world.

And now, looking down at the sketch, Clarke felt her beat beat along like a humming bird’s wings once more. She didn’t even know the girl’s name and yet she had such an effect on her. An effect that Clarke didn’t know would turn out for better or worse.

Deciding to forgo finishing the sketch, Clarke flipped to a fresh page, fully intent on drawing something that didn’t have to do with the brunette beauty that rolled about in her mind. Having no inspiration coming forth, Clarke decided to take a cautious peak around the curious blue eyes with intent to find the perfect subject. A few birds grazed about, a couple walking hand-in-hand down the sidewalk towards the cafeteria, the beautiful brunette laughing away with her friends, a guy ridi—.

_Wait._

Clarke’s eyes shot back to the woman from her class, sitting peacefully at a table in the cafeteria a few tables away from the large windows. Her smile only grew wider and her shoulders shook as threw her head back in a laugh, pearly white teeth peaking out from pink, full lips. A rare beauty.

_**“No. Stop. You can’t think like that,”**_ Clarke mentally reprimanded herself.

Instead of letting her stare linger on the brunette Clarke let her eyes roam over the rest of the occupants surrounding the table. Blue eyes widened as she realized just _who_ was sitting with the girl. Along with a woman she didn’t recognize there were two of her old high school friends.

_Her best friends._

_Octavia and Raven._

Clarke’s heart lurched painfully in her chest as she snapped her eyes away from her former friends and down to her clenched hands. Friends who were no longer hers. Friends that she had pushed away. For good reason. A reason that was none other than…you guessed it. Anthony Johnson. The same fear that she had for her mother, she held for her friends. Not long after the beatings had began Anthony had threatened her friends after a particularly noisy sleepover that Clarke was hesitant to have in the first place. When the threat had slipped from his lips it sent a bone chilling shiver down her spine. The image of her friends - _her sisters_ \- laying beaten in front of her, Anthony standing over them with a smug smirk, as if to say ‘I told you so’.

Clarke had shoved them away then. To the deepest corners of her mind, desperately trying to forget them. To keep them away, keep them safe, from the devil who snuck quietly behind her every day. The blonde spent days crying silently in her room, the worried cries of Raven and Octavia sounding out around her as they willed her to talk to them. To explain what was going on, why she was avoiding them. But she had silenced them, kept them at bay. Kept them safe.

Feeling brave, Clarke chanced another lingering gaze at the bustling table. She could see Raven making large gestures with her hands, more than likely adamantly explaining some explosion that she may or may not have set off. Octavia was rolling her eyes at the Latina, never one to hide how she really felt. And the other two woman just just casually continued eating their food, letting the occasional smile slip through.

Sighing deeply, knowing that friends weren’t an option at the moment, Clarke tore her eyes away from the group and back down to the blank page before her. With a sad smile gracing her features Clarke began sketching the life that maybe, just maybe, she would one day be able to have.

* * *

Clarke’s breath came out in sort pants as she ran across the campus. Her last class of the day had run late. Which made her late. Which mean she would be late making dinner for Anthony. And that meant…

Clarke couldn’t suppress the shudder that tingled down her spine and sent her into a nervous sweat. With Abby being at the hospital most nights Anthony had put Clarke in charge of preparing dinner.

_“Don’t screw it up like you do everything else.”_

The words ghosted around her mind from the first time Anthony had demanded she make him dinner. Dinner that ended with a burnt steak and a new bruise across her ribs. From that moment on, Clarke was sure to make things that he would enjoy but also couldn’t burn easily. She was by far the worst cook she knew and she was surprised that Anthony even ate what she served him, but lazy people take what they can get even if they throw a slap or two around in the process.

Clearing her mind of the horrible memories Clarke pushed herself harder, trying not to let the dull pain blossoming in her side slow her down. She still had a good tenth minutes before dinner was expected to be done. Her mind wondered, trying to think of the quickest meal that she could come up with as she slowed down slightly to round the corner of one of the many campus buildings.

Instead of being met with open air as she rounded the corner, Clarke knocked into a solid mass, her body tensing up as she began to tumble backwards. The sudden contact of someone’s hand on her arm had her heart flipping dangerously in her chest, but it was the sound of ripping fabric and the slight breeze on her now exposed arm that caused it to stop. Her body thumped unceremoniously onto the ground as a gasp sounded out from the person she had bumped into.

“I’m so sorry! I should have been paying attention to where I was going!”

She could feel the presence of hands reaching out to her, images of brown eyes filled to the brim with hatred, had her flinching away. Recoiling from the person above her. But, somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice screamed out to her. These hands were not those that would harm her. Not those that would litter her body with punches and kicks like she was some kind of punching bag. Ever so slowly, Clarke allowed her gaze to shift upwards, finally meeting the eyes -green eyes- of the mysterious person who sent the back of her mind into a state of unworldly calm.

As she locked eyes with the brunette she felt the underlying fear bubble up in her chest, reaching her ocean blue depths. She barley registered her chest rising and falling with harsh breathes as her pale fingers scratched the concrete below her, trying to get a grip on her steadily beating heart. Slowly, the brunette lowered herself in front of her, hands held up as if to say she meant no harm, almost causing Clarke to back away.

_Almost._

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to touch you. I’m sorry about your shirt. I didn’t mean to rip it. I can get you a new one.”

Clarke stayed silent, too…mesmerized?…to speak. Her gaze never broke away from the woman even when her emerald eyes darted over to the now exposed skin of her arm, her breath catching in her throat.

“Did someone do this to you?”

Clarke felt the brunette’s hand reach towards her arm and finally her gaze broke, finally realizing just exactly what the woman had seen.

A strangled gasp escaped her lungs before she pushed herself from the ground, hand smacking down to cover the deep purple bruise that throbbed steadily under it,“It’s nothing. I’m sorry for running into you. It was my fault. It won’t happen again.”

Bruise throbbing and a renewed pain in her side, Clarke brushed past the brunette, careful to avoid any contact before rushing down the sidewalk. She could feel the worried gaze of the girl behind her, unwavering until she was no longer in sight. Then, did Clarke finally slow down. Allowed herself to take a deep gulp of oxygen into her lungs as she examined her ruined shirt. As she took in the tattered fabric…and the hand shaped bruise…dread filled her stomach. There was no way to avoid Anthony seeing this, not with how late she already was. He would surely be waiting at the door, ready to ‘lay down the law’ in the shape of a fist aimed pointedly for her back.

Figuring it would do no good to delay the inevitable, Clarke simply geared herself up, pushing all her emotions to the side, and forming herself into the bleak shell that she had become over the many beatings. But, as she quickly rushed towards her house once again, Clarke suddenly found herself longing to be running, not to the hands of her abuser, but to the arms of the brunette who had gazed over her with such worry and concern.

_Maybe one day._

_Maybe things can change._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, this killed me today. I was running around doing errands while typing this on both my computer and my phone. Going back and forth between the two. Let me tell you, the thing that's stressful about vacations...is preparing them! There's SO MUCH you have to make sure gets done before you go.....it's hectic. And then when you throw work into the mix....well let's just say by time me head hits the pillow I'm out like a light. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are accepted with much love! You guys can also follow me on tumblr and twitter @Clexa15 (links in profile!). Ask or tweet me anything. I'm trying to stay more social on both sites and try to update sneak peaks and things like I promised when I started the accounts! :)
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	3. Sobs In The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks pass and the only thing on Lexa's mind is Clarke, who just doesn't seem to want to show up to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Happy to be back with a new chapter! Nothing seriously major happens through this one so I hope you all enjoy it!

Lexa sat in her seat, her psychology teacher drawling on about some topic that seemed to slip her current mind set. Her emerald eyes stayed glued to the seat beside her, fingers absentmindedly twirling her pen around. Clarke hadn’t shown up for the past two classes and it seemed to unnerve Lexa with each passing second. The brunette was sure she hadn’t seen things when she had spotted the deep bruise forming along the blonde’s arm. There was no mistaking it.

Lexa could almost feel the presence of the replacement shirt that she had stuffed into her backpack the day after ruining Clarke’s shirt. She felt bad about ripping it, but felt even worse when she realized just _why_ Clarke might be wearing those long sleeves. It had to be to hide the bruises caused by whoever was abusing her.

_**“No, Lexa. You don’t even know what happened. You’re blaming some person in her life that you don’t even know that may not even be harming her.”** _

But deep in Lexa’s gut she knew she was right. A bruise like the one on Clarke’s arm wasn’t an accident or self inflicted. It just wasn’t possible. And she could tell the signs of abuse from miles away. How anxious she had seemed just from being in a classroom filled with students, if the way she had curled into herself was any indication. The almost aggressive way she had dismissed Lexa’s question about the bruise. And, obviously, the bruise itself.

She was a social work major for crying out loud.

The signs of abuse screamed at her like a raging wind. Yelling at her to do something. To help the poor soul of the woman that she had barely spoken to but all of two seconds.

With a puff of hot air Lexa tore her gaze from the chair in turn for actually trying to pay attention to the lesson, but one glance at the clock at the front of the class told her it wasn’t worth it. Class would be over in five minutes…and still no sign of Clarke. That meant another week of the blonde being on Lexa’s mind. Thoughts infiltrated with the deep purple skin wrapped around a pale arm. She wondered if it had completely vanished over the two weeks since she had seen the girl…or if she had fresh ones.

The thought sent a chill down Lexa’s spine. The tingling sensation settling at the small of her back, a constant reminder of the worry that she felt for Clarke…a girl she barely knew.

“And that’ll be all for today. Be sure to go over chapters ten through fifteen for your test next week. Have a good week.”

Lexa began packing her laptop, finally glad that the class was over, although disappointed that she hadn’t listened to one single bit of information. As she zipped her bag closed, her eyes drifted back to the seat to her left, eyes trying to summon the image of Clarke sitting there, desperately trying to keep her face hidden from the brunette. She didn’t realize just how long she had been sitting there until a voice from behind her caused her to jump in her seat.

“Ms. Woods, is everything okay?” Her professor said as he stood on the stairs behind her.

Lexa quickly shook her head before standing from her seat,“No…uh, actually, I was wondering if you’d heard anything about, uh, Clarke. I haven’t seen her since the first day.”

“Ms. Griffin is out for a while due to unforeseen events. She should be back soon,” The professor’s gaze darted to the seat before settling on her’s once more, eyes filled with confusion,“Are you friends with Ms. Griffin?”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to be confused,“Not really. I…kind of ruined her shirt on the first day. I wanted to replace it but I haven’t seen her here or around the campus. I was just a little worried is all.”

“Ah, I see. Well, you should expect her back sometime soon, hopefully,” the professor said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, thank you,” Lexa said awkwardly before making her way out the classroom.

A breath of unease swooped out of Lexa’s lungs as she walked down the hallway towards the exit. Clarke was out because of ‘unforeseen events’. She wondered if these ‘unforeseen events’ were the cause of bruises. Of abuse. Of someone laying a hand to Clarke’s pale skin and marring it with deep purple marks and red splotches. The images that formed in her mind at the thought had a wave of nausea rolling through her stomach.

If the first bruise was anything to go by, she knew the person dealing the blows had strong hands.

Merciless hands.

Feeling the onset of a headache Lexa tried to will all the thoughts away from her brain. Trying to keep her mind blank for her next class where she would hopefully get something accomplished in the way of notes. Having had a large breakfast this morning she decided to forego lunch in favor of making her way to her apartment to just relax and maybe catch up on some school work.

The hot breeze hit her cheeks as she stepped out the building, the rays of the sun beating down atop her bare shoulders and she was instantly thankful she decided to don one of her favorite tank tops. After quickly tying her hair up into a ponytail Lexa began the trek to her apartment, deciding to take the long way through the campus park.

The trees billowed in the wind, birds swooping through branches overhead and singing a soft melody. Everything here seemed to keep Lexa at peace. Just the vibrant green of the leaves against the bright blue sky lulled her into a sense of calm that she couldn’t seem to find anywhere else. The rays of sunlight shining through the trees, casting an almost magical glow over the lush grass covering the entire park. It was devoid of it’s usual abundance of people. Only the sound of a few students chatting away happily at a nearby picnic table, happily munching on their lunch, floating into Lexa’s ears. Other than that…there was no one.

Deciding that she would much rather enjoy the warm sun and morning breeze, Lexa found herself a cozy spot on the grass, a few feet away from the concrete walk way nestled between a few trees. Setting her bag on the ground Lexa used it as a makeshift pillow, careful not to put too much pressure on it because of her computer, and laid down in the warm grass. A content filled sigh slide out her nose as she closed her eyes and marveled at the sounds of nature around her.

The sound of the birds, the trees moving with the wind, a squirrel scurrying up a tree, someone crying in the distance.

 _Wait_.

Lexa was sitting up in an instant, ears trained to find the sound that she was sure was a figment of her imagination. She stayed as still as possible, almost willing for the sound to happen again, to prove to herself that she wasn’t hearing things.

_And there it was._

The sound of a sob breaking through the wind. Rolling through the trees until it reached Lexa’s ears. She stood quickly and turned around, the sound having come from behind her, and gazed through the trees to see if anyone stood among them. Finding no one Lexa moved further through the park, her bag forgotten on the ground, now seemingly unimportant to her. Careful not to step on any twigs, almost scared she would scare the person off, Lexa made her way cautiously around trees, eyes scanning around for the source of the sobs.

What she wasn’t prepared for was to see the mess of blonde curls laying roughly against the bark of a tree, salty tears sliding from closed eyes and down pale cheeks. Clarke sat among the roots of a large oak tree, arms wrapped around her knees as she hugged them to her chest, her head thrown back against the wide trunk. Lexa stood there for a moment, taking in weeping blonde, completely unsure if she should stay or run away.

But the broken sob that escaped the blonde’s chest told her exactly what she wanted to do. The sound sending knifes cutting into her heart, causing it to ooze with the pain that she unmistakably felt for Clarke. She stepped forward cautiously, scarred to startle the woman and have her run off once more.

Once she was close to the blonde, but still a safe distance away, Lexa slowly lowered herself to the ground in front of her,“Clarke, are you okay?”

Clarke instantly jumped, a strangled gasp wheezing past her lips when the words left Lexa’s mouth. She was instantly swiping at her cheeks, that were now a soft rose color, and her blue eyes were gazing harshly into Lexa’s own green orbs.

“What are you doing here?”

The words held a bit to them, Clarke lacing them with a bitter aggression directed at Lexa,“I was relaxing a little ways away when I heard you crying. I didn’t know what was wrong, I thought someone had been hurt or something.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Lexa did suspect that whoever was crying in the middle of a tree filled park could have been hurt…or just having a bad day. But she knew, that somewhere in the back of her mind, that when that first sob sounded out, it was almost like a cry of help to Lexa. The sound carrying so much suffering and pain that it was almost unimaginable to her that it came from the blonde’s own body.

“Well, I’m not hurt. So, you can go now,” Clarke bit out as she stood from the roots and brushed herself off.

Lexa’s gaze wondered down to the long sleeve and jeans that Clarke wore, her mind instantly replaying the vision of her ruining Clarke’s shirt.

“I wanted to apologize about your shirt. Since I ripped it I thought it would only be right to replace it. I have it in my bag if you want it. I was going to give it to you before class…but you’ve been out the past two weeks,” Lexa said slowly, ignoring the dismissal from the woman.

Clarke’s body instantly stiffened at the mention of the ruined shirt, her body going rigid,“I don’t need you to replace it. I said it was fine. Now, if you would just leave me alone.”

The blonde was already stalking off in the opposite direction that Lexa had come from before she could make a retort. Heart racing Lexa began following the huffing blonde, intent on at least getting some sort of information that her screaming mind begged for.

“Wait!” Clarke froze at the shout but she didn’t turn around,“That day…I know what I saw. You had a bruise, Clarke. _A hand-shaped bruise_. That just doesn’t happen on accident.”

The blonde stayed quite, but Lexa could see the obvious tension settling along her back and the way her fists clenched tightly at her sides.

“That bruise was fresh…Is…Is someone hurting you?”

A soft sniffle sounded through the trees, Clarke’s hand rising to her face to what Lexa assumed was to wipe away tears. They stayed silent for a few moments, the brunette waiting for some, any, sort of answer from the woman.

It felt like an eternity before Clarke slowly turned towards Lexa, and she could clearly see her eyes glazed over with false anger, the dull gleam of sadness behind it,“Don’t assume that someone is beating me. It was an accident, okay? Just…keep the shirt and stay away from me.”

  
And with that she was gone. Disappearing through the trees leaving Lexa standing stunned in her spot. Her chest tightened with an unfamiliar feeling and she couldn’t help but replay the blonde’s words over in her head. She had heard the tremble on her lips when she had voiced the word ‘accident’, clearly a lie that she had spewed so many times before. It tore at her chest…the fact that she thought-no, that she _knew_ \- that someone was hurting Clarke.

She didn’t believe Clarke for a second.

And that’s what propelled her forward.

Her feet sprinting across the ground so suddenly she wasn’t sure she was doing it of her own accord. Her breathes came out in light pants as she followed in the direction of the blonde, her only thought being that she hoped she wasn’t too late. That she hadn’t already disappeared somewhere through the campus.

But luck seemed to be on her side.

Clarke was still walking at a steady pace, having already cleared and was walking through a large field that lead to the campus’s gym.

“Clarke!” Lexa’s voice slipped from her throat without warning, startling both herself and the woman ahead of her.

Clarke froze in place before turning around and pinning Lexa with a cold glare,“I told you to leave me alone. I don’t even know who you are.”

Lexa hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to continue but something yelled at her to keep the woman close,“I’m…I’m Lexa. Lexa Woods.”

Clarke stood there silently, her eyebrows raising above her eyes as if to say ‘okay…?’

“Look, I know you don’t really know me, that you’ve only sat next to me in class _one time_ …but, Clarke…that bruise,” Lexa walked closer to the blonde until she was a few feet away from her,“it wasn’t an accident. Everything inside me is telling me it’s not. I know the signs of abuse, Clarke, and so far you’re showing a lot of them.”

At this point Clarke’s gaze had flickered to the ground, her hair curtaining around her face on either side. Her hands gripped tightly at the hem of her shirt, her knuckles having turned white long ago. The air around them grew tense. The silence causing Lexa’s stomach to tangle in knots. She knew she had overstepped some hidden line but she couldn’t stay silent. Not when she knew that someone was being hurt. Being abused.

“You can’t say anything.”

The words floated across the space between them, so soft that Lexa wasn’t sure she had heard right.

“What?”

Clarke’s head lifted and her eyes, glazed over with tears, found her own,“You can’t tell anyone. If someone finds out he’ll….,” She was unable to finish speaking, her throat chocked with a soft sob.

Lexa closed the remaining space between them, her hands rising cautiously to show she meant no harm, until they were standing toe to toe,“Clarke, you have to tell someone. Whoever is doing this to you can’t keep doing it. It’s not right.”

“No!” Clarke shout was instant her hands gripping Lexa’s forearms in desperation,“I told you you can’t say anything! If someone finds out…he’ll…he’ll hurt the people important to me. I can’t let him do that! You can’t say anything, Lexa! Promise me! Please!”

Lexa let out a small gasp at the wild blue eyes that stared into her own, glazed over with a fierce protectiveness that she had never seen before. Her thoughts ran a mile a minute, her heart telling her that she needed to protect Clarke and urged her to get her away from the one person harming her.

“Clarke, I can’t just let you keep getting beat. You need to tell someone! A professor, the police. Someone!”

Clarke’s hands instantly ripped away from where they rested on Lexa’s skin,“That’s just it! He is the police! I can’t go to them without him finding out!”

“Who is it, Clarke? Who’s doing this to you?”

Clarke’s body lurched backwards, almost as if the question had stung her, her head shaking quickly,“I can’t tell you that. I won’t.”

“Clarke, please. Just tell me. I can help keep him away from you until we can find someone to trust who will help you. Please.”

Lexa’s body burned to hear the name of Clarke’s abuser roll off the woman’s lips. To know who painted the bruise along her arm that she had seen two weeks ago. She couldn’t explain why, though. She had only known this woman all of but technically a day, still not knowing really anything about her besides what she had learned from Raven and Octavia. But the feelings that welled up inside her, urged her to protect this pure soul in front of her…she couldn’t stop them.

And she didn’t think she wanted to.

“I know you want to help, Lexa, but I can’t tell you who it is. It’s too risky. I can’t have him finding out you know who he is and what he does. It’s bad enough that you know about the bruises,” Clarke said as she backed away from the brunette.

“The bruises? Clarke, the coward is _beating_ you! The bruises are the least of the damage! Tell me, how many broken bones has he given you? How many busted lips and black eyes?”

Lexa knew the words were harsh, the blonde’s body tensing up further.

“How close to _death_ does he have to beat you before you let someone help you? Like I’m trying to do,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke’s eyes hardened, the gleam of protectiveness fading from her eyes following the word ‘death’,“If he has to kill me for me to keep those around me safe, then so be it. I won’t let someone else get hurt because of me. Not even someone I don’t know…not you.”

Lexa stilled at her words trying to suppress the surge of emotion that she felt wash through her at the softness of them,“Clarke, you can’t say that. I’m not going to just stand back and let whoever this is just kill you. There has to be someone we can trust to help keep you safe from him. Just let me help—.”

“No, Lexa! I don’t want your help! I just need to keep everyone safe and that’s what I’m doing! I’m fine, okay? Just…just do as I said before. Just leave me alone. And don’t say anything to anyone!”  
  
Lexa knew, that when the blonde turned around and stormed the rest of the way through the clearing and disappeared around the corner of the gym, that it was futile to try and reason with her again. At least for now. The frustration had been clear in Clarke’s voice, almost as if she could believe Lexa’s words. That maybe there was someone to keep her safe from her abuser. But there was still the lingering thought of people getting hurt because of her. And Lexa ultimately knew that that was the one thing holding the blonde back. Keeping her from finding the safe haven that she so desperately needed. Fear that someone else would fall under the hand of her abuser for her mistakes in trying to find _freedom_.

Freedom that Lexa would stop at nothing to give her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, Clarke? Why won't you accept Lexa's help?? Ugh. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed! This chapter was a bit difficult to work out but turned out pretty good none the less! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> Until next time Lovelies! 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	4. Why Didn't She Just Stay Home Today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby makes a small appearance and Clarke's secret seems to be becoming less...secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This monster took me THREE days...I don't know if it was the writers block or the falling asleep in the middle of writing that caused that. 
> 
> I've been in and out of writers block so I'm terribly sorry if this chapter is awful, but I promise the next chapter WILL be good! I'll make sure of it! Anyways, have fun reading! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> *WARNING: physical violence mentioned. nothing too graphic.

God, she had been so stupid.

She had let her guard down for a moment to release the pent-up emotions bubbling in her chest.

_A moment too many._

With her chest racking with sobs and her ribs protesting their movement from Anthony’s recent ‘lesson’, Clarke hadn’t noticed the sound of approaching footsteps. Not until the soft words of the brunette who she had run into came into her ears. Every part of her body had tensed up…urging her to run and get away from this person before they could see how broken she had become.

But before she could even take a step in the direction that she thought would be her way out, the woman had mentioned the bruise.

Her heart had instantly lurched in her chest and a cold sweat broke out along her spine. No one had ever spoken to her about the bruises. She was so careful about hiding them and normally was very successful at making sure no one noticed the amount of skin that was required for her to hide them. Obviously she had gained a few stares the first few months that she had begun college…because who wore jeans and long sleeves in Florida weather? But that quickly died down, Clarke doing a good job of blending into the shadows and avoiding peoples gazes.

So, it came to a complete shock to her when the woman had voiced her concern of the hand-shaped bruise that had marred Clarke’s skin. She had no real explanation - no made-up excuse. Of course, being one to think quick on her feet most of the time, Clarke had thrown a snarky reply at the brunette

She tried to leave - her mind pulling forward her flight or fight response and obviously choosing to try and get away from the brunette as fast as possible. But the girl had been persistent, following after her as she stalked off towards the field that she knew laid beyond the park. Clarke had thought she was safe, finally breathing a sigh of relief only to suck it back into her lungs at the sound of the woman’s voice once again behind her.

Another thing Clarke didn’t expect…the woman’s name rolling off her tongue.

_Lexa Woods._

Clarke wasn’t too sure if she was pleased to finally know the mysterious brunette’s name, but she couldn’t seemed to ignore the spark of warmth in her chest that flared up when she heard it. When Lexa made no move to say anything more, she had given her a look as if to say ‘okay…?’ causing the brunette to begin rambling softly, stepping closer to Clarke with each sentence.

_And of course she knew._

Lexa wasn’t stupid and Clarke knew this. She knew that she couldn’t fool Lexa into thinking the bruise had been a simple accident. She was too smart for that. And when she began to speak of signs of abuse…Clarke knew she had no fight left with the brunette.

So, she gave in.

Whispered for her not to tell anyone, flashes of Anthony’s heavy fists flying towards her body filling her mind and frightening her to her very core. And the tears came again. So afraid that someone had _finally_ discovered her secret that she had done so well to keep hidden for so many years. Scared that if Anthony knew that Lexa knew…he would kill her.

Or worse.

Her mother.

And that’s what had sparked her reaction to Lexa’s pleas of trying to get Clarke to get justice. She couldn’t let anyone she loved get hurt because of her. She wouldn’t allow it.

So she made Lexa promise.

She knew it was selfish, but she had to do it. She couldn’t risk her mother being hurt…or god forbid Lexa, who she barley knew but was horrified to ever see her falling under the hands of her stepfather. But Lexa had only pleaded more, begged her to tell her who her abuser was - and when the word ‘police’ Clarke had slipped. Lexa may not know the name of her abuser but she knew that he was a cop…and there were only few cops in Clarke’s life.

She pleaded for Lexa to just drop it all together, that it was already bad enough she knew about the bruises. And that broke Lexa, she could see it in her eyes. The anger that had subtly flared in the emerald orbs.

_“How close to death does he have to beat you before you let someone help you? Like I’m trying to do,” Lexa whispered._

And that’s when Clarke knew she couldn’t let Lexa get any closer to her. She needed to push her away just like she had done with Octavia and Raven. She needed to _protect_ this woman from her problems - her heart demanded it. And she didn’t understand why. So, she did the best thing that she could.

_She snapped._

Clarke quickly cut off Lexa’s rant and let the anger that she felt towards her stepfather consume her and aimed it at the brunette. Simply hoping that it would deter her from pushing on the subject any further. She was more than pleased when .for the second time that day, she had turned her back to Lexa and walked away and the brunette didn’t follow. But, as she walked away, the only thought that had lingered in her mind consumed her…

_Maybe there was hope that someone out there could pull her from this nightmare._

_Someone who now stood alone in an empty field, brunette waves billowing softly in the wind._

* * *

Clarke was too emotionally exhausted to attend any more of her classes for the day. After a few hours hiding around campus, she found herself walking home, not even caring that Anthony may or may not be home at the moment. She would take a few more punches if it meant being able to take a hot shower and curl up in her bed before the sun even went down.

A sigh of relief heaved from her chest when she didn’t spot Anthony’s car in the driveway…and her heart picked up happily when she noticed her mother’s car. Clarke raced the remaining distance to the house, wanting to spend as much alone time as possible with her mother before her stepfather returned. Abby was so busy at the hospital that it was rare to see her home so early or even at all. Most nights Abby would text or call her daughter stating that she wouldn’t be home once again.

Sometimes those nights were hard.

Anthony would soon realize that Abby wasn’t coming anytime soon and would somehow find a way to blame Clarke for it. A few slaps and kicks later he would finally calm down enough and stalk off towards his bedroom with a beer in hand, leaving a battered Clarke to clean up any mess he had made in the process. One too many times the blonde had wiped up a few drops of her own blood from the floor.

So, not only was she happy to see her mother, she was happy to know that, if Abby stayed home, she would be free of any beatings. And for this is was thankful. She didn’t know if she could take another one so soon without someone noticing the sluggish and careful movements she made. Luckily, from her last beating, her ribs didn’t protest too much and didn’t hinder her breathing enough to be noticed.

Throwing open the unlocked door, reminding herself not to drop her backpack by the door, Clarke was greeted by the an amazing aroma. She made her way past the living room in favor of walking into the kitchen where she knew her mother was hard at work over the stove. She smiled happily upon entering, seeing her mother reading a cook book with a hint of confusion on the side of her face that Clarke could see. Abby must have caught sight of her daughter walking into the kitchen because before Clarke could even take another step inside the large room the older woman was turning towards her with a smile.

“Clarke, honey. I didn’t think you’d be home this early. I thought your last class didn’t get out for another hour or two,” Abby said as she walked to Clarke and pulled her into a hug.

Clarke reveled in her mother’s warm embrace for a moment before pulling away.

“The professor ended class early,” the blonde lied easily,“I’m glad he did though. Seeing as to how you didn’t tell me you were going to be home.”

Abby let out a tiny laugh as she walked back to the stove,“With no surgeries there was no sense in my staying at the hospital any longer. I thought I’d surprise my two favorite people with dinner when they got home.”

The smile that lifted at Clarke’s lips had the barest hint of happiness in it, not that her mother noticed as she was facing away from her in that moment. The blonde never could form a response when her mother called Anthony one of her favorite people. It made Clarke sick because she knew how devastated her mother would be if she ever found out the person Anthony truly was. Btu she wouldn’t let those thoughts ruin this moment with her mother.

Not tonight.

“What are you cooking?” Clarke said as she walked over to where her mother stood.

She figured engaging in a harmless conversation would keep her mother from noticing her lack of response.

“Creamy herb chicken. It’s been a while since I’ve tested my skills on the stove so it might taste a bit different than what it should. But it still smells good, right?”

Clarke smiled genuinely at her mother’s words. Abby would always be in the kitchen when Clarke came home from school, but all that had stopped when she and her father divorced. The blonde could remember the days when she would come home to find her mother dancing around happily in the kitchen as she sung along with the song playing on the radio that they had set on the kitchen cabinet. She could also remember her father picking her up and spinning her around as he joined Abby in singing. They would all get lost in their happiness, just a simple family dancing around their kitchen, dinner forgotten for a few minutes.

Those were the days Clarke cherished.

The days that she wished she could have again…but they were only distant memories now.

“Dinner should be ready in just a few minutes and Anthony should be home any second. Why don’t you go ahead and set the table, Clarke,”Abby said cheerfully as she closed the cook book.

Her body tensed, waiting for the moment to feel a fist land somewhere on her body…but it never came. Clarke’s mind suddenly reassured her that this was her mother that was talking to her - not Anthony. Her stepfather always expected Clarke to have dinner ready and the table set before he got home from work…so when he had to tell her it always followed with some sort of physical contact. Clarke felt ashamed at her body’s response to her mother’s words. She knew that out of everyone in her life her mother was one of the two people that would never lay a hand on her. The other being her father.

Clarke nodded slowly before walking towards the cabinet where the plates sat,“Sure, mom. I got it.”

The next few minutes passed quietly. Clarke setting the table as she listened to her mother move around the kitchen while humming softly. She counted the seconds of pure peace in her head and willed herself to think that it would be her father walking through the front door instead of the man who haunted her nightmares. A wave of calm swirled in her chest and the blonde couldn’t help the bitter thought that this could have been how she felt everyday if her parents hadn’t gotten divorced.

But that wave of calm didn’t last long.

The sound of the front door opening and heavy footsteps walking towards the kitchen had Clarke’s heart race increasing. No matter how much she wished it, she knew that that wasn’t her father walking into the house. From her position in the dining room Clarke could see through the open doorway and into the kitchen and felt her stomach clench when Anthony walked behind her mother and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her mother giggled happily before turning her head and planting a kiss to the man’s lips.

If only her mother knew.

Knew what those hands that rested on her hips did to her only daughter.

The pain and deep bruises they left shimmering on Clarke’s skin.

The sleepless nights they caused.

The utter terror they caused to course through the blonde’s body.

_If only she knew._

But she couldn’t. Clarke wouldn’t risk her mother’s happiness and her _life_ just for her to be able to be free of the burden. Even if that happiness was a ruse…but the last thing she wanted to see was her mother hurt.

_“She’ll be more than hurt if he ends up killing you.”_

Clarke froze.

The thought may have rolled around in her head, but it wasn’t in her voice. No, the words that rang in her ears were filled with the worried tone of _Lexa’s_ voice. She could see the brunette’s face etched with concern push through her thoughts and invade her mind. And for that she was instantly afraid.

She couldn’t - _wouldn’t_ \- let Lexa sway her thoughts on the matter. Not with everything she had to risk. Not at the cost of her mother’s life and possibly those of her friends.

And maybe Lexa herself.

Lexa would be the prime target of Anthony’s rage if she was ever discovered of knowing Clarke’s secret. She knew the lengths that her stepfather would go to to keep someone quiet and those lengths frightened her.

“Clarke, are you okay?”

Clarke was startled out of her mental panic at the sound of Anthony’s voice. With tense eyes and body almost visibly shaking she looked up and met his eyes - eyes that gleamed with demanded silent obedience - before slowly nodding.

“Yes, sorry. I was just lost in thought,” Clarke spoke clearly, knowing how much Anthony hated mumbling.

The tension in her body eased up a bit when Abby thankfully walked into the dining room and placed a serving pan in the center of the table with a smile,“Dinner’s all ready! Let’s eat!”

Everyone took a seat, Clarke catching the subtle glare that Anthony threw towards her, and began eating. Abby chatted away happily, thrilled to finally be having dinner with her family after so many days spent at the hospital. Clarke joined the conversation every so often, knowing that if she kept quite through the entire meal that her mother would begin to ask her if something was wrong. And if she started asking questions and Clarke only dismissed them then the older woman would become unhappy.

The last time she made her mother unhappy she was reprimanded by an open hand to her cheek - one that felt like it took weeks to stop stinging.

So, she sucked it up and pretended to be another happy yet tired college student like those that surrounded her everyday at school. Anthony’s glare diminished over the course of the dinner, the beer and her mother’s joyous laughter probably helping to relieve some of the anger that course regularly through his veins. But when Abby moved to start gathering the dishes and Clarke stayed still in her seat, distracted by fiddling nervously with her hands, the glare came back with a vengeance and was accompanied by a deep voice.

“Let Clarke get the dishes. You cooked so she should at least clean,” Anthony said nonchalantly before taking another sip of his beer.

Abby was quick to wave him off as she rounded to Clarke’s side of the table,“Nonsense. I’m perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning in one night and I’m sure Clarke has some homework she needs to work on, right honey?”

Brown eyes harden as she met them from across the table and she was instantly on her feet and gently taking the dishes from her mother’s hands,“It’s fine mom. You’ve been at work the past few days so you should rest. These won’t take me but a few minutes to do and I only have one homework assignment for tonight so it’s not going to keep me up all night.”

Ignoring Abby’s protests the blonde finished gathering the remainder of the dishes before shuffling off towards the kitchen. She let out a stifled breath as she reached the sink - glad to finally be out of the same room as her stepfather. But, midway through the dishes, her mother called out to her stating she would be relaxing in a nice bubble bath for an undetermined amount of time causing Clarke’s heart to race fearfully.

She knew Anthony was still lingering somewhere downstairs, his footsteps being impossible to miss on the stairs. Clarke just continued washing the dishes and prayed that the man didn’t want to risk laying a hand on her with her mother in the house…not that it had stopped him before.

But it seemed her prayers went unanswered.

Clarke’s body instantly began shaking and her breathing picked up substantially when she felt the tall man looming behind her. She could feel his hot breath skimming the skin on the back of her neck and it sent a chill coursing through her body.

“Now, you know you always do the dishes, Clarke. Why is it that I had to remind you of that? You’re mother comes home after spending long hours working at the hospital and cooks for you and you suddenly become to lazy to do the dishes?”

Clarke’s brain was much to terrified to form any sort of coherent response to the man behind her. When a few seconds of tense silence passed she was whipped around to face an angry Anthony, muddy brown eyes gleaming with promises of pain.

“Don’t think that just because your mother is home that I still won’t give you your punishment,” His words ended with a quick twist of her arm forcing her to once again turn around as he pushed her against the counter.

Clarke felt her heart would beat out of her chest or stop all together at this point. She wanted to cry out at the pain that was now radiating from her awkwardly twisted arm, but she knew it would only anger him further. So she bared the pain, teeth biting down on her bottom lip so tightly she could almost taste the all too familiar coppery tang of her blood flood over her taste buds. With one arm twisted behind her back in a steel grip and one holding her steady against the counter there was no way for her to try and protect her body from the blows that quickly found purchase on her sides and back.

The blonde could feel all the air leave her lungs as Anthony landed a particularly hard punch to her back before twirling her around and delivering the last one to her stomach. She crumbled to the ground, curling into a ball as she desperately willed her lungs to take in at least a hint of oxygen. While she withered on the floor Anthony crouched down beside her and watched her struggle to breath - almost as if he was enjoying it.

_What kind of monster enjoyed this?_

“I think you’ve learned your lesson enough for tonight. If I ever have to remind you again what I already expect for you to do, your punishment will be twice as bad next time,” The man said as he fisted blonde locks in his hand and forced Clarke to look up at him,“Do I make myself clear?”

Knowing that he would only leave with a verbal response, Clarke didn’t even bother to try and nod her head before almost spitting the words at him,“Yes, sir.”

Anthony didn’t waste any time releasing Clarke’s hair from his grip, almost like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever touched, before standing up,“Good. Maybe now you’ll think twice before trying to get out of your chores so you can just laze around the house.”

This time, when her stepfather finally disappeared up the stairs, Clarke didn’t allow any tears to fall. It was pointless to waste her energy on the salty drops of water so she instead focused her energy on trying to pick herself from the floor. Her ribs and back protested with renewed screams as she fully stood. Clarke had to grab ahold of the counter quickly as she felt a quick wave of dizziness wash over her. After it passed her blue gaze turned back to the sink where the rest of the dishes sat waiting to be cleaned. At the bottom of the water, Clarke caught the sight of a sharp kitchen knife gleaming up at her.

She had more than once contemplated the freedom that a blade could possibly offer her…even once trying to act on it before falling into a heap on the bathroom floor, a lone bloody cut resting right below the inside of her elbow, a scar now residing there. Clarke knew she could never take her own life - much to scared of even thinking of leaving her mother alone with the monster that slept in their house.

At least that’s what she told herself.

But her mind knew, deep inside, that she never acted upon her thoughts of self harm because she cared to greatly for her own life…at least the life she had. The chance was small…but somewhere in the back of her thoughts a spark of hope laid within Clarke. Hope that one day she would be free of the person who brought harm to her. Hope that one day that she would be able to sleep freely in her own home with fear of fists flying down upon her body while she slept.

_Maybe that hope wasn’t as far away as she thought._

_Maybe that hope was in the form of a certain brunette that already knew her terrible secret._

No.

Clarke instantly pushed the thought aside, her coerced mind telling her that no one could possible make this better.

After finishing up the dishes, her ribs and back throbbing painfully, Clarke made sure the rest of the house was tidy before starting the trek up the stairs and into her room. The journey had taken the remaining strength that lingered in Clarke’s bones so when she entered her room the last thing she could do was shut her door and climb into her bed before letting sleep claim her and take away the pain.

* * *

If Clarke would have known the events that would unfold the next day at school she would have much rather stayed in bed, even with the risk of getting caught by Anthony.

Her day had been fairly normal for the most part. Her first class of the day flew by without any events, just mere note taking that almost made Clarke fall asleep where she sat. It was while she made her way to find a quite spot for a few hours of undisturbed drawing that the blonde regretted her decision to leave the house. It had happened so fast that Clarke had no time to really process just what was occurring before meeting the familiar green eyes in front of her.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed as she steadied Clarke after bumping into her and almost knocking her to the floor like the last time,“I’m sorry…again. Maybe we should start paying better attention before one of us ends up on the ground next time.”

Clarke cringed at the almost playful tone that floated through Lexa’s words. She could tell that the woman was just trying to make her a bit more comfortable around her…but it didn’t seem to help.

“Hopefully there won’t be a next time,” Clarke muttered as she stepped back from Lexa’s grasp on her arms.

A flash of hurt crossed Lexa’s face,“Clarke…listen. I just wanted to say I’m sorry about yesterday. The last thing I wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. I just…I can’t stand to see someone - _you_ \- being hurt by some coward. I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do but I think you should at least try and get some help.”

To Clarke the words sounded rehearsed. Like Lexa had stood in front of a mirror and recited the words that she would speak to her over and over. And that only seemed to spur her anger further…anger that was meant for someone who was not the brunette.

“I already told you there’s no one to help me. I appreciate the concern but I’m not some _case study_ that you can just dive into. I’m not some helpless female that needs to talk about her problems with everyone - especially you. I would like it if you could just forget everything that you’ve seen and heard since we met and pretend like I don’t exist. It would make it a lot easier for everyone in the end,” Clarke said before trying to turn around and leave.

“No! Wait, please!”

Before Clarke could move from Lexa’s outreached hand, it was already closing around her forearm. The forearm that had been held in the steely grip of her stepfather and still throbbed painfully under her shirt. When Lexa noticed the visible flinch of pain cross over Clarke’s face she instantly snapped her hand away, green eyes wide with horror.

“Clarke, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Lexa stuttered out.

The blonde rubbed at the tender flesh of her arm underneath her shirt before whispering,“It’s not your fault.”

The anger that had welled in her chest a few minutes ago completely vanished at the horror stricken eyes of the brunette. She knew she was diverting her anger to the wrong person…someone who actually wanted to help her and was scared of hurting her, but she couldn’t help it. Lexa just happened to be the one person that Clarke could let the emotions that she so desperately wanted to throw in Anthony’s face without fear of discovering her secret. Because…well, she already knew.

“Can I…?”

When Lexa’s hand reached out to carefully cradle Clarke’s injured arm the blonde didn’t retract her arm. Instead, she felt her body relax, almost as if trusting the woman before her. Her emotions were throwing her off. First she had been angry at Lexa and now she felt almost…. _safe_. She didn’t know how to process the emotion - not having felt it since her mother said ‘I do’ to the devil himself.

And when Lexa slowly shifted Clarke’s sleeve up her arm to take in the sloppy bruise that had formed, she didn’t try to pull away. Normally if anyone were ever to catch sight of the purple or healing yellow marks she would instantly try to cover them as best as possible. But now, watching as Lexa examined her arm with so many emotions playing through her emerald eyes, she didn’t feel the need to cover them. It was almost as if her body welcomed Lexa’s eyes to roam across her flesh…as if she may be able to heal it. To take away the pain that riddled underneath the smooth surface.

They both had become so lost in their tasks, Lexa studying Clarke’s arm and Clarke studying Lexa, that neither one heard the sound of the brunette’s name being yelled from behind them.

“Lexa! I’ve been calling you for five minutes! What the hell is wron— Who the hell did that to you?!”

Clarke had barely registered Lexa tugging her sleeve back down to cover the bruised flesh before turning to the woman that stood next to them. She recognized her from the day she had seen Lexa sitting at the table in the cafeteria, but the thought flew from her mind as her heart clenched fearfully at another person possibly finding out about her secret.

“Anya, it’s not what it looks like…,” Lexa stumbled, obviously trying to find an excuse for Clarke’s bruised skin.

“That sure as hell looks like a big ass bruise on her arm,” Anya said harshly before turning to Clarke,“She didn’t do that to you, did she?”

A pang of anger hit her stomach at the accusation that Lexa would hurt her,“No. Lexa didn’t do anything. It was an acciden—.”

“That was no accident. I’m sorry, but I can clearly tell the difference between someone grabbing your arm a little too tightly and someone _twisting_ your arm and causing a bruise,” Anya said as she grabbed ahold of Clarke’s sleeve and pushed it up to her elbow, effectively displaying the bruise,“I have enough training in fighting someone to _know_ that this bruise was caused by someone twisting your arm behind your back. I’ve done it plenty of time while sparing. So, are either of you going to tell me what the hell is going on or do I have to find out for myself?”

Clarke’s startled gaze shot to Lexa, who’s own eyes surprisingly help a stoic expression. Her mind panicked, fear that someone else now knew what she was hiding coursing through her veins. No words seemed to form in her head as a tense silence passed between the three women. Though she often welcomed the silence now all Clarke wanted was for someone to speak. To tell Anya that what she was looking at was only an accident and make her believe them. To tell her that she had nothing to worry about and to go about her day like nothing happened. But, of course, nothing ever seemed to be easy for Clarke.

“If one of you doesn’t tell me what the fuck is going on I’ll be more than happy to inform the police that someone is obviously _beating_ you if the way you're inwardly panicking is anything to go by,” Anya said as Clarke’s horrified eyes met her’s.

_Why didn’t she just stay home today?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....god, this was probably the worst chapter I've written in a while...lol. 
> 
> So, now Anya knows (well kinda knows) that someone is hurting Clarke. Will this maybe help Clarke get the help she needs to get away from Anthony, or will it only cause more problems in the end? 
> 
> Until next time Lovelies. 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> *And I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has left kudos and/or comments! You guys are amazing! :)


	5. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke ends up being brought to Lexa's apartment for a talk with Lexa and Anya. Things get a little jumpy for her...Panic ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is #1 of my double update! I actually didn't plan to have this uploaded so early but I ended up staying up super late to finish it, much to my own pleasure! I'm really happy with everything that I was able to get done in this chapter and hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Update #2 to come soon! ;)
> 
> WARNING: very mild description of physical violence.

Clarke wasn’t necessarily sure how she found herself being escorted to the on-campus apartments by the two women that now stood on either side of her. It had to be somewhere between Anya’s constant insisting to know just who had placed the bruise on Clarke’s arm and Lexa trying to hush the woman before someone overheard. She could barely remember Lexa whispering that they should continue their conversation in her apartment and away from possible prying ears. Clarke had been silent the near entire time, mind buzzing with the thought that now, not only did one person know her secret…but _two_.

Not once in the almost four years since Anthony started beating her did Clarke think she would be in the position that she now found herself in-basically going to a stranger’s house to continue talking about who was beating her. She could feel Lexa’s hand settled on the small of her back, right under a throbbing bruise, as she lead her up the stairs of the apartment complex, Anya following shortly behind them. And when they reached a door on the third floor, Lexa removing her hand to fish her keys from her bag and unlock the door, Clarke definitely didn’t think she would be walking into the surprisingly spacious and organized apartment.

“My roommate is never here. She normally stays with her boyfriend at his place across campus so we don’t have to worry about anyone walking in while we talk,” Lexa explained as she placed her bag on a hook next to the door.

With a tiny nudge from Anya Clarke took cautious steps towards the couch that sat in the middle of the living room. The blonde waited silently for Anya and Lexa to take their seats, Anya on the love seat next to the couch and Lexa in the middle of the couch, before taking her own seat by the arm of the plush couch. For some reason, the backpack that rested against her back made Clarke feel a little more secure as the two woman eyed her carefully, as if trying to gauge her reaction to being there with them. But she couldn’t stop the tensing of her body when she felt Lexa’s hand hesitantly settle on her knee.

“Do you need anything, Clarke?”

Keeping her head down, Clarke simply shook her head. A small sigh came from the brunette as she removed her hand, obviously noticing how uncomfortable it made the woman.

“We didn’t bring you here to make you uncomfortable, Clarke. We just want you to know that you can tell us who’s been doing this to you. We can help you. Keep you safe,” Lexa said, her hand once again infringing the blonde’s personal space but this time landing on her shoulder.

“Why can’t you just tell us who it is?” Anya’s suddenly loud voice startled Clarke causing her to jump slightly in her seat,“Obviously this person deserves to be put in jail for what he’s been doing to you!”

Clarke had felt Lexa’s hand tighten slighting on her shoulder when she had jumped and wasn’t all too surprised when the brunette gave a swift reprimanding,“Anya, don’t yell. You’re scaring her more than she already is.”

“More than she already is? Lexa, someone is beating her! It’s not me should be scared of but the fucking coward that’s doing _that_ to her!”

Clarke didn’t have to look up to know that Anya was pointing at her forearm that rested in her lap. With every octave that the older woman’s voice had risen, the pounding of Clarke’s heart had increased. The oblivious harshness that had flowed from the words causing blurred flashes to conjure in the blonde’s mind.

_“You’re worthless!”_

_Slap._

_“A piece of garbage that should have been dealt with a long time ago!”_

_Punch._

_“How can you graduate if you don’t keep up your damn grades?”_

_A report card, A’s and one B easily seen in their boldness, shoved directly in her face before a blow to the gut._

Clarke broke from the flashes when she felt a hand gently shake her. Her head instantly snapped up, half expecting to see the grimy brown eyes of her stepfather, only to be met with a vast forest of green. Lexa’s eyebrows were raised in concern and that’s when Clarke finally realized that she was breathing a little heavier than normal.

“Are you okay, Clarke?”

For some reason, Lexa’s eyes called to her, asked her to unusually voice her answer instead of just nodding,“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Before we keep talking I’d like to ask you if I can look you over. Just to make sure you don’t need to go to the hospital. I have a little bit of medical training so I should be able to spot if something is wrong. Is that okay?”

If Clarke had been asked that question by anyone else she would have automatically pushed herself away, insisting that she was fine and didn’t need any help. But with Lexa’s eyes still gazing into her own, she felt safe. Like she could trust this soul before her with every inch of her being and not be afraid of impending fists and possibly broken bones.

“Yeah,” Clarke whispered before her eyes darted over to where Anya sat fuming silently in her seat,“Can we be alone?”

Clarke watched as Lexa’s own eyes darted over to meet Anya’s, who simply nodded her head before standing from her seat and walking to the front door and walking out. When the door shut softly behind her, Clarke felt her chest ease a bit. It wasn’t that she was fearful of the woman…it was just that her sudden yelling caused memories of Anthony to arise that she simply wished to keep buried. So, when she let out a relieved sigh, Clarke wasn’t very startled by Lexa’s next choice of words.

“I’m sorry about her. She gets real upset about people being bullied or beaten and there’s really no stopping her from raising her voice like she did, but I’ll do my best to keep her from scaring you,” Lexa said with a a pursed smile.

Clarke’s eyes roamed over the tanned skin of Lexa’s face before slowly nodding,“It’s okay. I don’t want to cause her any problems.”

Lexa’s soft chuckles surprised Clarke,“Trust me, Clarke. You’re not causing her any problems. If anything she’s causing her own problems herself. She’ll throw herself into something that doesn’t involve her, hence why she’s waiting outside right now, and end up apart of something bigger than she realizes she can handle. So don’t worry about her, okay?”

The blonde turned over Lexa’s words in her head for a few moments before nodding.

“Good. Now, let’s get you checked out,” Lexa said, falling silent for a few moments before continuing in a whisper,“Where did he hit you this time?”

Clarke could feel her throat tighten a bit at the sorrow that filled the brunette’s voice. And she almost felt as if she should run. Run and keep Lexa out of the mess that was her life. Keep her safe from the harms that could possibly come for knowing her stupid secret. It took everything in Clarke not to jump from her spot on the couch and bolt out the door and not look back, but the slight shimmer of tears in Lexa’s eyes kept her grounded. Kept her from ultimately running back to what could be another beating.

Steeling herself up, Clarke stood stiffing from the couch, followed slowly by Lexa, before turning around. Hesitantly gripping the hem of her shirt, she waited a few moments before pulling the cotton fabric above her head, her back protesting the movement with screaming aches. When her shift was fully removed, leaving her in nothing but her pants and bra, a sharp gasp came from the woman behind her. Clarke knew what she was witnessing -having seen the damage done to her back in the mirror earlier that morning.

Her back was littered with deep bruises. Some stretching larger than her hand and some in the unmistakable shape of fists. They reached over the expanse of her back, along her hips and ribs, and the one that Lexa couldn’t yet see that rested on her stomach right where Clarke’s hands rested. When warm fingers brushed lightly against one of the bruises on her spine Clarke could barely stop herself from jumping where she stood.

“Why won’t you tell me who did this to you?” Lexa whispered, the words barely reaching Clarke’s ears,“Why won’t you let me help you?”

Ocean blue eyes peered over an almost bare shoulder to met the misty green orbs of Lexa,“Because I don’t want anyone hurt because of me.”

The brunette’s eyes hardened slightly before they flickered back down to her back. Clarke let a near silent gasp flow from her lips when she felt both of Lexa’s hands smooth over her back, most likely examining the damage. They stayed there for a few minutes, Lexa hands never stopping their movements as she worked her way down Clarke’s back.

“Everything looks fine, for now,” Lexa said almost begrudgingly as she removed her hands from the woman before her,“You can put your shirt back on now.”

Clarke’s tongue darted out to moisten her lips before peeking over her shoulder once more,“Um, there’s actually one more.”

She could barley see Lexa’s eyebrows raise in surprise,“Oh? Where?”

Instead of giving her a verbal answer Clarke slowly turned around, her hands dropping to revel the decent size bruise that sat in the middle of her stomach once she was fully facing Lexa. The gasp that left the brunette’s lips went unsurprising to her but the sudden movement of Lexa leaning down and putting her face several inches closer to her stomach than she was expecting stunned her. She winced as Lexa’s fingers prodded at the purple flesh, seeming testing the firmness as she pushed against it.

“God, I can’t begin to image the _monster_ who did this,” Lexa began before removing herself from the blonde,“It should be fine. Just keep an eye out for nausea and severe tenderness —more than what you’re probably feeling now.”

Clarke hinted at the uneasiness that came from Lexa at the mention of her feeling pain. Looking once more into the emerald orbs the blonde could swear that she could almost see Lexa trying to will away her pain. To make it disappear…even if it meant that she had to endure the pain herself. The intensity of it hit Clarke hard, her mouth falling open slightly in shock that someone truly wished to take away her pain. Shock that there was someone who finally wanted to take away her pain instead of making her feel pain.

So absorbed in what she had seen in Lexa’s eyes Clarke didn’t realize that she was still facing the brunette in nothing but her bra. But, when Lexa cleared her throat, a light blush staining her cheeks as her eyes darted to the side to avoid looking at the blonde, did she realize her state of undress.

“Um, I’ll go get Anya while you put that back on.”

Heat rising to her cheeks, Clarke fumbled with her shirt as Lexa walked towards the door to let Anya back inside. She had just finished pulling the shirt over her head when she heard the door open. Spinning around she could see Anya leaning impatiently against the doorframe staring lazy at Lexa.

“All done? Everything good?”

“Yeah, she’s fine for right now. Nothing…uh, too serious,” Lexa stumbled.

Clarke was grateful that the brunette didn’t disclose to the number of bruises that marred her back. She didn’t know if she could handle the outburst that may have possibly been spurred from Anya at the mention of the sheer number. As Anya and Lexa made their way back to where Clarke now sat on the couch, the blonde fidgeted nervously with the edge of her sleeve. She could feel the impending conversation that would take place settling on her shoulders.

_Who?_

_Why?_

_For how long?_

_Why’d you let it go on for so long?_

These were the questions that Clarke was scared to answer…more scared to answer ‘who?’ than anything. And once again, Anthony’s threat made on her and her mother’s lives rolled around in her head as she felt Lexa and Anya’s gazes settle on her. The brunette’s presence was slightly calming, her knowing more than Anya but still not fully aware of everything. She seemed to be the one that she could lean on —the rock that kept her grounded and steady as she glanced up and met Anya’s stare.

“How long has this been going on, Clarke?”

Chest tight, knuckles white as she gripped her sleeves, and head bowed low, Clarke finally spoke,“A few years.”

Clarke didn’t know what spurred her to answer. Whether it was the obedience to answer any and all questions that had been literally pounded into her body or the fact that somewhere deep inside her abused mind she knew that these two people sitting before her could be her salvation. Her escape from the ongoing nightmare that was her life.

“A few years?! Why have you allowed this monster to do this to you for years?!” Anya said as she stood up suddenly, her hands flying into the air, sending Clarke crashing back into her flashes.

_“Why have you not done what I told you to do? You know what happens when I have to tell you twice!”_

_A sharp kick to the stomach._

Lexa’s voice brought her from her inner turmoil,“Anya, please. Calm down.”

The last thing Clarke expected for the older woman to do was slam her hands down against the coffee table with a resounding ‘bang’, yelling that she couldn’t calm down. The blonde practically flew from her seat, her back and ribs aching from the sudden movement of her body as she jumped to her feet, head bowed and arms falling limp at her sides….waiting for a blow to be dealt. The response was automatic for her body. Normally when Anthony slammed his hands against anything, it was right before his fists slammed into her. Over time Clarke had discovered that if she moved from wherever she was sitting or standing to ‘present’ herself to him, he wasn’t as… _harsh_. His blows seemed lighter, less frequent than what she was accustomed to in the beginning. She knew it was ridiculous, but in her mind it had always been the thing that kept her from ending up on the floor in a withering ball of pain. Somehow, after ‘presenting’ herself she was left still standing…if only barely.

Anya, certainly startled at her sudden movement, lifted her hands from the coffee table. Clarke’s eyes held her’s —never letting up as they continued to lock together. _This_ …this was Clarke’s leverage. One thing that she would give Anthony was her body, to beat and punch as he pleased, but not her _will_. Her eyes would stay locked with Anthony’s, when possible, as if trying to tell him ‘I won’t back down. I won’t let you hurt anyone else’. Even though her life seemed bleak —meaningless—she would never allow him to take her will to protect those around her away, to protect her _mother_. Anya’s outburst had caused her to unknowingly reveal that gaze that she had reserved only for her stepfather and it wasn’t until her name reached her ears.

“Clarke…,” Anya trailed off as she noticed the submissive nature of her stance and her hardened gaze.

That single word broke Clarke from her locked gaze, blue eyes widening as she realized just how she had been looking at the older woman in front of her. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, a deep ache rising to the surface as the sound of Anthony’s voice filled her ears.

_“You can never do anything right!”_

_“Always a fucking screw up!”_

_“A waste of oxygen!”_

To consumed with the words filling her ears, she failed to notice Lexa pinning Anya with a hard stare before rising from her seat and dragging her friend away towards the kitchen to her right. She didn’t notice the hushed whispers that barely reached her ears. Clarke could barely focus on anything besides the malice comments filling her mind. Her chest tightened, hands turned clammy, a wave of dizziness washed over her, lungs failed to fill with oxygen. Her inner panic only grew when she noticed all the signs of a panic attack. By now she was used to them but for some reason this one seemed to be more consuming.

So, without a second thought or any hesitation, Clarke did the one thing that she wished she could do for the rest of her life.

 _Run_.

* * *

**Shift In POV (Lexa)**

Lexa was more than shocked when she watched as Clarke stood up from the couch and basically fell into a submissive stance —waiting to be _beaten_. She couldn’t see the blonde’s eyes but judging from the wide eyes of Anya it hadn’t been what she was expecting to see. When Anya had uttered Clarke’s name under her breath she watched as the blonde shook a bit as she was broken from whatever trance she had been in. No one moved for a few seconds, everyone trying to gauge what had just occurred between them. Lexa turned a sharp gaze to her friend before standing and pulling her towards the kitchen. Her eyes briefly flickered back to see Clarke still standing in the same spot before stopping in the kitchen and turning to Anya.

“Why the hell did you do that? Yelling is a common trigger among people who have been abused! And obviously you triggered her!” Lexa half whispered half yelled.

Anya’s gaze dropped down to look at her feet at the brunette’s words,“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t control myself. You know how I get when I know someone’s getting bullied…or worse in this case. I just have a tendency to let it out a little louder than others.”

Lexa sighed deeply,“I know you’re upset. I feel the same way, but if we want Clarke to open up to us the last thing we need to be doing is yelling at her or slamming hands on the coffee table.”

“You’re right. I should have thought more before I did that. It was stupid of me.”

“It’s okay, An. You’ve never really dealt with this kind of thing so you wouldn’t know what to expect,” Lexa said with a small reassuring smile.

The brunette watched as Anya’s eyes lifted to meet her own before turning and distractingly running her fingers over the smooth counter of the kitchen island,“How many bruises were there?”

“A lot. Way more than I ever want to see on anyone in my life. They almost cover her entire back, Anya. Whoever’s doing this…they don’t care if she lives or is on the brink of death. We need to find out who it is before something really bad happens to her.”

The last thing Lexa wanted to think about was Clarke falling under the hand of her abuser. Cobalt eyes devoid of any life, bruises and broken bones scattered over her body. The image appeared in Lexa’s mind before she could will it away and her heart instantly lurched at it. Her stomach tumbled, the bile rising in her throat as she pushed the image aside. There was no way she was going to allow that to happen to Clarke. She didn’t know what it was in that moment, but something pulled her to the woman. Called for her to protect her with all she had.

Anya nodded in agreement as she glanced up at her friend,“We need to keep an eye on her. Watch and see who she interacts with, who she spends the most time with…things like that. We need to get as much out of her as we possibly can about her abuser so maybe we can figure this out and bring it to the cops.”

“No. We can’t bring it to the cops,” Lexa said with a shake of her head.

“Why? They’re the one’s that are going to arrest the person who’s doing this! Why wouldn’t we tell them?”

“Because he’s a cop, Anya. Clarke told me that much when she confessed to me that she was getting beaten. If we go to them then whoever’s doing this will know and surely take care of her to keep their secret,” Lexa said before running her hands down her face in exhaustion.

“Then that at least narrows it down for us. There can’t be too many cops that she interacts with,” Anya said.

As the older woman continued to mumble something about crooked cops Lexa chose that moment to turn and see if Clarke was still standing in the same spot. The breath escaped her lungs when she was met with nothing but an empty living room and her front door wide open to reveal the hallway outside.

“Anya, she’s gone!” Lexa said as she ran towards the door.

“Shit! We need to find her! God knows what she’s thinking right now. And what if she’s going back to her abuser,” Anya said as she followed behind Lexa, swiftly closing the door behind her.

Lexa chose not to respond as she sprinted down the hallway, worry etched on her face as they raced down the stairs. She couldn’t bare the thought of Clarke going back to whoever gave her the bruises she now sported. Couldn’t bare the thought of her arriving to class next time with even more than she had now…or not arriving to class at all.

They ran around the campus, each stopping to check in empty stairwells as well as the cafeteria with no luck. Lexa’s heart raced at the thought that we’re already too late and that Clarke had already disappeared into the darkness that she couldn’t reach. As they rounded the corner to check behind the last building on campus Lexa felt her hope at finding the girl diminishing.

“Lexa! Over there!”

Anya’s sudden cry had her snapping her head up and into the direction of her pointed finger. There, quite a distance away from them, was Clarke sitting on a bench along the tree-line, body hunched over and chest heaving as if trying to suck in deep breathes only to fail. Lexa didn’t waste any time in running over to the blonde, plopping down on her knees in front of her and grabbing a hold of Clarke’s cheek to bring her scared eyes to her own.

“Clarke, look at me. It’s Lexa, okay? No one’s going to hurt you,” Lexa said before pulling the blonde off the bench and into her arms.

Lexa grabbed ahold of one of Clarke’s hands and pushed her shirt out of the way to place it flat against her chest right above her steadily beating heart,“Just focus on me, Clarke. Feel my heart beat under you fingers. Breathe with me, okay?”

She could barely feel the slight nod from where Clarke’s head rested against her chest. Lexa could feel the blonde’s fingers clench onto the skin above her heart, her other hand snaking up and finding purchase in her brunette curls and anchoring her fingers there. She could feel Clarke’s heaving chest calm just a bit but not enough for her to be breathing normally. Gripping tighter onto the blonde, Lexa began to hum softly in her ear and slowly rock her back and forth. As she continued to hum, her eyes caught sight of a worried Anya standing about a foot away and watching intently.

Lexa gave her a tight lipped smile before nuzzling her nose into the crown of Clarke’s hair, inhaling the sent of her shampoo. After what seemed like hours Clarke’s grip on her hair and skin finally loosened and her breathing returned to normal. Lexa slowed her rocking before slowly easing away from Clarke to look down at her. Blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears as they failed to meet Lexa’s, only gazing at the hand that rested against her chest.

“Are you feeling better? You can breath normally?”

Clarke nodded hesitantly, almost as if she was afraid to answer. Lexa gave her one last squeeze before letting herself pull away a bit more from the blonde.

“You had a panic attack. Have you had them before?”

“A few times. None have been as bad as this one though,”Clarke’s voice was hoarse as she finally met Lexa’s gaze.

“What do you think triggered it?”

Clarke’s eyes darted over to Anya before falling back onto her hand that still sat upon Lexa’s chest,“The yelling…slamming…everything I guess. It just hit me without warning. Normally I can feel it building in my chest but this time I didn’t. I just…I ran. I ran until I couldn’t anymore. I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. The only person who’s at fault is the one that did all these to you,” Lexa spoke as she ran a hand along Clarke’s back,“They’re the reason this happened to you.”

Clarke’s fingers tightened their hold once more on Lexa before falling into her lap, eyes trained on them the entire time. Lexa watched as the blonde struggled on what to do next, their bodies still close together, Lexa’s arms still wrapped loosely around her. With one last brush of her fingers over her back the brunette stood while helping Clarke to her feet as well. When they finally stood at full height Clarke stumbled a bit after trying to pull away from her grasp.

“Easy there. Don’t move too fast,” Lexa said as she steadied the woman.

Lexa’s eyes darted over Clarke’s body before landing on her face. She recognized the hooded lids of the blonde’s eyes and knew that she wouldn’t last on her own two feet. As soon as she bent down to tuck an arm under her knees Clarke’s body gave out, falling perfectly into Lexa’s arms as she cradled her to her chest. Ocean orbs found her’s one last time before closing shut completely, a mass of blonde curls falling limp as her head fell against Lexa’s arm.

“Is she okay?” Anya asked as she came to stand next to them.

“Yeah. She just passed out is all. I think it’s for the best though. There’s no way she would have made it home and I doubt she would have let me or you take her,” Lexa whispered, her eyes roaming the peaceful face of the blonde.

“What are we going to do with her?”

“I’ll bring her back to my place,” Lexa said while adjusting her grip on Clarke before turning around and beginning to walk in the direction of her apartment, Anya falling close beside her,“I’ll keep an eye on her tonight and make sure she doesn’t wake up with another attack.”

“Do you need me to stay with you? I’m not sure how well my presence will help…,”Anya said guiltily.

“It’s fine, Anya. I know you didn’t really mean to yell like you did but I think it’ll be best if when she wakes up it’s just me. She’ll probably freak out when she wakes up anyway but I think she’ll be able to manage a little better if you’re not there.”

From the corner of her eye Lexa could see Anya slowly nod. They both fell silent as they made their way back to Lexa’s apartment, their eyes darting back and forth between the blonde and the path in front of them. Anya helped Lexa navigate up the stairs, making sure she didn’t stumble or miss a step with Clarke in her arms. She hastily opened the door and moved aside to allow the brunette to shuffle inside.

“Can you get my door? I’m going to put her in my bed,” Lexa said while nudging her head in the direction of her bedroom door.

Rushing down the short hallway the older woman opened the wooden door and backed away as Lexa maneuvered Clarke down the corridor and into her room, careful not to let her feet hit the wall. Walking over to the bed in the decent sized room the brunette carefully laid Clarke down, moving her head so it rested softly against her pillows. After tugging the sheets and comforter from under her Lexa pulled them over Clarke’s body and tucked them under her chin. Sitting at the edge of the bed the brunette unconsciously tucked a stray blonde curl behind Clarke’s ear as she studied her face.

Anya cleared her throat behind her,“Uh, is there anything I can do before I go?”

Lexa turned to her friend with a small smile,“No, I think we’re good.”

“I guess I’ll be leaving then. Call me if you need me. Seriously. I don’t care what time it is.”

“I will,” Lexa said,“Thank you, An. I know with what happened you probably blame yourself but it wasn’t your fault. I don’t think she’ll blame you for this, okay? I’ll talk to her about it when she wakes up and let her know the last thing you wanted was to scare her.”

Anya smiled sadly, nodding her head,“Thanks, Lex. I’d like to talk to her when she wakes up if she’ll see me. Apologize myself if she’ll let me.”

“I’ll be sure to ask her,” Lexa said while giving her a soft smile.

“Okay, I’ll see you later then. Don’t forget, if you need me call me,” Anya said with a pointed look,“Bye, Lexa.”

“Bye, Anya.”

Lexa turned back to Clarke and listened quietly as Anya left the apartment, the front door closing with a dull thud behind her. Once the apartment filled with silence Lexa allowed her full attention to turn back to the woman sleeping in her bed. Blonde hair splayed around pale skin, dark eyelashes brushed against smooth cheeks, pink lips parted with light breathes. Again, the need to protect this beautiful creature before her rose in Lexa’s chest. A woman that she barely knew consuming her thoughts and instincts without even trying. She couldn’t deny the panic mode her body had entered when she saw Clarke struggling to breath on that bench. Her mind automatically thought the worst, the sound of breaking ribs puncturing pink lungs impossibly filling her ears as she ran towards the blonde. The storm inside her had calmed only a bare minimum when she realized that she was having a panic attack.

Having helped other people through one before Lexa didn’t hesitate to put Clarke’s hand against her heart and pull her in close…but that had been different. Her heart had leapt in her chest as she felt the blonde’s fingers come into contact with her skin. The organ raced painfully before calming to a steady beat as Clarke’s body fit snuggly against her own. The need to help her through her attack was so much greater than to what she was used to feeling. It overwhelmed her, consumed her…to make sure that Clarke came out of her panic by hearing her heart beat and her’s alone. Her body screamed for her to wrap herself as tightly around her as possible to shield her away from any invisible force that may seek to harm the woman.

Lexa couldn’t say she wasn’t shocked at her body’s response to Clarke’s panic attack. No one had ever caused such a reaction in her body before. Never had anyone spurred the panic that she had felt in her chest. The panic that she might have lost the one person that was unknowingly going to be the best thing in her life.

Lexa’s hand ghosted over a pale cheek as she watched Clarke’s peaceful face,“What are you doing to me?”

The only answer she received was a small nuzzle against her palm as Clarke snuggled deeper under the covers, her nose inhaling the scent of Lexa that laid among the fabrics. Lexa’s heart soared as she felt Clarke relax. Obviously the blonde’s unconscious mind didn’t find her a threat at all…and she dared to think that maybe it thought of her as a protector.

Hopefully one day…maybe Clarke would see her as such herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...a lot happened there. Lexa helping Clarke from a panic attack was something I've been thinking about since I started working on this story and I'm very pleased with the outcome of it! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Kudos and comments are always welcome! 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	6. For Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes in Lexa's bed the following morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I love double updating, but it is absolutely exhausting! You guys have been awesome though! All your comments and kudos have been so inspiring and they keep me writing! Hope you enjoy this new chapter while I go and have a nice long cuddle with my bed and pillows. ;) 
> 
> **WARNING: descriptive violence ahead!

A soft groan filled the dimly lit room. Long lashes fluttered open to reveal shimmering blue eyes as they focused on their surroundings, trying to make sense of where they were. Blonde hair shifted against a cotton pillowcase as Clarke turned her head to catch a glimpse of the barely rising sun peaking through the curtains from the window across the wall. The sight of red numbers caught her attention from the clock on the nightstand next to the bed causing her eyes to widen in horror at the time.

_6:07 a.m_

Everything slowly came back to her. Running into Lexa, the brunette checking her bruised arm, Anya sneaking up on them before being dragged off to Lexa’s apartment. Their questions, Lexa checking her back, Anya getting loud and slamming her hands, flashes of Anthony…running.

_Her panic attack._

_A steady heart underneath her fingertips as she struggled to breath._

_Green eyes catching her’s before being overcome with darkness._

That had been _yesterday_. She was sure that it had been around mid-afternoon when all the events occurred…which meant that she hadn’t gone home. And that meant she wasn’t home to make Anthony dinner, or clean, or anything for that matter. Her body suddenly fell into a cold sweat, fear filling her bones at what she knew was to come when she got home, but she knew that there was no use in avoiding the inevitable. The longer she stayed out the worse her ‘lesson’ would be.

Body shaking, Clarke pulled herself into a sitting position in the bed and slowly glanced around the room. She knew without a doubt that it was Lexa room that she had slept in. A few framed pictures adorned the walls, a bookcase sat next to the window filled to the brim with books, a desk sat in the corner neatly organized with a iMac sitting proudly in the center. The room offered a few other personal touches but they seemed to disappear as Clarke caught sight of person sitting in a chair next to the bed.

Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the form of Lexa curled up and sleeping soundly in the chair. Brunette waves were pulled up in a messy bun to expose the slender column of her neck, a few stray pieces framing her sharp jawline. Black lashes ghosted over high cheekbones and pink lips parted softly to allow the smooth inhale and exhale of oxygen. Clarke’s heart raced as she realized just how beautiful this woman was. She had never had the real opportunity to just _look_ at Lexa…and she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to stop.

 ** _“No, Clarke. You can’t let yourself get close to anyone. You know what will happen if you do,”_** Clarke thought bitterly as she averted her gaze.

Glancing at the clock once more to see only a few minutes had passed, Clarke cautiously moved the covers aside and stood from the bed. Her eyes kept darting back to the sleeping beauty next to the bed, mindful to stay as silent as possible as to not wake her. When she finally reached the door Clarke took one last longing glance back at Lexa, burning the image in her mind for later, before turning and walking out the room completely.

Her feet carried her down the hallway and into the living room. She quickly located her book bag on the couch, where she realized she had left it after running off yesterday, and dug around for her phone. Pulling the device out with a whispered hum of triumph Clarke was relieved to see it still charged…at least until she saw the number of missed calls from a certain stepfather. Her hands trembled as her eyes roamed over the many phone calls from Anthony before she finally just shoved the device back into her bag. She knew that he wasn’t stupid enough to leave voicemails or send texts, them being too easily recoverable by the right person should she decide to come clean to someone.

She knew the impending doom that awaited her the moment she stepped inside her house and her body locked up at the pain that she would soon feel. Clarke knew that Anthony wasn’t required to show up to work until at least nine. She had the choice to just stay here and push her inevitable fate away just a little longer…or get it over with. Of course, her staying away until later in the afternoon would probably only anger him even further, making his punches and kicks harder and more sloppy but still painful. Sloppy meant he didn’t care where he aimed. Her face, torso, ribs, legs…her back, which still had yet to heal from the previous days ‘lesson’.

All in all it still came down to her more than likely getting beaten to a point to where she could barely walk…not that Anthony cared.

Sighing defeatedly, Clarke gathered her bag onto her back before moving around the apartment in search of her shoes. She found them, thankfully, sitting next to the front door and not back in Lexa’s bedroom. The last thing she wanted to do was go back in there and see the sleeping woman once more. If she did Clarke was scared that she may never leave. Pushing the thought from her mind she quickly donned her shoes before carefully opening the door, making sure not to make a single sound. Once out in the hallway, the door shut and locked firmly behind her, Clarke began the trek down the corridor and down the stairs.

The warm morning air brushed against her skin as she walked across the empty campus. She still had about a good thirty minutes before students would being showing up for breakfast or early morning classes so she felt content to just close her eyes for a few seconds while she walked, thankful that no eyes lingered on her lonesome form. The sun had risen a little higher, filling the sky with swirling baby blues, oranges, and a hint of purple. Small clouds floated above, easily catching the sun’s golden rays and making them pop against the sky.

Clarke allowed this moment of peace to fill her. To consume her. It was rare moments like these that she held onto the most. The moments where the pain of her injures drifted away. Where she didn’t have to worry about striking hands. Where her mind wasn’t consumed by the malice-filled brown eyes that sometimes kept her awake at night. It was these moments where Clarke truly allowed herself to _feel_. To get lost in the person that she _used_ to be.

Free of pain.

Free of bruises.

_Free of everything._

But that never lasted long. The walk to her house ended all too soon for her and Clarke soon found herself standing on the sidewalk a small ways away from her house. She could see her mother’s car gone from the driveway, signaling that she had either worked the night before and hadn’t come home or had an early morning shift. Either way…the dark sedan that rested in the driveway made her tremble in fear. Anthony was more than likely waiting for her inside…just aching to get his hands on her for being gone so long.

But Clarke she knew that she needed to get this over with. If she listened to her screaming heart and turned around and ran back to Lexa’s until later on in the day then surely Anthony would be _pissed_. Maybe even pissed enough that if her mother came home early enough before she made an appearance he would strike her instead. Head raising high and back straightening, Clarke knew she would never allow that to happen. She would bare the pain that she would never allow her own mother to feel. She would take the extensive brute of her stepfather’s wrath to keep her safe and out of harms way.

_For her…for my mother._

The words echoed in Clarke's mind as she closed the remaining distance between her and her house. As she pulled her keys from her bag she couldn’t see any light coming through the curtains from the living room but that didn’t necessarily mean that her stepfather wasn’t waiting for her in the shadows. Her fingers shook as she inserted her key into the lock, trying to keep as quiet as possible, hoping that _maybe_ Anthony was still sleeping. Successfully opening the door, Clarke peaked her head inside and couldn’t see any lingering shadows in the entrance which caused her heart to ease up just a bit.

Taking cautious steps inside, Clarke allowed the door to close almost inaudibly, her eyes darting around the house to do a double check. To wrapped up in scanning the living room she failed to notice the towering body behind her until it was too late. Clarke let out a yelp as she was yanked backwards into the wall next to the front door.

“And just where the hell have you been?”

Anthony’s voice was deep, laced with unsurpassed rage, as he spoke into Clarke’s ear. Her throat constricted, her response dying on her lips.

“Fucking answer me! Where the hell were you?!” His voice rang through the empty house, hands slamming against the wall on either side of her head causing her to jump.

In that moment, Clarke wished she hadn’t moved a single muscle. When her eyes opened after the initial shock she could see Anthony eyeing her clothing, nose flaring in rage and brown eyes glimmering dangerously. Her own eyes darted down to assess her clothing and her lungs became devoid of oxygen.

_Lexa had changed her clothes._

_Into the brunette’s own clothing._

She wore a loose, long sleeve UCF shirt and a simple pair of grey sweatpants…and Anthony knew they weren’t her’s. If the situation she was in at that moment didn’t make her fear for her life she would have blushed at the thought that Lexa had to have seen her basically naked to change her. Her heart only got the chance to soar in her chest for a moment before a rough hand landed across her cheek sending her tumbling to the floor. The impact made her momentarily dizzy and it took a few seconds for Anthony’s raised voice to reach her ears.

“You’ve been whoring yourself around haven’t you?! Sleeping around with the first person to show your pathetic self an inch of kindness!” Anthony spat before crouching down,“Bet you spread your legs for him before he could even get you back to his place, huh?”

Anger and embarrassment at the untrue words bubbled in Clarke’s chest. Her chest heaved a single breath before looking up and meeting the eyes of her abuser and before Clarke could control herself… _she spat_. She didn’t know what had caused the reaction. Maybe the fact that her virtue was so disgustingly questioned or the fact that _maybe_ Lexa made her feel as if she had the will to fight back. Whichever it was, it didn’t help her in her current situation.

Her spit rolled down Anthony’s face and she only got to see it for a few satisfied seconds before she was being lifted roughly by her hair and thrown over the couch. Her body tumbled over the plush couch with enough momentum to send her crashing over onto the glass coffee table…the glass shattering under her unexpected weight. She let out a strangled cry as a few shards became imbedded in her arms and legs, cutting through her clothes, but thankfully she couldn’t feel any pierce her face. Cuts on her face were always the hardest to make up an excuse for.

She didn’t have the ‘luxury’ to sit in the bed of glass long before she was being pulled up once more by her hair and thrown into a wall. Fists flew into her stomach and torso, catching ribs and hips along the way. Her back ached as she got pushed further into the wall with each blow, pleading sobs leaving her lips every second.

“This is what happens when disrespectful bitches act out and sleep around! You bought this on yourself you slut! You think you can just get away with spitting in my mother fucking face and sleeping all over town?! ”

Somehow, if even possible, the words hurt more than his fists. Words that Clarke herself knew to be untrue, but with how long Anthony had beat into her that everything was her fault she began to believe them.

 _She_ was the reason that Lexa and Anya had discovered her secret.

 _She_ was the reason that she had had a panic attack and ended up passing out in Lexa’s arms.

 _She_ was the reason that Anthony was so angry and abusive.

_It was all her._

But, surprisingly, there was something — _someone_ — that screamed in the back of her mind to _fight_. They called out to her. Begged her not to give up, that none of this was her fault. Her mind fought against the years of conditioning brought on my Anthony’s beatings…but to no avail. The voice that was slowly building in the back of her mind died to silence at her stepfather’s next words.

Anthony stopped his ruthless strikes, his breathing regular compared to Clarke’s wheezing gasps, and took a hold of the blonde’s face, squeezing painfully, and forced her to look at him,“Whoever you’ve been whoring around with, obviously they’ve seen your body, and I’m not talking about the bruises. I’m not surprised to see you doing the walk of shame, though I am surprised you managed to stay wherever you were without disgusting them enough to kick your sorry ass out onto the pavement.”

Clarke wouldn’t lie and say that she knew where he was going with this. She knew that one of his goals in his words was to body shame her, make her feel like the lowest human being possible…but she didn’t see any real meaning to them. At least not until he continued.

“Now, I can’t possibly have you going out and continuing to sleep around at all hours of the night and making me look bad, can I?” Anthony looked to her for an answer but she stayed silent,“Can I?!”

The words shook Clarke to her core, the painful tears that were sliding down her cheeks being reenforced by new ones. She shook her head weakly, to scared to utter one word in fear that it would spur more hits to her body.

“That means you’ll stop fucking seeing whoever it is that you spread your legs for, got it? Or otherwise I’ll just have to show them how much of a…protective father I can be, and you don’t want that now do you?”

When the word ‘father’ reached her ears Clarke wanted nothing more than to laugh and tell him he was no where close to the man her father was, but his new threat stopped any reaction from her. Images of Anya… _Lexa_ …began to fill her mind. Their painful cries filling her ears as Anthony’s fists landed upon their withering bodies… _Lexa’s body_. Clarke was shocked at the amount of fear that she held at the brunette falling under her stepfather’s fury. It was true that she never wanted Anya to met the same fate as her but something about Lexa being beaten by Anthony tugged at something deep within her. Something that she only felt when he threatened her mother… _only stronger_.

She was brought from her thoughts as she was pulled forward only to be slammed against the wall, crying out as she felt pain radiate up her spine.

“Fucking answer me when I ask you a question, bitch!”

A hand quickly came down upon her already bruising cheek, making the slowly fading pain blossom up once again. Scared to receive another wave of backlash for not responding Clarke quickly nodded her head before trying her best to voice her response.

“No, I don’t want that.”

Her voice was weak — _her body was weak_ — and she barely seemed to recognize her own voice as it shook in fear.

Anthony let out a resounding chuckle that made Clarke’s stomach twist in knots,“Then say it. What the fuck are you not going to do if you don’t want your little play thing hurt?!”

Clarke’s ears burned as she realized what he was making her say, but none the less followed his orders,“I’ll stop… _whoring_ around.”

The words rolled of her tongue in bitter waves and left a pungent aftertaste in her mouth. Her heart hammered in her chest and her cheeks burned with resentment and embarrassment, not that Anthony cared.

“Fantastic. Maybe you’ve finally learned a lesson from this,” The man said while straightening his shirt and looking around the room before turning back to her,“Clean this shit up. Tell your mother you accidentally dropped something on table or whatever, just make it believable, and that you’ll buy a new one. I don’t want to hear her ass whine to me about it so make sure she keeps her mouth shut.”

Clarke simply nodded, not having the energy to speak. Her knees were already wobbling and if it hadn’t been for the support of the wall behind her, she would have surely already been on the floor. Thankfully Anthony seemed pleased by his handy work as he eyed her and fixed his badge before moving towards the front door, pulling his keys from his pocket.

“I want this place spotless, dinner on the table, and for you to look presentable when I get home tonight. I don’t think you should worry about school today, not that it’s doing you any good anyway,” Anthony sneered before walking out the house, slamming the door behind him.

Once she heard the rev of his engine and could no longer hear the car in the drive way Clarke allowed herself to fall unceremoniously to the floor. She struggled to take in a few ragged breathes as she leaned against the wall. The bruises on her back ached dully compared to the new pain that blossomed from his fresh punches. She was sure one of her ribs was cracked, if not broken, and that she already had a bruise forming on her cheek. Her arms and legs stung from the shards of glass that dug into her skin and she knew how tedious of a process it would be to get them all out, especially with how she could barely hold herself up.

But what really brought the fresh wave of tears that streamed down her cheeks…was Lexa. The woman had given her her own clothing and she had ruined it. She could see the dozens of holes lining the sleeves and legs of the sweats and instantly felt guilty and scared. There was no way she could return them without her noticing the condition of them.

But Clarke was lying to herself.

That wasn’t the real reason she cried.

She cried because she knew that she needed to stay away from the brunette. Needed her to be as far away from her life as possible. And that was _impossible_ in Clarke’s mind. It wasn’t because they shared a class together but because they always seemed to find each other. Seemed drawn to each other. And Clarke wouldn't lie to herself and say that she didn’t feel safe around the brunette. Something about her just screamed to trust her. To rely on her — _to protect her_. She was scared to keep Lexa away. The brunette was the first one to discover her secret, but yet she kept it to herself when Clarke begged her to. She could have easily gone to someone and reported it but she didn’t, at least not that she was aware.

_She trusted her._

The last person Clarke had began to trust was Anthony…and he destroyed that the moment he laid a hand on her. And that’s why it worried her that she was so easily trusting Lexa. She was scared that she would once again be turned on like her stepfather had done. Clarke reeled back a bit at the thought. It almost made her physically sick to think that Lexa could possibly do anything that Anthony did to her. She may not know the brunette very well but something deep inside her told her that she would never raise a hand to her.

_But that didn’t matter._

If she wanted to keep her safe Clarke would have to push her from her life just like she had done with everyone else. She had to keep her safe and away from her stepfather’s wrath. And that meant no seeing her. No running into her at school. Nothing. She had to cut her from her life completely. She knew that it would be hard to accomplish such a task when they literally sat right next to each other in class but she figured a simple swap of chairs would do. Her heart tugged painfully at the thought of no longer seeing the vast green of Lexa’s eyes or the way the corners of her lips quirked up in a tiny smile like it had the second time they had bumped into each other. She wouldn’t have the opportunity to see the peaceful expression that overtook Lexa’s face as she slept.

_But she would do it for her._

She would do it to keep Lexa safe. Away from her stepfather. That way maybe that tiny glimpse of a smile that she had caught would one day be able to blossom into a face splitting grin filled with happiness and contentment…even if that meant she didn’t get to see it herself. She found her mind and soul longing to see Lexa happy, unharmed. Laughing along with her friends as she worked her way towards her degree and soon a very bright future.

_Clarke would make damn sure Lexa would see that future._

_A future that she wished for herself but couldn’t seem to grasp._

Clarke gave herself one last moment to conjure the image of a sleeping Lexa curled up in her chair before removing all thought of the brunette from her brain. She pushed her aside, trying to completely forget her existence as she struggled to her feet. Knowing there was no way she would make it to class Clarke made her way over to the stairs so she could head up to her bathroom to try and clean herself up before coming back down to clean.

Each step was like a knife to her lungs but still she trudged on. Her hand shook despite it’s firm grip on the stair’s railing and she silently cursed herself. She knew once she reached the top of the stairs there was going to be nothing to stop her from collapsing to the floor. Maybe if she was lucky she could slowly drag herself to the bathroom. She had plenty of time before Anthony would next be home, fairly positive that he wouldn’t return for lunch.

As expected, Clarke basically dragged herself down the hallway, only being able to rise to her knees for a few moments before falling back down. She was able to pull herself up on the rim of the tub and use it as leverage to push herself up and reach into the bathroom closet to pull out a first aid kit. As she sat on the tub pulling out shards of glass only one thought ran through her head.

_You do it for her…for Lexa._

* * *

**Shift In POV (Anthony)**

Not one ounce of remorse coursed through Anthony’s veins as he walked out of the house, leaving a beaten Clarke in his wake. The ride to the precinct was short and silent, his anger now finally sedated causing him to be in a better mode than he had woken up in. His boots thudded against the ground as he made his way inside the precinct, the building buzzing with life. Phones rung in all directions, people scurried around the halls trying to complete paperwork, and a few people who were arrested sat handcuffed to the chairs at the front of the building as they waited for booking.

Before making his way to his office Anthony made a small stop at the front desk. He smiled sweetly at the redhead sitting behind desk when she glanced up at him with a smile of her own.

“Hey Jane. Can you have Officer Blake come to my office? It’s urgent.”

“Of course, sheriff. I’ll give him a call right away.”

Anthony plastered on a fake smile and thanked the woman before trotting off towards his office. The room was quite large. Holding a large corner desk as well as a few filling cabinets, book cases, and two chairs in front of the desk. Framed certificates and placards hung on the wall directly across of the door, proudly on display for everyone to see. A picture of him shaking hands with the major as he received his sheriff’s badge sat on his desk along with a picture of him, Abby, and Clarke on their wedding day. He scoffed as he caught sight of the picture. If it wasn’t for the sake of appearances he would have rid his desk of the picture a long time ago.

As Anthony sat down at his desk and started his computer a swift knock came from his door. A mop of short brown curls poked through the door revealing a man no older than twenty-five.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

Anthony eyed the young man momentarily before nodding his head and gesturing for him to take a seat,“Yes, Officer Blake. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

The officer lowered himself into the seat and relaxed slightly, still wondering why he had been called into the office,“I’m all ears, sir. What is it that you wished to discuss?”

“Bellamy, is it okay if I call you that?” Receiving a curt nod the man continued,“Well, Bellamy, this has nothing to do with you. It actually has to do with my stepdaughter, Clarke. I’m aware that you know of her right?”

“Yeah, she used to be friends with my sister. Is everything okay with her?”

Anthony faked a worried sigh,“I’m afraid not. I’ve been noticing that she’s been acting rather…odd. Staying out late, coming home dressed in someone else’s clothing… _bruises_ on her arms. I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she simply refuses to talk to anyone.”

“Why don’t you just arrest whoever’s obviously hurting her?” Bellamy asked, confused.

“That’s the thing. She refuses to tell me who’s doing it to her. I’ve tried to get her mother involved but she begged me not to. Told me she could handle it on her own. Obviously that’s not true.”

“So, what does this have to do with me?” Bellamy questioned after a few moments of silence.

Anthony leaned forward in his seat, eyes set in fake concern,“I want to assign you to keep an eye on her. See who she hangs out with and if she starts acting a little weird with anyone. If she gets…close with certain people. Walk her home from time to time just as a casual occurrence. But I do not, under any circumstances, want her to know that I assigned you to watch over her. She’ll only fight more and hide more secrets if she knows. Is that clear?”

He watched as Bellamy calculated the command in his head. Anthony had no fear that the young man would follow through perfectly with the orders. The reason he had chosen Bellamy was because he knew that he was a follower, that he listened to command most of the times without hesitation. He may have fought the authorities when he was younger but now he followed them, was one of them. And he knew that whoever Clarke had decided to spend her night with would probably think that _Bellamy_ was her abuser, if they even knew that she was being abused. Showing up ‘randomly’ to check on her as a ‘friend’, offering to walk her home, keeping an eye on her. He would also be fed information by Bellamy day in and day out. He killed two birds with one stone…and if he found out that Clarke did in fact reveal her secret to someone…well it wouldn’t end well for her.

“Of course. Anything for Clarke. I hate that she won’t let you help her. She shouldn’t have to go through that,” Bellamy finally said, no longer questioning the older man.

And just like that Anthony knew he would soon find out just who this little ‘friend’ of Clarke’s was, all the while staying under the radar.

* * *

**Shift In POV (Clarke)**

After taking almost two hours to clean herself up and bandage her arms and legs and making it to her room to change clothes, Clarke was finally able to head downstairs on wobbly legs to clean up the glass. After making sure all traces of her struggle were gone she slowly removed the broken coffee table from the living room, pulling it out onto the curb next to the trashcan. Walking back inside she made sure the rest of the house was shining clean lest she risk anymore of Anthony’s wrath that day, not that her body could handle it anyway.

Surprised that she had been able to finish all her main tasks in such a short time, even with her broken body, Clarke wondered just how she would spend the day. She thought of attending class but decided against it as she would be much too distracted by her aching body to focus right. She still had a while to go before she needed to start dinner so that left only school work to catch up on. Grabbing her bag from where it had fallen off her when Anthony threw her across the living room Clarke made her way up to her room.

Sitting at her desk, she pulled out her notes and text books and began the process of completing her work. Clarke worked diligently for the next hour before she began to lose focus. Her blue eyes kept drifting to Lexa’s folded clothing that sat at the foot of her bed. From her position she could just barely make out the cuts in the fabric from the glass and cringed at the thought of the questions that would pile up when she returned them. There was no avoiding that topic, that was for sure, not with the way Lexa was concerned.

Swiftly closing her book she hobbled over to the clothes and grabbed ahold of them before making her way out her room and down the stairs. Making sure she had her keys handy Clarke quickly locked up the house and began walking as best as she could in the direction of the on campus apartments. She didn’t expect to find herself heading to Lexa’s so soon but she needed to get this over with.

_She needed to push Lexa out her life before it was too late._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the first big abuse scene I've ever written...and honestly it took a lot out of me. I can barely write it let alone imagining how someone can go through that. I hope that I don't make anyone who has dealt with any form of abuse uncomfortable, that is the last thing I wish to do. 
> 
> And also I would like to point out that Clarke won't always be a frightened little thing...she'll get her revenge whether she needs help from Lexa or not. But it's safe to say that you'll get to see both Lexa and Clarke be badasses at least once (who are we kidding? like a thousand times) in this story! 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	7. Goddamn Protected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds herself at Lexa's apartment once again. A battle ensues. A night of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before you all read this I want to make this clear. This chapter may be a bit confusing. Bouncing all over the place and things like that. But that's because I want to get you as close to Clarke's mind set as possible. The feeling of confusion that overwhelms her in the chapter is great. I want you as a reader to be able to experience it as closely as possible. So if things aren't making sense...that's how it's supposed to be. I didn't try to make in incomprehensible...just a bit confusing. 
> 
> So, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and aren't too confused by the end!
> 
> **WARNING: mention of self harm!

Sweat soaked through the back of Clarke’s shirt as she stood in front of Lexa’s apartment door. In all honesty the blonde wouldn’t be able to give anyone a straight answer if they asked how she came to be standing in front of Lexa’s door. It was as if her mind had ran on autopilot…leading her to the one place her mind didn’t seem afraid of.

And she wasn’t sure how her battered body had survived the walk across the campus. The harsh Florida sun hadn’t done her any favors as it shined brightly in the sky, no clouds to cover it’s burning rays. Less than halfway into her walk Clarke’s ribs began to scream in protest urging her to sit down and rest at each bench she passed, but she simply kept going. If she had stopped Clarke probably wouldn’t have had the courage to complete the rest of the journey. To throw the clothes into Lexa’s arms and to tell her to stay away from her.

_Her heart begged her not to push Lexa away._

_Instead to run into the open arms that wanted to do nothing but help her -embrace her._

But Clarke knew that wasn’t an option. Not with Anthony lurking behind the closed door of her house. Not with the fists that were ready to find it’s target without a moment of hesitation. She wouldn’t let that happen to Lexa. Clarke didn’t want to be the cause of any pain that the brunette may experience. She wanted her safe.

_But she didn’t know why._

Lexa was a stranger to her…yet she made her feel safe. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time. A feeling that seemed fleeting since Anthony moved in. The way she felt around Lexa…it was almost similar to how she felt when she was in her mother’s arms during a storm.

Warm.

Comforted.

Safe.

_Protected._

Not one person, other than her mother and father, had made her feel that certain way.

Not Raven.

Not Octavia.

No one.

And now, standing before Lexa’s apartment door, hand poised to knock, Clarke knew that that feeling lingered behind said door. That _Lexa_ lingered behind the door. Arms ready and open to accept Clarke when she was ready. Willing to help in every way possible…even though Clarke could never accept.

Her hand fell back to her side as her vision clouded with tears. One part of her screamed to knock, to bang on the door until Lexa opened it and let her rush into her arms. The other part…well that part just wanted to shove the clothes into those arms and yell at her to stay away. That part wanted to keep the brunette _safe_.

Clarke couldn’t stop the battle welling inside her and soon she found herself backed against the wall opposite Lexa’s apartment. Clothes dropped to the floor as pale hands gripped tightly at blonde locks, back sliding down against the cream colored wall. Soon, Clarke found herself seated on the floor of the hallway, knees tucked against her chest despite the pain, as the emotions roared inside her.

_Protect her!_

**_No! Let her help! Let her protect you!_ **

_Keep her away! It’ll be your fault if she gets hurt!_

_**She’s the only one that can stop him! She can put an end to this!** _

The battle was endless. Seemed to last forever as Clarke lost all sense of everything around her. Salty tears trailed down rosy cheeks as her body rocked slightly. So overwhelmed with her mind and heart Clarke couldn’t have noticed the figure that was making it’s way in her direction.

“Clarke?”

Startled blue orbs flew open and shot to the side to see the object of her internal battle standing before her. A coffee cup in hand, hair tied up into a messy bun, backpack slung loosely onto her shoulder…Lexa was the epitome of effortless beauty. But Clarke didn’t have time to fully appreciate the taller woman as she dropped down next to her, coffee forgotten on the ground next to them.

“Clarke, look at me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Lexa demanded gently.

And still she said nothing. Only allowed her eyes to become lost in the worried green forest that was Lexa’s eyes. There was that feeling again. Warm. Safe. Protected. For once, Clarke let herself revel in it. Bathed herself in it, knowing that in the very near future…she wouldn’t be able to feel this way again. At least not for a while.

“I…I came to return your clothes,” Clarke whispered, her voice rough from her crying.

Lexa’s eyes roamed over her body before landing on the clothes for a short second and then turning back to her,“You were gone when I woke up. I thought for sure I wouldn’t see you for a while.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. Lexa didn’t want her here. She expected her to stay away. To not see her for another few weeks like she had previously done the first time. She had made a mistake. This was a mistake. She shouldn’t be here.

The blonde quickly scrambled to her feet, flinching slightly at the fast movement,“I’m sorry. You don’t want me here. I should go. I’m sorry.”

Before she was able to throw herself down the hallway, Lexa’s hand clasped her’s softly, pulling her towards her body by a few inches.

“That’s not what I meant. I just…I thought I scared you. I brought you here after your panic attack, dressed you in my clothes, and was asleep when you woke up. You probably had no idea where you were. Probably scared to death. I…I guess I just thought that since I basically scared you the last time that I wouldn’t see you for a few weeks again,” Lexa’s eyes darted down to the clothes at their feet before glancing back to Clarke,“But I’m glad you’re here. I want you to know that you can always come to me. That I’ll help you when you need it.”

The hand that held her’s was soft and warm. Inviting. An offer that Lexa had just voiced. An offer of help. Of protection. This overwhelmed Clarke’s mind. Not once since Anthony’s first touch against her skin had Clarke felt this much safety. This much…care. And it didn’t help that all of that was in the form of a beautiful brunette. One that invaded Clarke’s thoughts whether she liked it or not.

“I just wanted to return your clothes to you,” Clarke said, her hand unconsciously tightening around Lexa’s as she prepared herself for what she was about to say next.

When the courage had built up enough inside her Clarke opened her mouth to speak, only to be cut off by a tiny gasp from Lexa.

“Clarke, you’re bleeding.”

Azure eyes darted down to their joined hands where a small trail of blood ran down from under Clarke’s shirt. The crimson liquid spilled between their two palms and when Lexa pulled her hand away to cup her elbow, Clarke could see the patch of blood that coated her palm. Her heart rate increased as she realized just what was happening. Lexa was once again witnessing the results of one of her ‘lessons’. This time in the form of blood. In the form of cuts that stayed hidden under the sleeve of her shirt.

“Here, come inside. You can clean up and I can get you some bandages,” Lexa said hastily, already unlocking her door and pushing Clarke inside, swiping the clothes and coffee cup up in her wake.

Clarke stood awkwardly, nervously, in Lexa’s living room, eyes still somewhat trained on the small river of blood that ran down her arm. She could faintly hear the brunette down the hallway rummaging through what was likely to be her medicine cabinet. When Clarke’s eyes lifted, she caught sight of the clothes that she had worn sitting on the arm of the couch.

She wondered if Lexa had taken notice of the dozens of tiny cuts that littered the fabric. She wondered if she was upset and didn’t want to talk about it…or simply had’t seen it.

“Took me a minute but I found some badges and something to clean the…cut with,” Lexa said uncertainly as she walked back over to Clarke, not sure if it was necessarily a cut that the blood flowed from.

As the objects were held out to her the blonde could do nothing but stare at them. Something in her brain told her to take them. To turn around and quickly remove the evidence of her wounds. But something else entirely told her to let Lexa see. Show her the harm that Anthony had inflicted upon her body.

And the battle was back again, but this time Lexa was there to ground her. To keep her anchored and calm.

Clarke could feel her body being guided over to the couch, the same spot she had been in the previous day. Gentle hands pushed her down onto the soft cushions before Lexa settled down next to her, the previously offered objects finding a place in her lap as she reached for Clarke’s arm.

“Is this okay?” The brunette asked cautiously.

 _ **Yes**_.

 _No_.

Battle shifting, Clarke could sense the need of wanting to feel protected rising to the surface. Her muddled brain becoming defeated by her heart as she slowly nodded. Lexa was going to see her at her most vulnerable once again. The first being Anthony’s hand-shaped bruise around her arm, then the bruises along her back…and now the tiny cuts that covered her arms and legs.

She prepared herself for the worst as Lexa began to carefully roll the sleeve of her shirt up. Clarke waited for the sound of disgust at the sight of the wounds. For Lexa to shove her arm away and tell her to leave…that her body was a disgrace. But it never came. Instead she heard the soft, strangled intake of breath as the small bandages that covered her arm became visible. Blue eyes caught the one bandage that covered a particularly large cut with blood running from under the surface, no longer able to hold the amount of blood that seeped out. Clarke honestly hadn’t thought that any of them were that bad, most being shallow and had stopped bleeding after she had removed the glass. She just prayed that she didn’t need stitches.

“Clarke…Tell me what happened,” Lexa growled.

The blonde was shocked by the sudden hostile tone that overcame the brunette next to her. Shockingly…Clarke wasn’t scared. Didn’t cower away as she waited for a fist to strike. No. That tone, the tone that Lexa used…didn’t frighten her. Instead it made her feel protected. Just like Lexa had unknowingly been making her feel from the very beginning.

_She couldn’t do this._

Clarke wasn’t sure if it was the force that Anthony had hit her with that was causing her to do the usual. Normally she wouldn’t let anyone get close enough to brush against her let alone fully touch and visibly gaze upon her wounds. Lexa was a curveball in her life. Threw her life into a swirling mess that she couldn’t seem to control.

_Nothing was making sense._

**_She couldn’t do this._ **

At the moment, while Lexa was carefully pulling away the blood soaked bandage, Clarke was beyond confused. She never allowed this to happen. Didn’t want anyone’s help —didn’t want anyone to discover her secret…yet here she was letting Lexa see her as she was.

Beaten.

Broken.

_Mind and heart battling._

_Nothing was making sense._

What was this woman doing to her? What was so different about Lexa that it made Clarke feel safe? Protected? What made Clarke want to protect her almost as fiercely as she did her mother? What made her so special that she wanted the woman nowhere near Anthony?

Maybe it was because Lexa couldn’t seem to stand seeing Clarke hurt. Maybe it was the way her fingers had brushed against her bruised flesh…the way she pleaded for Clarke to let her help her. Or the she had lead her out of her panic attack, heart beating strongly against her hand.

_A heart that yearned to help her._

A small hiss sprung from Clarke’s lips as Lexa rubbed a small bit of antibiotic ointment over the cut.

“Sorry,” Lexa said softly, still rubbing the product over the wound.

Once the pain died down a little Clarke let her eyes linger on Lexa. The brunette was completely engaged in making sure the cut was completely covered with the ointment before she put the bandage on. Clarke was a little surprised when she checked the rest of the badges that covered her arm, slowly moving the sleeve of her shirt up as she went. And before she could stop Lexa from pushing it over her elbow…she had seen the last thing she wanted her to see.

“Clarke…is that?”

The blonde looked away in shame. No one, not even Anthony had seen the scar that she had inflicted upon herself. No one had ever seen it because it made her _vulnerable_. It showed that at one point or another she had contemplated whether her life was worth anything. If the world would miss her if she took her own life. And Clarke knew that where she had began to cut that long time ago, that it wouldn’t kill her…that it would only leave a scar to serve and remind her of what she her mind sometimes thought of.

_That maybe life would be better if she wasn’t in it._

Fingers found her chin and lifted it so green eyes could meet blue. The blonde was surprised to see the fierce amount of determination that sprung forth in Lexa’s eyes. As if they were trying to will her to believe that she was worth so much more. That her life mattered.

“Listen to me, Clarke. Nothing is worth taking your life. You _can_ and _will_ get through this. Just let me help you. Let me help you get away from the pain. Let me take away that pain for you,” Lexa whispered, her other hand falling atop Clarke’s as they sat in her lap.

And despite all the battling, the confusion, running around in her brain…Clarke couldn’t stop herself in that moment. It had to have been the overwhelming sense of protection, of safety, coming from the brunette that she felt over and over again. It had to have been the care that Lexa showed to Clarke, the way she cradled her in her arms as she hummed to her during her attack.

_It had to have been everything…from the very beginning…that caused Clarke to do what she suddenly found herself doing._

Bandage wrappers and the tube of ointment suddenly fell to the floor, shoved aside by shaking hands. A gasp sounded in the near silent apartment, the stutter of two hearts quite possible to be able to hear. Pink lips covered the rosy reds of Lexa’s, sealing them softly.

_And suddenly Clarke felt alive._

Safe.

**_Goddamn protected._ **

She could feel Lexa’s slight hesitation before her hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer, lips moving languidly against her own. Everything made sense then. The battle that waged inside her, wanting Lexa as far away from her as possible but also to never leave her side, made sense.

She felt for Lexa.

Cared for her.

_More than she had for anyone before._

Clarke barely knew Lexa, didn’t even really knew anything about her…but that didn’t seem to matter. Nothing seemed to matter because her heart told her that what she felt was true. That in such little time she was able to let herself feel something for this woman before her. To feel that she could let Lexa see her at her worst. That maybe she didn’t need to hide anything from her.

_That she could let her in…she could **help** her._

The thought spurred Clarke further, shifting herself to straddle Lexa’s lap as her fingers lifted up to grip onto brunette locks. Lexa’s hands found her hips, gripping carefully, and steadied Clarke as she rested fully against her. Clarke couldn’t stop her tongue from darting out the run across the silky surface of Lexa’s lip, earning a low moan from the brunette.

Suddenly Lexa pulled away, hands pushing her back gently, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath,“Clarke…we can’t.”

Swollen lips parted, trembling as she realized the mistake she had made. Of course Lexa didn’t want her like that. Not with the scars and bruises that she donned. Lexa was beautiful. She could have any girl she wanted. Why would she want her?

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t…you know what. Just forget it. It was stupid of me…Oh God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…,” Clarke rambled, a ball of nerves coiling painfully in her stomach.

As she moved to shuffle off Lexa’s lap, slender fingers once more found her hips and pulled her back and held her there firmly. The breath caught in Clarke’s throat as her shirt rose up a bit and allowed a few of Lexa’s fingers to come into contact with her skin. The feeling sent electric tingles through her body…one’s that she had never truly felt before.

The confused her…but most of all excited her.

“It’s not that I don’t want to…it’s just I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret. You’re in a vulnerable place right now, Clarke. I can tell that you can’t seem to get a clear mind. That something’s going on inside that brain of your’s,” Lexa whispered as she lifted a hand to run the tips of her fingers down Clarke’s temple,“There’s something different about you. The way I feel…I’ve never felt this way about someone. I’ve only just met you yet I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. You wake something up inside of me. Something that I want to feel every second of every day. I can’t really explain what that feeling is right in this moment…but I know with time I can figure it out. I just don’t want you to rush into something that you’re not ready for because it makes you feel safe.”

Damn. Lexa had all but taken the words right out of Clarke’s mouth. She knew she felt something for the girl. Something she had never truly experienced before. Something that she, just as Lexa, couldn’t explain.

_With time._

Would she have time to figure it out? Would she be able to figure out this emotion that was pulled forth by Lexa? Or would she succumb to the daily beatings…never really knowing what she felt.

_The goddamn battle was back._

Once again, her mind waged war. Her heart begging her to let herself experience these new feelings, yet her mind begged her to run. To push Lexa away, hurting her in the process, but securing her safety. Her head began to pound. A dull ache working it’s way up until it throbbed at her temples.

_She couldn’t do this._

Her battle to protect or be protected was slowly dying out as she began to loose energy. Emotionally and physically. Her body ached all over, ribs still crying out as well as the cuts that covered her arms and legs. With Lexa so near to her all the pain seemed to ebb away. Just a distant memory in her mind while she ghosted her lips across the brunette’s.

Clarke shook her head sharply as she slowly pushed away Lexa’s hands and fumbled away from her lap,“I don’t…I can’t. My mind is so messed up right now. I don’t know what I’m doing, Lexa. I have no idea what I’m feeling. I just…I think it’s best if I left.”

Before Lexa could respond Clarke was already making her way towards the door. And there was her heart…calling for Lexa to stop her. To tell her to stay. Even if she had to say no.

“Wait! Please don’t go.”

Warm fingers curled around her hand, stopping it in it’s tracks as she reached for the door handle.

_And god did her heart leap._

Clarke slowly turned around and met the pleading eyes of Lexa. She could tell there was more that Lexa wanted to say, but noticed that she was holding off until she responded.

“I can’t stay, Lexa. I need to go,” Clarke said as she tried to pull away from Lexa’s hand.

Her fingers only tightened around her, not threateningly…but desperately,“Clarke, please. I know you’re not in the best place right now, but I can tell that you feel something here, too. I can see that your scared of it. That you’re not used to someone trying to protect you. That’s why I want us to take time to figure this out. I don’t want you to mistake feeling safe and protected for…love. A lot of people in your same position do that. They become attached to someone who cares or protects them…and they mistake it for love.”

Of course. She remembered learning something about this in one of her classes. The ‘typical’ female falling head over heels for her rescuer. Thinking that just because she was ‘saved’ by said rescuer that she was in love with them. Classic damsel in distress.

“What you just did,” The words brought a slight flush to Lexa’s cheeks,“I can tell there’s a little more to it. That there’s something buried there. And I’m willing to sort through that. But you have to let me help you. I can’t continue to see all of this and not do anything.”

Clarke glanced down to her arm as Lexa gestured to it. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if Lexa was only doing this so she might have a chance of bringing down Clarke’s abuser…but something else entirely told her that that was a lie. That Lexa was being genuine. Honest.

“I don’t know. Like I said, I can’t think straight. Everything’s just a blur. I need some time,” Clarke said softly.

“And I’ll give you all the time you need. At least let me help you. You can stay here…with me. I can keep you safe from whoever’s hurting you. _Just let me help you_.”

Clarke stared at the brunette, green eyes pleading as they bore into blue. Her mind contemplated the offer, something that startled her, but was quickly shut down as she remembered her ‘lesson’ from earlier that morning.

“I need to get home. My mom will be waiting for me,” Clarke lied, finally pulling her hand away from Lexa’s.

Before the blonde could fully turn back to open the door, she stopped herself. Shifting back around to see Lexa still gazing at her Clarke quickly closed the distance between them. Slightly chapped lips pressed against a smooth, tan cheek, a bit of heat rising under it as she pulled away. Lexa was wide eyed, mouth parted slightly, fingers unconsciously lifting to brush against where her lips had been only moments ago.

“Thank you, Lexa,” Clarke whispered as she opened the door.

_Thank you for making me feel protected._

_Making me feel safe._

_…Loved._

Those thoughts tumbled around in her head as she walked out the door and closed it behind her. She was sure she didn’t need to voice them from Lexa to understand. The simple ‘thank you’ was more than enough to express her feelings. Body still aching but feeling slightly better than she had in a long time, Clarke made her way towards the stairs, ready to start her journey home.

Right before she could take the first step down a soft ding sounded from her pocket. Stopping in her tracks, Clarke pulled her phone out and unlocked the device to see a text from her mother.

**“Hi, sweetie! I know you’re probably in class right now, but I just wanted to let you know that Anthony and I will be gone until tomorrow night. A coworker of mine invited us to a charity gala in the next town over so we’ll be staying there for the night! There’s food in the fridge but I’ve left some money for you in my room in case you wanted to order yourself something! I love you! We’ll see you tomorrow night!”**

Clarke shoved the device back into her pocket, mind spinning at the fact that her house would be devoid of Anthony for a full night. It was very rare that Anthony was gone for more than a few hours. The last time he was gone for more than one night was when he visited his mother after his father had passed away less than a year ago.

A night alone. No Anthony. No beating. Nothing. A night to sleep peacefully in her bed and not having to fear waking up too late and being at the mercy of fists.

But suddenly, Clarke didn’t want to be alone in her own home.

The home that housed so many terrible memories. The housed the times she had practically woken up screaming from nightmares.

_A night to do as she wished._

And once again, Clarke wouldn’t be able to give anyone an answer as to how she ended up back at the brunette’s door, knuckles already rasping against the solid wood. It didn’t take long for Lexa to throw open the door, almost as if she anticipated Clarke’s return. Throat tightening slightly Clarke just allowed her gaze to drift down the brunette’s form before locking their eyes together.

“Just for tonight,” The blonde whispered,“One night.”

Her heart stuttered as Lexa failed to suppress the smile that formed over her lips,“One night.”

Clarke could feel herself smiling back as Lexa moved aside in order for her to walk into the apartment. She wasn’t sure it was the best decision to make but, as she stepped passed Lexa, the growing familiarity of protection rose around her…and suddenly she didn’t care anymore.

And, when Lexa’s hand shifted to the small of her back to lead her to the couch, Clarke realized just what she was getting herself into. What she was getting Lexa into.

_But she didn’t care._

She was going to allow herself this one night. To feel safe and secure. To be in the company of someone who didn’t dare to think of laying a hand on her body. Clarke was going to allow herself to feel. If only for tonight.

 **“What are you doing to me?”** Clarke thought to herself as she stared at Lexa.

Unbeknownst to her, Lexa was mentally repeating the same phrase for the second time since meeting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, there were some tings that still need to be covered. Most of it will be covered in the next chapter! 
> 
> But that kiss...bet you weren't expecting that so early! *insert smirking emoji here*
> 
> I can tell you now, that Clarke will start changing, but how....well I'll let you figure that one out on your own. :) It's only going to pick up from here, and I'm really excited to get this one going! I think you'll all like it a lot! 
> 
> Until next time Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	8. Always.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little dinner, a few questions, and some more...talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
> 
> No one saw this coming, huh????
> 
> This is basically just a little filler chapter. Nothing too special besides the ending. We get to see things from Lexa's perspective a bit before we start moving on further into the story. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Lexa couldn’t say she was surprised when she awoke to an empty bed with a certain blonde nowhere to be found.

What she could say surprised her was finding said blonde curled up across from her door, cheeks stained with tears. Lexa hadn’t thought she would see Clarke so soon, let alone back at her apartment. The image of Clarke looking so broken, almost like she was fighting an internal battle that she knew she could never win, broke Lexa herself. And for a moment, the brunette tried to picture what Clarke looked like before her abuser came into her life.

Blue eyes dancing with life.

Lips curled up into a bright smile.

A gentle laugh flowing from her delicate throat.

Blonde hair fluttering lightly in the breeze.

As she pictured Clarke with nothing but pure happiness in her being, Lexa made herself a promise… _she made Clarke a promise._

She would do everything she could to make sure that image of the blonde came true. Give her the help she needed, deserved, even if she didn’t want it. Lexa would stop at nothing to put Clarke’s abuser behind bars. To make sure he never hurt another hair on the blonde’s head. To never lay a hand on her ever again.

And it was only after grabbing Clarke’s hand to stop her from leaving did Lexa notice the small trail of blood dripping from under the blonde’s sleeve. Her mind automatically knew what - _who_ \- had caused it but kept her mouth shut just long enough to see if she could get Clarke inside her apartment to try and bandage her up. She was happy when the blonde didn’t protest when she gently pushed her inside and stood nervously in her living room while she ran to grab some supplies.

Lexa was a little worried that she would return and find her living room empty once again just like the previous day. Images of Clarke sitting on the bench, chest heaving and eyes wild as she struggled to breathe, flashed through her mind. That had caused her to gather her supplies faster, not wanting to chance the blonde running away once more and having another panic attack.

Her heart eased up when she walked back to find Clarke still standing in her living room staring at the bundle of clothing that sat on the arm of her couch. Of course, she had, barely, noticed the small cuts lining the fabric, but she knew whatever happened to them…she couldn’t blame Clarke for it. Without being told Lexa already knew that she hadn’t had a choice in the matter when the clothes were basically destroyed…she just wish she knew what happened.

Her heart had filled with anger when, after rolling up Clarke’s sleeve, she saw the dozens of bandages littering the blonde’s skin. One in particular that was oozing blood, unable to hold anymore of the crimson liquid. Minutes passed and once she was done putting a fresh bandage on the somewhat large cut, Lexa proceeded to check the rest of the bandages.

And when she rolled Clarke’s sleeve over her elbow her mind sort circuited, her eyes not believing what she was truly seeing. _A scar_. Lexa wasn’t oblivious to the fact that people in Clarke’s position opted for ways out…ways to escape the pain and finally be free, but she didn’t think of Clarke as one of them. When the incident with Anya occurred, Clarke standing tall and ridged, Lexa had noticed the _fight_ that lingered under Clarke’s skin.

The will to live and protect who and what she could…even if it meant her body being broken over and over again.

Lexa knew that she couldn’t let Clarke believe that taking her own life was the way out. The words flowed out before she could even contemplate what she was saying. Their eyes stayed locked together, Lexa’s fingers still under her chin, and when she had finished speaking she could see the flashes of emotion in Clarke’s eyes.

And Lexa was surprised for the second time that day.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion when Clarke was suddenly flinging herself forward, lips finding her’s in a desperate kiss. Moments after their lips locked together the blonde was pushing herself onto Lexa’s lap and the brunette couldn’t stop her hands from settling on wide hips and pulling her impossibly closer. Lexa’s body burned with something she couldn’t explain. The overwhelming need to have Clarke closer to her, to feel her skin under her fingers…but it felt wrong at the same time.

She knew that when people who were being abused found someone who cared for them and tried to help them often fell for them…or at least they thought. Most people fell for the fact that they were finally being loved and cared for instead of yelled at and beaten. It wasn’t the person themselves they fell for but the way they made them feel. And Lexa knew that it was possible the same thing was happening to Clarke.

She didn’t want to, _God she didn’t want to_ , but Lexa had pushed her away stating that they couldn’t. Before she could explain Clarke was stumbling over her words and trying to push herself off Lexa’s lap, but the brunette wasn’t having it. Instead her hands found Clarke’s hips again, fingers accidentally - _finally_ \- slipping under her shirt and running across smooth skin and pulled her back. And she explained her feelings about the situation hoping that Clarke understood and would want to work things out just as much as she did.

Her heart felt like it shattered when the blonde was once more pushing herself off Lexa’s lap and stuttering that she couldn’t. That her mind was a mess. Her heart fluttered painfully when Clarke began to turn towards the exit and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out. Hand searching desperately for the blonde’s once more. And she pleaded for Clarke to stay, wanting nothing more than to just _talk_. Told her how she knew that Clarke felt something there between them…that she wasn’t imagining it herself.

Then finally, Clarke said all she needed was time.

Time, Lexa could do. She would wait as long as she needed if that meant figuring out just what Clarke was doing to her. Why she felt what she did when the blonde was around. That’s when she suddenly found herself inviting Clarke to stay with her once more but…permanently. She understood Clarke needed time but she could still give her that while keeping her safe and away from whoever was harming her.

And once again the blonde declined, stating her mother was waiting for her. She watched as Clarke moved to back towards the door only to spin back around and place a soft kiss to her cheek. When she pulled away Lexa’s hand automatically lifted to graze over where her cheek was currently tingling. Her heart stuttered lightly and she barely registered Clarke thanking her before making her way out of Lexa’s apartment.

But she heard it.

Heard the underlying meaning that it held.

_Felt it._

Apartment empty, Lexa just stood and stared at her door, trying to let her mind catch up with everything that had just happened. She cursed herself when she realized that Clarke never explained just how she had got the cuts and if she had anymore along her body. Lexa tried to keep herself from letting her thoughts wonder to the scar on Clarke’s arm because she knew she wouldn’t talk about it until she was ready.

She would learn what happened…but only when Clarke allowed her to.

Mind exhausted from school and her unexpected, but not unwelcome, guest, Lexa was just about to walk to the kitchen and make herself a nice dinner when a knock sounded from the door in front of her. Somehow, someway, Lexa knew who was standing on the other side and she didn’t hesitate to swing it open and be greeted with the sight of blonde hair and pale skin.

_“Just for tonight. One night.”_

And that’s how Lexa ended up in the position she was in now.

Clarke was currently sitting on her couch, fingers absentmindedly fumbling with her phone as she tried to give herself something to do. Lexa watched her silently from the doorway of the kitchen as she prepared them a quick dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup. After the initial shock had vanished when she had offered Clarke to stay Lexa figured that the blonde would decline so when Clarke reappeared back at her door she had been more than happy.

“Here it is. My mom’s infamous tomato soup and a grilled cheese,” Lexa said softly as she sat their food onto the coffee table quickly followed by two bottles of water.

Clarke smiled nervously at her before shifting forward from her place on the couch and grabbing the bowl of soup,“Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

Lexa simply scoffed,“Of course I did. I offered you to stay here so what kind of host would I be if I didn’t serve you dinner?”

Surprisingly, a small chuckle sounded from Clarke’s lips before she lifted a spoon full of soup to her mouth. Lexa watched silently as the blonde’s eyes closed at the taste and a low moan was sighed out. Her body lit up at the sound similar to the one she herself had let out when Clarke was straddling her, mouths locked in a passionate dance. Feeling her face begin to heat up at the memory Lexa quickly averted her gaze and began to devour her food.

An easy silence passed between them as they ate, only the sound of some random tv show flowing from the TV speakers. Lexa stole subtle glances at the blonde through their meal trying to gauge if she was uncomfortable or not and surprisingly she could see the tenseness easing from Clarke’s shoulders bit by bit. That seemed to calm Lexa’s worries. She had been scared that with Clarke being back in her apartment it might spur memories of the previous day and send her into another panic but so far she seemed fine.

Lexa was pulled from her musings as Clarke stood up, empty bowl and plate in hand,“I’m gonna clean these up really quick.”

“Clarke, you don’t have to. I can get them,” Lexa argued, as she hopped up from her seat with her own empty dishes.

“No, really. You cooked. The least I can do is clean.”

Clarke stole the dishes from Lexa’s hands and was making her way into the kitchen before Lexa had time to protest. The brunette was left standing alone in her living room as she watched Clarke walk into the kitchen before the sound of the sink turning on filled the apartment. Deciding that she wasn’t going to let Clarke, her guest, do her house work Lexa quickly followed the woman.

Clarke stood before her sink, hands scrubbing with a soapy sponge as she cleaned their few dishes. Lexa walked over, grabbing a clean dish towel from a drawer as she made her way over, and began silently drying the dishes. She could feel Clarke’s gaze burning into the side of her head and faced her with a small smile.

“We’ll do them together.”

It was faint, but Lexa had caught it. A small smile tugged at the corners of Clarke’s lips…and _god_ did she want to see more of it. She found herself imagining what the blonde looked like with a full blown smile split across her face. Did her lip curl back to flash pearly white teeth? Where there little dimples on her cheeks that stayed hidden until she smiled? Did she ever bite her lip to keep herself from smiling? Did her tongue ever poke out a little and get caught between pearly teeth when she smiled?

The images filled her mind. Clarke smiling. Clarke smiling at her. Clarke _happy_. God, Lexa wanted nothing more than to see her happy. The only thing Lexa ever wanted to see from anyone that she knew was getting abused was them being happy…but there was something different about Clarke’s happiness. Where she usually found herself wishing for other’s to find happiness with someone else, she was wishing Clarke to find happiness with _her_.

Her mind reeled. She wanted to be the source of Clarke’s happiness. _She_ wanted to be the reason that Clarke smiled. The reason she laughed. The reason she was breathless with kiss swollen lips.

The reason she was withering in pleasure.

 _Whoah_.

Lexa didn’t know where the thought had come from. Whether it was the kiss from earlier or the fact that maybe…she felt more for Clarke than she really knew. Never in her life had she felt so strongly for someone so suddenly. Everything about Clarke just screamed out to her. She was so different…yet she barely knew her. Barely knew that last thing about her besides her last name and the fact that she used to be friends with Octavia and Raven. Suddenly, Lexa wanted to know all there was to know about Clarke Griffin.

Looking up from the plate she was currently drying Lexa fixed Clarke with a steady gaze,“I want to get to know you, Clarke. Tell me what there is to know about you.”

Clarke looked taken aback for a second, her hands momentarily stopping their washing as she glanced at Lexa,“What do you want to know? There’s nothing really interesting about my life so there’s not much to tell.”

“Tell me about…tell me about things you like to do. Your favorite color. Um…favorite tv show? Maybe your favorite music?” Lexa replied lamely.

_And there is was._

The tiniest of sounds but Lexa had heard it. Her lips tipped up in a small smile at the little giggle that escaped Clarke. The sound was little little bells filling her ears…and it instantly became Lexa’s favorite sound.

“Really? Like twenty questions?”

Lexa smirked at her words,“Something like that. I ask a question and you ask a question. Deal?”

Clarke studied her for a minute before turning back to the sink and rinsing off the last dish and handing off to Lexa to dry,“Deal.”

The brunette hastily dried the last dish and put it away. She ushered Clarke over to one of the stools lining the kitchen island before moving over to her fridge and reaching into the freezer where she knew a pint of chocolate ice cream was hidden. After grabbing two spoons Lexa took a seat next to the blonde while placing the ice cream between them.

“You start,” Lexa said as she handed one of the spoons to Clarke.

The blonde pursed her lips as she took the spoon from her and sunk the object into the ice cream and took a decent portion.

“Favorite hobby?” Clarke whispered before taking a bite of the ice cream.

“Probably reading. I could get lost in a book all day long if I could. I know it’s not the best hobby out there,” Lexa shrugged as she scooped some ice cream,“What about you?”

“Drawing, painting…art in general, I guess,” Clarke replied simply.

“Oh, that’s right,” Lexa realized causing the blonde to give her a confused look which made her blush in response,“I, uh, saw you the day we met sitting in the courtyard sketching something in a notebook.”

Clarke’s eyes lit up in understanding as she stuck her spoon into the pint,“Oh, okay. Um, how about your favorite food?”

“Would it be horrible to say that I don’t have one?” Lexa said sheepishly,“ I like all foods really. It’s impossible to choose. I mean who could pick between things like pizza and tacos? It’s just not possible.”

That earned her another tiny giggle,“Fine then. Favorite color?”

Lexa’s eyes clashed with Clarke’s and her answer left her lips before her brain could even process it.

“Blue.”

Clarke’s breath hitched in her throat at her response, her eyes widening as Lexa continued to stare into her eyes. After what felt like hours the blonde finally broke their gaze to scoop up more ice cream into her mouth.

“And…your favorite color?” Lexa asked.

Clarke’s spoon stopped midway into her mouth as she threw a glance at Lexa from the corner of her eyes. Lexa watched as she lowered the spoon and dipped her head down, obviously trying to hide the blush that the brunette had already seen.

“Green.”

The word was a bare whisper and Lexa wouldn’t have heard it had she not been anticipating it. Her heart soared. A simple little fact such as Clarke’s favorite color made her feel all warm inside. She knew by the blush on the blonde’s cheeks that her answer was chosen because of the color of her eyes…just as Lexa’s had been chosen because of Clarke’s eyes. She could easily become lost in them if she stared for too long and she had the feeling that Clarke could do the same.

Heart beating happily, Lexa placed her spoon down and leaned over to place a quick kiss to the side of Clarke’s head. And before she could fully pull away Clarke was shifting her body to face Lexa, their lips now only a few centimeters apart. Lexa’s lips parted in anticipation, tongue darting out the moisten them as her eyes drifted down to Clarke’s own lips.

A tan hand lifted up to brush a stray blonde curl behind Clarke’s ear,“You know that was only two questions, right?”

“Technically it was three. You just couldn’t answer one of them,” Clarke mumbled, her breath filling the small space between them.

“Do you feel it too, Clarke?”

Lexa had to know. _Needed_ to know if Clarke felt the same pull that she was currently feeling. The pull that begged her to push forward and seal their lips together. The same pull that she had felt when Clarke had first kissed her. It had little tingles of electricity flowing through her veins with each centimeter that disappeared between them causing her mind to spiral into a frenzy.

A frenzy that only thought of Clarke.

_With her lips against Lexa’s._

Clarke chose not to respond and instead rushed forward to close the remaining distance between them. As their lips collided Lexa knew that they probably should have talked things over more before letting themselves become lost in each other as they had in the living room. But _damn_ Lexa couldn’t stop herself. The way Clarke’s tongue darted out to smooth across her bottom lip, asking for entrance, sent all rational thought from Lexa’s mind.

Tongues battled, each fighting for dominance as hands were anchored into hair and onto hips. And suddenly Lexa was lifting Clarke from her stool and settling her onto her thighs, mimicking their earlier position on the couch. The blonde broke away from their kiss and let out a breathless gasp when she was lifted only to push back onto Lexa’s lisp once she was settled. With one hand holding her steady on her lap, Lexa allowed one hand to drift down to hook onto Clarke’s knee and pull her forward slightly.

Once more Clarke broke away from Lexa’s lips to let out a strangled gasp. Lexa knew the little pull had caused the blonde’s center to rub unexpectedly against her lower abdomen but she couldn’t find it in herself to be guilty. With Clarke gasping for breath above her, hips rocking slightly, the brunette trailed a line of fire down her throat before stopping to nip at the pounding pulse underneath fragile skin. Lexa smirked against her neck as Clarke grew her head back and let a tiny moan slip between pink lips.

Lexa had full intentions to push Clarke’s shirt to the side to nip at a delicate collar bone but was stopped by soft hands pushing her back by her cheeks.

“Lexa, I’m sorry. But I’m not ready. I don’t want to go too far,” Clarke whispered, a hint of fear coating her words.

Lexa sat back a little further in her chair, hands moving back to Clarke’s hips as she stared at her,“Don’t be. I would never push you to do something you’re not ready for. I just…I couldn’t help myself. Not even two hours ago _I_ was the one pushing you away saying that we needed time to figure this out, yet here we are. There’s just something about you, Clarke. That feeling I told you bout earlier. I feel it every time I see you and I just can’t seem to help myself around you. My brain is telling me to wait but my…heart is just telling me to go for it. And _god_ do I want to.”

“I feel the same…but I understand what you meant when you said I needed to take some time and figure out if what I’m feeling for you is real. I feel this _need_ to be with you, Lexa. You make me feel safe and protected. And I know that’s normally how people feel when they have abusers and someone helps them but I can’t stop thinking that this is different. There’s something about the way you make me feel that’s so much _stronger_. You make me feel alive, Lexa. Like I can actually get through all the shit that’s happening in my life…and I don’t want that feeling to stop. I want to understand it. I want to know that it’s real,” Clarke whispered as she bumped her forehead onto Lexa’s.

With the brunette being so close to Clarke she could see every shred of determination that flittered through her blue eyes. She could see the unspoken words that flowed between them.

_I want **you**._

And Lexa wanted nothing more then to voice those exact words, but she knew they still needed to give this time before they went any further. She still needed to make sure that Clarke’s mind was in the right place and that she wasn’t giving herself up on an act of just wanting to feel safe. Lexa wanted her feelings to be true and for her to know without a doubt what she truly felt for her.

_She wanted Clarke to love her._

It was a fleeting thought. One that Lexa thought too early to think about, but in the back of her mind she knew that it wasn’t impossible for it to become a reality. She knew that what they were feeling between each other wasn’t just some fling or one time feeling. There was a spark there. One that people only talked about in movies. One that only existed in the perfect fairy tale. And Lexa knew that that spark wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon…not with the way it set her body on fire and caused her heart to beat out her chest.

But Lexa also knew that in order for them to be happy and safe, she needed to get Clarke to confess who her abuser was. She needed to help her get the justice that she deserved. And Lexa tried to tell herself that it was Clarke who needed to see the man behind bars…and not _herself_. When she had seen the trail of blood on Clarke’s arm she knew that it was from another beating and she couldn’t stop the anger that had coated her being. Lexa was never really the violent type, only liking the occasional sparing session, but there was nothing more she wanted to do than give Clarke’s abuser a taste of his own medicine.

 _ **“One step at a time. Let Clarke come to you when she’s ready,”**_ Lexa told herself.

She couldn't _stand_ to see Clarke physically and emotionally hurt but she knew, as much as she hated it, it wouldn’t do any good to press her into coming clean with everything. In fact, it would probably only spur her away from Lexa and more into her abuser as she tried to distance herself. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t do all she possibly could to ‘accidentally’ find out who was behind it all. But, until then, Lexa would offer Clarke a safe place to stay. With her. Where Lexa could protect her from anyone who wanted to hurt her. Protect her from everything.

She would be there to help her through her panic attacks. To whisper soothing words and hum softly into her ear. She would be there to bat away the nightmares that most people experienced. She would be there to take away the pain. To keep Clarke from getting to that breaking point that she had almost crossed. The one that left the slightly raised scar on the inside of her elbow.

And as they silently finished off the pint of ice cream, Clarke still sitting comfortably on Lexa’s lap while the brunette gazed into her eyes…Lexa had one only one thought.

_She would be there for Clarke when she needed her…always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart has melted. I loved writing this one. There's definitely more on Lexa's side that I still need to write about, I don't feel like I actually was able to express Lexa's feelings well enough in this chapter but I think as we get further along I can put some more into it. 
> 
> I'm really happy I got to post this as a surprise. NO ONE knew about this! Writing SR has easily become one of my favorite things to do! I love see all of your reactions and hearing what you have to say about it! I appreciate every little comment and kudos that I receive and always hold them close to my heart. They are what keeps me writing and able to give you things such as a surprise chapter! I was so blown away by what you all thought about the last chapter, a few friends stating it was by far the best that I've written...so I couldn't stop writing. I just had to give you another one even though it comes no where close to the last chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm rambling!
> 
> Until next time, lovelies!
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	9. Battle Side Chosen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream, comforting, picking sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit of a filler, but a few things do happen here. Mostly at the end. It takes a sudden turn so pay attention there. The ending will set us up for the next chapter. ;)

_A five-year-old Clarke giggled happily as her father spun her around in the air, arms thrown out and baby blonde curls fluttering in the wind. The bright blue sky shone above them, the sun’s rays dancing along their skin through the white puffy clouds._

_“Again! Again, daddy!” Clarke shouted happily as her father, Jake, placed her back on her feet._

_“How about we look at the clouds, kiddo? Let’s see who can find one shaped like a bunny first,” Jake offered a tad out of breath._

_Clarke squealed happily before rushing to find the perfect spot on the lush grass in their backyard. When the view above her was no longer hindered by tree branches she plopped down and patted the spot next to her as an open invitation to her dad. Jake laid down quietly before pulling Clarke into his side and letting her head rest on his arm as a makeshift pillow._

_The next hour was spent filled with giggles, sneaky tickles, and finding endless shapes in the large white masses hanging above them._

_“Look! There’s a flower!” Clarke shouted as she pointed to a four petal shaped cloud._

_“And there’s a teddy bear,” Jake nudged the little blonde in the shoulder to get her attention to the cloud a little further out than the rest._

_Clarke giggled as she poked her dad in the side and let her imagination run wild,“That’s not a teddy bear, daddy! It’s a panda! See the difference!”_

_“Of course!” Jake lightly smacked his forehead,“What was I thinking?”_

_Baby blue eyes, much like the sky itself, gazed around more, in search of the one thing neither of them could seem to find. It felt like hours, joy-filled hours, until a small finger pointed upwards with a small gasp._

_“There it is, daddy! A bunny! I knew I’d find it first!” Clarke said joyously as she stared at the floppy eared blob floating above them._

_When no answer came from Jake, Clarke slowly turned to the side to see if her father had fallen asleep like he had so many times before. Blue eyes glazed over with fear, her little chest heaving as oxygen escaped her lungs, and her body began to shake as she pushed herself away from the person next to her._

_Instead of the kind eyes of her father, that so much resembled her own, she was faced with the murky brown that would come to haunt her in the oncoming years. Her heart tried desperately to beat out of her chest as Anthony moved to stand up. Her hands grabbed ahold of the grass beneath her and clung to it like dear life as he stalked closer to her._

_Clarke looked around, her eyes praying to fall onto the figure of her father,“Where’s my daddy? What did you do with him?”_

_“No one’s here to save you, Clarke. You’re just the pathetic little girl you’ve always been. Defenseless. Hopeless. **Broken** ,” Anthony said darkly as he towered over her._

_“Where’s my daddy?!” Clarke repeated, fear completely consuming her heart._

_“No one wants you, Clarke! Not your friends, your parents…not Lexa,” her step-father said, ignoring the little girls question._

**_Lexa?_ **

_Suddenly, images of the beautiful brunette flashed through her mind. The vast green of her eyes, the chestnut curls that frames her face, the slight quirk of her lips in the tiniest of smiles._

_“She doesn’t want you. Who would? Just look at you!”_

_Blue eyes peered down at pale skin. Once smooth and unmarred was now covered in cuts, deep bruises…even her wrist was twisted at an awkward angle, filled with a pain that escaped her racing mind. Clarke barely registered the sting on her face that only signaled more bruises and possible a split lip, much too focused on trying to figure out how her wonderful dream had suddenly turned into a nightmare. The happy memories of her as a child, so careless and free, were now being invaded by the very monster that would live under her roof in a few years time._

_Not even they were safe from him anymore._

_Suddenly, all the pain came rushing into her at once when a large hand gripped the front of her shirt and jerked her forward. A whimper left her throat as the unregistered ache grew to a blinding pain and consumed her tiny body._

_“You think you could escape me? That you could run and hide here? Well, you were wrong. I’m always here. Waiting for you to make a mistake. To mess up like you always do. You’ll never get away from me, Clarke. No matter how hard you try…no matter who helps you,” Anthony spat in her face._

_And then the a looming shadow rose above her, blocking the sun and turning the world around her dark. The sky, now a black vast void, rolled with thunder. Her eyes faded, drifted to mimic the dark mass of the sky, the life draining from them as she watched the hand drop towards her in slow motion._

_Right as his palm inevitably came into contact with her broken body the sky lit up with a strike of lightening forcing a scream from her mind at the numbing pain._

* * *

Clarke flailed awake. Her body drenched in sweat and her lungs burning with the need for oxygen. Tears streaked down her face as she struggled to settle her racing mind back into the world of the living. Once she thought she was finally calming down the sudden pressure of someone’s hands clasping onto her shoulder’s had her flailing again. Fear gripped her heart. Normally the hands that found her after waking up in a fit of screams were the ones that caused them in the first place.

But a silky voice brought her back. Pulled her from the crushing weight that settled itself on her chest and treated to take over her.

“Clarke! It’s Lexa! Look at me! You’re just having a nightmare!” Lexa said as she held the blonde’s wrists down with a firm but gentle grip.

Ragged breathes tore from her chest,“Lexa?”

A light brush of fingertips against her tear stained cheek calmed her thumping heart,“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. Whatever you saw…it wasn’t real, okay? It was just a nightmare. Everything’s okay now.”

Blue eyes fixated on green as the words drifted through her ears. Normally it would take almost an hour for her body to stop it’s shaking and for the tears to stop falling, but Lexa was able to calm her in under five minutes. Lexa had done what no one had been able to do in years…well at least what Clarke _wouldn’t_ let someone do. The hand that had been holding her wrist had drifted down and taken hold of her hand and held onto it tightly, as if the brunette was afraid she would disappear. That hand anchored her, along with the one that was slowly brushing the remains of her tears away.

_Lexa anchored her._

Kept her grounded and helped the fears and aches drift away. Fading into the distance like they never existed.

“Are you okay?” Lexa whispered, her thumb still tracing just below Clarke’s eye.

Clarke nodded slowly as she lifted her free hand to meet Lexa’s,“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The blonde pursed her lips,“Not yet. I just…I think I’d rather go back to sleep.”

“Of course. I’ll just be in the living room if you need me,” Lexa commented before removing herself from the bed.

Clarke grimaced as she remembered the events of last night.

* * *

Not long after they finished off the pint of ice cream Lexa had moved them both to the couch to watch some documentary that had instantly made Clarke sleepy. She felt bad for it but she couldn’t stop herself from yawning and almost falling into Lexa’s shoulder trying to keep herself upright as she nodded off. The brunette had merely laughed it off and stated that documentaries weren’t for everyone before shutting it off and helping the blonde to her room.

She had stood in the doorway and watched as Lexa moved towards her dresser and pulled out a worn university sweater and a pair of black yoga pants. She had sheepishly handed them to Clarke, cheeks slightly pink, and mumbled that she could change in the bathroom and even take a shower if she felt like it. Clarke was a little confused by the flush that covered Lexa’s cheeks but it was quick to don on her when she saw the clothes Lexa had dressed her in the previous night sitting on the edge of her bed.

The last time she had worn Lexa’s clothes the brunette had undressed her herself. Obviously Lexa was had been thinking about it when she gave her the clothes and that was what caused her blush…and now Clarke’s. She had made a hasty retreat into the bathroom and stripped herself down, checking over her bandages as she went, before pulling on the borrowed clothing. She was much too exhausted to have even thought about getting in the shower. After having folded her dirty clothes and placing them on the bathroom counter, Clarke had made her way out.

She stopped by Lexa’s bedroom, fully expecting to see her getting ready for bed, but was surprised to find it empty. Clarke had glanced down the hallway and noticed a soft light bouncing off the walls of the living room and guessed that Lexa was still in there. Upon reaching the room, she had seen Lexa fixing a sheet across the couch and fluffing a single pillow propped against the arm. As if having sensed her, Lexa had glanced up and given her a soft smile as their eyes met.

“My sweater suits you. Maybe you should keep it,” Lexa had stated lazily before laying across the couch and pulling a blanket over her.

Clarke had eyed her, confused, as the brunette had made herself comfortable,“What are you doing?”

“Going to sleep. What does it look like?” The brunette had replied with an air of teasing.

“Why are you not sleeping in your bed?”

Lexa had sighed before standing from the couch and making her way over to Clarke. She had simply turned the woman around and patted her on the back to get her moving in the direction of her bedroom.

“Because you’re sleeping there and I’m taking the couch. Simple as that.”

“I can’t! I already took it last night! It’s your bed, Lexa!”

“And that gives me the right to let you sleep in it,” Lexa had responded teasingly which had caused the blonde to pin her with the softest glare possible,“Look. It’s either you sleep in my bed and I take the couch or you take the couch and I sleep on the floor. Which one would you rather?”

Clarke had let out the smallest huff before slipping into the bed with a small pout. Lexa had hovered at the side of the bed as the blonde made herself comfortable waiting until she stopped moving to speak.

“I’ll be right in the living room. If you need me just shout.”

Clarke had responded with a simple nod and watched as the brunette walked towards the door. She inhaled the sweet sent of Lexa that lingered on the sheets and smiled against them softly.

“Lexa!” Clarke had called out before she reached the door, causing her to turn around,“Thank you.”

Lexa had only responded with a light smile and a single nod before removing herself from the room and padding back down the hallway. Clarke had cuddled down into the blankets, completely warm and feeling _safe_ , before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

She couldn’t let Lexa go back to the couch. She wasn’t sure if it was the fact she felt bad for taking the woman’s own bed…or the fact that Lexa sleeping next to her and completely filled her mind and made her feel protected.

“Wait!” Clarke shouted, grabbing Lexa’s hand before she could even take three steps away from the bed,“Don’t go…please.”

Vast emerald eyes widened, pink lips parted with slight shock, the breath hitched in her lungs. Lexa’s hand involuntarily shifted in Clarke’s to lace their fingers together as she fully turned back to face her. Clarke’s eyes pleaded with her…begged her to stay.

_Just for tonight._

“Please. I-I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to sleep if I’m alone,” Clarke stuttered.

“Are you sure?” The brunette whispered, earning a curt nod from Clarke,“I guess it’s better than the couch.”

Clarke’s lips tipped up in a tiny smile. Leave it to this woman that made her feel safer in her bed than her own home to try and be funny at such a time. But she was grateful for it. Clarke was grateful that Lexa didn’t try to push her to talk about it when she wasn’t ready. She was grateful that she tried to add a little bit of humor into it and make her feel a little less awkward for asking her to stay and share the bed.

_Grateful that she was here._

Clarke shuffled over to make room for Lexa before holding open the covers and patting the spot next to her. Lexa climbed in slowly, making sure not to get too close to Clarke in fear of crossing some invisible line, before settling against her pillow. The blonde, finally curled back under the warm covers, watched as Lexa settled down on her back. They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Lexa staring at the ceiling and Clarke gazing at her through thick lashes.

Clarke wanted so badly to be next to her. For Lexa to hold her. To be in her arms. And safe.

She nervously eyes the arm that laid next to her, it’s owner leaving it limp and splayed out between them almost like an invitation.

And she couldn’t hold it back anymore.

Clarke slowly moved towards Lexa, watching closely to make sure she wasn’t making her uncomfortable. While Lexa continued to stare at the ceiling, either not noticing her moving closer or simply not caring, Clarke slipped into her side. She timidly ghosted a hand onto her abdomen and gripped the fabric of Lexa’s shirt as she carefully laid her head on her shoulder.

Lexa didn’t tense up. Didn’t move. And Clarke was just about to move back to the other side of the bed before she felt the arm under her pull her closer. A strangled, relief-filled sigh left Clarke’s lips as Lexa pulled her tight against her, arm wrapping behind her and slender fingers finding their way into blonde curls. Blue eyes drifted shut as a delicate nose nuzzled into the crown of her head, a pair of lips following in it’s wake.

“You’re safe now, Clarke,” Lexa whispered into her hair,“Get some sleep. No one’s going to hurt you tonight. Not while I’m here.”

And she did. Fell into the peaceful sleep her body and mind had yearned for, for years. Her body felt heavier than ever. Her bones no longer tensed up in underlying fear of the fists that would sometimes wake her up in the mornings. Her mind no longer haunted by brown eyes and dark harsh words.

_No longer in pain._

_Free to be at peace._

* * *

Morning came much too fast for Clarke. The rays of the rising sun slipping past the curtains to dance across her face spurred a low groan from her throat. What in reality was probably at least five hours of sleep only felt like thirty seconds to her unconscious mind. She wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over her face and sink back into the warm body under her.

_Wait._

Clarke’s hand trailed over Lexa’s tank top covered ribs in astonishment. She had thought it was a dream…just her mind trying to comfort itself from the happy memory turned nightmare. But it had really happened. Lexa was here. In bed with her. Letting Clarke use her as a human pillow. And as she shifted a bit to get a better look at the brunette’s sleeping face Clarke felt Lexa’s hand on her hip, thumb slipping under her sweater and grazing soft skin. Heart beating wildly, and not in fear, Clarke removed herself from the bed as quickly and quietly as possible.

Thankfully she was able to move from the bed without waking Lexa…or at least she thought. Her body froze mid step towards the door when she heard the woman groan softly and shift her body towards where she had laid just moments ago. Clarke watched as Lexa’s hands reached out in front of her before finding purchase on the pillow that she had laid on the night before and pulling it close. She couldn’t stop the quirk of her lips as the brunette cuddle the pillow close and inhaled deeply, almost as if it was _her_ scent that she was trying to get a hint of.

Shaking her head, still a little groggy, Clarke padded from the room and towards the kitchen. She figured since Lexa had let her stay, not only in her apartment but her bed as well, and cooked her dinner that the least she could do was make the brunette breakfast. And it was normally what she did as soon as she woke up anyway. Anthony liked his breakfast hot and ready as soon as he woke up or otherwise Clarke would face another ‘lesson’.

Flipping the light switch and illuminating the kitchen Clarke walked to the refrigerator to search for the ingredients to make the perfect breakfast. She was a little surprised at how well stocked it was for a college student but she wasn’t going to complain, not when she saw everything she needed to make her favorite. Pancakes. Smiling softly, something she rarely did during making breakfast, she grabbed all the necessary ingredients and setting them on the counter before setting them on the counter and searching around the cabinets for a bowl and frying pan.

Once everything was set out Clarke began the all too familiar process of making pancakes all the while humming the softest tune. She swayed a bit as she poured the batter into the frying pan, never hearing the other occupant of the apartment make their way into the kitchen and leaning against the kitchen’s entrance. As the pancakes cooked Clarke grabbed a glass that she had pulled down earlier and poured herself a glass of orange juice from the jug in the fridge. She continued to hum, only momentarily stopping to take a quick sip, as she turned around towards the island.

Clarke let out a startled gasp at the sight of Lexa, the glass in her hand slipping from her grip and shattering along the floor. Her heart seized at the sound, flashes of the last time she had broken a dish at home dancing behind her eyes.

“Oh my- I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up!” Clarke said hastily as she tried to move around the glass.

“Don’t!” Lexa shouted, holding a hand up to still the blonde’s movements,“You’ll get glass in your feet. Give me two seconds. Don’t move.”

Clarke stayed frozen in her spot as Lexa disappeared back down the hallway. Her eyes dropped down to the floor around her. The orange juice laid in a puddle around her feet, shards of glass floating around in it. The bottom of the white cabinets were speckled with drops of orange juice making Clarke wince at the sight. Normally if something like this happened at home she would already find herself laying in the cold juice and glass, holding whatever body part Anthony had decided to wreak havoc on that day.

“Okay, just stay still. I’m gonna get you away from the glass,” Lexa said as she reappeared in the kitchen.

Clarke fought the tiniest urge to roll her eyes. Obviously she had nowhere to go. Not unless she didn’t want to get glass in her feet.

Lexa made her way over to her and as she stepped into the puddle surrounding her did Clarke finally notice the hard soled slippers on her feet. She wasn’t sure what Lexa was going to do exactly so she just waited patiently for the brunette’s next instructions.

Lexa came up beside her and leaned down a bit before placing an arm behind her knees,“Put your arms around my neck.”

The blonde’s eyes widened as she realized that Lexa was going to _carry_ her from the mess. Instead of refusing like she normally would Clarke simply slipped her arms around Lexa’s neck and gasped as she effortlessly lifted her into her arms. She wasn’t too surprised by the strength that the taller woman possessed, figuring that it had been her that carried her all the way back to her apartment after her panic attack. What she wasn’t prepared for though was for Lexa to place her down gently on the kitchen counter right beside where they were currently standing.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked, confused.

“Getting you away from the glass. What does it look like?” Lexa laughed.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the glass littering the floor below her dangling feet,“I can’t clean my mess from here. I need you to take me away from the glass so I can get some shoes and clean it.”

“No,” Lexa said as she walked towards where she kept her broom.

“No?”

“No,” The brunette repeated,“I put you there for a reason. So you can’t get down and I can clean the glass.”

“But-,” Clarke began only to be shushed by Lexa.

“I scared you. I made you drop the glass. So, I’ll clean it up. Besides, while your sitting there you might want to move those pancakes,” Lexa said as she nodded towards the stove.

Clarke gasped as she realized the pancakes were still sizzling away in the frying pan. She quickly grabbed the spatula next to her and flipped them over, only to groan at the charred pancakes. After removing the pan from the fire and turning it off, Clarke slumped against the counter and hung her head. She waited silently, only the sound of Lexa brushing shards of glass into the dust pan filling the kitchen.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Lexa had dumped the destroyed glass into the garbage and tucked the broom and dust pan back into the kitchen closet. Clarke’s head still hung low, her blonde hair a thick curtain around her pale cheeks. She didn’t even move as a warm hand found it’s way under her chin and forced her to look up into green eyes.

“It’s okay, Clarke. I’m not mad. You didn’t mean to do it,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke searched Lexa’s face for any hint of deceit…and when she realized what she was looking for, her eyes widened. Lexa would _never_ do what Anthony did. She hasn’t known her for long but there was something there that just told her that Lexa would never raise a hand to her. And Clarke felt physically sick for letting her mind think that she may possibly hurt her.

She didn’t know why but Clarke knew that she could trust Lexa with her life.

“What about breakfast?” Clarke asked timidly,“I burned the pancakes.”

Lexa chuckled lightly,“That’s okay. We can have something else. I’m sure there’s something we can whip up fast enough so we can get you out of here in time to run home and get ready for your classes.”

Lexa’s soft laughter caused Clarke’s heart to flutter. The sound echoed around her, filling her ears and putting her at ease. Never, since Anthony’s arrival, did Clarke ever hear a laugh after not only breaking a glass but also burning breakfast. And there, in the back of her mind, was something waiting for her stepfather to rush into the kitchen, fist raised and vulgar words spewing from his mouth…but it never came.

Clarke wasn’t used to this kind of reaction but she couldn’t say that she didn’t like it. Her body wasn’t tensed and waiting for the incoming fist. Instead, it was relaxed into the hand that was now cupping her cheek. Her body leaned forward, seeking the heat that seeped from Lexa’s body. And Clarke felt herself falling. Falling into the thought that this was what it felt like to be cared for. For someone to…love her instead of despising the very breath she breathed.

 _Lexa_ did that for her.

And it scared her.

Clarke fought the tears off before they could well up in her eyes and cause Lexa to notice. She finally picked a side of the battle that had raged in her head yesterday. She couldn’t let Lexa get hurt because of her. No matter how bad she wanted to stay in the brunette’s arms, no matter how safe she made her feel…she wouldn’t allow her to fall under Anthony’s radar and become his next target in his sick game. Clarke wouldn’t allow it.

 _But_ , she would allow herself the rest of today. The rest of the day to let the feeling that Lexa made her feel sink into her bones before she had to let it go. She knew it would hurt the brunette but it would save her from more pain than imaginable in the long run.

She didn’t want to… _she needed to._

Her heart hurt. Lexa had told her how she felt about her and she had to fight harder to keep the tears at bay at the thought of how devastating it would be when Clarke told her she couldn’t see her anymore.

_But she had to._

_To keep her safe._

_Even if it broke both of their hearts in the process._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a bit of a switch up. I'm going to do it a little bit different. We'll see a small time just, nothing big maybe a week or two at the most, but it will bounce back and forth between the days that have passed in the time jump...like I said, a bit different. But by time the chapter is done, hopefully, you'll understand it! I'm excited for you all to read the next one! It's going to be one of my favorites!
> 
> Until next time Lovelies! 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	10. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke disappears and Lexa is basically a lost puppy. A little night out turns out to do a lot more good than Lexa thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter I said this chapter would be a little wonky and jump around a few weeks. While it does jump around a bit it's not as wonky as I originally planned, but that's okay. The outcome is still the same. 
> 
> Better get your popcorn for this one because it's...very surprising, at least at the end. ;)
> 
> And so sorry I've disappeared on you guys! Work upped my hours a bit because my boss went on vacation so I was basically covering his shifts so I was doing almost ten hour days! But everything's back to normal and I'll have more time to write! For those of you who read CM I've already started the next chapter and it should be up here in the next few days!
> 
> So, enjoy this very long (the longest chapter I've written EVER, coming at 8,267 words!) chapter and let me know what you think!!!!

_A muscular hand gripped at a sleeve covered arm, a short whimper of pain escaping pink lips, blonde hair hanging limp around pale cheeks and hiding pained blue eyes._

_“I told you to take your fucking hands off her! She doesn’t want to go with you!”_

_A slender hand, though still powerful, formed a fist as it flew through the air and connected with the cheek of the man handling Clarke. Gasps rang out around them as Lexa sent the man crashing to the ground, his grip on Clarke’s arm failing as he went down. Gentle hands smoothed across the arm that just a few moments ago was once again being abused in a tight grip. Cobalt clashed with jade and for a moment everything froze._

_The crowd around them faded into blackness. Replaced only by them and the electric air between them. Mouths hung agape…unable to form the words that desperately needed to be said. Tan hands trailed down fabric covered arms to clasp onto pale shaking fingers. Eyes darted along any exposed flesh to check for injuries although one of them was more than sure that the other was secretly covered with them._

_They couldn’t help the gravity that pulled them together. That forced them to start closing the distance between them. Begging to be close enough to share body heat despite the sweltering temperature outside no matter the time of night. But all was broken by a single person yelling through the crowd, amazement lacing the voice as it struck them from their trance._

_“Dude, that was fucking badass! She just punched a fucking cop!”_

* * *

_Two weeks ago (Day after Clarke’s nightmare)…_

Lexa sighed drearily as she packed her bag after her second class of the day.

After eating a quick breakfast Lexa had offered to walk Clarke back to her home stating that she wanted to make sure she got home safe. But the blonde quickly refused.

“I don’t want you to have to walk me all the way to my house and have to rush back here to get ready for class. I’ll be fine,” Clarke had said after having changed back into her clothes from the prior day.

Lexa had watched somewhat begrudgingly as Clarke disappeared behind her apartment door…leaving her alone to fumble around her apartment for the next two hours before her class. She was used to being alone in her apartment, with her roommate being gone at her boyfriends most of the time, but after having Clarke there only a handful of hours the small space seemed to close in around her. Became bleak and too quite…even though she had done most of the talking in the beginning, but Clarke threw in a sentence or two once she grew more comfortable.

And so Lexa had taken the longest shower and even primped herself in the mirror for a good twenty minutes. Something that she normally didn’t do unless going out on a special occasion. For the remaining half hour before she had to leave for class, Lexa did what most students tried to do when they wanted to get their mind off a certain thing. _Study_. But that just seemed to make the silence grow continuously around her. So, with twenty minutes left before she even had to leave, Lexa found herself slinging her bag over her shoulder and walking out the door.

Nothing like getting to class early and getting a good seat…right?

Another drawled out sigh passed from her mouth as she heaved her bag back onto her shoulder.

“What’s got you in such a downer mood?”

Lexa looked up and over the row of empty seats to see Octavia leaning against the doorframe, eyebrow arched in question.

“Nothing, just a long class is all. I’ve got a lot of material that I need to cover for it if I want to pass the next test,” Lexa lied easily through her teeth.

As she pushed past Octavia and into the hallway the brunette scoffed before following alongside her,“Like you even need to study miss 4.0 GPA.”

“That GPA doesn’t just happen on it’s own, you know. It’s all thanks to text books, good notes, and a lot of sleepless nights.”

“God, don’t even talk about sleep right now. I literally just want to crawl back to my bed and pass out for twenty four hours,” Octavia whined as her shoulders slumped.

“Well maybe if you didn’t stay up until three in the morning binge watching Orange Is The New Black you wouldn’t be so tired.”

Octavia glared at Lexa before sadly groaning,“I had to catch up with Raven or otherwise she would spoil it for me!”

Lexa shook her head and chuckled as they pushed their way out of the building. She knew that Raven had a tendency to spoil all the good movies and tv shows…and Lexa had learned the hard way after the Latina all but ruined the ending to Inferno after she expressed her interest in watching it. As the two made their way towards the campus cafeteria they discussed the latest episodes of OITNB, all the while enjoying the gentle breeze that blew through the campus.

As they entered the cafeteria’s courtyard Lexa suddenly found her eyes scanning the area for a certain blonde haired female. Last night, while finishing off their pint of ice cream, she had somehow convinced Clarke to meet her for lunch…and she had been waiting impatiently to see her since. Lexa inwardly smiled at the thought of seeing the blonde, even if only for an hour. Ever since her first run-in with Clarke her stomach filled with butterflies every time she was around her…and she still couldn’t explain why. Yes, she knew she had feelings for the woman but they came so suddenly. So unexpectedly that it just swooped her feet out from under her.

And the kissing.

 _God_.

Her body became overrun by such an intense heat every time their eyes met. Every time their hands touched. Every time their lips met. Everything about Clarke set her on fire. But something in the back of her mind nagged at her. What was this between them? Obviously they were far from the dating stay, still not fully familiar with each other to be there just yet. Maybe just…friends with benefits? Lexa cringed as soon as the thought slashed through her mind. Clarke wasn’t just someone she would use for sex. No. There was something too important between them. Something that called to Lexa.

Deciding that she would come back to that topic another day she scanned the courtyard once more for Clarke. Her shoulders slumped as she caught no sign of the woman sitting at the bench that she had been sketching at the first day she had seen her. So, with heavy feet and a slightly heavy heart, Lexa continued to follow Octavia into the cafeteria. Thankfully the brunette hadn’t noticed her slight hesitation in her steps as she searched the area or she just chose not to comment on it.

After ordering their food and paying Lexa lead them to the closest table to the windows that she could find. Hopefully she might be able to catch a glimpse of Clarke if she was simply running late. Octavia chatted away about current events and latest trends…all while Lexa leaned back in her chair and watched the courtyard.

“Earth to Lexa!”

A hand slapping down on the table had Lexa jumping in her seat. Green eyes darted over to rest on Octavia who looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I’m sorry. I was daydreaming. What’d you say?”

“Daydreaming?” Octavia asked, unconvinced,“You never day dream, Woods. Who are you looking for?”

Lexa was able to stop the flinch that ached to cross her face at being discovered,“No one. I was just…watching the uh, the people playing frisbee.”

“And since when have you ever been interested in people playing frisbee?”

“Since now,” Lexa replied lamely.

“You’re a horrible liar, Lexa. Just tell me who you were looking for already,” Octavia smirked.

Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to keep anything from her friend for long Lexa decided to let it out,“Clarke.”

Octavia face filled with slight shock,“You mean Clarke Griffin? The one I was friends with in high school?”

“I don’t know any other Clarke’s,” Lexa teased, hopefully trying to ease the growing tension that she felt forming.

“Why are you looking for Clarke?”

Lexa bit her bottom lip as she tried to form an explanation in her head. Anya was the only one of her friends who truly knew what was going on between her and Clarke. And she still hadn’t told Octavia or Raven about how she had bumped into her the first day they met. As far as both of them knew they only shared one class together.

“We uh, the first day of school, at the end of the day, we kinda bumped into each other. She didn’t come to class for two weeks so I didn’t see her, but the other day I ran into her again and we’ve kinda been…hanging out. I got her to agree to meet me here for lunch but she hasn’t shown up,” Lexa said sheepishly.

There was no way she was going to disclose the details of why they were truly ‘hanging out’ together. That wasn’t her story to give. It was Clarke’s.

Octavia looked downcast for a minute before her own gaze shifted to the window to search the courtyard,“So she talks to you?”

“A bit,” Lexa whispered, noticing the slight hurt that laced the younger brunette’s tone.

“Don’t tell Raven,” Octavia said as she shifted her eyes back to Lexa,“But I ran into Clarke at a store the summer after our senior year. I tried to talk to her but she just pushed me away. I asked her why she stopped talking to me and Rae and she just told me to go away. It hurt that she just shoved us aside like we didn’t mean anything to her. I begged her to talk to me but she wouldn’t. She left me standing in the middle of the store wondering just what the hell I did for her to stop caring about us.”

Lexa’s heart cracked at the sight of the normally cheery brunette dwindling away to be replaced by someone unknown to her. Someone who was hurt and misty eyed. If only she could Octavia why Clarke _really_ pushed them away. Lexa knew, without having the blonde having to tell her and judging by how close they used to be, that Octavia and Raven were important to her and that’s why she had distanced herself from them. To keep them safe.

“She hasn’t stopped caring about you, O,” Lexa whispered.

Octavia pinned her with a hard stare,“And how do you know? Has she talked to you about why she left us? Why she just upped and quit being our friend without so much as an explanation to us? I mean, you seem to be getting close to her so obviously you guys have talked about this before since you say she still cares.”

“It’s not my story to tell.”

Lexa knew it was a poor excuse to get out of the conversation, but there was no way for her to explain anything without revealing Clarke’s secret. And god did she want to…but she had made a silent promise to let Clarke do that on her own. No matter how much it hurt her to keep it a secret.

“What story?” Octavia demanded.

Lexa swallowed past a lump in her throat. There was no quick excuse that popped up in her head. Of course Octavia wouldn’t just take the ‘it’s not my story to tell’. She would want answers. She would demand them. And Lexa wanted to give them to her. To let her friend know that it wasn’t because Clarke didn’t care about her that she pushed her away. It was because she cared _so much_. And just when she thought she wound’t be able to hold it in any longer a glimpse of blonde caught the corner of her vision.

Emerald eyes whipped around to see the main subject of their topic walking towards the entrance of the cafeteria,“Uh, I gotta go. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Before Octavia could object Lexa was out of her seat and stalking towards the door. She could hear the brunette calling out to her and silently begged for her not to follow. She wasn’t sure how Octavia would react if she saw Clarke right now with all the emotions she was feeling. And she was certainly sure that if, in this moment, Octavia was to find out the blonde’s secret, that she wouldn’t keep quite about it. Lexa could tell that she cared for Clarke too much to not go and tell someone of high authority. And Lexa wanted nothing more than to do the same but she feared that if she did then Clarke would no longer trust her and she would just drive herself further into the hands of her abuser.

Lexa pushed open the glass door of the cafeteria and almost ran into a very nervous looking Clarke,“Hey, I was beginning to think you were skipping out on me.”

The blonde’s eyes shifted nervously over Lexa’s face,“Um, class ran a little late. I just got out. Sorry I didn’t text you.”

Lexa waved her off,“It’s fine. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come so I already ate but if you want we can go and get you something and maybe come outside and eat?”

“Uh, no that’s fine. We can just…sit out here. I’m not really hungry.”

“Okay. Lead the way then.”

They spent the rest of their lunch talking, well Lexa doing most of the talking. At one point Clarke had pulled out her sketch book and began flipping through the drawing covered pages for a blank one. A certain sketch had caught Lexa’s eyes and she swiped her hand out to try and stop Clarke from flipping past it so she could see. She could feel Clarke tense up beside her and she cautiously tilted the book so she could get a better look.

An image of her. Of Lexa. Roughly, but beautifully, sketched to perfection. From the sharp curve of her jaw down to the green of her eyes, the only color that rested on the page.

“It’s not finished yet,” Clarke whispered.

“It’s beautiful, Clarke,” Lexa said, simply entranced by the beauty of the sketch. By the pure talent that dripped from it.

“Thank you.”

Lexa’s eyes drifted away from the drawing to stare into shimmering ocean orbs. She could feel herself gravitating towards Clarke once again. The undeniable pull that made her ache to feel the blonde against her. To feel her skin under her hands. Her lips against her’s. And Lexa wondered how Clarke would react to her kissing her. Right here. Right now. In the open. Out of the privacy of her apartment.

It seemed like she was going to get her answer because Clarke wasn’t stopping her as she got closer. No. The blonde was closing the space between them as well. Almost like she was feeling the same pull that Lexa felt. Their lips were inches apart. The sounds of a few people playing frisbee off in the distance fading away as it became just _them_.

“Clarke!”

The blonde quickly snapped away from her and Lexa almost growled at whoever was interrupting them. Her head snapped forward to surprisingly see, of all the people in the world, Bellamy walking towards them waving to the blonde. Octavia’s older brother. She had met him once when he dropped by to surprise Octavia in her dorm room while they were all studying for finals. He hadn’t stayed long, not wanting to disrupt their studying, but it was long enough for Lexa to remember his face.

Suddenly the woman next to her was shoving her sketch pad into her bag and standing,“I’ve got to go.”

Lexa could hear the almost urgent and frightened tone in her voice,“You know Bellamy?”

“Uh, yeah. From Octavia. Listen, today was nice but I really need to go okay,” Clarke held her gaze briefly and Lexa almost thought she saw a flicker of sadness,“Thank you. For everything.”

To Lexa, it almost seemed as if Clarke was saying goodbye. For the last time. And that frightened her. Made her chest tighten with panic at what the blonde was silently telling her. But she pushed it aside because no matter what she had to do…this wouldn’t be goodbye. Not yet.

“Don’t thank me. I’d do it all over again if I had the choice. I’ll see you around?”

Clarke’s only response was a sad smile before she walked off and that’s when Lexa realized she would have to fight to see her again. She didn’t know what was running through Clarke’s mind at that time but she knew whatever it was, was what she thought was best for Lexa. What would keep her safe. And she knew that Clarke thought she would be keeping her safe by pushing her away just like she did everyone else. But she’d be damned if she let that happen. She didn’t get this close to her, _feel_ the things she was feeling, just for Clarke to walk out of her life.

_No way in hell._

But she let her go for now. Watched as she walked over to Bellamy who had a small smile on his face as he talked to Clarke. She growled internally as the older man placed a hand on Clarke’s back and began leading her towards the parking lot off in the distance. Her eyes remained locked on the two as they got closer to the cars.

And damn did her heart stop as she realized just what car they were getting into.

_A fucking police cruiser._

* * *

_One week and five days later (after Clarke’s nightmare)…_

It’s been a week and a half since Lexa fearfully watched as Clarke disappeared into the passenger seat of Bellamy’s cruiser. A week and a half since her heart became consumed with such fear. A week and a half since she had let Clarke leave with who she undoubtedly assumed was Clarke’s abuser. The signs all pointed to Bellamy.

The way Clarke’s tone had been laced with slight fear when he arrived.

The almost sickeningly way Bellamy seemed to be ‘happy’ at seeing Clarke.

The fact that he drove a fucking _police cruiser_.

There was no doubt in Lexa’s mind that he was the one abusing Clarke. Laying his hands upon her and leaving bruises in his wake. Causing nightmares to jolt the blonde from a peaceful night’s rest. The reason that Clarke was scared to let anyone get close to her in fear of them getting hurt in the process.

And not once did Lexa drift off to sleep that night. Her mind screamed at her that Clarke could be getting beaten right now. Bellamy had basically seen them kissing and she doubted he was going to let that slide. She had tossed and turned, never finding a comfortable spot, before throwing herself out of bed and perched herself at her desk for some studying. Not even that helped.

That’s how she found herself almost every night since then.

Sleepless and fearful.

Lexa hadn’t seen Clarke since that day. And when a new student suddenly appeared in Clarke’s seat in their shared class she had questioned her professor after class about the blonde’s absence.

“Ms. Griffin has transferred to another class,” Was his only response before leaving the classroom.

That caused her to grow even more worried. There was no way to tell if it was Bellamy who had made her switch classes or if it was Clarke herself who decided to do so. Lexa wasn’t pleased with either answer.

And everyday she found herself sitting at a table near the windows in the cafeteria hoping to catch a glimpse of blonde hair and blue eyes. But, much to her disappointment, not one single blonde strand was seen. But even now, as she silently sat across from Anya, she still stared out the window, just praying that Clarke would appear.

“Lexa,” Anya’s voice was soft as she tried to her attention.

“Hmm?” The brunette hummed, her eyes never leaving the courtyard.

“I’m guessing you’re looking for Clarke?”

Lexa slowly nodded her head and sighed.

“You haven’t seen her since she left with Bellamy?” Anya asked.

The brunette shook her head, eyes perking as she caught sight of a blonde female only to realize it wasn’t Clarke. Lexa had told Anya about Bellamy’s sudden appearance and how Clarke disappeared with him without even so much as an explanation to where she was going. The older woman had almost blown up when she stated that Bellamy was driving a police cruiser, putting the puzzle pieces together that laid obviously in front of them. It had taken all of Lexa’s strength to keep her from storming out the door to find Bellamy and giving him a piece of his own medicine.

“She transferred to a different Psychology class so I don’t see her there anymore. I don’t see her here in the courtyard anymore. I’ve walked around the campus after class trying to find her but…nothing. It’s almost like she doesn’t go here anymore but she does,” Lexa said.

She could feel Anya’s gaze lingering on the side of her head and could almost feel the sadness rolling off the her. Anya was one of the few people who truly knew what Lexa was feeling no matter how well she hide it. And right now she felt like absolute crap. Not because of the lack of sleep but because of Clarke. Because she had absolutely no idea how the woman was doing. For all she knew she was laying somewhere covered in bruises and blood or maybe even…

Lexa shivered.

She didn’t allow herself to complete that thought.

“I know it’s hard, Lexa. I want to know how she’s doing just as much as you but you can’t allow this to do what it’s doing to you. You’re not going to be any help to Clarke if you pass out from lack of sleep or not eating,” Anya said, pointing out her lack of food the past few days.

“I can’t help it. I just keep thinking about what probably happened after she got in that cruiser. It keeps me awake at night and the images just make me loose my appetite.”

“Well for the next two days you’re taking something to help you sleep and I’m going to make you eat. We’re all going out Saturday night and you need the distraction so you’re coming with us.”

Lexa eyed her friend from the corner of her eyes before shifting back onto the courtyard,“I don’t feel like going, Anya. I’m not in the mood.”

“Look, Lexa,” Anya sighed,“I know you’re worried about Clarke, and as much as I hate to say it, but if she won’t let you help her there isn’t much you can do right now. It’s not going to be good for you if you just let this consume you.”

Lexa was quick to turn her vision onto Anya,“And you just want me to forget that she’s being beaten? That someone’s hurting her? You expect me to really just forget about that?”

“That’s not exactly what I’m saying. You just need some time to get your mind off this, okay? Just for one night at least. After that I’ll help you find Clarke and we’ll talk to her together. See if we can convince her to at least get away from him. There has to be someone who’s above him that can help her.”

The anger that had simmered in her chest died out as the words left Anya’s lips and she turned back to stare out at the courtyard with a sigh,“I know I shouldn’t let this consume me but I can’t help it. There’s something different about her. Something that I’ve never felt about anyone I’ve helped in her position before. I…I know it’s something special and I don’t want to let go of it. And I can’t stand seeing her hurt. I’m sick with myself for not telling someone already even though I’m doing it because she asked me to. But every time I see another bruise or cut on her I can’t help but think that I could have prevented it.”

“It’s not your fault, Lexa. And it’s not Clarke’s either. Clarke only asked you to do that because she’s scared that whoever’s hurting her is going to hurt those you care about…including you. I know your mind is just screaming at you to tell someone because that’s just who you are. You don’t like to see people hurt and you want to get help for them as soon as you can, but this…this is different. Those people wanted help. They wanted out. As much as it pains both of us, because I don’t like it anymore than you do, we need to give Clarke time to become that person. The one that wants help and then we can do everything we can to make sure her abuser never touches her again, okay?” Anya said as she reached across the table and placed a hand over Lexa’s arm comfortingly.

The brunette processed the older woman’s words for a few moments. In a sense, she was right. If Clarke wouldn’t allow them to help her then there wasn’t too much she was able to do. If only she could just get Clarke to name her abuser…then she could do something. Bellamy was undoubtedly the main suspect but without Clarke’s confession on who was truly hurting her any other cop on the force was a given. And god did she hate being in this position. The one where she just sat back and watched someone get hurt.

Her anger began to rise once more.

In the back of her mind, if - _when_ \- she found out who was abusing Clarke she prayed to every god imaginable that she was given at least five minutes alone with the vile creature. She knew that it would make her no different from him but she ached to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ache to show him how the beautiful soul that he laid his hands on felt.

Lexa’s eyes widened at the thought.

Never, with the many people she’s ever helped, has she felt this way. The overbearing need to protect. To keep just this _one person_ safe from everything. The need to see her smile. To laugh. To enjoy life like she should. There truly was something overwhelmingly special about Clarke…and Lexa knew she didn’t want any of what she was feeling to go away.

Giving up for the day on trying to spot the blonde Lexa turned back to Anya whose gaze still lingered on her.

“I’ll go Saturday,” Lexa mumbled.

Anya did a little fit pump in triumph causing the brunette to laugh.

* * *

_Two weeks later (after Clarke’s nightmare) - Saturday night…_

The bar was overly crowed. College students and a few older patrons filled the large space and the long bar that was tucked against the far left wall. A few groups lingered over at the pool tables while the dance floor filled with sweating bodies and flashing lights. The bass of the music flowed from the speakers and thumped heavily into the ground and radiated up Lexa’s feet into her body. Soon her heart began a steady beat with said bass and reveled in the feeling that it caused. The carefree feeling that lulled her into a state of calm, letting everything wash away from her shoulders.

She was actually a little happy that she had agreed to go with everyone tonight. If not she’d probably just be sitting at home tossing and turning in her bed again, nothing but Clarke on her mind. Well, Clarke was still on her mind but maybe she could at least get some sleep after tonight with the help of a few drinks. Lexa followed closely behind Octavia, Raven, and Anya as they made their way through the shifting bodies and over to an empty table.

“First rounds on me!” Anya shouted over the music before walking over to the bar and catching the attention of a bartender.

Lexa took a seat in the booth before looking to Octavia who sat next to her,“Is Lincoln coming tonight? I haven’t had a chance to talk to him since the other day.”

“Yeah. He gets off work in a few and he’ll be heading this way. Said he can’t miss drinking with little miss spit fire over there,” Octavia said as she gestured over to Raven who simply smirked.

“That’s because he’s smart enough to know that I’m the only one that can hold my own when it comes to a few games of Quarters.”

Lexa rolled her eyes as she remembered the last time they had played the popular game. Lexa had tapped out after the third round, Anya and Octavia after the fourth, but Raven pulled the large man all the way into ten rounds. It was safe to say after that both Raven and Lincoln had to be carried out of the bar. Something that Lexa definitely wasn’t going do every again after the vomiting incident in the taxi.

“If you do more than five rounds you’re taking your own taxi home!” Lexa shouted causing Raven and Octavia to bust out laughing.

The trio talked a little more before Anya showed up with a tray of shots and a few drinks,“Shots first and then we grab our drinks and head to the dance floor!”

Everyone grabbed a shot and did a small cheers before throwing back the burning liquid. Lexa closed her eyes as the strong alcohol slid down her throat and settled in the pit of her belly. The burn was smooth and excited her. The feeling that coursed through her veins was one that she hadn’t felt in a while and it felt good to let go for one night.

The small group of friends quickly grabbed their drinks before heading out towards the dance floor and maneuvered through the jumping bodies. They huddled together in the middle of the dance floor and began swaying to the beat, occasionally sipping their drinks when they got too heated. Every time a pair of hands found their way to her hips Lexa would quickly push them away and express her disinterest and, thankfully, after one too many hands Anya had pulled her forward and kept her protectively in beside her and Raven. As the three danced together Lexa’s eyes scanned over the crowd, eyes landing on Octavia for a moment and noticing that Lincoln, who gave her a kind smile, had finally arrived, before shifting the rest of the way over to glance at the bar.

All her movement stopped as she noticed an all too familiar head of blonde hair perched atop a stool in front of the bar. She could see Clarke holding a glass and drinking from it heavily. Not once had it ever crossed her mind that she would see Clarke here of all places. She knew that the blonde wasn’t too fond of large crowds and knew that this place was far out of Clarke’s comfort zone. But those thoughts flew from her mind as she realized that Clarke was _here_. A few feet away from her. After two weeks of nothing. Two weeks of not knowing what happened after she got in Bellamy’s car.

And those two weeks spurred her away from the dance floor to stride over to the bar.

Those two weeks were what had her pulling the blonde softly from her seat as she let out a gasp.

Those two weeks were what had her wrapping her arms around Clarke and pulling her tightly into her.

Those two weeks were the reason that her heart was now filling with relief of seeing Clarke mostly unharmed and _breathing_.

“Lexa?”

The words were a mere whisper and Lexa was sure that if Clarke hadn’t been in her arms when she spoke that she would have never heard it over the bumping music.

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried to death about you, Clarke,” Lexa said as she allowed her arms to tighten further around the younger woman.

Clarke stiffened in her arms,“I’m…I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it anymore. We were getting too close. I was caring too much for you. I-I couldn’t let that happen. If we get close then what’s going to stop him from coming after you when he finds out? I can’t let you get hurt, Lexa.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me, Clarke. I can hold my own against him. It’s _you_ I’m worried about. I…After I saw you get in Bellamy’s cruiser and didn’t see you for the past two weeks and you transferred classes I thought the worst. I thought that he had…had hurt you…or worse. I’ve been having trouble sleeping because I keep thinking that I shouldn’t have let you leave with Bellamy,” Lexa said into her ear.

Clarke pushed her back and stared into her eyes, a hint of confusion clouding them,“Why shouldn’t you have let me leave with Bellamy?”

Lexa’s slid her hands along Clarke’s arms, noticing that she still wore a long sleeve,“You can tell me it’s him, Clarke. You told me your abuser is a cop! Bellamy showed up at your school looking for you and drove you away in a police cruiser for christ sakes. It’s him that’s hurting you, isn’t it?”

The blonde opened her mouth to reply, confusion still lingering in her eyes but was stopped by a hand being placed on top her shoulder. Both women glanced to the person standing behind Clarke and Lexa felt her anger spark to life. There stood Bellamy, all decked out in his police uniform.

“Clarke, I’ve been looking for you for two hours. Why the hell are you in a bar?” Bellamy asked the blonde, completely ignoring Lexa’s presence even though his eyes darted to her for a quick moment.

“I just wanted a drink and this was the closets bar. I was just about to leave,” Clarke answered quickly.

“Good. Then I can give you a ride home,” Bellamy said as his hand drifted down to grip her arm.

Lexa, noticing Clarke’s growing unease, quickly inserted herself in front of Bellamy before he could step away,“How about you take your hands off her and let her decided who she wants to take her home. Obviously she isn’t comfortable going with you.”

Bellamy loosened his grip on Clarke’s arm, allowing the woman to slip away from him, as he sized Lexa up. The brunette didn’t shy away from him even though he was a good two heads taller than her…she knew she would have no problem bringing him down if she needed to.

“And just who are you to tell a police officer what to do?”

“Her friend, something you obviously aren’t to her,” Lexa sneered, seeing that Bellamy obviously didn’t remember who she was,“Now, why don’t you let Clarke decide if she wants you to take her home tonight. I think her answer might be a bit of a shock for that ego of your’s though.”

Bellamy’s nostrils flared angrily but he chose not to fall into Lexa’s little jab. Instead he turned to look at Clarke who stood there, eyes fearful, watching everything unfold before her.

“Well, Clarke? What’s it going to be?” Bellamy questioned,“I need to get you home so tell your little friend here that you want me to take you home.”

Clarke’s eyes darted between them, her hands clenched at her chest, before landing on Lexa,“I…I want to go with her.”

But Bellamy wasn’t taking no for an answer, not when he had his boss to keep happy.

“I can’t let you go with her, Clarke. I’m sorry but you’re coming with me.”

A muscular hand gripped at a sleeve covered arm, a short whimper of pain escaping pink lips, blonde hair hanging limp around pale cheeks and hiding pained blue eyes.

“I told you to take your fucking hands off her! She doesn’t want to go with you!”

A slender hand, though still powerful, formed a fist as it flew through the air and connected with the cheek of the man handling Clarke. Gasps rang out around them as Lexa sent the man crashing to the ground, his grip on Clarke’s arm failing as he went down. Gentle hands smoothed across the arm that just a few moments ago was once again being abused in a tight grip. Cobalt clashed with jade and for a moment everything froze.

The crowd around them faded into blackness. Replaced only by them and the electric air between them. Mouths hung agape…unable to form the words that desperately needed to be said. Tan hands trailed down fabric covered arms to clasp onto pale shaking fingers. Eyes darted along any exposed flesh to check for injuries although one of them was more than sure that the other was secretly covered with them.

They couldn’t help the gravity that pulled them together. That forced them to start closing the distance between them. Begging to be close enough to share body heat despite the sweltering temperature outside no matter the time of night. But all was broken by a single person yelling through the crowd, amazement lacing the voice as it struck them from their trance.

“Dude, that was fucking badass! She just punched a fucking cop!”

Lexa backed away from the blonde, fingers still intertwined, and looked down to see Bellamy whipping away a bit of blood from his lip as he tried to stand up.

“You little…you’re about to get arrested for assaulting a fucking police officer.”

As he got back onto his feet he began pulling his handcuffs from his belt. Just when Lexa thought she was really about to be put into cuffs and escorted to the city’s police station Octavia and Raven appeared in front of her.

“You’re not arresting her, Bellamy,” Octavia stated as she pushed her brother back,“If anyone needs to be arrested it’s you for how you handled Clarke! I can tell that you hurt her by the look on her face!”

And sure enough when all eyes peered over to said blonde they could see the slight pain etched into her fingers. Clarke slowly took a step back, suddenly afraid of all the prying eyes that now settled on her.

“I think it would be better for you if you just left. We’ll make sure Clarke gets somewhere safe. Away from you,” Raven said as she moved in front of Bellamy to block his gaze from Clarke.

Bellamy met Lexa’s stare before shifting around to see everyone’s eyes had fallen on them. It took her a moment to realized that the music had stopped and the bar had grown quiet besides the slight whispers floating around and their little conversation. She could see two men, more than likely security guards, standing behind Bellamy as if waiting to see if they needed to escort anyone outside. All in all, they had caused quite the scene…a scene that Lexa wish she could have avoided.

“Just make sure she gets home,” Bellamy said gruffly before making his way towards the exit, the crowd parting to allow him through.

After a few beats of silence everyone began to continue what they were doing. The music picked up once more and suddenly it felt less crowded. Lexa took a few seconds to calm herself before turning to Raven and Octavia.

“Thanks guys. You didn’t have to get involved though. I could have handled it.”

Raven scoffed,“Yeah right. All of know that you would have been being escorted out in cuffs if it wasn’t for us.”

Octavia laughed and she nodded in agreement,“And my brother deserved it for how he put his hands on Clarke. I wasn’t about to let him arrest you for protecting her after he clearly hurt her.”

Lexa smiled softly before noticing both of their eye’s shift to glance over her shoulder. Pivoting her head she could see Clarke standing a bit behind her, head down waiting silently.

“You should go talk to her,” Lexa said as she turned back to her friends.

“She probably doesn’t want to talk to us,” Raven said softly as she looked at Octavia who pursed her lips sadly.

“I do…,” Clarke’s voice suddenly came from beside Lexa,“Want to talk to you, that is. To thank you both.”

Raven and Octavia looked a bit shocked as they met Clarke’s gaze. Both women looked back to each other before falling on the blonde once more.

“You’re, uh, welcome…I guess. We would have done it no matter what,” Raven stuttered a bit awkwardly.

“I know, but you didn’t have t-,” Clarke began, only to be cut off by Octavia.

“Why?”

Lexa watched as Clarke nervously took a step back, not expecting the brunette’s question.

“Why what?”

“Why’d you push us away? Why’d you stop talking to us? What did we do, Clarke?”

Raven placed a hand on Octavia’s arm but didn’t make any move to stop her questions. Instead she fixed Clarke with her own stare, obviously wanting the same questions answered.

“I…It’s complicated, okay? Ju-just give me some more time, please,” Clarke said as her blue orbs shot over to Lexa before turning back to her former best friends,“I’ll explain everything soon. I swear, but I just need more time.”

Lexa could tell that Octavia wasn’t happy with Clarke’s answer but she didn’t fight it,“Fine…but at least answer me this one question.”

“What’s the question?” Clarke asked slowly.

Octavia stepped forward, a few tears welling up in her eyes,“Did you ever stop caring about us?”

“No…never,” Clarke whispered without hesitation.

And Lexa’s heart broke as she watched both women surge forward and embrace…one that was years overdue. She could see Raven also keeping a few tears at bay as she pushed her way between the two.

“Don’t forget me you bitches,” Raven muttered as she pulled Octavia and Clarke close to her.

Suddenly Lexa heard the sound that she wished she could hear forever. Clarke’s watery laughter filled the space around them. Overpowered the thump of the music and drowned out everything around them. If Lexa had to hear one sound for the rest of her life it would always be Clarke’s laughter, even if it was laced with a few happy tears.

She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt a hand close around her own and looked up to see Octavia smiling at her.

“Thank you,”the younger woman mouthed as she rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

Lexa simply nodded, not wanting to disrupt the friends little moment. She watched as the three basked in each other’s presence, happy to once again be with each other. Octavia was the first one to pull away, wiping a few stray tears from her face which only made her laugh as Raven and Clarke did the same.

“I never stopped caring for you guys, ever. But…things got complicated and I just couldn’t have you near it. I promise, soon, that you’ll understand why I pushed you away. Just…like I said, give me a little more time and I promise everything will be better,” Clarke said once they were all composed.

And Lexa’s heart clenched when she heard the silent ‘I hope’ in Clarke’s tone. Lexa was going to be that hope in the blonde’s life. She was going to make sure she was able to be with her friends once again. Able to get away from all the pain and suffering that wormed it’s way into her life.

“Just don’t be a stranger anymore. If you need us we’re here, okay? But we won’t push you,” Raven said.

Clarke nodded in understanding before glancing over at Lexa for a split second,“I think it’s about time I get home. I’ve been out long enough.”

The three said their goodbyes, a few hugs quickly worked in, before Raven and Octavia went back towards the dance floor. Lexa met Anya’s and Lincoln’s gaze and gave them both a nod, signaling that she was fine and would be leaving. Both looked her over before giving their own nods back and following their girlfriends back onto the dance floor. Glad to finally have everyone’s eyes off of them Lexa moved a little closer to Clarke and placed a gentle hand on her hip.

“Are you okay?”

Clarke looked up and help her gaze before letting the corner of her mouth lift up in a tiny smile,“Yeah, I’m fine now. Actually feeling a little better than when I first got here.”

“Good. How about we get you home then? I’m sure you’re tired after all that,” Lexa said as she moved her hand to the small of Clarke's back and began leading them to the exit after the blonde nodded in agreement.

As they stood on the curb waiting for a taxi to appear Lexa felt Clarke’s hand encompass her’s.

“I don’t want to go home,” Clarke whispered.

“Where do you want to go then,” Lexa asked, knowing that she would take the blonde wherever she wished.

“Can we…can you take me to your place?”

The brunette was a bit surprised by Clarke’s answer but nodded none the less,“Yeah. You’re always welcome at my place, Clarke. My roommates gone for the weekend so no one’s there right now.”

Clarke nodded in understanding. Lexa wasn’t sure why she made it known that they would have the place to themselves…but she just did. And, as they finally flagged down a taxi and climbed in and gave the driver her address, Lexa grew a little excited. She would finally have more time with Clarke and just maybe she could get Clarke to explain a little more on why she disappeared. Maybe she could finally get it out of her that Bellamy was the one hurting her.

_Just maybe._

* * *

Lexa flipped on the light switch and her apartment was engulfed in warm light. She stepped aside and allowed Clarke inside before shutting and locking the door. Both toed off their shoes and sat them by the door before moving into the living room.

“Have you eaten tonight? I can’t make you something if you want,” Lexa said as she turned to face Clarke who only continued to watch her intently, eyes holding something that she couldn’t place.

“No, I’m fine.”

The words were fast and before Lexa knew what was happening Clarke was before her, pulling her close and closing her lips over her’s. Emerald eyes fluttered closed as she sunk into the kiss and let her hands softly grip Clarke’s hips. There was so much they needed to discuss about what occurred over the last two week and tonight but right now that was the last thing on Lexa’s mind. She finally had Clarke back with her. The amount of relief that bubbled in her chest almost had her heart beating viciously from her chest.

Just when Lexa was about to dart her tongue out to smooth over silk lips Clarke pulled away. Her chest heaved, her lips quivered, and suddenly Lexa realized there were a few tears slipping down Clarke’s cheeks.

“Clarke? What’s wrong?”

The blonde took in a shuttering breathe, eyes still closed, and rested her forehead against Lexa’s,“Thank you, for what you did tonight. You’re the first person that’s stood up for me like that. No one’s ever punched another person in the face for me before.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” Lexa whispered, her lips lifting to press against Clarke’s forehead.

“Lexa…,” Clarke said as she pulled away from her.

“What?”

The blonde’s ocean orbs searched her’s for a moment,“It’s not Bellamy that’s hurting me.”

Lexa’s arms tightened around her,“Then who, Clarke? Let me help you. I can’t do that if you want allow me to. I don’t think I can do this much longer. I can’t watch you continue to get hurt time and time again. I can’t stand to see the bruises or know that you’re in pain when I can do something to sto-.”

“My stepdad,” Clarke quickly cut her off,“Anthony Johnson. He’s the city’s sheriff. He’s the one that…he’s the one that does it all.”

Lexa never thought she could become so consume with so much relief and anger at the same time. _Finally_ she had what she needed to protect Clarke. She had what she needed to stop Clarke’s pain. What she needed to take down the vile creature who called himself a man.

And she would stop at nothing to make sure Anthony was behind the very bars that were only feet away from his own office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't see that one coming did you? I debated it almost all day and finally decided that it was the right time. It felt...right. Like it needed to be done. But trust me when I say just because Clarke has revealed Anthony to Lexa that it's close to being done. It's far from done!!! I still have quite a bit of stuff for you guys! So don't think it's going to be finished soon! 
> 
> Next chapter Clarke will explain to Lexa a little more on why she decided to tell her...and maybe something a little more. It'll pick up right from where we left off in this chapter and go from there!! ;)
> 
> Until next time Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> xoxo


	11. Dawn Of A New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa takes Clarke somewhere special. Clarke talks about a few things with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm so happy to finally post this! I've been wanting to write this for DAYS. I have to say (and it's kinda bad to say as an author) but this is by far my favorite story to write. Just all the elements and emotions that is involved in writing this. It let's my mind wonder and write like never before. I love getting lost in this story and just simply letting everything flow!
> 
> Anyway, I'm rambling. Enjoy! And stay tuned for more!

Why did she do this now?

Why was it so easy for her to just let it all out in this moment?

What was so different?

…

_Lexa._

Seeing Lexa physically attack Bellamy because he had put his hands on her -didn’t actually hurt her, just simply grabbed a fresh bruise a little too harshly- had her heart leaping. It struck her then that if Lexa was willing to punch a uniformed cop in the middle of a crowded club…then there probably wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do. This woman, someone she hardly knew but felt so close to, was willing to get arrested just to protect her. Clarke wondered the lengths Lexa would go to to really protect her. How she would intercept the stinging palm of Anthony’s hand on her skin.

_How much she was willing to put her life at risk just to protect her…_

And she couldn’t stop herself from rushing onto Lexa. Crashing her lips against the older woman’s and just falling into her feelings. The feeling of being so secure, so…she couldn't even think of another word for it. Just being there in Lexa’s arms, lips grazing, made her feel nothing like she had ever felt, at least not since her mother and father divorced. The flood of emotion was too much and she couldn’t stop the tears. Couldn’t stop the breathless heaves of her chest that had Lexa eyeing her with deep worry.

Nothing had prepared her for how, after thanking Lexa, the brunette didn’t hesitate to say she’d do it again without a second thought. She was so willing to protect her.

And god she couldn’t stop it from slipping out. No matter how hard she tried.

There wasn’t any going back.

Just listening to Lexa plead for her to finally tell her who was hurting her. The pain that flowed from Lexa’s voice…Clarke could practically feel it in her soul. Aching deep within her and lifting the words into her mouth and rolling off her lips before she cold catch them. She was shocked. There was no denying that. But, she also couldn’t deny how good it felt for someone, for Lexa, to finally know. Maybe then she could work past this. Maybe Lexa really could help her get out of this life. Get out of the abuse.

“My stepdad,” Clarke cut off Lexa’s pleading,“Anthony Johnson. He’s the city’s sheriff. He’s the one that…he’s the one that does it all.”

Lexa’s eyes had filled with such relief and so much anger, but nothing like the anger that she usually gazed upon in Anthony’s eyes. No. This anger was different. This anger was fueled by intense passion and care. An anger that you would see in someone’s eyes who was upset that someone they cared for was being hurt. Clarke thought she was seeing things at first but with a quick double take there was no mistaking that emotion.

“Your fucking stepfather?” Lexa asked lowly, voiced laced with malice.

Once more, Clarke’s body didn’t tense up in fear like it normally would had someone else talked to her with that tone. Instead her body relaxed at Lexa’s voice. It was almost an immediate response. Her body simply relaxing and not even giving a second thought to how angry the brunette was. Because she wasn’t angry at Clarke…she was pissed at _Anthony_. The way Lexa’s hands gripped just a tad bit tighter around her hips and pulled her closer indicated that Lexa was trying to control her anger, but not because she wanted to hit _her_ , but her _stepfather_.

And that little movement made her feel even safer.

More protected than ever.

Clarke hadn’t even realized how much time had passed after Lexa’s question…at least not until the brunette was softly lifting her chin so she could gaze into emerald eyes.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?”

The anger in Lexa’s eyes instantly diminished at her soft statement,“Why tell me now? What changed?”

When the question floated through her ears Clarke’s chest filled with the same feeling that she felt when she watched Lexa punch Bellamy and send him to the ground. It swelled in her chest and threatened to explode within her. Clarke licked her suddenly dry lips hesitantly before dropping her gaze a bit.

“Because you…you make me feel safe. After seeing you punch Bellamy, who was in full uniform and probably on duty, I knew that I could trust you. For real. I’ve felt that I could trust you since I first laid eyes on you but tonight…,” Clarke trailed off before meeting shimmering green orbs once more,“Tonight was different. You risked getting arrested, Lexa. Just because he put his hands on me. Yo-you protected me. _Physically_ protected me. No one’s ever done that before.”

Clarke watched as Lexa’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

“You’re the reason that I reconnected with Raven and Octavia. You’re the reason that I finally feel like I can share with them what’s been going after everything settles down. _You’re_ the reason that I can finally admit to you who’s been abusing me. Lexa… _you’re_ the _damn_ reason that I finally feel safe after so many years. I feel like I can start moving past this. Maybe I can finally find someone, besides you, who can stand next to me and help me put Anthony away for what he’s been doing to me.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said slowly as she brush a stray strand of blonde curls away from her face,“I may have been there to stop Bellamy from putting his hands on you but you’re the reason that you’re finally ready to stand up to Anthony. It’s you that has the strength to get the help you need - _no_ , that you deserve. _You’re_ the one that’s protecting yourself. I can’t help you if you don’t want help…and god I’m glad you finally want that help. You have no idea how relieved it makes me feel.”

Clarke’s eyes darted down to Lexa’s lips before rushing back up to emerald eyes. The overwhelming feeling to kiss Lexa was rising to the surface again and Clarke was sure that if she started that again…she wouldn’t be able to stop. And she wasn’t quite ready for that step right now.

“Can we…can we go somewhere? Away from here? I just-I can’t be here right now, but I want to be alone…with you. If you’re okay with that?”

A warm hand brushed against her cheek and cradled it softly,“I know just the place.”

Not even five minutes later Clarke surprisingly found herself being helped into a black Jeep by Lexa. She hadn’t ever seen the brunette driving it but figured she’d only seen her around campus where everything was basically in driving distance and she had obviously taken a taxi to the club. And somehow, without even completely knowing Lexa, Clarke knew the vehicle suited her.

Clarke watched as Lexa hopped into the driver’s seat and started the vehicle,“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see,” Lexa said with a small smile.

And not once, even as they drove out of city limits and began driving through deep forest, did Clarke feel nervous or scared. Normally being in a car and driving to god knows where with someone she really knew would have her dying in her seat. But not with Lexa. Everything about her was different. Every emotion she felt was like nothing she experience before. Where someone made her feel fear Lexa made her feel safe.

_Everything was different._

And as Lexa turned off onto an unmarked dirt road Clarke couldn’t help but let her gaze wonder of the profile of the brunette. The moon shone brightly through the window, painting Lexa with a soft glow and making her brunette locks shine. Vast green eyes shimmered brightly as they stared out at the road ahead, filled with warmth and passion. And Clarke wouldn’t deny that she had to bite her lip at the godly curve of the woman’s jaw.

All too soon Clarke’s staring was interrupted by the Jeep jerking forward slightly and Lexa putting the vehicle in park.

“We're here,” Lexa said softly.

Ocean blue eyes tore away from the older woman to look out the windshield and over the area ahead of them. A large lake, the moon reflecting over the rippling water, sat ahead of them. A wooden pier stretched out into the water ahead of them. Trees surrounded the shoreline besides the decent sized clearing that they were parked in. When she turned to glance out the passenger window Clarke was met with a small cabin, a picnic table sat not too far away from it, just some few feet away from the jeep.

“What is this place?”

“My family’s cabin. No one ever really comes here besides me now. I thought this would be a good place for us to maybe talk about everything…if you’re up to it?” Lexa questioned hesitantly.

Clarke watched as Lexa’s grip on the steering wheel tightened a bit at the question. Obviously the brunette was nervous that she would push the comforts of what Clarke was ready to talk about with her. And it made the blonde’s heart flutter that Lexa cared for her enough to not want to make her uncomfortable.

“I’d like that. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you _everything_ just yet…but I think I can give you some key details,” Clarke said.

Lexa responded with a nod before taking the keys out the ignition and hopping out the Jeep. Clarke quickly followed her actions and met the brunette at the front of the vehicle. The area around them was only lit by the moon above them, the Jeep’s headlights no longer shining ahead of them, and Clarke couldn’t help but marvel once more at how the moon’s glow bounced off of Lexa. Without so much as a word the brunette held her her hand out in a silent offer to Clarke.

Feeling braver than ever Clarke slipped her fingers through Lexa’s and allowed her to lead her onto the wooden pier. The stained wood creaked under their feet and as they neared the end Clarke caught a glimpse of ‘LEXA’ carved into one of the planks, messy as if a child had done it. The blonde began to image a tiny version of the woman before her. Wild curls, scraped knees, and dirt smudged cheeks carving her name onto the pier with some sharp object that she probably got scolded for using later on. She’d have to have Lexa tell her the story behind it one day.

Before she could get lost in the little daydream Clarke felt Lexa tugging lightly at her hand, urging her to sit with her at the edge of the pier. After lowering herself onto the surprisingly smooth wood the blonde, after quickly taking off her shoes, let her legs dangle over the edge, the tips of her toes brushing against the water’s surface. Lexa followed closely behind, her own shoes finding a spot next to Clarke’s behind them.

And for the next few minutes there was nothing but them, the moon, and crickets chirping in the distance. It was peaceful. Tranquil. Something Clarke hadn’t experienced in a very long while and she was almost afraid to break the comfortable silence flowing between them. Almost by unconscious action their hands stayed locked together, only letting go to remove their shoes before finding each other’s fingers once more. The cool breeze swirled around them, lifting the ends of their hair so they could dance along with the wind.

Everything was beyond peaceful.

A place that Clarke finally felt free…besides Lexa’s arms, and she would be quick to deny if anyone said she was blushing at that thought.

The sudden tightening of Lexa’s fingers around her’s pulled Clarke from her thoughts and she realized that they had been sitting quietly for much longer than she originally thought. The moon, that once hung high above them, was quickly making it’s descent in the sky, almost kissing the tops of the trees.

Clarke sat up a little straighter, suddenly very aware of just what she was about to explain to Lexa. But it her chest wasn’t filled with the pressure, the fear, that she would normally feel at the thought of telling anyone even the simplest part of her story.

“My parents got divorced at the beginning of my freshman year of high school,” Clarke started lowly, feeling Lexa’s eyes linger on the side of her face,“It was a mutual agreement for them. They weren’t really happy with each other. Always having little arguments here and there. I think I took it harder than them actually. I mean, I felt like I had no control over my life during that time. My parents were separating and I had just started at a new school. Everything was pretty much crazy at that point.”

Clarke couldn’t stop the soft, almost bitter, laugh that tumbled off her lips.

“After the divorce was finalized and my dad moved everything calmed down a little…and then my mom met Anthony two years after splitting from my dad. He was so nice then. Always spoiling my mother and I with different things. We had a few ‘family’ nights when my mother wasn’t off at work. I was even okay when he moved in, maybe even a little happy because of how happy it made my mom. I was still a little hurt that my mom found someone so quickly after my dad and it kind of caused a rift between us, but I was happy she found someone who made her happy. Everything was okay until after their engagement. Before I had noticed little ticks of Anthony’s. How he sometimes raised his voice just a bit when I didn’t do something the exact way he liked it done or some other small things. But after the engagement…,” Clarke trailed off before continuing,“After that I…he came home one day when I was painting in the living room. He had slammed the door so hard and it scared me which caused me to drop my paint brush on the carpet. H-he got so angry a-and.”

Clarke’s shoulders shook softly, not noticing the tears that fell from her eyes until she felt Lexa pull her close and wipe them away carefully.

“You can stop, Clarke. You don’t have to tell me everything right now.”

“No. No, I want to. I need to.”

But Clarke didn’t move from Lexa’s hold. Instead she burrowed in deeper and prepared herself to relive the harsh memories.

“That was the first time he hit me. He hit me so hard he threw me backwards. I could smell the alcohol rolling off him after he hit me and just blamed it on that. I had a bruised cheek and a split lip. He called me all these harsh things and told me if I ever told anyone what happened that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me or my mother,” Clarke sniffled,“That was a week before he married my mom. The next time he hit me was the day before the wedding. I forgot to pick up his tux like he supposedly asked me to, even though I know he didn’t, and he got angry. My mom was off with her bridesmaids that day so he didn’t hesitate to punch me in the stomach in the middle of the kitchen. I dropped down to the floor and he stood over me and said that I was lucky I was in the wedding or else he would have done much worse.”

By now Clarke could practically feel the waves of rage rolling off of Lexa. Her arms were like steel around her, like they were trying to encase her in their protective grip forever, driving away the harsh memories. And a quick glance up had Clarke seeing Lexa’s green eyes tightly shut as she tried to control her breathing. Trying to control her rage.

“It only got worse after that…but I don’t think I can say anymore tonight. It…it’s too much,” Clarke whispered, breath shaky.

“That’s okay. You’ve already shared more than enough, Clarke,” Lexa said, pulling her impossibly closer,“When you’re ready I’ll be here to listen…but I can’t promise how much I can take before I go and beat him to a pulp myself.”

And for once, Clarke actually giggled,“Thank you, and as much as I would love for you to do that it wouldn’t make you any better than him. And I don’t want you anywhere near him if we can help it. I don’t ever want to see you and him within a hundred feet of each other. Ever.”

“I can’t promise that either, but I’ll do my best...and that’s the same for you, Clarke.”

Clarke suddenly backed away from Lexa’s hold. Confused blue met hardened green.

“What do you mean? You don’t want me near Anthony?”

“Of course I don’t, Clarke! I’m not going to let you go back home knowing that he might be there just so he can hit you again!”

“Lexa, I can’t just not go home. He’ll come looking for me or worse, come looking for you. And I can’t have him getting any angrier than he already gets. He might take it out on my mom. I can’t let you or her get hurt, Lexa. I can’t,” Clarke said brokenly.

Warm hands cupped her cheeks gently,“You’re not going back there, Clarke. You can stay with me at least until we can find someone above him that we can trust to help you. He won’t hurt your mother because that’ll mean he’s blown his cover. I may not know your mother but I can’t help but feel like she is someone who wouldn’t take to having a hand raised to her kindly.”

Clarke nodded dumbly. Lexa was right. Her mother had once gotten into an argument with a woman at her school when seven-year-old Clarke was being bullied by the woman’s son and Abby had confronted her about it. The argument quickly escalated when the mother raised her hand to smack Abby across the face, only to be met with a steely grip around her wrist and Abby basically snarling in her face to never touch her or Clarke. So no, Abby would not take kindly to having Anthony raise a hand to her let alone hit her. And she’s sure her mother will be furious once everything comes out into the open.

“I can’t burden you like that though, Lexa. You already have a roommate and there’s no way I’m going to let you keep sleeping on the couch while I take your bed. I’ll be fine at home. I’ll just avoid him as much as possible.”

“And how well has that worked for you before? How many bruises did you end up with then? You’re in no way a burden and can stay with me. End of story. Besides, my roommate was actually talking to me about finally moving out and moving in with her boyfriend. So looks like I’ve got an empty room for the taking,” Lexa said as her gaze flickered down to Clarke.

“Really?” Clarke said in slight disbelief, only to be shoved aside by Lexa’s nod,“You’re sure it’s not too much? I don’t want you to have to worry about Anthony finding out where I am and coming after you. I mean, what if he shows up and takes everything out on you? I can’t stand to think that you’ll end up hurt because of me, Lexa. I can’t let you ge-.”

In a rush of lips and deft fingers in her hair Clarke’s worries were washed away. Lexa’s lips against her’s always seemed to force every little negative thought from her brain and replace it with nothing but absolute happiness and something…more. Something she wasn’t ready to put a word to just yet. Their lips lazily rolled against one another’s for a few lighthearted moments before Lexa pulled away and rested her forehead against Clarke’s, their lips a hair’s breath apart.

“I’ve told you before, you don’t need to worry about me, Clarke. I can handle my own against Anthony if it ever comes down to it.”

Clarke’s fingertips grazed Lexa’s slightly flushed cheeks, eyes seeking into the depths that were the brunette’s eyes,“I don’t think I can stop myself from worrying about you, Lexa. Not now. Not ever. I’m not quite ready to call it what I know it is but I know what I feel for you…and I don’t ever want that to change. Worrying is just a part that comes with it.”

“I feel the same way…,” Lexa whispered gently.

Clarke’s brain buzzed happily. It didn’t matter that Clarke practically met Lexa a few weeks ago. She knew what she felt for the brunette. It was nothing like she had felt for anyone ever before and it made her world spin. They both knew that they had just confessed their feelings for one another, albeit in different words, but it still meant the same without the strong impacted words. The words that they weren’t yet ready to speak, but would be soon. There was no rush.

And their lips found each other’s again. Lips non-hurried, gently exploring. Hands brushing and gripping at cheeks and soft hair. The moon seemed to bathe them in a brighter light then, despite it’s low position in the sky. The stars twinkled above them, no longer obscured by the city’s bright lights. And somewhere off in the distance, when Clarke’s eyes fluttered open for a fleeting second, she saw a shooting star. A wish resounded in her head. One that she would not repeat out loud in fear of it not coming true.

When they pulled away for air, neither said anything for quite some time. Hands brushed back hair and caressed jaws and they simply became lost in each other. Clarke never felt so free. So weightless. And she didn’t want it to stop.

“Can we stay here? Just a little longer?” Clarke asked as she skimmed a delicate finger over the tiny freckle on Lexa’s upper lip.

Those lips quirked up in a soft smile, before maneuvering around her finger and pressing a kiss to her forehead,“We can stay as long as you’d like, Clarke. The world can wait for a little while.”

And stay they did. Neither wanted to move from their embrace. As the moon disappeared below the trees and was replaced by the first light of dawn they were still wrapped around each other, feet still dangling above the water. Little kisses were exchanged and small words were said but other than that their time was spent basking in the other’s presence.

Simply relishing in the dawn of a new day.

Of a possibly brighter future.

_Together._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say we're progressing fairly well at this point. Things will pick up from here a bit but not too fast. I honestly don't want to rush things. I gave a little more insight into the beginning of Anthony's abuse but I'll still go a little more into detail about it. And there will be some more darker things that come out (I'll be sure to add the tags when I update chapters because I don't want to give anything away just yet) In the progressing chapters there may be a slight time jump, probably nothing more than a month at most. Nothing too crazy. We'll also see a few more characters getting added into the mix! So be ready for that! 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies! Let me know what you think! I'm always open for ideas!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> P.S. To those of you who might not have seen on the notes on CM I've entered Chapter 7 of SR as my submission to the Bella Book deal that's been circulating around on twitter! I know most of you have thought that chapter has by far been the best so it was a no brainer that I would be using that chapter! Fingers are crossed but I'm more than positive I'm up against the best writers and have some tough competition. But that's okay! Good luck to all who have entered! :)


	12. Hiding In Metal Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very tiny time jump (literally two days) and some hiding from someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've gotten a promotion at work and I've been training so my hours have been a little crazy, but they should settle back down soon in a few weeks! This chapter's got just a little bit of excitement, more of a filler than anything. Hope you all like it! 
> 
> :)

Soft blonde hair tumbled over Lexa’s shoulder. She watched as Clarke’s chest rose and fell steadily, signaling that she had fallen into a deep sleep. Black lashes fluttered against pale cheeks, the rising sun casting golden shadows across them.

Neither had moved since Clarke finished her story. Only sharing a few soft kisses before leaning heavily against each other and watching the sun peak over the trees. Taking a look at the watch on her wrist Lexa knew that they should be heading home soon. It was Sunday so neither of them had class, but she also wasn’t sure if Clarke had other plans or a job to get to.

Deciding to let Clarke sleep a little longer Lexa carefully moved her away from her shoulder and stood up. Leaning down she gently picked the blonde up and began carrying her bridal style towards her car. She quickly strapped the blonde, who was surprisingly still asleep, in before quietly shutting the door and moving around to the driver’s side. Once seated and her seatbelt secured Lexa started the Jeep and prayed that it wouldn’t wake the exhausted woman.

And thankfully it didn’t.

Lexa took one last look over at Clarke. Face devoid of any pain. No bruises. No cuts. Just smooth skin, rosy cheeks, full lips, and the delicate curve of her jaw. She sat there for a few more moments just drinking in the blonde. Committing her image to memory and hoping that she could see more of Clarke like this. Peaceful. Maybe even in her own bed. With her.

Cheeks flaring, Lexa tore her gaze away and began making her way down the dirt road. Before she could stop herself her mind had begun to wonder off to images of waking up to a naked Clarke in her bed. She knew that they were far from that step in the relationship with everything still so new to them. There was still so much they had to talk about. Things they needed to figure out before they took that step, but she would be lying if she said that she didn’t want it to happen.

Ever since meeting Clarke, Lexa as felt a strange pull to her. A pull that she not only felt emotionally but physically. Her body called to Clarke. Reached out to her with desperate hands only to claw at thin air. Her craved the woman. Needed her. But she knew it was more than sex. It was the connection. The feeling that one felt when they shared such an intimate moment with another. That’s what she craved. With Clarke.

Shaking her head, Lexa cleared the thoughts from her mind as she pulled back onto the highway and began driving back towards the city. The brunette snuck a glance at the blonde and smiled softly when she noticed that she was still asleep. Clarke’s head lulled to the side, towards Lexa, her face still as peaceful as ever. She imagined waking up to the smooth features of Clarke’s face eery morning. Being able to see the unhindered peace that sleep brought to her. Wisps of golden hair tickling her nose as she snuggled in closer, arms wrapped around gracious hips.

But she knew there was still one thing keeping her from that image. Well, more like someone.

Lexa knew that in order for Clarke to fully be at peace, to no longer look over her shoulder in fear of an awaiting backslap, they needed to find someone they trusted. Someone above Anthony that would help Clarke and finally put the man behind bars where he belonged.

Tan fingers reached across the seat grasping onto Clarke’s and tangling them together. She couldn’t stop the movement. Nor did she want to. It felt right. Clutching onto the woman as she imagined a brighter future for her. One of prosperity. Without fear or pain or purple skin. One with love and life and friends. And so much more. Clarke had the world before her…had Lexa before her.

And as Clarke’s own hand unconsciously tightened around her’s, Lexa knew that she would stop at nothing until Clarke was finally, truly, _safe_.

* * *

_Two days later…_

Lexa sighed quietly as her professor drawled on about some topic that she couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around. Her fingers tapped against the wooden surface of the table as she thought about the past two days.

After returning to her apartment, Lexa had carried a still sleeping Clarke up to her room and tucked her in for a few more hours of sleep. She, herself quickly became comfortable on the couch and fell into a deep slumber. They slept most of the day away, Clarke being the first one to wake up around eleven to cook a late breakfast. The smell had prompted Lexa out of her own dreamless haze, her nose twitching happily at the smell of coffee.

They spent the rest of their Sunday lazing around, watching movies and talking here and there about their lives. It wasn’t until at almost five o’clock that they were interrupted by the sound of Clarke’s phone vibrating against the coffee table. Lexa had noticed the blonde stiffen where she sat, obviously knowing who the incoming texts were coming from, but neither moved. After the twentieth or so buzz the brunette reached for the device and swiftly shut it off. But it wasn’t fast enough because her eyes still caught sight of the name that sat above the bold lettered words, anger clearly rolling off them.

_Anthony._

And when the sun was just drifting past the sun, Clarke’s fear suddenly burst forth. She had shot up from the couch, mumbling about how stupid she was, the things Anthony would do to her. How dinner wasn’t ready, the house wasn’t clean, and so on and so forth. Lexa tried to talk her down from it but she had to physically stop the blonde from her pacing around her living room, keep her from almost running out the door, placing her hands over her heart to quell the oncoming panic attack. She hadn’t seen Clarke like that since the incident with Anya and it scared her more than last time. Seeing her pupils blown out in fear, hands shaking, chest heaving, lips moving as she unconsciously voiced what her stepfather would do to her. But Lexa knew it wasn’t the signs of the panic attack that scared her. It was the images that Clarke’s words conjured in her head. Clarke beaten and bloody. Unconscious. Broken bones.

She couldn’t stop the visions. And as she finally began to calm the blonde down with soothing words Lexa knew they were meant to be equally soothing to her own self, if not more.

Clarke had fallen asleep against Lexa on the couch, clutching tightly to her shirt, nose nudging at the crook of her neck. The next day had been easier. Clarke said nothing about the events of yesterday and, when they left the apartment to attend their morning classes, she left her phone still turned off and face down on the coffee table. Lexa was a little skeptical about her leaving it, afraid that if something happened Clarke wouldn’t be able to reach her, but she knew it made her feel better to leave it there so she said nothing. The rest of the day went by relatively quick, Clarke purposely going out of her way to get a few minutes walk in with Lexa before running off to her next class.

And Lexa wouldn’t complain about how her day ended. Once more curled up on the couch, Clarke inching her way closer and closer until she was pushed up against the brunette. Neither moved from their spots the rest of the night, simply enjoining falling asleep in each other’s presence.

Lexa was pulled from her musings at the sound of the classroom door opening. Emerald eyes darted down to the door and she almost shot out of her seat when a familiar blonde shyly stepped through the door. The professor smiled kindly as Clarke handed over a slip of paper. They shared a few whispered words and a nods before he gestured up towards the row of seats and began lecturing once more. It was then, as Clarke made her way up the steps and towards her, that Lexa looked over to the chair next to her’s. She hadn’t even noticed that it was devoid of the newest student, who apparently now sat a few rows down, and left empty.

If she was being honest, with how distracted she’s been Lexa hadn’t even fully realized that she was in Psychology class. It seemed she’d been running on autopilot since that morning.

Her pulse quickened as Clarke cleared the last step and walked over to her chair and took a seat. Lexa’s eyes never left the blonde’s form as she sunk down quietly into the chair, backpack finding its place on the floor near her feet. Clarke was barely containing a smile and she didn’t meet Lexa’s emerald gaze, only stealing a quick glance out the corner of her eyes. Lexa eyed the professor for a moment before slowly moving her chair closer to Clarke, her fingers skimming along the blonde’s hand that rested in her lap.

“I thought you transferred,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke’s hand turned over and held firmly onto Lexa’s,“And I transferred back.”

“You must be really good friends with your advisor to be switching classes so often.”

“Not really,” Clarke shrugged,“Just told her I’d do the painting of her family that’s she’s been interested in me doing, for free.”

Lexa rolled her eyes,“Bribing people. Really, Clarke? I thought you were better than that.”

“Oh hush. It’s already done so quit complaining.”

“You never did tell me why you transferred to another class,” Lexa said, suddenly serious.

Clarke’s back stiffened, hand clenching around her’s before letting go and wiping her now clammy palm on her pants,“I’d rather not talk about it. Not right now, anyway.”

Blue eyes wondered over to Lexa and the woman simply nodded, knowing that Clarke would give her explanation when she was ready. Until then, she would forget about it. The rest of the lecture was spent twiddling fingers under the table and stealthily bumping shoulders with muffled laughs. They earned a few passing glances from a few students but most didn’t take notice to the two women enjoying each other’s company.

After what seemed like days, their professor finally dismissed the class. Everyone was quick to shoulder their bags and make a bee-line for the doors. Once everything was back in her pack Lexa stood from her chair, smiling when she noticed Clarke waiting for her near the door. The brunette wanted nothing more than to grab ahold of her hands as they made their way out the classroom but knew that Clarke probably wouldn’t be open to such a display yet.

“Has your schedule changed anymore or are you still free for some lunch?”

Clarke smiled softly,“No more changes. I’m free as a bird until three.”

“Join me for lunch then? We can go somewhere or just go to the cafeteria?” Lexa asked.

The blonde narrowed her eyes, a small smirk appearing over her lips, before letting a raspy chuckle leave her throat,“I think I can tolerate lunch with you today.”

Lexa feigned a look of hurt,“I’m not that bad, am I?”

Pearly white teeth peaked out from pink lips as Clarke bellowed out a deep laugh. The sound echoed around the almost empty hallways and resounded through Lexa’s ears. From that moment on Lexa knew that she would never tire of that sound. Would do anything to here it for many more years.

But suddenly it was cut short.

And Lexa found herself being pushed into an empty classroom, dark and silent.

Hands were pushing her around the room, the sound of hitched breathing filling her ears.

“Clarke! What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

Lexa tried to look over her shoulder at the woman, only catching a glimpse of panic-filled blue eyes. Something had obviously occurred that spurred the blonde to push her into the classroom…and she was more than sure it wasn’t just so they could get a few moments of alone time.

Next thing Lexa knew Clarke was throwing open the door to one of the many empty metal closets lining the wall in the classroom, ignoring her questions in favor of pushing them both inside.

“Clarke, please. Look at me,” Lexa pleaded as Clarke quietly shut the door,“Tell me what’s going on.”

Clarke didn’t - _couldn’t_ \- respond right away. Her pupils were blown, wide in fear. Her mouth hung open and pulled in ragged amounts of air as she tried to breathe.

_Her hands._

Lexa felt a tug on her left hand, pale fingers wrapping around her own in a firm grip. Clarke’s other rising and pushing past the collar of her shirt to meet the warm skin above her heart. And Lexa knew what she was doing. Trying to find the steady rhythm of her heart that would ground her back to the world. That would pull her from her panic attack, even with the enclosed space that they were in.

“An-Anthony,” Clarke rasped out as she closed her eyes and leaned her body into Lexa’s.

Lexa’s heart seized. Boiled with anger and fear all at once. Nostrils flared with her anger and puffing out a heavy breath as she willed her emotions down. She wanted nothing more than to step out of the closet, out the classroom, and defend the woman that she held in her arms. Show that now she had someone to help her. Make her stronger. Keep her safe.

“He’s out there. He-he saw me. I’m not sure if he saw you. I think I pushed you in before he could,” Clarke continued to ramble on, but a light squeak caught Lexa’s ears.

“What if he—.”

Lexa quickly placed a hand over Clarke’s mouth, cutting off her panic induced rambling. She placed a finger of her lips signaling for the blonde to remain silent. She felt Clarke’s fingers clench softly around the skin above her execrating heart and tried to calm it down for the sake of her. Heavy footsteps echoed through the empty classroom, each one almost setting off Lexa’s fight or flight response, but she willed herself to stay still. There was a small sliver of space between the doors where they didn’t properly meet and it was just enough for emerald eyes to peer out to try and catch a glimpse of the man.

With the angle she wasn’t able to see him just yet but she knew that he was a few paces down at the end of the metal closets.

The sound of metal doors being forced open had Clarke flinging into Lexa’s shoulder and letting out a thankfully muffled whine. Another set were thrown open, causing both women to jump slightly. The sound was growing closer. Anthony was moving down the line, one by one, knowing that Clarke was hiding in one of them. Or at least guessing she was. A light sheen of sweat coated Lexa’s brow, her hands wrapping around Clarke’s back and pulling her protectively into her chest. She could feel the next set of doors that flew open, the metal vibrating against the row and rolling through the bottom of the one they hid in.

_One more._

One more closet and Lexa would be coming face to face with the piece of trash that had Clarke trembling in her arms. Determination ran through her veins. Pumped her body with adrenaline and had her fists clenching at the small of Clarke’s back. Ever so slowly, Lexa pushed against the woman, urging her back until her back met the side wall of the closet. Panic filled Clarke’s eyes when Lexa moved away, but the brunette just slowly shook her head holding her hands out signaling for the blonde to stay still.

In the next moment the closet next to them was opened, one of the doors coming into contact with their’s and shaking the entire thing. Lexa watched as Clarke curled in on herself. Hands shooting up and fisting into golden locks and squeezing her eyes shut. The brunette wanted nothing more than to pull her back into her arms and never let her go…but she had to be ready. Had to be prepared to defend, not herself, but Clarke. She wouldn’t go down without a fight. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to let him touch Clarke.

Not this time.

Lexa’s body tensed as the footsteps stopped in front of their closet. Through the small sliver between the doors she could barely make out the pale green button up the man wore. Her eyes traveled up slowly, catching the tanned skin of his neck, a small slit of his chin, the point of his nose…and an unfocused brown eye. He wasn’t looking back at her, thankfully not noticing the crack in front of him, but the thought that just one little shift of his eyes and he would be looking into Lexa’s own had her heart impossibly quickening its pace.

She watched as his eyes drifted down to where she assumed the door handles were and prepared herself. Hands balled into fists, she raised them quickly ready to defend the trembling blonde if need be. A trickle of sweat ran down her temple, along her cheek, rolled off her jaw, and onto the metal floor of the closet. Lexa held her breath. The silence around them so thickening that she feared the little bead of liquid would be heard by the man standing right outside the door.

Thankfully it didn’t seem to faze him. She tensed as she watched the doors move slightly as Anthony gripped the door handles. It was almost like a scene from a movie. Lexa waiting, crouched and fists clenched. Anthony taking his time opening the one thing that separated him from the one thing he was looking for. It all moved too slow. Felt like hours passed before she heard the handles begin to turn. Surely, he knew they were in here. He moved much too slowly. Almost as if he was trying to torture them with the inevitable.

Emerald eyes darkened, ready to protect, as the handles were fully turned and one of the doors began to slowly open.

“Is there something I can help you find?”

The voice startled Anthony, who hastily shut the closet door. Lexa reached out to Clarke, motioning for her to quietly move over to her, as she kept her eyes trained through the crack in the doors. A professor, a little older looking than Anthony, was standing in the doorway at the back of the classroom looking at the sheriff in confusion. Lexa was able to get a full view of his back as he began walking towards the older man.

He rubbed his neck, feigning sheepishness,“I actually thought I saw my step-daughter come in here. I’ve been waiting to pick her up but she was taking longer than normal so I came looking for her. I thought I saw her walk in here.”

“Well, I can assure you no one is in here, especially not in the closets. Maybe she is in a different classroom,” The professor said.

“Right. I’m sorry to just barge in without permission. I’ll go try another classroom then.”

The professor nodded and walked out of the classroom and disappeared into the hallway where Lexa assumed he would wait for Anthony to exit. She watched the man walk towards the door, feet heavy with obvious anger, fists balled at his sides. Right before he walked out the door he took one last look towards their closet, eyes narrowing.

_“I’ll find you.”_

Clarke stiffened in her arms and Lexa knew that she had heard the near whisper of words. Fingers tugged at her shirt as Clarke tried to get impossibly closer to her. Seeking comfort from the one person she knew she could trust. Lexa breathed a little easier as Anthony finally stepped out of the room and the door was closed and locked behind him. But still neither moved away. The brunette’s arms only tightened around Clarke and she dropped her nose down into the crown of golden hair and breathed in the scent of her own shampoo mixed with Clarke’s own scent.

It took a good few minutes until Clarke was hesitantly pulling away from her. It was then that Lexa noticed the tears that streaked down her face. Without thought, Lexa raised her hands and brushed the salty drops away with the pads of her thumbs. Blue eyes peered up at her through long lashes and Lexa felt her heart stutter.

“I’m sorry. He…he almost found us. He could have hurt you or-or worse. If that professor wouldn’t have come in he would have found us and I don’t know what I would have done if he hurt you, Lexa,” Clarke sobbed.

Lexa palmed Clarke’s cheeks,“Hey, listen to me. I told you already, don’t worry about me. I can handle him if I need to. If he wants to hurt you he’s going to have to go through me first. Got it?”

Clarke’s glossy eyes darted around, searching her own as if trying to find any deceit in her words. She found none, but still she continued staring. Almost tracing the iris’s of Lexa’s eyes, trying to memorize each one for the future.

_No._

“No, Clarke,” Lexa said as she softly moved her hands into Clarke’s hair,“I know the way you’re looking at me. You’re not going to disappear on me again. I’m not letting you go back there alone. If you want to go back then I’m going with you. I’m not letting you walk away from me again. The last time I did I thought…I thought the worst had happened to you. You’re not going anywhere.”

Lexa’s tone was firm but there was the undeniable hint of desperation there. Desperation for Clarke to stay with her. Stay wrapped in her arms. Snuggled into her side on her couch. Laughing at lame pick up lines from many comedies that they watched.

_Safe with her._

“Lexa, if he sees you with me…,” Clarke’s eyes closed for a moment before opening again,“If he sees you with me he’ll go after you. You’ll be the next on his list that he’ll trying to use against me. Octavia, Raven, my own mother…they’re all already on that list. I can’t let him see you. I can’t take the chance. He’ll hurt you.”

“ _Clarke_ , you do _not_ have to worry about me. If protecting you puts me on his list then so be it. I’m not going to let you sacrifice yourself for me. It’s not going to happen. There’s no way in _hell_ I’m going to let you anywhere near him alone.”

Clarke sighed deeply, eyes dropping down before changing the subject a bit,“No matter how much I want to I can’t stay with you forever, Lexa. My mom, she’s probably worried about me. I haven’t answered my phone. I can’t just not go home. I have to go back at least a few times during the week. Even if it’s just for dinner. It’s impossible for me to avoid him forever. And you can’t be with me all the time.”

“I will be. I’m not letting you go home alone. It’s not going to happen. Not when I know that the second he gets you alone he’ll…,” Lexa’s jaw clenched tightly, unable to voice the words that floated around her head.

Warm hands were suddenly pulling her down, fingers circling at her clenched jaw, and into a soft kiss. Lexa’s heart ignited, this time for a completely different reason, as she let her hands drift down to grasp at Clarke’s waist. She let Clarke lead, a little surprised when she felt the smallest of nips on her lower lip. The blonde’s tongue swept over to soothe the small sting before she pulled away, forehead falling against her own.

“I don’t deserve you,” Clarke whispered, her lips brushing against Lexa’s with each word.

Lexa ghosted the tip of her nose along Clarke’s,“You deserve the world and more, Clarke. You just need someone to show you that. You’re worth so much more than you think.”

“Maybe you can be that someone?”

Lexa stared at the woman before her, eyes filled with something she couldn’t quiet explain. Or at least that’s what she told herself. She knew they still had a little ways to go before they were labeled as anything, but this seemed like Clarke’s way of saying she was almost there. Almost ready to take that step with Lexa. She just needed a little more help getting there.

“How about we get out this closet and we can talk more about it.”

Lexa was worried it was a little too early to be joking but when she heard Clarke giggle she knew that all was fine. For the second time that day, Clarke’s laugh filled her ears, bounced off the metal walls of the closet and wiggled deep inside of Lexa. Pushed at something that had been forming inside of her heart since first seeing Clarke.

Something that Lexa knew would either save her or get her hurt.

But it didn’t matter as long as Clarke and everyone else was safe and Anthony was behind bars by the end of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little suspense there, hm? :) 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thank you to everyone who is following along with SR and to any and all commenters and those leaving kudos! 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> If anyone has any questions or wants to see something specific happen in SR (or any of my other stories) just send me an ask or a message on my Tumblr! I always answer as soon as possible! I'd love to hear any ideas you all have! :) Tumblr: https://clexa-15.tumblr.com


	13. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has her first encounter with a little green monster and it leads her into a less than ideal situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to dedicate this chapter to a friend of mine! Not sure if she's comfortable having her name on here but she knows who she is! She's been having a tough week and I thought an update would at least brighten her day a little bit! :) You know who you are and I hope this makes you feel a little better!!! :)
> 
> Enjoy! Comments and kudos are appreciated and much welcomed!
> 
> P.s. This chapter does kind of bounce back and forth between feelings. Nothing too serious. ;)

Clarke gripped tightly onto Lexa’s hand as she slowly poked her head out of the closet. She waited with bated breath as the brunette scanned the classroom making sure that Anthony was indeed gone. A few more seconds passed before Lexa was suddenly stepping out the closet and turning towards Clarke, hands still tangled together.

“Its safe to come now. _You_ are safe.”

The blonde let out a trembling breath before squeezing Lexa’s hand and slowly climbing out. She couldn’t stop herself from stepping close to the brunette’s side as her own eyes looked over the room. When she found nothing but empty desks and closed doors her body relax a little but she never loosened her grip on Lexa’s hand.

She didn’t even jump when Lexa pulled her fully into her body for a hug. A hand soothed up and down her back as she nuzzled her nose into blonde hair.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke pushed the woman back, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion,“What do you have to be sorry about? You didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly, I didn’t do anything. I should have leapt out that closet and took him down when I had the chance. Then he would be out of your life and you would be safe.”

“Lexa, not that I don’t appreciate that, it would have just caused a whole mess of things. He’s the sheriff. He could have charged you for assault or something if that would have happened,” Clarke moved a hand to cup Lexa’s cheek,“And you’re keeping me safe. Even then you were ready to defend me if he would have opened the closet. I am safe because of you. Right here, right now.”

Clarke sighed as Lexa rested her forehead against her’s. Their eyes locked and they stayed there for a what felt like hours. Simply feeling the pull of each other and the little puffs of warm breath that ghosted over each other’s lips. Clarke became entranced by the vast swirling forest before her. The dark lashes that fluttered above them, brushed against tan cheeks. The look of silky lips as her tongue poked out to wet them, pearly whites peaking out from behind them for a few seconds. The curve of Lexa’s jaw as she lifted her hand to dust across it.

Lexa’s nose nudged her’s, making her head tilt to the side a bit before those lips were upon her’s. Devouring her own in a sweet kiss. Innocent and mixed with something so much… _more_. Something she couldn’t quite place but knew that it existed within her. Only meant for Lexa. Clarke’s hand slid around to grip gently onto the soft curls at the nap of the brunette’s neck, earning her a tiny nip to her bottom lip. Soon, Lexa’s own hand was cradling the back of her neck and urging it to dip back so she could deepen the kiss.

Suddenly, the door to the classroom opened, light filling the room, causing both women to jump apart quickly. The professor looked them both over with a stern look as he placed a bag onto the nearest desk.

“I suggest you both take this somewhere that isn’t my classroom. I won’t be so lenient if this happens again,” The professor said quickly, Clarke noticing his voice was the same one from earlier.

“Yes, sir. We’re very sorry,” Lexa stated clearly before beginning to pull her towards the door.

Right before they could fully exit the classroom the older man called out them.

“Neither one of you would happen to have a step-father waiting to pick you up, would you?”

Clarke felt her body unconsciously stiffen and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from Lexa. The brunette’s eyes darted down to glance at Clarke before meeting the professor’s.

“No,” Lexa growled out,“ No, step-fathers worth our time.”

The professor cleared his throat a bit, obviously taken aback by Lexa’s tone,“Okay. Just checking. Off you go then.”

Clarke didn’t protest when Lexa pulled them the rest of the way out the classroom and into the hallway. They didn’t take but a few steps before Lexa was pushing Clarke through the door of the women’s restroom.

“Lexa, what are you doing?”

The woman lead her towards the back stall and opened the door before gently pushing her inside,“You’re going to stay here and I”m going to make sure that Anthony is gone.”

Clarke’s heart began beating wildly in her chest at the thought of Lexa going out there alone,“But what if he’s still out there? What will you do then?”

“Nothing,” Lexa said as she stepped closer to the blonde,“I will act as normal as possible and walk back into the building, pretend to dig around in my bag like I forgot something, and come straight back here. If that happens then we’ll wait it out. He can’t stay out there forever.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very good plan. What happens if he sees you?”

“He doesn’t know who I am, Clarke. To him I’m just some random student walking out the building.”

Clarke eyed Lexa with worry,“I don’t like it.”

“If you really don’t then I’ll stay here with you all day if I need to,” Lexa said as she cupped her cheeks,“I just thought my apartment might be a little more comfortable than… _this_.”

Clarke couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped as Lexa looked around the bathroom with mild disgust. She quickly stopped as she realized Lexa was still waiting for her answer.

“Just…be careful, please. Don’t get too close to him and if you have to, leave. Just go back to your apartment if something happens and I will find my way there. Okay?”

“Clarke, I’m no—.”

The blonde placed a finger over her lips, cutting her off,“Please, Lexa. I don’t want you talking to him let alone getting hurt by him.”

Lexa sighed deeply as she lowered her finger,“Fine. But if I leave and you aren’t there within fifteen minutes I’m coming back for you. Nothing will stop me.”

“Call me if something does happen, okay?” Clarke said quickly, remembering that she had picked up her phone from the coffee table earlier that morning and stuffed it into her bag.

The brunette nodded silently before pulling her into a kiss. It was swift but still filled with that feeling from before. As Lexa pulled away she nudged her nose down Clarke’s and the blonde realized it was quickly becoming a favorite thing of her’s.

“I’ll be right back.”

And with that she was gone. The stall door closed slowly behind her and Clarke caught it so she could quickly lock it. Once the metal latch was in place she backed up into the wall and slid down to the floor, not caring about how dirty it could have been. The cold tile under and behind her felt soothing as it seeped into her clothes and into her overheated skin, her backpack a forgotten pile at her side. She rested her head back agains the wall and closed her eyes.

Its felt like an hour had passed before the sound of the restroom’s door swinging open met her ears. Footsteps were quick against the tile, heading towards her, but still Clarke left her eyes closed. She felt if she opened her eyes she would look down to see Anthony’s shoes. Maybe even the same ones that dug into her ribs more than a few times.

“Clarke, open the door,” Lexa’s voice came through the thin stall door.

Just like that, her eyes were open and she was springing from the ground, throwing the door open. Lexa was only given a second before Clarke’s arms were wrapped around her neck and pulling her in close. She tucked her face into the crook of her neck and inhaled the light scent of her perfume.

“Was he there?”

Lexa’s hands came up to rub lightly against her sides,“No. I even walked around the building to make sure he wasn’t hiding out. I didn’t any sheriff vehicle in the parking lot either, that’s if he was driving it. But I’m pretty sure he’s gone. I think the professor might have scared him off.”

Clarke didn’t respond, only nodding her head as she concentrated on the feel of Lexa around her. Her fingers rubbing small circles on her hips above her shirt. The way her nose poke at the side of her own neck. Her lips also brushing across the skin there.

“Why don’t we have lunch back at my apartment? And then I’ll walk you to your next class,” Lexa suggested after a few seconds of silence.

Clarke pulled back slowly, taking one last deep breath of Lexa’s scent,“I’d like that, but I don’t think I could concentrate if I went to class. I’d be too worried that he’s still around here somewhere.”

“Skipping class it is, then,” Lexa smiled, trying to lighten the mood,“You’re becoming a bad influence on me, Clarke.”

Clarke blushed,“You don’t have to skip class because of me, Lexa. I will be fine on my own for a few hours as long as you don’t mind me staying at your place alone for a little while.”

Lexa’s lips covered her’s suddenly before pulling back,“I’m not going to leave you like this. I can tell you’re scared, and that’s okay. One missed class isn’t going to set me back and I have someone who I can get the notes from anyway. And you’re welcome to stay at my place anytime you need. I was serious when I said that my roommate’s old room is open to you. Actually, I have something for you.”

Clarke watched as Lexa pulled her backpack around to her front and began digging through one of the pockets. She watched her rifle for a few seconds before letting gout a whispered ‘aha’ and pulling out a silver object. It dangled from the brunette’s fingers and caught the fluorescent lighting as Clarke studied it.

A key.

_But not just any key._

“I got an extra made for you,” Lexa said sheepishly as she lifted Clarke’s hand and placed it in her palm,“If you ever needed to get in and I’m not there.”

Clarke’s eyes never lingered from the small piece of metal. Her fingers curled around the engraved edges that would fit perfectly to open the door to a place that had become a safe haven for her. She wasn’t sure how Lexa had managed to put so much meaning into basically a scrap of metal but she had. This meant so much more to Clarke than Lexa could image. She not only was helping her but was giving her access to a place where she held no fear. Where there were no worries of turning corners and coming face to face with a body of rage. Of flying fists and harsh kicks.

Before she could contemplate what she was doing Clarke had pushed her body forward and into Lexa’s. Her arms wrapped around her neck, key still in her grasp, and she sighed contently into the woman’s neck.

“Thank you,” Clarke breathed out.

The only response she got was Lexa’s arms snaking around her waist and tugging her impossibly closer. But it was enough. It anchored her there. Made her feel safe. Secure.

Clarke didn’t care that she had only met Lexa a few weeks ago. Her arms were the only place where she felt safe enough to let everything go and just _feel_.

She didn’t want that feeling to disappear anytime soon.

* * *

_Next day…_

After breaking away from their hug, Lexa and Clarke had quickly made their way back to the apartment. The blonde was nervous the entire walk but Lexa was there to comfort her, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and letting her hide her face in her shirt as they walked. Once back at the apartment they spent the rest of the day catching up on homework and hunkering down with pizza and Netflix.

The brunette did a great job keeping her mind off of Anthony. She kept her smiling and giggling lightly as she followed along with the lame jokes of every comedy that they watched. Clarke could hardly remember the last time she had laughed so much and she couldn’t help but think how easy it was for Lexa to make her laugh. She felt at peace. Happy and content. Safe.

She felt things she hadn’t been able to feel for years.

Not since that first day Anthony’s hands met her skin.

Steam rolled out the bathroom as Clarke stepped out towel drying her hair. The smell of eggs and bacon hit her nose as she made her way down the hallway. Lexa still had a few more hours until her first class so she offered to make breakfast while Clarke took a quick shower. The blonde was grateful for the offer, since the last time she tried to cook in Lexa’s kitchen it turned into a bit of a disaster.

She padded quietly down the rest of the hallway and into the living room. The tv showed the morning news, the volume just a low buzz in the background, as Clarke made her way to the entrance of the kitchen. Just as she was about to pass through the threshold and into the kitchen the sound of Lexa talking excitedly with someone had her pausing and pressing her back against the wall next to it.

“Of course you can stay here! It’s been to long since we last saw each other! I’m not going to turn you away just because its short notice. There’s always room for you here, Costia.”

 _ **“Costia?”**_ Clarke thought hesitantly.

“You can stay in the now spare bedroom and I’ll take the couch,” Lexa said.

A short pause.

“No. My roommate moved out but I have someone else staying here right now but she can take my bed so you can have the spare,” Lexa said hastily,“Costia, it’s not like that. She’s just a friend. Hence why I’ll be sleeping on the couch.”

Hearing Lexa call her ‘just a friend’ had her ears ringing and her chest twisting painfully. She knew they had yet to talk about what was between them. If there really was anything there to begin with.

 ** _“Of course there’s something there, Clarke! Why else would she do all the things for you? Kiss you like she’s been doing?”_** Clarke thought to herself.

That still didn’t stop the strange twisting in her chest. It was something she’d ever felt before but Clarke knew she didn’t like it. She didn’t have the experience that most college students had. her high school life had been turned upside down since the moment her parents announced their divorce and the last thing she had thought about was a relationship.

Lexa’s laugh pulled her from her swirling thoughts,“It’s going to be nice having you here, even if it is for only two days. I do miss you, Cos.”

And that twisting was back with a vengeance at the soft tone of Lexa’s. She hadn’t heard Lexa use that tone with anyone else but her. The softness of it edging into something a little more than friendly, and Clarke didn’t want to hear it anymore. Pushing away from the wall, the blonde quietly ran back to Lexa’s bedroom where she quickly brushed her hair and pulled on her shoes. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, not even bothering to make sure that she had everything she needed. Her phone, sitting on the bedside table, caught her eye and she hesitated. She wanted to take it just as a means to contact Lexa if something went wrong but the feeling in her chest told her that she didn’t need Lexa today. That she could handle a few hours while the brunette chatted away with whoever _Costia_ was.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts Clarke made her way out the room, shutting the door behind her. She basically ran the entire way to the front door and was just about to step out when Lexa’s voice stopped her.

“Clarke? Where are you going?”

The blonde stiffened momentarily before slowly turning towards the brunette,“I, uh, I forgot that I have to make up a quiz for one of my classes. I told my professor I’d stop by one morning this week.”

She cringed because she knew it was a lame excuse. If it were the truth she obviously wouldn’t have left in such a hurry…and without telling Lexa first.

Lexa slowly nodded,“Okay, uh…I guess I’ll see you later then? I have someone I want you to meet today, if that’s okay with you.”

Clarke wanted to ask her if this someone was Costia. If she meant something more to Lexa, but she held herself back. But that still didn’t stop the twisting from coming back full force. She just braved a small smile.

“Yeah, I should be back later. Maybe around 4.”

“I’ll see you then.”

The words were awkward. Clarke knew that Lexa knew something was off. She could see the way the brunette held herself back from moving towards her and pulling her into a hug like she was now so used to doing before either one of them left the apartment. But Clarke didn’t dwell on it because if she did she would have ran into Lexa’s arms and she wasn’t sure what she would have said. Probably would have demanded to know who Costia was and what she meant to her.

But she didn’t.

Instead she meekly nodded her head before rushing out the door.

Not caring that her class didn’t start for another hour and a half.

Not caring about the dark clouds that began to roll in and the fact that she didn’t have an umbrella.

The thunder that rolled from the sky rumbled into her heart. Made her feel the twisting in her chest come to life with greater force than before as the sound of Lexa’s laugh reverberated in her ears over and over again. Her mind, melded and churned from so many years of abuse, saw Lexa leaving her. Turning her back and walking away with Costia, who's face was blank to her.

In the back of her mind she told herself that Lexa would never do that, but her mind was conditioned to believe that no one truly wanted her. Didn’t truly want to help her.

So she did what she did best.

_She kept running._

* * *

Clarke was sure her grades were going to take at least a small hit by how many classes she had missed, but she couldn't bring herself to care right now. She ran until she couldn’t anymore, finding herself in the large park all the way across campus and sitting amongst the large roots that poked out of a large oak. She expected herself to run further but she silently blamed it on the rain that now feel around her.

The large droplets fell through the leaves above her and splashed into her hair and onto her skin. The cool water was a nice contrast from the heat the Florida sun usually brought as it shined down upon her. Her long sleeve and jeans clung to her body. The fabric heavy and sloshing as she moved to make herself more comfort. She knew that soon she would have to move and carry herself back to Lexa’s apartment, surprised that she had been sitting here for more than a few hours if her watch was anything to go by.

She had sat running over her thoughts and analyzing the feeling in her chest that had yet to dissipate. Clarke still couldn’t sort out just what feeling it was. At first she thought it was anger but she quickly came to realize that she could never truly be mad at Lexa. At least not just for talking to someone over the phone.

A bright flash of lightening and a strong roll of thunder caused Clarke to jump. She knew that was her signal to head back to Lexa’s. Unless she wanted to be struck by lightening…maybe it would help her figure out this feeling. Sighing loudly, Clarke gathered her bag and pushed herself off the roots. She stumbled from the tree and began her trek back towards the apartment.

Another flash of lightening streaked across the sky as she rounded one of the buildings near the park. There were a few students running through the pouring rain, not even glancing her way, and into the safety of the building. A few more walked hastily with umbrellas above their heads trying to get to the other side of campus as dry as possible. Blue eyes scanned over the courtyard she had entered and her breath caught in her throat at the sight ahead of her.

Just across the courtyard, standing under one of the entrances was Lexa. But she wasn’t alone. A woman a little short than the brunette stood in front of her. Her skin, a light mocha color, was a perfect contrast against the brunette’s skin as she rested a hand against her forearm. Her head, covered with curly dark hair, was thrown back as they both laughed. She watched them as they continued to laugh for a few moments before Lexa pulled out an umbrella from her bag.

The woman popped it open before holding her arm out for the shorter woman. Clarke’s chest twisted more than ever, consumed her being, as their arms tangled together and their sides were pressed closely together. Lexa shouted something over the rain to the woman before beginning to lead them both from the entrance and into the rain.

Clarke watched as they disappeared through the falling water. She still stood in her exact place, not having moved an inch since seeing Lexa.

It all made sense.

The twisting that she felt.

The reason she didn’t understand what it was.

But now, seeing Lexa huddled closely with that woman, Clarke understood.

_Jealousy._

Because she had no other relationships she had never truly felt the little green monster called jealousy. It just took seeing Lexa with the other woman to understand what it was. It was an unpleasant feeling in her chest. It left an ache that she wished to get rid of, but couldn’t stop it from growing. Clarke didn’t even understand why she was jealous. Yes, she and Lexa shared more than a few kisses, but they never labeled them as a thing. There was no talk about them becoming a couple. So, as far as Clarke knew Lexa was free to be with anyone she wanted.

But thinking about her being with someone else had that feeling sinking into her stomach and knotting her stomach up. It churned and built up until she wasn’t sure she could handled the feeling anymore. Clarke wanted nothing more than to just curl up on the ground and wait until it subsided but her body had other plans. Her feet were moving before she knew what was happening.

The campus blurred around her. Slowly disappeared and gave way to the city that surrounded it. School buildings quickly changed to small shopping centers and a few locally owned stores. She barely registered a few cars driving down the slick streets as she continued to rush down the sidewalk. A few people brave enough to come out in the heavy rain jumped out of her way as she raced around the city. She wasn’t sure where she was going, her body falling into the natural urge to just run. Run and not look back. Something she wished she could have done years ago.

Clarke sharply rounded a corner, taking a massive breath, ready to continue running, only to collide with a solid chest. She bounced back, falling onto the sopping concrete under her. Her elbows scrapped against the harsh texture through her somewhat thin shirt and the impact forced a bit of breath from her lungs. Thankfully she was able to save her head from smacking into the concrete and not having to deal with what might have been a nasty concussion.

As she caught her breath and sat up a bit, her blue eyes gazed down to the boots that stood in front of her. Her eyes slowly trailed up the length of the person standing before her before stopping at murky brown eyes. Her heart seized. Her lungs burned, wanting to scream out. Her hands clenched around nothing.

_This wasn’t happening._

Flashes ran through her mind, consumed her. Controlled her. Fists. Kicks. Sharp slaps. Bruising. It had been a few days since she feared those flashes but her body had an unconscious response built up to those eyes. She was quick to get back on her feet, almost willing herself to pick up her hands and defend herself like she had seen Lexa prepare to do back in the closet, but she couldn’t.

Those eyes held her. Owned her. Knew what do to get her to bend the their will.

“I told you I would find you.”

Clarke wished then, for one fleeting moment before she was shoved into the alleyway next to her, that she hadn’t run. That she would have had breakfast with Lexa and the last smile that she may or may not see would have been Lexa’s. Lexa’s dazzling smile directed at her. Maybe felt her lips against her own one last time.

And the only thing she could see as she was pushed against the brick wall behind her were those bright green eyes… _so filled with life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me. 
> 
> It's not as bad as it seems. Just trust me on this. I think you'll be a little more than happy with how the next chapter turns out, and if it wasn't so late here and I didn't have work tomorrow...well more like today...then I would stay up and write the next chapter! lol. But you'll all just have to wait and see what happens next!!! 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!!
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	14. Bruises And All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's run-in with Anthony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh I bet you all didn't see THIS one coming. Did you? Well, I did give a few hints in the comments. ;)
> 
> I thought it was a little unfair that I left you on such a cliff hanger so I decided to be gracious and give you all another update! Now, this one is....well, it's something. I'm half dead to the world right now because I'm lacking in the sleep department, but that's okay! Anything for an update! 
> 
> I've tried to portray as much emotion as I possible could in this one and I hope I did it justice. (If not tell me and I will rewrite!) 
> 
> Enjoy! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! :)
> 
> **WARNING: Physical abuse in this chapter.

Lexa took one more look at her phone. Probably the twentieth time in the past five minutes. Worry had settled into her bones long ago. Wrapped around them like a tight band threatening to break them. It was well past the time that Clarke should have arrived back at her apartment, but there was no sign of her.

Now, the brunette ran around campus desperately trying to catch a glimpse of the golden waves. Not that the rain helped her any. It still fell down in heavy sheets around her but she didn’t care. Her umbrella was long forgotten back at her apartment, her worry outweighing her need to keep dry. Not even having Costia visiting would keep her from searching for Clarke.

Lexa had stopped at every one of Clarke’s classes that she had that day and each professor that she talked to said they hadn’t seen the woman all day. Her worry only grew as she reached the end of the campus. It twisted deep in her gut and began to push up her body and into her throat. Nausea hit her like waves. Forced her to stop her running and take deep breathes through the pounding rain. She willed her racing heart to calm down as images of where Clarke could possibly be ran through her mind.

What if Anthony had been waiting for her?

What if she was too late to save Clarke from him?

What if she had failed the one person she swore to protect?

No, she couldn’t think like that right now. She had to push through those thoughts and find Clarke.

Her legs propelled her forward, away from the campus and onto the sidewalks that lead into the rest of the city. If Lexa couldn’t find her on campus then she had to be in the city. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to stop until Clarke was safe in her arms.

* * *

The wind whipped at her face. Pushed her hair around into a tangled mess as she continued to run the sidewalks of the city. She’d been searching every shop, every park, every alleyway for almost an hour now. But she wouldn’t stop. She pushed through the slight chatter of her teeth that the cold rain and wind caused and kept looking. Multiple times Lexa had run into a few people carrying umbrellas or ducked into rain coats, too busy looking through shop windows to notice them.

Her phone buzzed and she was slightly amazed that it still worked since it was sitting in her now soaked back pocket. Lexa pulled the device out and attempted to try and swipe the droplets away as she answered the phone.

“Anything, Anya?”

“Raven and Octavia haven’t heard from her. I double checked a few places around campus to be sure but I haven’t found her yet,” Anya’s tired voice came from the speaker.

Lexa sighed wearily,“Okay, just…just head back home and I’ll let you know if I find her. Thanks for your help.”

“No, Lexa. I can still help you look. Tell me where you are and I’ll come help you.”

“Look, just go home. It’s pouring down and getting worse by the minute. I think I’ve pretty much ran down every sidewalk here, if it’s even possible, and I still haven’t found her. She’s,” Lexa swallowed against the bile that rose in her throat,“She’s probably back at home. Maybe she got scared and went back.”

“I can call Raven and Octavia and see if they can check her house,” Anya said hesitantly.

“Don’t. The last thing I want is for her stepfather to answer the door. If she’s not there and he thinks she’s ‘missing’ then he’ll probably use his rank to have his station find her. The last thing I want is some cop dragging her back to him.”

 _ **“If she’s not back home already,”**_ Lexa thought with a shiver.

“Fine. Keep me posted, yeah? If you need me just call and I’ll be wherever you need me.”

“I will. Thanks, Anya.”

The older woman sighed into the phone before ending the call. Lexa pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at the now black screen for a few moments. She willed for it to light up, show Clarke’s name lit up across her screen. But she knew it wouldn’t. She had seen the blonde’s phone sitting on her bedside table when she arrived back from her classes. It hadn’t worried her at first since the past few days she’d been getting calls and texts from Anthony. But now it did.

If something did happen Clarke has no way of calling for help. Calling for her.

Lexa wiped at her cheeks, sure there was at least one salty little drop mixed in there somewhere, before shoving the lifeless device back into her pocket and trudging forward. Her feet sunk into puddles as she jogged down the few remaining sidewalks. A bell sounding above a door to a coffee as it opened had her momentarily pausing in her jog. At first all she saw was blonde hair peaking out of the hood of the rain jacket and the tightness in her throat began to lessen but then she caught a brief glance of the woman’s grey eyes.

Not Clarke.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and stole a deep breath before preparing her muscles to begin jogging again.

And that’s when she heard it.

Right before she could take the first step forward a low sound came from an alleyway just a small ways behind her. She obviously hadn’t been paying attention and had jogged right by it probably too distracted by the woman coming from the coffee shop. Lexa took few cautious steps backwards until she was staring down into the alleyway. The rain poured down from above and bounced off the brick walls lining the dark alley. Nothing but a few deep puddles and boxes caught her eye, none of which could produce the sound that she had heard.

Lexa took cautious steps forward, the dark clouds above making darker than normal. She raised a hand and let it trance along the brick wall, using it for balance in case she tripped over anything. Once again the low sound reached her ears and she strained herself trying to figure out where it was coming from. A few boxes ahead of her moved slightly after the sound and Lexa found her eyes zeroing in on a foot that poked out from them.

She knew that shoe. Didn’t know when her brain had picked it up but she _remembered_ that shoe.

“Clarke!”

Not caring about anything else, Lexa ran towards the pile of boxes and began throwing them off the woman. It had taken longer than she would have liked but Lexa felt a tiny bit of relief settle in her chest as her eyes finally settled on a mop of blonde hair. Clarke wore the same clothes that she had left in that morning but now they were covered in filth from the ground that she laid on. Lexa could also make out the small cut above her eyebrow through the thin film of dirt covering her face.

Lexa dropped down to her knees beside the woman and pulled her into her arms. Her hands shook as she checked over the blonde, making sure that she didn’t appear to have any broken bones or other injuries. Relief filled her chest when she found nothing besides the gash on above her brow and a few bruises. Clarke’s head rolled back against Lexa’s arm as she softly cradled her, letting out another low moan.

“Clarke? Clarke, can you hear me? It’s Lexa. You’re going to be okay. I’m calling an ambulance,” Lexa said hastily as she pulled out her phone.

The blonde weakly lifted a hand and dropped it on top of Lexa’s to keep her from dialing 911,“No hospitals.”

The words were weak and Lexa knew that she had to fight back against them,“You need to go to a hospital, Clarke. You have a gash on your forehead so for all I know you might have a concussion.”

“No hospitals. They ask questions,” Clarke replied, still weak but just a little stronger,“I’’ll be okay. He didn’t hit me that hard.”

Lexa’s nostrils flared with rage, her hand had a hostile grip on her phone as she heard Clarke’s words. That bastard had touched her again. Hurt her. Left marks. Left her in a damn alley like a piece of trash.

 _ **“When I get my hands on him…,”** _ Lexa was too overcome by rage to finish her thoughts.

She knew she needed to calm down and just focus on Clarke right now.

“Clarke, please. Let me get you help. I-I can’t let this go on anymore. Just let me get someone to help you. Let them take the pain away.”

The last thing Lexa was expecting was a small chuckle to escape Clarke’s lips.

“You take the pain away, Lex,” Clarke said as she met her eyes,“No hospitals…please.”

And Lexa knew she shouldn’t have caved. She knew she should have called 911 anyway, but she didn’t. And she almost hated herself for it. This could have been documented evidence against Anthony but yet Clarke’s pleading eyes kept her from doing so. Lexa knew half the reason was because she didn’t want to force Clarke into something she didn’t wan to do but she wasn’t sure of what the other half was.

“Fine. No hospitals, on one condition,” Lexa said as she maneuvered Clarke so she could lift her into her arms.

“What?”

Lexa stood from the ground, softly cradling the blonde into her chest,“A friend of mine is back at my apartment, someone that I actually want you to met. She’s in school to become a nurse. Let her check you over and if she says you don’t need a hospital then I won’t bring you. Deal?”

Clarke’s tiny small dropped a little at the mention of her friend,“You mean Costia?”

Lexa’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion,“Yeah. How did yo—.”

“I overheard you this morning when you were on the phone with her.”

The brunette didn’t miss the subtle change in Clarke’s voice.

“She’s an old friend of mine. I think you’ll be good friends with her…that is if you want to be.”

Clarke sighed as she rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder. Blue eyes dropped down to where pale hands fidgeted nervously in her lap.

“I was jealous.”

Lexa barely heard the words over the pouring rain, but still she caught them. And they confused her.

“What?”

“I was jealous. This morning. That’s why I…that’s why I left,” Clarke mumbled.

“So you didn’t have to make up a test this morning?” Clarke shook her head and Lexa chuckled a big,“Why were you jealous?”

Clarke stayed silent for a few moments, her hands still wringing nervously at her wet shirt. It was a few long moments before she began speaking again.

“They way you talked to her this morning. I haven’t heard you talk to anyone like that besides…well, besides me,” Clarke stumbled,“And then you said we were just friends. I got into my own mind and told myself that since you reassured her we were just friends that maybe you felt something for her. And then you said you missed her. I felt this weird feeling in my chest and I wasn’t sure what it was.”

Lexa decided to let her continue without stopping her.

“I just ran. I didn’t get far. I only made it to the campus park before stopping. I stayed there most of the day and then it started raining. And then I was walking back to your apartment. I saw you with another girl. Thinking about it now it was probably Costia,” Clarke paused so Lexa could confirmed her silent question,“You and Costia were all huddled up together under the umbrella and that’s when I realized I was jealous. But I don’t have a right to be. I mean, we haven’t talked about whatever this is going on between us. You have every right to be wth whoever you want. But that didn’t stop me. It made the feeling worse so I just kept trying to run from it. I-I didn’t know what else to do and then I ra—.”

Lexa couldn’t take anymore of the blonde’s rambling. Not that it was annoying but because it was breaking her heart. To hear that Clarke thought she didn’t want to be with her or at least figure out what was between them.

So she kissed her.

Carefully dropped Clarke so her legs wrapped around her waist and pushed her back softly into the brick wall. Her lips caught the gasp that left the blonde’s lungs and swallowed it as she pursued them further. Lexa slowed down, trying to judge whether Clarke was okay with the kiss or not. She got her answer when Clarke’s hands tangled in her wet locks and pulled her closer. Jade eyes fluttered open for a second to see the rain drops fall over Clarke’s dark lashes and disappear past her line of vision.

Lexa lifted a hand to Clarke’s cheek as she pulled back, mouth forming a small ‘o’ as she caught her breathe. Green finally met blue as their breathing calmed. The rain fell around them still and Lexa couldn’t help but let the image of the droplets running over Clarke’s cheeks and lips become engrained in her mind forever.

She rested her forehead against the blonde’s and held her gaze,“I’m not completely sure what this is between us, but I know something’s there. Something that I know is going to be worth everything that’s going come at us. Costia is…she’s just a friend. That’s all she’s ever been. If anything she’s like a sister to me. But you, Clarke…you’re something else. My chest gets this little flurry every time I see you. I can’t help but want to protect you and even though I’ve protected so many people before it’s different with you. Everything’s different with you.”

The last part was whispered against Clarke’s lips. A light buzz of electricity ran between their meeting skin. The moment charged like the air around them.

“I feel it too,” Clarke whispered,“I’ve never had a real relationship before so I don’t understand half the feelings that come with it but this…I know what this is. I’m not sure I’m ready to say it out loud just yet but it’s there. I think it’s always been there since the beginning and that it’s just been building.”

Lexa knew what that feeling was.

“I want that with you,” Lexa said before she could stop herself,“That feeling. I want it with you. Only you. I’m not saying you have to say it now but I want you to know how I feel. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Even if you decide it isn’t what you want I’ll still be here. I just…I can’t think of what I’d do if you walked out of my life, Clarke. Or if you were taken from me.”

Clarke’s lips met her’s in a brief kiss,“I’m not going anywhere. Not yet.”

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay to walk? I can still carry you.”

“Lexa, I’m fine. We’re literally right outside of you apartment.”

The brunette blushed as she pulls out her keys to unlock her door. They had spent a few more minutes of brushing hands along jaws and feather light kisses before making the journey back to campus. Lexa had insisted on carrying Clarke at least half way there. The blonde allowed it for only a few minutes before she made her put her down so she could walk. Lexa’s hand held on tightly to her hip just in case she tumbled or got dizzy.

Thankfully Clarke was fine the rest of the walk.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t carry you inside,” Lexa mumbled as she held the door open for Clarke.

The blonde smiled and shook her head before walking inside.

“Lexa?”

Said brunette popped her head up at the sound of her name coming from the kitchen. Costia’s face appeared from around the corner and a smile raced across her features as she looked between her and Clarke.

“You found her.”

Lexa nodded meekly, now aware of the bit of awkwardness in the air,“Yeah. Costia this is Clarke. Clarke, Costia.”

Costia slowly walked towards the blonde and held out a hand to her. Clarke’s eyes shifted over to Lexa for a moment before darting back to Costia’s. She took a firm grip of her hand and gave it a shake before letting it fall back to her side.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Clarke said quietly.

“Likewise. Lexa’s been talking quite a bit about you lately,” Costia said with a smirk.

Lexa’s cheeks tinged pink as blue eyes peered over to her,“Seriously, Costia?”

“What?” The brunette said with feigned innocence,“I have to embarrass you somehow.”

She didn’t miss the smile that tugged at the corners of Clarke’s lips as she pulled some hair away from her face, displaying the cut above her brow. Costia instantly had a gentle hand under Clarke’s chin and was turning it to the side so she could examine it.

“You should let me clean this. It doesn’t look like it needs stitches but a few butterfly bandages wouldn’t hurt. If you don’t mind.”

Clarke gave her a slow nod,“Yeah. That’s fine. Thank you.”

Costia barked for Lexa to grab her first aid kit as she ushered Clarke into the kitchen. She fished it from under her bathroom counter faster than she ever had, not sure if Clarke was comfortable being left with a stranger. When she appeared in the kitchen her old friend had a wet cloth to the blonde’s skin and was gentle cleaning the area around the cut. Costia reached out of the box and Lexa handed it over to her.

She watched silently, leaning against the counter across from Clarke, as Costia worked. Ocean blue orbs kept bouncing back and forth between the two friends. Lexa could feel the tension, could see it settling into Clarke’s shoulders as her old friend readied what she would need to clean the gash. Wanting to try and make her as comfortable as possible Lexa reached over and grabbed ahold of Clarke’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Clarke glanced over at her and let a small smile flash across her face. Lexa’s eyes darted to Costia who clearly hadn’t missed the small action if her tiny smirk was anything to go by.

“Just hold still. This might sting a little,” Costia said as she lifted a gauze pad soaked in something up to Clarke’s gash.

The blonde let out a small hiss and tightened her hand around Lexa’s. She stepped closer to Clarke, worried that the pain may send her into some type of panic or flashback. But Clarke was fearless throughout it and Lexa wondered if it had anything to do with how she interlaced their fingers once she had stepped closer. Costia was quick to clean the wound and produce a few butterfly bandages after the gash was cleaned.

Lexa watched the brunette work diligently, completely focused on the task before her and not even hesitating.

“Who did this to you?”

Clarke’s body tensed and unconsciously moved away from Costia after the words hit her. Lexa placed a hand to the small of her back, an anchor for Clarke to know that she was there and was safe. She wanted to glare at Costia for bringing up something so fragile at the time.

“No one. I tripped. I’m just naturally clumsy,” Clarke lied.

Costia scoffed as she moved to fix one of the bandages,“Please. I’m not stupid. Besides…”

The woman trailed off and cast a glance over to Lexa, who only sighed as she pulled Clarke’s hand closer to her body.

“I told her about Anthony,” Lexa could see the look of pure horror and a little anger cross Clarke’s face,“Just listen, please? I wanted you to meet Costia for a reason.”

The blonde eyed her up and down before slowly nodding, signaling of her to continue.

“Costia, you want to tell it or me?”

The brunette fussed over a part of the gash that began to bleed a little,“You. I’m a little busy.”

Lexa leaned back against the counter again, their hands still tangled to together as she stared at Clarke,“Costia and I met when I was in elementary school. We became really close really fast and hardly left each other’s side. One day, when my mom dropped me off at her place I saw Costia’s father beating her through the living room curtains. I was so worried that I ran all the way home and busted in my house yelling at my father to go help her. It took him a while to calm me down enough for him to understand me but after I explained what I saw he called the police. Costia’s father was arrested and she was in the hospital for nearly three weeks with a broken leg and arm, fractured ribs, and a concussion.”

The brunette paused for a moment, eyes drifting to Costia when she noticed her hands clench a bit.

“When I was visiting her in the hospital all she could say was that it was her fault that her father was in jail and her mother cried every night. We were only eight at the time as there wasn’t a whole bunch of it that we understood but all I told Costia was that it was never her fault, her mother only cried because she was worried for her daughter and that she had never seen the signs, and that her father was where he deserved to be. It took a few more days and some counseling but she slowly began to understand that it was never her fault.”

Clarke’s eyes drifted over to Costia, who was now cleaning up the wrappers and gauze, and took in her easing form.

“You may think that you deserve what he’s doing to you but you don’t. He’s just a pathetic excuse of a man who uses his fists to hide the fact that he's miserable in life. He uses the people you love against you, right? Tells you that he’ll hurt them if you tell anyone about what he does,” Costia asked as she turned to look at the blonde.

Lexa watched Clarke nodded hesitantly, her hand gripping her’s a little tighter.

“Well, he won’t. Not unless he gets desperate,” Costia continued,“He’ll only use it as a tactic to weaken you and keep you where he wants you. But the first second you have someone backing you up and showing physical evidence he’ll be running. Anyone who beats someone like your stepfather is doing to you is a coward and will run at the first sign of trouble.”

But, he…,” Clarke’s voice trembled and she took a moment to clear it,“He’s the city’s sheriff. He can manipulate anyone he wants with his badge. Not to mention that fact that no one would believe me over him.”

“You have a gash above your eyebrow, Clarke,” Lexa cut in,“Bruises all over your skin. You have _physical_ evidence against him. If you let us take you to the hospital they can document it and we can get someone to help you.”

Clarke shook her head hastily, eyes dropping to the floor,“No. If I do that then there’s nothing stopping him from hurting my mother. I can’t let that happen.”

“Clarke, _please_. We can get your mother out of the house. We can find her a safe place away from him. And you heard what Costia said. He’ll run at the first sign of trouble. He’ll ju-.”

“I said no, Lexa. I don’t want to go to a hospital,” Clarke said as she pushed her hand away and stormed from the kitchen.

Lexa sighed heavily and gripped the edge of the counter with both hands, leaning forward and letting her head drop between her shoulders. The tension in her shoulders eased a bit when she felt a warm hand settle over one of them. She lifted her head and looked to see Costia giving her a small reassuring smile.

“It’s going to be okay, Lex. It’s just engrained in her head that if she tells someone everyone she loves with get hurt. It’s hard to just come out of that. After fearing for so long…it takes time. Just go talk to her about what happened and go from there. Be by her side like you’ve been and just help her through it. Sooner or later she’s going to realize that she can get the help she needs. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lexa said as she blew a stray strand of hair from her face before standing fully again,“Thank you, Costia. For letting me share your story with her. Maybe it’ll help her see that getting help isn’t a bad thing. I know all stories are different but maybe it’ll give her the push she needs.”

Costia pulled her in for a short hug,“No problem. If it helps her get away from him then you can share it a thousand times. I can’t stand to see someone going through what I went through. Especially for so long. I’m surprised she’s been able to keep it a secret as long as she has. Most situations like her’s don’t end up being that long. They end up being…”

Lexa didn’t need for Costia to finish her sentence to know what she was talking about,“I’m not going to let that happen. I’m going to help her and get him behind bars if it’s the last thing I do. She’s…she’s different, Cos. I can’t explain it but from the first moment I saw her I felt something I’ve never felt before.”

The brunette smiled and patted her shoulder,“Then don’t let her go. Keep her close but don’t let yourself get hurt in the process. I don’t want to lose you, Lexa. And neither does Clarke. Now, you better go talk to her. She should be fine for tonight. I didn’t see any signs of a concussion but just keep an eye out. You know the signs.”

Lexa gave her another soft ‘thank you’ before making her way out the kitchen. She made her way down the hallway and into the open door of her bedroom. When she didn’t spot Clarke she backed out her room and made her way towards the bathroom. The wooden door was shut and a small sliver of light came from the bottom, filtering the dim hallway with a bright shadow. She listened through the door for a moment and when she heard nothing but silence she rasped her knuckles against the door.

“Clarke? Are you okay?”

A beat of silence.

“Please, go away,” Clarke’s voice sounded weakly from behind the door.

Lexa leaned her forehead against the cool wood,“I just want to talk, Clarke. I’m not going to ask you to go to the hospital anymore. I promise. Just…let me come in. Please.”  
  
What felt like hours had passed with no response from the blonde. Just before Lexa was about to give up and wait for Clarke in her room a soft voice met her ears.

“You can come in.”

Lexa gripped the door handle and twisted it slowly, poking her head through the crack of the door and peering inside. She felt the blush rise in her cheeks when she saw Clarke laying back in the tub, thankfully covered almost head to toe with bubbles, nothing but the skin of her neck and her knees visible through them. Lexa stepped inside and quickly closed the door, standing awkwardly in front of it. She waited there, hands wringing together nervously as she tried to look at anything but the bathing woman.

“It’s okay, Lexa. You can’t see anything. Besides, I’m comfortable around you,” Clarke whispered,“Come over here.”

Lexa gulped and tried to calm the raging blood in her veins. Just knowing that Clarke was naked under those bubbles had her heart stuttering nervously and her palms sweating. She took slow steps until she stopped at the edge of the tub. Clarke glanced up at her before motioning with her eyes for her to sit on the edge of the tub. By the time she was fully seated Lexa felt as if her heart would leap out of her chest.

 ** _“Just be calm. Deep breathes and try not to think about pale…skin…great,”_** Lexa thought, failing to do as she told herself.

They stayed that way, science drifting between them. Lexa sitting on the edge and Clarke eyeing her from her place in the tub. Lexa let her eyes roam around the bathroom, trying not to stare, but kept finding them landing back onto the blonde.

“You can ask me, Lexa. It’s okay.”

The blood in her veins turned to ice. Clarke’s voice trembled slightly and her eyes misted just a hint before they were steeled over. She didn’t want to force Clarke to talk about what happened but she knew that if she got her to talk about it, it may make her feel a little better.

“What happened? What did he do to you?”

Clarke sighed, voice wavering just the slightest,“He said a lot of things. Threatened me. Hit me.”

* * *

 

_“I told you I would find you.”_

_Anthony’s voice was like a whip in her ears. Loud and echoing. Filling her heart with fear and raising the hair on the back of her neck. She didn’t have time to shove the fear away and try and escape as she shoved into the alleyway. A hiss escaped her lips as her back was slammed against the rough brick and hands wrapped around her biceps._

_“You think you can just fucking run away?! Not answer my fucking phone calls and texts?!” Anthony spat into her ear, voice low but still harsh,“Where the hell have you been?!”_

_Clarke stayed silent. She didn’t let her eyes raise defiantly against his in fear of feeling his fists._

_Not that it would stop them._

_Her head flew to the side as Anthony’s hand met her temple. She could feel the pain of busted skin just above her right eyebrow and felt the thick ooze of blood that washed down her face with the rain. A pained gasp flew from her lips as her stepfather slammed her back into the wall once more._

_“Answer me! Where the hell have you been? Who have you been whoring around with this time? Tell me! You think you can go and just fuck whoever you want and not keep up with your chores? Think you can leave it all for your mother to do after she comes home from 48 hour long shifts? That’s what you’re here for! To keep the house clean and have the food ready! You’re not good for anything else,” Anthony growled._

_Clarke could feel the hot tears rolling down her face. The shame and anger balling up in her chest and spilling over. So much built up. From so many years of listening to the same thing over and over and over, but something was different here. Flashes of a warm smile. Gentle hands. Tan skin. Green eyes. The perfect image of Lexa seeped into her mind, called to her. Clawed into her and held on with hope._

* * *

_**“Why won’t you tell me who did this to you?” Lexa whispered, the words barely reaching Clarke’s ears,“Why won’t you let me help you?”** _

_**Ocean blue eyes peered over an almost bare shoulder to met the misty green orbs of Lexa,“Because I don’t want anyone hurt because of me.”** _

* * *

_The thought of Anthony forcing Lexa’s name from her mouth sent her into a panic. Fear that if she were to slip then it would be the brunette who would soon find herself in a similar situation. And Clarke didn’t want that. She struck before she knew what was happening. Her hand flew of its own accord and smacked weakly into the side of Anthony’s jaw, still powerful enough to make him break his hold on her._

_The man stumbled back a step, eyes wide with shock and hand rubbing the spot on his jaw. Seconds ticked by before his enraged eyes locked onto her and an almost animalistic growl escaped his throat._

_“You fucking bitch. You think you can put your damn hands on me and get away with it? Well, you’re fucking wrong.”_

_Anthony stalked towards her, fully intent on releasing everything that had built up over the days. Clarke snapped out from her daze and tried to turn to run, but she was too slow. Anthony had her shoulder in a tight grip and flinging her around before she could contemplate the movement. A fist swung into her side sending her flying sideways into the brick wall next to them. Her feet caught on a few piled boxes but she managed to catch herself before tumbling to the wet ground._

_A large rumble of thunder sounded above and as Clarke looked back to find Anthony, a flash of lightening stuck across the grey sky. The light illuminated his figure. Making him seem like a dark entity looming above her and waiting to bring unimaginable pain. The rain stung against her eyes as she tried to keep them open and locked on his every move. Trying to find a way to escape._

_Then he pounced. Threw her against the wall and pinned her there by her throat. Caging it in so she couldn’t move but not in a way that would leave bruises. No. That would be too risky._

_“You’re going to learn your fucking lesson. And when I’m done you’re going to tell me just the hell you’ve been staying with. Then I’m going to give them a little visit and make sure they knew good and well to stay away from you,” Anthony whispered against her ear._

_It made her shiver in disgust and fear. The way his breath breezed across her ear, filled with anticipation for what he was about to do and what he would be doing later. It made her stomach churn in knots and would have had her doubling over had she not been pinned._

_“No,” Clarke spoke boldly,“You won’t touch anyone. No one besides me.”_

_An almost surprised chuckle sounded before a hand rained down against her temple again. She could feel the gash above her eye split open wider at the force and couldn’t stop the pained yell that rose from her lips. More blood was washed away by the falling rain. Letting it drip down her face and onto the pavement below them. Her head swam and she tried to collect her thoughts. She didn’t know what had spurred the sudden rebellion but she couldn’t deny that it felt right to stand up for something._

_To protect someone._

_Lexa. Her mother. Raven. Octavia. Anya._

_They all flashed through her mind. Each one smiling and laughing with her happily. Filled with joy and not a single worry._

_She did this for them. She bared it so they wouldn’t have to._

_“You can do whatever you want to me, but if you so much as lay a finger on someone I love then I’ll make sure you never see the light of day again,” Clarke growled, her chest waging war against filling with fear and sudden braveness._

_She thought she saw something flash in Anthony’s eyes. Something she couldn’t explain, but it was gone before she could fully analyze it. Clarke was lifted and pushed back harshly into the wall, brick biting into her skin through her wet shirt, before she was flung onto the ground. Her body landed in a pile of boxes, her head connecting with the pavement through a thin layer of cardboard. Just enough to make her dizzy and confused for a split second._

_Her body was heavy, both from the rain and the pain in her head. Clarke could do nothing as Anthony stalked above her, watching her with wild eyes._

_“You’re going to learn your fucking place, but you know what, not today. I’m going to wait. I’m going to give you a few days and then…then I’m coming after you. I’ll play with you for a bit. I’ll be watching you. Find out who’s been helping you. And when I do,”Anthony paused for a moment,“You’ll be begging me to kill you instead of them.”_

_The only thing she could do was keep her eyes trained on his figure as he walked away. Fear flooded her veins, seeped out from the cut above her brow, and mingled with the pounding rain._

_Before he stepped away from the alley, Anthony turned back to her,“And don’t go thinking that there’s anyone that can stop me. I own this city…you might as well accept your fate now.”_

_It took every bit of her strength to keep her eyes trained on him until he disappeared around the corner. Her head lulled back, bumping against the cardboard boxes around her. Blonde hair was plastered to her forehead, a few strands turning red as they stuck to the gash. Her body quaked with exhaustion and she felt her eyes begin to flutter close. The darkness consumed her. Pulled her in until she felt like nothing more than a weightless cloud._

* * *

The flood of emotion was great within Lexa. Anger, fear, worry. It built in her chest and she did all she could to stop the frustrated tears from falling down her cheeks. She looked up to the ceiling, calming herself, before looking back down at the blonde.

“Clarke…,” Lexa trailed off, unsure of how to respond while her mind became a muddled mess.

Clarke shifted forward, not caring if her skin became exposed, and folded her arms across her bent knees, chin resting atop them,“I’m scared. And confused. I don’t know what to do. One part of me wants to run and then there’s another part of me that wants to stay and fight. I want help but then I don’t want it. I’m too scared that someone else is going to get hurt. I cant…he’s going to come, Lexa. And when he does there’s nothing stopping him from hurting you or anyone else. I don’t want that. I don’t. If I have to leave and go back home for him to not touch any of you then I will.”

Lexa’s eyes searched the blonde, ready to throw in her opinion until she started talking again.

“But I don’t want to,” Clarke whispered, pained blue eyes peering up at her,“I don’t want to leave you again. When he had me against the wall and told me to tell him who was helping me your face flashed through my mind. I saw nothing but you. You give me strength, Lexa. It’s because of you I was able to stand up for myself. For all of you. I fought back for once in my life.”

Lexa raised a hand and ghosted her fingertips above the blonde’s cut.

“And you’ll have an awesome scar to remember it by,” The brunette said quietly.

Clarke gave her a tiny smile and Lexa was relieved to see a little bit of the strain lifting from her. Lexa’s hand drifted down and cupped a warm cheek in her hand. Her thumb brushed lightly over the soft skin, careful as she noticed the light bruise forming at her temple. She searched those blue shimmering pools, entranced by the way they shifted with so much emotion.

“Will you hold me, Lexa?”

She barely heard the whisper, almost too consumed with the overwhelming shade of blue. Lexa reeled back just the slightest bit and allowed her eyes to focus.

“Here? Right now?”

Clarke smiled softly before backing away from Lexa’s hand that still rested on her cheek. The brunette watched, a little bewildered, as Clarke stood from the water. Bubbles clung to her skin but did nothing to cover the woman. Lexa felt her mouth dry and her cheeks flare with heat and had to stop her eyes from lingering down and instead keep them locked on Clarke’s face.

Soft hands found her’s and held them up in front of them so that Clarke could tangle their fingers together. She stared at them for a moment. Reveled in how the feeling of locking hands with Clarke felt so _right_. The different contrasts of their skin. It had her heart beat speeding up swiftly. Thumping against her ribcage so loudly she was sure Clarke was able to hear it.

“Here,” Clarke confirmed,“Will you hold me as I am? Bruises and all?”

Lexa didn’t need to be asked twice. The words consume her soul, made her realized that Clarke was baring everything to her. Giving Lexa everything she had. Mind and body. She slowly helped Clarke over the rim of the tub before dragging her down to the floor. With her back pressed against the back of the tub Lexa pulled Clarke down on top of her. She didn’t care when the water seeped into her clothes. All she cared about was the woman in her arms.

Clarke straddled her lap and leaned forward, arms wrapping around her neck and burying her face into the crook of her neck. It flew from her mind that Clarke was naked on top of her. Nothing about this moment right now was sexual. It was loving. Filled with trust. It had Lexa’s chest swelling with hope.

They stayed there for a while. Neither one saying anything. The only movement was their breathing and Lexa’s fingers softly rubbing circles at Clarke’s hips. But finally, the blonde leaned back a bit and stared into emerald eyes. Soft hands cupped both of her cheeks and held her there firmly as if she was scared that she would disappear.

And still, Clarke didn’t say anything. She just searched Lexa’s eyes. Content to do it for the rest of the night.

Lexa’s eyes wondered. Not that she meant to. They quickly caught the sight of a forming bruise along Clarke’s side where Anthony had punched her. She raised a hand and brushed her fingers against it before slowly leaning down as best she could and placing a gentle kiss over it. Clarke's fingers ran up into her hair and held her there softly as she let out a soft gasp at the sensation. She nudged the spot with her nose before trailing it up through the valley between Clarke’s breasts. Up and up until she was bumping her nose with the blonde’s.

Clarke’s mouth fell open as Lexa’s lips brushed against her own. Her eyes traced along Clarke’s pink lips, her tongue poking out to wet them before slipping back inside. She raised a hand and shifted it into golden locks so she could softly cradle Clarke’s head.

“Bruises and all,” Lexa nodded before sealing Clarke’s lips in a tender kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else crying at that last part? Anyone? Just me? 
> 
> A few things I want to point out here. In another chapter I will be going over everything with Costia. A little more detail on how she and Lexa met and everything about her father as well as how she ended up on campus with Lexa. As well as what lead up to Lexa searching for Clarke. Basically all the little details that that I didn't have time to go over in this chapter. I'll also go into more detail about Clarke's struggle to want help, so be prepared for that. And for those of you who have been asking there is a backstory for why Anthony is the way he is. That'll come out later. ;) We'll see more characters come back into the story and then we'll have a little breather, a nice little chapter filled with some fluff that I know you all deserve for dealing with my cliffhangers. ;)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	15. All Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally in one of those fluffy moods and just want to give you nothing but fluff with just a hint of plot. So yeah, y'all get mostly fluff this time, but I promise that next chapter we'll start heading into more of the plot. It's sad to say but we'll start getting into the real heavy stuff that'll start pushing us towards the big climax and stuff. I'm super excited about it but also sad because I don't want to see this story end just yet....*evil mind plans something special* Just you all wait. I've had quite a few things up my sleeve for this story since beginning it (maybe one that involves a sequel? It's not set but I do have ideas.)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy your fluff with a hint of plot.

The feeling of something soft and fuzzy slid across the expanse of Clarke’s back, pulling her from the warm haze of sleep. The warm body under her shifted slightly. Her face was tucked securely into the crook of the person’s neck and she could feel their chest rise and fall steadily as she was maneuvered into a more comfortable position. It took her sleep muddled mind a few seconds to catch up with the fact that she was _naked_ on top of this person.

A soft sigh blew across the crown of her head and she peered up just enough to catch a glimpse of brunette waves.

“Lexa,” Clarke whispered into her skin.

Jade eyes caught her’s as Lexa moved back to look down at her,“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Clarke slowly sat up and tried to rub the sleepiness from her eyes. After, she took a minute to look around and noticed that they were still sitting on the bathroom floor. The soapy water in the tub behind the brunette had long since lost the light rise of steam that settled above it. They had to have been there for a while.

“Why are we still in the bathroom?”

“You fell asleep a little after getting out,” Lexa said as she brushed back a damp golden lock,“I didn’t want to risk waking you up and you looked pretty comfy, too.”

The blonde could feel the light tinge of pink settle over her cheeks,“You could have woken me. I know it probably wasn’t as comfortable for you as it was for me. Your butt has to be numb by now.”

“A bit,” Lexa chuckled before searching Clarke’s face,“But worth it to see you get some rest.”

Her heart skipped a beat at the soft statement. Lexa’s emerald eyes, once filled with concern, now held a bit of relief. Relief that Clarke was, mostly, uninjured and in her arms. She smiled and ran her fingers over the sharp jawline beneath her fingers.

“Thank you, Lexa. For coming after me. For finding me,” Clarke whispered.

“Don’t. I’m sorry I didn’t come for you sooner. I should have realized something wasn’t right. If I hadn’t waited so long maybe I could have stopped him. Maybe I could have…,” Lexa’s nostrils flared and her hands moved away from Clarke to clench into white knuckled fists.

Clarke shook her head and directed the brunette’s gaze back to her,“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known where I was going or what I was doing. You couldn’t have known that I would have run into him. Life just sucks sometimes and things happen, okay?”

“But these things shouldn’t happen, Clarke. Not to anyone…not to _you_ ,” Warm fingers moved along the bruised skin of her side.

The blonde leaned forward and bumped her forehead against Lexa’s,“Lets…Can we just not talk about it right now? Please. I just want to be here with you and not think about it.”

Lexa looked conflicted for a few seconds before sighing in defeat and nodding. Clarke gave her a warm smile and placed a chaste kiss to her lips before snuggling back into her. It took Lexa’s hands sliding under the fabric across her back and beginning to rub smooth circles into her skin for Clarke to realize that she had covered her with a towel. She was grateful for the added protection to her skin even if Lexa was keeping her plenty warm. She nuzzled her nose back into the crook of her neck and just fell into the sensation of Lexa’s hands on her skin.

* * *

“Lexa?” Clarke whispered into the silence of the bathroom.

A soft inhale of breath and a soft hum sounded below her and Clarke knew that she had pulled the brunette just from the edge of sleep. They hadn’t been sitting there very long after their little talk. Maybe an hour at most but Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about something that lingered in her mind.

“Why did you tell Costia about Anthony?”

She felt Lexa’s body tense under her, sleep completely leaving her once she heard the question. Clarke couldn’t deny that she was a little angry with the woman for telling her story without her permission…but she still trusted Lexa. She wouldn’t have told it to just _anyone_. Not to someone she didn’t trust with her life.

One of Lexa’s hands rose to cup the back of her neck and pull her closer as she leaned her cheek against the top of her head,“Honestly, I didn’t mean to. I wanted to wait for you to get back so I could ask if it was okay but it just kind of…slipped.”

Golden eyebrows furrowed in confusion,“What do you mean it just ‘slipped’?”

“When Costia and I got back to the apartment and I saw you weren’t there I just thought you were running a little late. Maybe your class got held back. Each minute that dragged by I got more and more worried. By time almost an hour had passed I was beyond calm. I started pacing and Costia kept asking what was wrong. I-I got so worried and worked up that I just blurted it out. I just screamed ‘what if he hurt her again’. By then it was too late to take it back. From experience, Costia pretty much already knew what I was talking about and wanted to know what was really going on. Why I really wanted you to met her. I didn’t want to tel her before talking to you first but I couldn’t not tell her after that,” Lexa hung her head and started to drop her hands away from Clarke,“I understand that you’re probably angry with me.”

Clarke grabbed ahold of Lexa’s hand and tangled their fingers together and tucked it between them,“I _am_ a little upset that you told her without my permission, and I appreciate that you tried to wait and ask me if it was okay first, but I do understand.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Clarke began slowly, letting the feelings settle in her chest,“You didn’t _want_ to. You just got worried and it slipped. We all make mistakes, Lexa. It’s not like you intentionally told her. You were worried and it just came out. Even if you had told her before then, I trust you that you would only tell someone you trust to keep it a secret until I’m ready to face it. I’m a little upset, yes, but I’ll be okay. Just as long as Costia knows I’m not ready to tell anyone else about this just yet.”

She could see the bewildered look in Lexa’s eyes. Knew that she was shocked by her reaction. If she was being honest with herself, Clarke was a little shocked, too. Yes, she trusted Lexa, that much she had discovered earlier…but she expected to feel a little more anger than she was currently feeling. There was a little twinge in the back of her mind when she thought that someone else knew about her secret, all because of Lexa, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel anymore anger. Maybe it was her subconscious telling her that whatever Lexa did, no matter what it was, always seemed to be with Clarke’s best interests in mind.

“Costia won’t say anything. I made her promise. She doesn’t like it but she understands it’s not her place to decide whether she tells someone or not. That it’s not her story to share,” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded against her neck,“I trust you…so I guess I-I trust her, too.”

She could feel Lexa’s cheek lift in a smile from where her forehead bumped against it,“Thank you, and I’m sorry again.”

“Don’t be,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa hands were once more ghosting along her back under the towel which in turn reminded Clarke of her current state of undress as well as their position.

“Lexa, I’m really comfortable and all but your butt has to be really numb by now. Do you want to get up?”

The brunette let out a huff, not even trying to hide her relief,“I thought you’d never ask.”

Clarke made to stand from the woman’s lap only to be pulled back into her lap,“If you want to get up then I have to stand.”

“Not if I carry you,” Came Lexa’s teasing response.

The blonde laughed at her words as Lexa made sure her arms and legs were wrapped securely around her. With awe and a little heat curling in her belly Clarke watched as Lexa pushed them both off the floor and stood to her full height. The blonde couldn’t stop her teeth from sinking into her bottom lip as she felt firm muscles clench under her body. Lean hips, strong shoulders, slightly muscular arms…warm hands sliding around her upper thighs.

And the heat only grew as the fluffy towel around her back fell to the floor with an inaudible sound.

Burning jade orbs widened a bit, caught off guard by the suddenly exposed milky skin in her grasp. Clarke knew that since removing herself from the tub that Lexa had kept her eyes from lingering anywhere below her neck even though she had been fully pressed against her. But now…now there was nothing stopping her eyes. Yes, she was still in her arms but Clarke was leaned back far enough for most of her bare body to be visible and Lexa couldn’t seem to stop bright jade from wondering.

“Clarke, I—.”

“Shh,” The blonde hushed her as she wrapped her arms tighter around her neck and bumped their noses together,“I…I want to feel this. I don’t think I’m ready for _that_ just yet but I want to feel something _more_ with you.”

Neither complained about the sudden turn of events. And neither complained when lips crashed tougher in a heated but passionate battle. The fire that was dancing in Clarke’s belly grew and grew as she felt her back meet the closed door of the bathroom. Lexa’s hand slowly traced up along her side, mindful of the fresh bruise, and the other tightened around her bare thigh pulling her closer. Clarke couldn’t stop the shuttering gasp that left her lips as the brunette’s clothed hips pinned her’s to the door and brushed along her center.

Clarke knew what sex was, what with her mother being a doctor and all, but experiencing it was a completely different thing all together. She’d heard a few things from overheard conversations between couples and from a few friends back in high school about how it felt. About how it was like an impossible surge of need that took your breathe and had you floating on the edge of oblivion until you just crashed back down.

And right now, Clark was floating.

Was on that very fine line between oblivion and crashing.

And they were only kissing, a little touching.

But still that heat crept higher and higher as Lexa’s fingers brushed along the underside of her breast. The sensation had Clarke breaking away from those rosy lips and pushing a breathing gasp from her throat. The brunette’s hand was slow and cautious, waiting for any sign that Clarke didn’t want her to continue, but when she was given a small nod it lifted to cup the soft flesh in her palm. Plump lips trailed lovingly down the column of her neck, nipped at the flesh above her racing pulse, before continuing its path down and down.

Nails scraped at Lexa’s scalp as Clarke felt Lexa’s lips brush along her collarbones. Her head tumbled back against the door with a soft thump as a single digit passed over a peaked nipple. A low moan passed through the blonde’s lips and had her clutching helplessly to Lexa, her legs tightening around her hips and feeling that sinful brush against her core.

“Lexa…,” Clarke breathed, knowing that the sensations were becoming just a little more than what she was ready for.

Lexa’s hands were back on her thighs in an instant. Her hips backed away from her center but she kept her lips trailing along the skin of her chest just over her pounding heart. Where lips met skin, it tingled. Sent little lights dancing behind Clarke’s eyes when she felt them press firmer against her.

“I like this,” Lexa mumbled along her skin,“I like feeling your heart beat. Under my hands. Under my lips. It let’s me know you’re here. That he hasn’t taken you away.”

_From me._

Clarke could almost hear the words fall from Lexa’s mind. Could hear them reverberate through her ears even though they hadn’t been spoken. And this brought something forward in Clarke’s own mind. Something that she needed an answer to.

“Lexa…what does this mean for us? I don’t…I don’t want us to be just friends. Or the whole without strings thing. I want…,” Clarke slowly trailed off, unsure of how Lexa would take her next words.

“I want what you want.”

The words brushed along the shell of her ear where Lexa’s lips had lingered up to. they struck her heart and had ocean orbs widening in realization.

“I want _more_ ,” Clarke whispered,“I want _you_.”

Lexa smiled,“And you have me. All of me.”

“And you want me?”

“Bruises and all, Clarke. I meant that. We haven’t known each other long but I know I want you. I want to wake up with blonde hair tickling my nose and be able to pull you closer into my chest. I want to know that you’re safe. That nothing is going to happen to you. _I_ want to be the one to keep you safe. I want to help you down from your nightmare. Help you reconnect with your friends,” Lexa traced her thumb along Clarke’s lip,“I want all of you.”

A lone tear, it’s presence one of joy, slid down Clarke’s cheek.

“Then you have me,” Clarke whispered hoarsely before sealing their lips in a soft kiss.

* * *

Black lashes fluttered against pale cheeks as a splash of sunlight shone between the curtains. Clarke groaned lightly as she tried to roll away from the bright light only to find a strong arm wrapped around her waist. Shifting carefully, the blonde peered over her shoulder and smiled when she spotted Lexa’s sleeping features. There was a flutter in her chest as she remembered the events of last night.

After composing themselves enough Lexa had carried her to her bedroom where she had carefully sat her down on the bed. She had given Clarke an old sweater, which she claimed was her favorite, and a pair of black cotton boxers. While Lexa changed Clarke had snuggled down into the bed, sniffing lightly at the scent of the brunette clinging to the fabric. She had been so wrapped in the smell that she hadn’t noticed the bed dip behind her until she felt an arm snake around her waist. They had said nothing, only curled around each other and fell asleep.

There were no nightmares to chase away that time. There was nothing but warmth and protection in Lexa’s arms.

Clarke sighed softly and slowly rolled around so she could face Lexa, careful not to wake her. She raised a hand and tucked a stray curl behind the brunette’s ear before ghosting them along her jawline. She watched the rise and fall of Lexa’s chest. The tranquil look that settled over her face in sleep. The sweet innocence that encompassed her. To Clarke, this was no ordinary woman. Lexa was…her light in the dark. Her guardian angel. So much more precious than she ever thought possible.

Knowing that she wanted to thank Lexa for last night Clarke maneuvered her way off the bed so she could head to the kitchen to make breakfast. She padded down the hallway quietly, remembering that Costia was sleeping the in the extra room, and out into the living room. She stopped short when she spotted Costia camped out no the couch with a steaming cup of coffee. She peered up from the book that she had been reading when she heard Clarke walk in.

“Morning,” Costia said as she placed her book on the coffee table,“How’s your cut?”

Clarke gingerly placed a hand over the gash,“It’s okay. A little painful but nothing some medicine won’t help. I didn’t…I didn’t get to say thank you. For, uh, this.”

Costia chuckled kindly as the blonde awkwardly shuffled in her spot,“No problem. Its part of being a nurse. You see someone hurt and your body goes into autopilot.”

She nodded silently, not sure where to take the conversation.

“I know you must feel uncomfortable about Lexa telling me about your stepfather. I just want you to know that, even though I think you need to tell someone, I won’t say anything unless you want me to,” Costia said.

Clarke moved around and took a seat on the opposite side of the couch,“She explained everything. It’s okay. I trust her so I trust you…a little.”

Costia lifted her mug to her lips and took a slow sip as she nodded her head. Clarke stared down at her hands as the silence grew around them. Last night hadn’t been so awkward between the two women but at that time they both had Lexa with them.

“I’ve never seen her so worried about someone before,” Costia whispered,“She kept checking her phone every five seconds and left the apartment door open as if you would walk through it at any moment. After so long she refused to stay in her apartment any longer. She ran out the door without so much as a warning. I only got sparse texts from her while she looked for you.”

Clarke kept her mouth closed as she listened.

“Her eyes were wild. Worried. She was wringing her hands and I she was sweating,” Costia mumbled before meeting Clarke’s eyes,“She cares for you more than anyone I’ve ever seen her care for before. You’re special to her, Clarke. Don’t let her lose you.”

“I won’t. She’s special to me too and the last thing I want to do it hurt her by leaving her. Soon…I’m going to get rid of him soon. I just have to prepare myself first. I have to find someone above him that I can trust.”

Costia set her cup on the coffee table,“It does make it a little harder when he controls the city’s police force, doesn’t it?”

The blonde nodded.

“If you’re half as important to Lexa as I know you are she will help you out of this. She’ll do everything in her power to make sure you come out of this. We may have been kids when she saved me but she still saved my life…and I know she will do the same for you.”

Clarke gave her a gentle smile, calmed by the words,“Thank you, Costia.”

“No problem, I know what it’s like to think that you’re not worth the help, but Lexa makes you see differently. She makes you see that you’re worth so much more than what he tells you you’re worth. I know from experience.”

“Maybe one day,” Clarke started slowly,“If it’s okay with you…would you like to talk about what you went through? How you got over it?”

Costia moved over the couch and rested a calming hand on Clarke’s tightly fisted hands,“Of course. It easier to talk to someone you connect with, I know that. That’s why Lexa wanted for you to meet me. She thought you having someone to talk to would help you put your mind in the right place for when you’re ready to confront Anthony head on.”

Leave it to Lexa to always know what she needed. To know how she truly felt without having to voice it. It warmed her heart and had the tips of her ears burning.

“Okay,” Clarke said lowly, noting the light hint of awkwardness still lingering in the air,“I, uh…I’m going to go make breakfast. It’s the least I could do after what you and Lexa did for me last night.”

The blonde stood from the couch and made her way to the kitchen. Right before she passed through the threshold Costia called out to her. Clarke turned around to see the brunette walking towards her, empty coffee cup in hand.

“Want some help? Lexa might have said you’re a bit of a klutz with dishes.”

Clarke didn’t stop the bubble of laughter,“That was actually her fault. Or so she says.”

“Of course it is. Leave it to her to blame others,” Costia laughed as she passed Clarke and into the kitchen.

Bleu eyes watched for a moment as Costia moved around the kitchen and began searching for things to make breakfast. She felt secure in the older woman’s presence. Maybe not as much as she did with Lexa but it was still something. It comforted her to know that maybe there was someone else in the world that she could feel safe with. That she could open up to and share with her the dark secrets that she never wanted to keep.

Just maybe.

* * *

**Shift In POV (Lexa)**

Lexa blinked away the sleep in her eyes. The spot where her hand reached out in search of smooth pale skin had long since fallen cold. Clarke _had_ gotten a little more sleep than she had while in the bathroom. She had been much to busy letting her eyes trace over every little feature that made Clarke’s face. From the slight crease between her eyebrows down to the beautiful dimpled chin. She had committed the look to memory.

The look of pure peace. Tranquility.

Lexa shivered a bit as she threw the covers off her body, wanting nothing more than to have the blonde back in her arms and get a few more minutes of sleep. As she walked out of her bedroom the smell of cinnamon wafted along her nose and the sound of giggling filled her ears. By the different tones she could tell that both Clarke and Costia were up to something in her kitchen. She just hoped that she wouldn’t walk into a big mess.

She moved through the living room, taking note of the tv playing some music station with top hits, and into the kitchen. The sight that greeted her had her stifling her laughter behind her hand. Costia stood at the stove, gracefully cooking french toast, while she kept glancing over to Clarke.

_A powdered sugar covered Clarke._

Most of the sugar had been shaken off and laid in a ring around the blonde feet. She could just see the hint of blue eyes and black lashes through the heavy sugar and couldn’t suppress her laughter any longer. As soon as her laugh filled the kitchen both Clarke and Costia’s eyes were on her. It didn’t take long for Costia to join her, still cooking the french toast.

“How did you manage to dump a container of powdered sugar on yourself?” Lexa asked between laughs.

Clarke feigned an angry pout as she crossed her arms over her chest,“Don’t ask.”

“Shorty here though she could reach it on the top shelf. Ended up flipping it and dumping it all over herself,” Costia said while turning off the stove.

Lexa’s chest filled with a little more laughter,“I still don’t see how you managed it. The container was closed tightly.”

“How about we forget about it and just have our french toast and orange juice,” Clarke huffed playfully.

Costia looked into the canister that sat on the counter,“Lucky for you there’s just enough sugar for the french toast or otherwise you’d be running to the store looking like that.”

Lexa watched as Clarke rolled her eyes and bumped Costia with her hip as she moved to the fridge to grab the orange juice. Somewhere between the time Clarke had left her bed and now she and Costia had obviously become closer. And it was what she wanted. It was why she brought her friend here in the first place. To give Clarke someone that could relate to her current situation and maybe help her through it a little better than she could. She was happy that they were both getting along and acting like they had known each other for years.

The feeling of someone pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw brought Lexa from her thoughts. She looked down to see Clarke standing in front of her with a glass of orange juice and a plate of french toast, a large smile playing at her lips. The blonde pressed the dishes forward and into her hand and began ushering her along to one of the island stools.

“This is a thank you for last night,” Clarke told her softly as she sat down.

“You don’t need to thank me, Clarke. I already told you that.”

“Well, either way you still have to eat. So, here,” Clarke said, shoving a fork into her hand.

Costia pulled a stool around to the other side so she was in front of Lexa,“It’s not like she cooked it anyway. The first batch that she tried to make came out burnt.”

Clarke reappeared next to Lexa with food of her own,“Hey, it’s not my fault I’ve never cooked french toast before and that you’re a horrible teacher.”

“She’s got you there, Cos,” Lexa pointed out.

“One, I’m not a horrible teacher, you both are just horrible students. And two, making french toast is basically like making pancakes,” Costia said as she took a bit of her own food.

Clarke took a sip of her orange juice, still standing beside Lexa,“If making french toast was the same as making pancakes then there would have been no way for me to have failed making them. I make pancakes at least once a week if not twice.”

Lexa smiled as the two women went back and forth about cooking skills. She slowly wrapped an arm around Clarke’s waist, not caring that she was still covered in sugar, and pulled her down into her lap so she could sit. The blonde said nothing, just laid a hand over Lexa’s arm and continued to eat and talk with Costia. Every so often the brunette would place a tender kiss to the back of Clarke’s neck, causing the woman to wiggle and laugh as she tried to brush her off.

Lexa had peered up a few times to see Costia smiling happily at both of them, Clarke much too busy talking and eating to notice the looks that they received. She could see everything that Costia wanted to say in her eyes.

_I’m happy for you._

_She deserves you and you deserve her._

_You make each other happy._

_You both deserve to be happy together._

And, as her kitchen was filled with that melodious laughter that she’d come to love, Lexa knew that each unspoken statement was true.

Lexa placed another gentle kiss to Clarke’s neck and nuzzled her nose against her pulse. This moment, she didn’t want it to end. She didn’t want to see another bruise or cut or anything on Clarke’s skin ever again. She wanted nothing but to hear that laugh. See that smile. Those blue eyes dance with joy as they stared back at her.

She wanted to see Clarke happy. To live the life that she deserved…with her.

Lexa wanted everything that Clarke was already giving to her.

And in return, she would give her everything to Clarke.

**_“And you have me. All of me.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's midnight here, and I already said too much in the first note at the beginning. I'm tired and worn out and want to do nothing but curl up in bed and read Clexa fanfic until I fall asleep. 
> 
> You've all been so wonderful with your kudos and comments and I love reading them and being able to respond! I've seen some of you that have said a few things that concerned you or peaked your interest and I only hope that I've done you all justice with all of it! I still go back while writing new chapters and take into account what you all would love to see and what you think may need to be discussed more in the story. So if you have an opinion to share or an idea feel free to tell me! I read it all and let it guide some of my work. ;)
> 
> And before you say that maybe Clarke should have been a little angrier with Lexa for sharing her story with Costia without her permission just think of this. Clarke fears the anger that Anthony radiates. Hates that he abuses her when she's technically supposed to be his family. With Lexa, I don't think Clarke could be angry at something like that especially since she was just worried and it slipped. If she did I feel like she would see herself as a version of Anthony and hate herself. That's why i've chosen her reaction to be the way that it is. 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies. 
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> xoxo


	16. Absentminded Drawings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costa leaves (but she'll be back in later chapters). Basically a light hearted chapter filled with friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm just gonna leave this here...It's 2 in the morning. I am TIRED. I wrote this in like less than four hours so I'm done. Anything I've missed with be discussed in later chapters for sure!! And don't worry! We'll see more of Costia later! She just doesn't fit into where the next few chapters will lead! :)

“You’ll be back to visit soon, right?”

Clarke pulled Costia into a brief hug as they stood out in the apartment’s parking lot. The pervious day had been spent doing nothing but munching on junk food, binge watching Netflix, and Costia feeding Clarke embarrassing stories about Lexa from when they were younger. It was nice for Clare. Soothing and relaxing. Something she definitely needed.

She had instantly warmed up to Costia. Much like she had with Lexa, only with different feelings. Where she saw Lexa as something..more, she saw Costia almost as a long lost sister. Someone who she felt more secure with than she originally thought possible. But maybe not secure enough to share _everything_ with her just yet.

“Of course. There’s a few breaks coming up and most of the time I spend them out here with Lexa and Anya. And now you,” The brunette reassured her as she pulled away from the hug.

The blonde gave her a bright smile,“Thank you. I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. I haven’t really connected that much with someone in such a short span of time before, well, besides Lexa.”

Costia gave her a little smirk before letting it drop to a soft smile,“I’m glad to see you’re opening up to more people, Clarke. It’s an important thing to do for someone in your position. You deserve to know that there’s people that can help you and some that can even relate to you. Lexa may not be able to fully relate but she does care. A lot more than I’ve ever seen her care for someone before. You’re special to her, Clarke. Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t,” Clarke said as she glanced over at Lexa who was currently placing Costia’s bag into her car,“She’s helped me a lot more than she knows. I owe her everything.”

“Just wait until she forgets to replace the milk in the fridge,” Costia laughed,“Then you’ll be owing her nothing but a swift kick in the ass. Anya can’t stand when she does that and she doesn’t even live with her!”

Clarke’s lips curled up into a smile. She wanted to cringe at the little spectacle of violence, joking as it was, but found herself more comfortable with the term than she previously thought. Costia was obviously trying to lighten the mood and for that she was thankful. Since Lexa finding her in that alley Clarke’s been nothing but tense. Even with how much the friends kept her laughing she could still feel that hint of unease at the base of her neck, slowly rolling down her spine.

“I guess I’ll have to find a way to break her of that habit.”

Costia threw her head back in laughter, dark curls bouncing around her face,“I’ll believe it when I see it. You break her of the one habit she’s been doing for years and I’ll pay for your next date. _All_ on me.”

Clarke stuttered like a fish out of water. She could feel the blood creep up her neck and flare brightly in her cheeks. Her eyes bounced back over to Lexa who was just beginning to close the trunk to Costia’s car.

“What are you talking about?”

“Please, Clarke. I’ve seen the way you both look at each other. How close you’ve both been. I know there’s something going on with you both. I also know that Lexa’s not going to go any further than what you’re comfortable with. Even something as simple as putting a label on your relationship. When she first told me about you she called you her ‘friend’. I could tell right off the bat as soon as I saw how worried she was about you that you weren’t just some ‘friend’, you’re so much more to her. And you both pretty much confirmed it when Lexa followed you into the bathroom and you didn’t come out for quite a while.”

“Confirmed what?” Lexa asked as she came to stand next to the two women, only catching part of the conversation.

“That you and Clarke are more than just friends,” Costia said teasingly.

Clarke’s blush intensified as Lexa chocked on air. Costia slapped a hand to Lexa’s back with a wicked smirk as the brunette tried to regulate her breathing.

“Oh, come on, Lexa. You act like I can’t see right through you. Just because you didn’t act all completely lovey-dovey in front of me doesn’t mean I can’t tell that there’s something more between you. You’re just too easy to read, Lex.”

“I think it’s time for you to go now,” Lexa grumbled playfully as she pushed against Costia’s shoulder.

“If you want time with your girl just say so,” Costia laughed, earning her a glare from the brunette,“Fine. Fine. I’ll stop teasing. It was really nice to see you again though, Lexa. I had fun and I got to practice some medical skills.”

Clarke watched silently as Lexa pulled Costia into a quick side hug before handing over the car keys,“It was good seeing you, too, Cos. You’re always welcome here and I’m sure Clarke liked having you over just as much as I did.”

“I did. She may even be better company than you,” Clarke tease.

It had been a while since she had a conversation like this with anyone. Filled with quick jokes and sharp, playful jabs. Ever since Anthony’s arrival into her life Clarke had always been on edge with how she spoke to anyone. There was always that little fear in the back of her mind that someone could just raise a hand and bring it down on her in a flash.

Costia’s eyes danced between her and Lexa before settling on her friend with a smirk,“I really like her. She’s a keeper, Lex. Don’t let her go.”

Jade eyes, swirling with something building, shifting, locked and gazed into her very soul.

“I won’t,” Lexa said, unknowingly repeating Clark’s own words.

Costia clapped a hand to Lexa’s shoulder as she looked between the two,“Well, as much as I would like to stand here and watch both of you try to undress each other with your eyes I’ve got some driving ahead of me.”

Lexa broke her gaze away from Clarke and chuckled as she shook her head,“Be careful on your drive back. You know how those some of those back roads can get.”

“Okay, mom,” Costia rolled her eyes before turning to Clarke,“It really was nice meeting you, Clarke. I had fun these past two days despite what happened. If you need to talk I’m just a phone call or text away.”

The blonde nodded gently, vaguely recalling when she had exchanged numbers with Costia earlier that day. She was thankful for the extended invitation to talk to someone who had experienced what she was currently going through. Lexa was a big held, bigger than most people really, but there was still that missing connection. The one where she hadn’t been able to completely talk to someone who completely and uttering understood what was going on in her life.

She was thankful for Lexa and was sure that her connection with her was deeper than anything she’d ever had with anyone, but she could feel that other special connection forming with Costia. They may have not talked about anything dealing with their physical abuse but she could feel it in the way Costia talked to her. There was just something there.

“I did, too. Thank you, uh, for this again,“Clarke gestured to her still bandaged gash,“It probably won’t have been dealt with right if you weren’t here. I’m not really good with cuts on my face.”

She didn’t notice the cringe from Lexa. The words hadn’t felt as heavy coming off her tongue as they had in her head. It seemed to be getting easier to talk about things now. Little by little but defiantly changing.

“No big deal. Just keep it clean and a few badges on it until it starts to heal nicely. Then you should be able to let it run it’s course. Just be careful with that one,” Costia said as she pointed to Lexa as she began walking backwards,“One time she got antibiotic ointment in my eye. Stings like a bitch. Don’t let her near it.”

“Bye, Costia,” Lexa called out, urging the woman to her car.

Clarke could only laugh as Costia turned around with a bark of laughter and threw her hand in the air to gesture ‘goodbye’. She felt Lexa move closer behind her as they both watched Costia climb into her car and start the engine. After backing out of her parking space the woman waved once more out her window before pulling off. Both Lexa and Clarke dropped their hands back to their sides as her car disappeared out of the apartment’s parking lot.

Lexa’s hands fell onto her hips softly and began leading her back to her apartment,“So, now that ‘ _the thing_ ’ is gone, you want to join Anya and I at the gym? You can watch or we can show you a few moves?”

The blonde giggled at the woman’s silly name for her friend,“I’d like that. I think I’ll just watch though.”

“Okay. It’s probably for the best anyway. Anya can get a little rough sometimes.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand rise from her hip and brush against her sore ribs.

“Maybe you can show me some moves later. _Alone_ ,” She whispered to the brunette.

She wasn’t sure where her sudden bold streak had come from but Clarke was enjoying the blush that branched out along Lexa’s cheeks. The brunette’s hands tightened around her hips subtly and she swallowed thickly.

“Yeah. I-I think I can do t-that,”Lexa stuttered out.

Laughter filled with stairwell of the apartment complex and a few embarrassing grumbles followed behind it.

* * *

Grunts and the sound of leather hitting skin filled her ears as Clarke watched in awe.

* * *

After seeing Costia off and grabbing a few things Clarke and Lexa had made their way over to the campus’ gym. Anya was standing outside, leaning against the wall next to the entrance wearing a pair of worn gym shorts and a grey tank top, a pair of boxing gloves hanging from her shoulders. Much like the ones that Lexa herself sported hanging from her gym bag.

“Took you long enough,” Anya had said as she pushed away from the wall,“You gonna join us, blondie?”

Clarke shook her head and held up her sketch pad,“No. Just thought I’d hang out and watch for a bit and get some drawing done. Still a little sore from the other day.”

Anya’s had eyes flashed with a hint of anger and from the corner of her eyes Clarke could see Lexa’s jaw clench. The brunette had informed her that during the time that she had fallen asleep on her lap in the bathroom that she had called her worried best friend and filled her in on everything that happened. Anya may not like her as much as Lexa but she still cared and was still angry at what she had been told. Lexa told her that it’d taken her ten minutes to calm her down and talk her down from finding Anthony and ‘putting him in the morgue’.

“Right. Well, I’m sure Lexa can show you a few _moves_ later on,” Anya winked.

Lexa groaned beside her before walking forward and purposely bumping shoulders with her best friend as she walks inside the gym,“You’re just as bad as Costia!”

“No, I’m ten times worse,” Anya tossed back as she sent a smirk to Clarke.

* * *

Clarke watched closely, entranced, as Lexa and Anya twirled around each other in the ring. Their glove covered hands held closely to their faces as they deflected blow after blow. She watched as Lexa bounced lightly on her feet, jade eyes trained on Anya’s every movement. The pencil in her hand suddenly found itself pulled between pearly white teeth by its eraser as it’s owner became lost in the show before her.

Anya’s first move was swift and Clarke barely caught it. Her right hand darted out and aimed for an exposed area near Lexa’s ribs, but the brunette was quick to deflect it. Before Anya began to pull back from her hit Lexa took the opportunity to strike back, punching out to her friend’s defenseless side. Anya grunted deeply, breathing through the impact, and steadied herself just enough to dodge Lexa’s next punch.

Blue eyes glazed over as she watched the muscles all over Lexa’s body bunch and stretch with each and every movement. Sweat glinted along her tanned skin which was left mostly uncovered by the sports bra and boxing shorts. Clarke nearly bit through the pencil as Lexa’s arms flexed and the dark ink of the tattoo around her bicep glistened darkly. As the two women shifted around the ring Clarke was finally able to see the large complex tattoo that covered the expanse of her spine along with an infinity symbol at the back of her neck.

Her fingers itched. That all too familiar itch that begged her to put life on paper. But this itch was for one subject and one subject only. And that ‘subject’ just so happened to be standing before her, dripping in sweat and looking like the complete badass that she is.

And for some reason Clarke didn’t find Lexa’s ability to throw harsh punches and probably take out someone twice as big as her frightening. Instead, she found it comforting. That the hands of the woman that she was beginning to… _feel_ for were not going to harm her, but protect her. When she looked at Lexa’s hands they weren’t anything like the one’s that beat down upon her in her own home, the hands she feared to no end. No. Her hands were gentle on her, the calluses on her palms brushing softly along her pale skin trying to sooth a bruise or sore spot. Those hands protected her, cared for her, cradled her in her times of need.

She would never be afraid of Lexa…or her hands.

“Earth to Clarke!”

A pair of fingers snapping in front of her face had Clarke almost leaping out of her seat. Though, in her startled state, her sketch book flew from her lap and onto the floor in front of her. Her eyes darted away from Lexa, who was still sparing, and locked onto the people who stood beside her. Raven and Octavia were both watching her with amused interest, smirks on their faces the entire time.

“Oh, uh, hey. I didn’t see you guys,” Clarke muttered.

“Of course you didn’t,” Octavia responded as she bent down to pick up the sketch book and looked over the page that was open,“You were clearly too distracted by a certain commander.”

Clarke’s brows scrunched together in confusion,“Commander? Who? Lexa?”

Raven nodded as she glanced over Octavia’s shoulder to look at her sketches,“Yup. The same one you’ve been doodling while you drool over her.”

Octavia turned the sketch book around to face Clarke and she finally saw what she had absentmindedly been drawing for the past hour. Intense eyes stared back at her, still devoid of any color, followed by a sharp jawline which flowed into a slender neck. Clarke bit her lip nervously and she could feel her ears burned red at being discovered ogling the woman.

“It’s cool. You’re secrets safe with us,” Octavia said with a wink as she handed the now closed book back to her.

“Thanks,” Clarke said as she took it,“I mean, it’s…it’s not a secret really.”

Raven and Octavia glanced quickly at each other before jumping down into the seats next to her, one on either side.

“What do you mean ‘it’s not a secret’? Are you two together?” Octavia asked.

The blonde stuttered nervously for a moment before composing herself,“Not officially…no. But there is…something there. We’ve discussed it and everything, we just haven’t really put a label on it just yet.”

Raven’s lips broke out into a smirk,“Did you do it yet?”

“Raven!”

The Latina chuckled as Clarke swatted at her arm with a horrified gasp. She could hear the faint giggling of Octavia buzzing in her ear behind her.

“What? I’m not sorry if I’m curious in my best friend’s love life!”

Clarke’s laughter fell away and only left a small smile behind as she watched Raven and Octavia giggling happily. They hadn’t talked much since the incident at the bar and Clarke felt slightly guilty for keeping them in the dark for as long as she has now that she has someone helping her. But it wasn’t hard to fall back into their old ways. The easy talks and teasing didn’t seem as awkward as she had expected them to be and she was also just a tad bit surprised that neither Octavia or Raven tried to push her to talk about the ‘complicated’ things that had happened since she stopped talking to them.

“What happened here?”

A small hiss escaped the blonde’s lips as a gentle finger brushed over the gash on her head. Octavia’s finger quickly jolted back at the sound and a look of worry crossed over both her friend’s faces. Clarke gave them both a reassuring nod that she was okay.

“I fell and hit my head against the corner of the bathroom counter the other day. Nothing too serious,” She tried to brush it off.

“Damn,” Raven commented,“Must have been some sharp ass corner.”

Clarke shrugged and continued lamely,“Lexa’s bathroom counters are made with marble. Stuff’s super tough and can get pretty pointy.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Octavia bellowed,“You’ve been to Lexa’s apartment?”

“Yeah,” The blonde said slowly.

“Have you stayed the night at her place?” Raven asked.

“Yeah,”Clarke repeated her previous answer,“More than one. I’m not sure how many times I have really.”

“I can’t believe you both haven’t slept together yet,” Octavia mumbled under her breath.

Clarke swatted at her arm the same way she did to Raven. She was glad for the sudden change of topic, glad they were no longer scrutinizing the gash any longer. A few more teases were directed at her as they continued to chat about anything and everything. Clarke was still surprise, but most of all happy, with how easy it was to just fall back into her relationship with her best friends. She still had a lot to explain to them but she knew it could wait for a later time.

It wasn’t too much longer before Anya and Lexa were making their way out of the ring and over to them.

“What’s up girls?” Anya asked before placing a kiss to the top of Raven’s head and ruffling her ponytail.

“Nothing,” Octavia said as she handed her and Lexa two water bottles,“Just teasing Clarke here about a few things.”

Clarke’s cheeks heated up with a blush once more as Lexa eyed her smugly, as if she knew what their topic of conversation had been. Trying to control the burn that threatened to invade her cheeks she quickly looked away from Lexa. Her eyes landed on Raven as soon as she placed a kiss to her lips. It wasn’t until then that she fully realized that they were much more than friends.

“Wait, you two are together?” Clarke questioned.

“Yup,” Raven said as she stood up and wrapped her arms around Anya’s waist,“Coming up on a year in a few weeks.”

Clarke smiled warmly as she looked between the two,“I’m happy for you both. You make quite a pair.”

“Quite the pair my ass,” Octavia muttered with a playful roll of her eyes.

“Oh, please,” Anya huffed,“We’re not having this discussion again.”

Lexa chuckled as she took Raven’s empty seat next to Clarke.

“Here we go,” The brunette whispered to her.

“We’re going to settle this sooner or later. Lincoln and I definitely look better than the both of you,” Octavia said.

Clarke eyed them all, confused,“What are you all talking about? Who’s Lincoln?”

“Lincoln is Octavia’s boyfriend. Lincoln’s an old friend of mine and that’s how I met Octavia. I was surprised when I found out that O and Rae were both friends. Made the world seem so small that year,” Lexa replied,“Anyway, there was this party a few months back that we all went to. Everyone was super drunk and someone decided it would be fun to have a ‘cutest’ couple contest. Long story short it came down to both Octavia and Lincoln and Raven and Anya. No one could decide who was cuter so they called it a tie. Since then they’ve been having this argument overtime something like this comes up. Seriously, out of everything they forget after passing out drunk, they still remember that?”

Ocean orbs shimmered with happiness as she listened to the three friends around them still playfully arguing with each other. Raven was throwing out how Anya’s ass looked ten times better than Lincoln’s and Octavia shot back with Lincoln’s chiseled abs. She could only shake her head at her friends’ childishness.

“These are really good Clarke,” Lexa’s voice sounded next to her.

It took a moment for her brain to register that her sketch book was no longer in her hands but instead in Lexa’s. Her eyes widened as she saw the page that the brunette’s jade eyes currently lingered over. The pencil sketches of the brunette stared up at herself, almost as if a perfectly mirrored image. Lexa’s fingers delicately traced over the edge of the work as her eyes glimmered in the dim light of the gym.

“This is really how you see me?”

Clarke searched back and forth between the sketch and the real breathing Lexa. Her eyes trying to find the difference that the brunette clearly saw between herself and the drawing.

“Of course. It’s…you. That’s how you look to me.”

She didn’t understand the depth that her words held. How deeply they meant to Lexa because clearly she saw something completely different from what Clarke was looking at. When green eyes peered up at her she could see the swirling emotions running rampant through them. The fight to understand and sort out just what she was hearing and seeing.

“I can see how you really feel about me in this,” Lexa said lowly as she steppe closer to her.

Clarke swallowed nervously,“Wha-what do you mean?”

Knuckled brushed against her cheek delicately,“The emotions in it. I can feel it when I look at the sketch. I can’t explain it but…I just do. You don’t have to say anything about it. I just wanted you to know that I can feel it.”

And that’s when it really hit her. That even in her absentminded doodle of Lexa she was pouring her emotions into it. Everything she felt for the brunette. From the beginning. And Lexa saw them. Felt them. Understood and talked to her about it. But she wasn’t scared. No. The fast pace of her heart was not one of fear but one of excitement. It thumped wildly as it realized that the wonderful being before her knew how she felt, truly felt, and she still stood before her. Still cupped her cheek so leveling with those hands. The hands that she trusted to protect her.

In that moment, there was no fear. There was nothing but trust and complete devotion to someone who had somehow wiggled her way into her life and planned to stay there. Someone she could see a future with.

Clarke grabbed ahold of Lexa’s hands and intertwined their fingers.

“There’s somewhere I want to take you,” Clarke whispered as she leaned forwards and brushed her lips against Lexa’s, not caring who was watching.

“I go wherever you go, Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did this justice what with it being 2 am and all my mind is just completely jumbled and my eyes keep trying close. lol. But I was determined to get this all out to you tonight! And I did! Mission accomplished! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> Unit next times Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	17. Child-Like Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes Lexa somewhere special. Lexa makes a new friend and comes to a long awaited discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I've been working on this for two days (kind of a little writers block so I'm sorry if it's crap this time) but I really wanted to get this posted today. A little birthday present to myself and you all because this is easily one of my favorite stories to write (shhhh don't tell anyone I pick favorites) 
> 
> Anyway, I'm happy to give this all to you today! Please enjoy!

“Just take another left at the next light and it’s the second building to the right,” Clarke explained as she pointed out through the windshield of Lexa’s car.

Lexa scanned the surrounding area as she took the turn, hoping to get an idea of just where the blonde was taking her. The only thing that seemed to catch her eye was the small little corner cafe and the brick building sitting right next to it. It took her eyes a few moments to catch the sign above the building’s entrance. Only then did it seem to fall into place exactly where Clarke was taking her, just not why.

“There! Just park right there next to that truck.”

Lexa quickly parked the truck and continued to inspect the building from her seat,“I know you draw, Clarke, but why are we at the local gallery? Do you have work here that you want to show me?”

“No, actually,” Clarke said with a soft smile,“There’s something else I always do here a few days out of the month and today just happens to be one of those days.”

With no further explanation the blonde simply hopped out the car and began the trek to the gallery’s entrance. Lexa quickly realized Clarke wasn’t going to wait for her and hurried to remove herself from her Jeep.

“Clarke! Wait up!” Lexa called out as Clarke opened the gallery doors.

She caught up with the blonde just before the door fell shut. Lexa felt the chilly air from the AC hit her face the moment she stepped inside and it was a much better contrast than the sticky Florida heat. Jade eyes searched around the interior of the building, marveling at it’s beauty. Concrete flooring, exposed brick, high beam ceiling. Paintings hung along the walls, each one illuminated by the soft lights that were angled down from the ceiling. A receptionists desk sat to their right and behind that a door which Lexa assumed lead to the owner’s office.

“Come on,” Clarke said as she grabbed a hold of Lexa’s hand,“They’re already waiting on me.”

The brunette became even more puzzled as Clarke lead her towards the back of the gallery and down a long hallway.

“They?”

Clarke threw a smirk over her shoulder,“You’ll see.”

Lexa heard before she saw. The sound of children’s laughter floated from an open door down the hallway, music entangled in the joyous sound. Clarke peeked over her shoulder once more, most likely trying to gauge her reaction to the noises. Lexa gave her a weak smile in return, still not sure exactly what was going on. She stayed completely silent as the blonde guided them through the door and into a large sized room. Kids, mostly under the age of ten, were walking around like little busy bees. Some scurried around with paint bottles across the room while some set up some easels before adding blank canvases to them.

To Lexa, it looked like a normal classroom full of kids. Everyone anxiously getting ready to learn an art lesson by the hands of a skilled teacher.

_Wait._

“You’re teaching them, aren’t you?” Lexa asked as she turned to Clarke.

A grin spread across the blonde’s face as she nodded,“I’ve been teaching an art class here for almost two years. It’s kind of been a place to escape from…you know.”

Lexa couldn’t find the words to respond and, luckily, before Clarke could notice her lack of voice, the kids had finally noticed their arrival.

Shouts of Clarke’s name came in various pitches and volumes. Feet padded against the flooring as the kids ran towards the giggling blonde. Lexa was just able to sidestep away from her before Clarke was engulfed by the mass of small bodies. Voices overlapped, each one cheery and excited, as they called out to Clarke. And it didn’t take long for the brunette to notice that Clarke was very good at hiding the subtle flinch that crossed her features when a not-too-gentle hand crossed over her ribs. Though not good enough to keep her from seeing it.

“Okay, okay. Let’s calm down,” Clarke hushed the children,“I’ve got someone I want you to meet.”

Whispers flittered around the children as curious eyes wondered in her direction. A few stepped closer to Clarke and reached out to hold onto the hem of her shirt.

“This is, um,” Clarke hesitated for a moment, eyes meeting her’s nervously,“My _very_ good friend, Lexa. She’s going to watch us paint today. Does that sound good?”

The term that Clarke used didn’t necessarily offend her, as they still haven’t fully discussed just exactly what they were to each other at the moment, but it didn’t sit quite right with her. Lexa felt as if, almost from the very beginning, that there was always something more about Clarke. Something that inevitably pulled them together and kept them there. She didn’t like the thought of just staying as Clarke’s ‘friend’. No, she wanted something more and she knew that she needed to let Clarke know just exactly what she was feeling.

But maybe not with a bunch of kids giggling around her.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Lexa asked when she noticed Clarke and the kids staring at her questioningly.

Clarke chuckled huskily,“Some of the kids actually wanted to know if you’d like to paint with them.”

A nervous feeling began to rise in the brunette’s chest,“I’m not exactly the best artist around. I don’t even remember the last time I even used any kind of paint.”

A little girl, blonde hair a rival to Clarke’s and no more than seven, ran up to her and grasped her hand firmly with a crooked smile,“It’s okay, Lexa, I’m not that good either. But Clarke helps us and always tells us that our paintings are pretty. I’m sure she’ll help you a little too if you ask nicely.”

Lexa peered up to see Clarke gazing at her, eyes filled with something that seemed only to be reserved for her. A pink lip was begin worried by pearly white teeth as Clarke nodded slowly. The brunette didn’t fail to miss the dainty blush that covered the ears that hid underneath golden waves. Breathing slightly hitched Lexa squatted down and tightened her grip around the little girl’s hand.

“I’d love to paint with you then, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to need more than a little help from Clarke. Maybe you can help me, too?”

A radiant smile broke out across the little girl’s face before she let out an excited squeal. Lexa couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that sprung from her chest as the little blonde began towing her over to where the easels were set up. As was guided into one of the many stools she didn’t get the chance to see the loving look that glowed deep within a special pair of ocean blue eyes.

“Everyone to their seats! We’ve got an hour and I want you all to have something to bring home for your families today!” Clarke called out.

The children around her legs giggled happily before rushing off towards the remaining easels. It wasn’t until they were all chatting away in their chairs that Lexa realized the little girl had placed them right at the front. Right in Clarke’s direct line of vision. If she wasn’t nervous before, she was definitely nervous now. Lexa couldn’t remember the last time she had even done a lazy doodle while sitting in a lecture. Just from seeing the sketch of herself, the raw emotions jumping from the page, Lexa knew that Clarke was a fantastic artist and she didn’t doubt for one second that there was nothing that she couldn’t create out of any medium.

A warm hand settling on her shoulder had her jumping in her seat before meeting laughing baby blues. Clarke laughed helplessly as she handed over a tray with different colored paints and a few paint brushes.

“Don’t be nervous. You’ll do fine. Callie and I will make sure we give you as much help as you need but there’s really no pressure,” Clarke said, the little blonde, Callie, appearing next to her and nodding vigorously.

Still, her heart was a hammer against her ribs, aching to escape, but she pushed it down as best she could,“Yeah. Okay, I can do this.”

Clarke chuckled once more, hand patting lightly against her shoulder, before leaning down and placing a delicate kiss to her cheek and moving on. Her cheeks flared red, the spot met by soft lips tingling, wishing for their presence to return. Slightly mesmerized, Lexa barely heard the soft giggling next to her; just barely. Brunette curls brushed along her back as she turned her head to peek at Callie, who tried hopelessly to keep a smile hidden behind her hand.

“What?” Lexa asked.

Callie removed her hand, revealing a large childish smirk.

“You _like_ her,” The little girl teased.

Eyebrows raising, mouth dropping open, Lexa stared at the blonde,“Wha-…”

“It’s okay,” Callie replied innocently as she began organizing her supplies,“My daddies say that there’s nothing wrong with boys loving boys and girls loving girls. Love is love and no one should be scared to love someone just because they fear what other people think. It doesn’t matter what others say as long as you’re happy.”

The corners of Lexa’s mouth curved up into a gracious smile. To her, Callie was already wise beyond her age. Heart filled with nothing but love for those around her. No judging. Lexa knew that she would go places, that she would help change the world for the better.

“I do _like_ her,” Lexa whispered,“Very much so…she’s special.”

“Do you love her?”

The question resonated into her bones, her limbs tingling as they forgot how to function. She was sure if she hadn’t been sitting she would have fallen over. Sure, Lexa knew her feelings for Clarke were something more than friendship but things had just been so crazy she hadn’t really thought over the _L_ word, at least not in a complete sense.

Was it possible of her to already feel so deeply for Clarke? With only the short amount of time that they had known each other? There was that feeling, the one that she couldn’t describe, that sat in her chest and always seemed to dance around when Clarke was near. Was that love? Had that been there from the start and she’s just only now realizing what it truly is?

In that moment, Callie staring at her innocently, did Lexa come to her discovery. The buzzing in the pit of her belly, the racing heart beat, sweaty palms, lips tingling, blue eyes invading her dreams…they all meant one thing. That one thing being the subject of Callie’s question.

_Her love for Clarke._

The now unmistakable feeling. It was there, albeit still growing but there nonetheless. It shook her to her core, had her floating in a state of wonder but grounding her all in one. Her heart didn’t care the amount of time that they had known each other…it was just _there_. The feeling so strong that, until this very second staring listlessly as Clarke walked around the classroom, Lexa didn’t know how much it consumed her. How much the flame that had settled in her heart that fateful day had grown into a steadily roaring fire.

Callie appeared before her, small hands grabbing at her cheeks, as she gazed into her eyes and pulled her from her trance.

“You do love her,” The blonde whispered, awe in her voice at the discovery that she had helped unfold,“I can see it in your eyes. I always see that same little glimmer every time my daddies look at each other.”

The moment was pure — the innocence of the world hidden in Callie’s eyes. The unhindered love that the little girl gave to each person in her life lying in their depths. Striking blue eyes were still locked on her’s and for a split second Lexa saw Clarke. Young and carefree, fear no longer laden in her eyes. She imaged Callie was much like how Clarke probably was as a child by just looking into those eyes. Despite Clarke’s dark secret Lexa never thought that Clarke hated the world for dealing her such a harsh fate. Every time jade met blue she could still see that caring shimmer resting in her tired eyes, carrying the weight of the world.

And that’s one thing she loved about her.

Out of all the things that Lexa as seen Clarke go through not once has she seen the blonde give up on the world. She’s always tried to force a smile to her face for those around her or at least a look of content. She’s seen Clarke come back from a panic attack, almost more than once, awaken from nightmares screaming, and muster through the pain of bruises — and still keeping a smile on her face most times. And Lexa’s chest both ached and swelled with pride for the woman. She was strong…stronger than most.

And, _God_ , did she love her for it.

Lexa hadn’t even realized that Clarke had started instructing the students nor that she herself was already stroking her brush against the canvas, Callie long returned to her seat. Golden tones flowed over the taunt cotton, giving way to something that had flowed from her thoughts, into her hands, and coming to life on the canvas. A lioness, not one of the finest quality, perched on a stone overlooking a vast valley. Wisps of green licked at scuffed paws, a lingering hint of red brushed against a few blades beneath her. Fierce blue eyes seemed to glow, life flowing around in their depths, staring back at her with questionable emotions.

A lioness, fierce and strong — a fighter.

“And here I thought you said you couldn’t paint,” A soft voice whispered in her ear.

Her eyes shot away from the drying paint only to lock onto twin pools.

Lexa stuttered as she fumbled over her words,“I-I, uh, I didn’t say I c-couldn’t paint. I just said I’m not exactly t-the best artist.”

Clarke’s eyes wondered away from her’s to look over the painting,“Doesn’t look that way to me. You did really good even without mine or Callie’s help.”

The brunette felt the flush creep up her neck at the praise, still slightly embarrassed because she knew that whatever painting Clarke had started on at the front of the classroom was probably ten times better.

“What about you?” Lexa asked as she tried to switch the subject slightly,“What did you paint?”

The blonde instantly shot up from her bent position over her shoulder, a small blush tinging her cheeks. Her hands wrung together nervously as she looked over towards the front of the classroom where her own easel sat turned away from everyone.

“Um, it’s not finished yet,” Clarke mumbled as Lexa stood from her stool,“I’ve got more details to work on.”

But Lexa didn’t let that deter her, legs carrying her towards the canvas slowly despite Clarke’s widening eyes,“Anything you create is amazing, Clarke. Finished or not.”

Before she could take another step towards the easel a sticky liquid was thrown across the her cheek. Fingers brushed against the all too familiar smelling liquid, pulling away with globs of green. She spun from her half turned position to see Clarke staring at her in horror, hand covering her dropped jaw…blue paint staining and dripping from her right hand that hung at her side.

“I…I am _so_ sorry,” Clarke muttered,“I-I don’t know what came over me.”

Lexa chuckled darkly as she wiped away what paint she could with her hands. By now, all the eyes of the children were on them and watching with complete interest. Head bowed, slowly coming to terms with just what she was about to do, the brunette made her way back over to Clarke.

“I think this means war,” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear.

Nimble fingers smacked lightly against the blonde’s cheek, completely covering it in blue paint. A loud gasp sounded from Clarke’s dropped jaw, similar tiny gasps floating around the classroom as the kids took witness to the impended battle. It took a few moments of heavy breathing and little giggles before Clarke was fixing her gaze onto Lexa’s, mouth now formed into a wicked smirk.

“I guess it does.”

Bright pink paint splattered across her shirt with a resounding ‘plop’ and Lexa was thankful to have been able to change into a pair of older clothes before leaving the gym.

All it took was for Callie’s little squeal, hands dipping into her own paint and running the messy fingers across Clarke’s shirt, for everything to break loose. All the children began running around, each one choosing between fighting for Lexa or Clarke, paint trays in hand, fingers laden with multiple colors. Paint was flung across the room, hitting the walls and easels near older looking paint stains making Lexa wonder for a split second just how many paint wars had broken out in the large room.

It felt like hours, music playing from a paint splatter stereo in the corner and fueling their fun, before they were out of paint. All the kids were sprawled on the floor around them, little chests heaving to catch their breath. Lexa and Clarke sat on the floor near the back, both completely covered head to toe in paint. The kids had mainly focused on them during the war so they took the brunt of the flinging paint, not that they cared any.

Lexa took note of the room, seeing splatters along the easels and a few along the already brightly painted canvases the kids head worked on. Her eyes shot to the front and noticed with thankful eyes that only a splatter of blue and green had been flung across the back of Clarke’s own mysterious painting. Green eyes darted over to the smiling blonde next to her and couldn’t help but giggle at the paint covered woman.

“You’d make a good leader for war,” Lexa husked as she learned her head back against the brick wall.

Clarke threw her head back in laughter,“So would you, Commander. Throwing yourself in front of the kids like you did. You’d make your subjects proud.”

A spark shot up along the brunette’s spine at the nickname,“Who told you that name?”

“Octavia and Raven,” Clarke replied with a blush.

Lexa groaned and covered her hands with her face,“I’m so going to kill them the next time I see them.”

“Why?” Clarke giggled,“I like it. It seems fitting, especially after the drawing I did earlier. Although, I’m guessing there’s a story behind it that I’m not aware of.”

Emerald eyes peeked from between slender fingers and bore into the smiling blonde with a deadpan expression. Lexa huffed before dropping her hands and letting them fall into her lap where she slowly began picking away at the drying paint on her pants.

“That’s a story I’ll save for another day. Right now, I think we sho—.”

Lexa’s words were cut off by the sound of a throat being cleared. The children all hoped from the floor, trying to hide smiles as they stared at the person in the doorway. An older woman stood in the threshold, not dare tempting to walk any further into the paint covered room. Her onyx hair was tied up into a neat bun and a few tendrils of hair framing her face. An amused pair of grey eyes peeked over the slender rim of glasses perched on a dainty nose and they soon found their way over to her and Clarke’s prone forms against the wall.

“Again, Clarke?” The woman chuckled,“At this rate I should just redo this room with white walls and let the class have at it.”

Clarke’s responding giggle was a jumble of bells in her ear, temporarily stealing her from the woman in the doorway.

“I don’t think they’d oppose to that, Ms. Davis,” Clarke said as the children began excitedly whispering amongst each other as they moved to clean their supplies from around the room.

Ms. Davis shook her head, eyes darting over the room once more before fixating on Clarke,“I’ll see what I can do then. The kids’ parents are here and waiting in the parking lot for them whoever they are ready.Since you’re a little…messy and have a friend with you I’ll be glad to help them out.”

“Thanks. That’d be really helpful,” Clarke said as she stood from the floor and turned to address the kids,“Everyone! You can grab your things and go with Ms. Davis so you can go home. Don’t worry about cleaning. I’ve got everything from here.”

Art supplies were placed down and backpacks and canvases were picked up in their wake. The children all huddled around Clarke’s legs much the same way they had when they had first arrived. Everyone cheerily thanked the blonde for another fun class and voicing how they couldn’t wait for the next one. There were ever a few times when Lexa heard her own name whispered among the group and a question along the lines of ‘will she be back?’. The corner of her lips tugged into a crooked smile as she tried to pretend like she hadn’t overheard anything by busying her hands by picking up a nearby fallen paintbrush. She was just able to control it just enough for the kids to go running out the room with Ms. Davis in tow.

Not even a second after the sound of pattering feet disappeared down the hallway did Lexa feel the hem of her shirt being tugged. She glanced down to her left and was met with a pair of smiling blue eyes, clear as a morning sky. Callie stood beside her, one hand still holding her shirt and the other holding her canvas behind her back. Lexa knelt down so she was level with the suddenly shy girl, taking notice of Clarke watching silently from the front of the room.

“I wanted you to have this,” Callie whispered as she pulled the canvas in front of her but still keeping it faced towards her little body.

Lexa held her hands open in front of her and waited until the blonde was ready to hand over her work. Her fingers tingled with a child-like warmth as she felt the cotton fabric of the canvas settle into her hands. Callie searched her face for a moment before turning around and rushing from the room, all before she was able to even get the chance to see just what the little girl had painted.

She could feel Clarke’s eyes on her’s as she stood and slowly turned the canvas around. Heart pounding and eyes glimmering with wonder, Lexa allowed her eyes to rake over the painting. From first sight it was very obvious that it was done by a child. Two figures of who the brunette assumed where her and Clarke, one with brown hair and the other with blonde, were painted a top a large hill, flowers rising from the ground around their feet. The nubby little fingers of their hands were intertwined between them and right above them, a small rainbow heart. A brilliant sun, with a smiling face, sat in the corner accompanied by a few clouds and birds. But what stood out to her were the words painted out in multiple colors.

_Love is love._

Once again Lexa was thrown off at just how wise Callie was. How much she was able to read into her emotions even after only knowing her for maybe a little over an hour. A large grin spouted along her face as she continued to stare down at the painting. As her eyes lingered along their mingling hands, Lexa spotted a tiny sentence written out beneath their feet, barley noticeable through the green paint but still there.

_Ask Clarke on a date! I’ve seen how she looks at you!_

The words were smudged, almost as if Callie had rethought the idea and quickly tried to cover it but to no avail. Lexa chuckled breathlessly at the little girl’s antics. If she couldn’t help change the world the girl would make one hell of a match maker. She is the partial reason that Lexa had come to truly realize what she was really feeling.

And the reason for the next words that left her mouth.

“Go out with me, Clarke? Please?” Lexa asked confidently, no longer wishing to spend another second without knowing if Clarke wanted to go out with her or not.

The blonde stopped in her tracks, hands dropping the few paint brushes that she had picked up as she turned to the brunette.

“What?”

In four strides Lexa was in front of Clarke, placing the canvas down on the nearest surface, and cupping her cheeks softly. Emerald searched blue and found the beginning swirls of wonder and happiness clouding them.

“Go out with me. Let me take you on a date. Pamper you like you should be pampered.”

Clarke was still, eyes darting around Lexa’s face for any hint of deceit even though she knew she’d never find any. Her breath came in short pants, the swell of her breasts barely brushing against Lexa’s own thanks to their proximity.

And it was sudden.

The loud bark of laughter and the arms that wrapped around her in a vise grip. Blonde hair filled her vision and the smell of soft lavender filled her nose as it settle in the crook of Clarke’s neck.

“I’d love to go on a date with you,” Clarke whispered into her hair, fingers clenching at the back of her shirt tightly.

Lexa waisted no time in pulling away and bringing Clarke forward to meet her lips. And, much like Callie’s words from earlier, this was pure. Filled with nothing but pure feelings for one another. Nothing heated or rushed. Just the simple slow movement of lips on lips and feeling each other smile happily into the kiss. And when Lexa finally broke away, lips parted in heavy breathes, she rested her forehead against Clarke’s and just simply _felt_ her be there with her.

“ _God_ , what are you doing to me?”

Clarke didn’t respond only pulled her forward into another spine tingling kiss. Neither wanted to leave that moment. Where they were safe in each other’s arms and nothing able to break them away from what they were feeling. From everything that was so clearly washing over them in that moment.

This made Lexa wonder just how confessing those three little words would have her feeling. If simply asking Clarke on a date made her feel like she was on cloud nine then she sure as hell was looking forward to saying those wondrous words that were hidden in the forefront of her mind.

As they continued to just enjoy the little moment that they had created neither one noticed the pair of eyes that peeked around the open classroom door. Baby blues dazzled with wonder, with happiness of seeing two people being so helplessly in love with each other. But Callie didn’t stay long, granting the real privacy that both the woman thought they had. But, as she walked down the hallway where she could now see both her fathers waiting patiently of her, Callie could only hope that Lexa could make Clarke smile and vise versa.

That they would make each other laugh and smile as much as they had today.

That they would never deny the love for each other that was so abundantly clear in their eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely one of the most light hearted chapters I think I've written for this story. I had to get this part written so I could move forward with the plot so prepare of things to start kicking up again! As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Until next time Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	18. To Keep You Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little vacation. A little fluff, some heat, and something a little darker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm very excited and nervous about this one. This chapter is what's going to lead us into the rest of the story. I mean after this, everything takes a turn. There's some implied dark themes here, but it's not technically mentioned, like what actually happened. That will be explained in the next chapter. (Yes, that means another cliffhanger...I'm so evil) I really hope you like this one and I hope you all don't hate me for the ending. I might even update the next chapter for you all just because I'm an impatient bean and want to see all of your reactions to everything that's happened. ;)
> 
> **Trigger Warning at the ending**

_“I just wish you would have called me instead of just sending a vague text about where you’ve been staying, Clarke.”_

The blonde sighed into the speaker of her phone, wishing that she could avoid talking to her mother at this very moment.

“I know mom, and I’m sorry,” Clarke said as she rustled through a few papers littering the dining room table in Lexa’s apartment,“I’ve just had a lot on my mind with school and everything that I just needed a little change of scenery. Plus my friend’s place is on campus so it makes it easier to get to the library if I need some information for some upcoming exams next week.”

And, god, did she want to cringe at the lame excuse but it was all her tired brain could come up with. She had hoped that her mother would be much too preoccupied with work to really notice her complete absence but that failed thanks to a surprising lull in the patient flow in the surgery department which caused Abby to be home more than normal. Not that Clarke had noticed thanks to her new found haven that was Lexa’s apartment.

_“Who is this friend of your’s, anyway?” Abby’s slightly teasing tone flittered through her ear._

Clarke’s breath lodged in her throat for a mere three seconds before she was able to compose herself,“Uh, just a friend, mom. No one important.”

It hurt to say it. More so than she originally thought. But if she told her mother about Lexa then there was no guarantee that she would turn around and happen to just let her name slip during dinner with Anthony. If it meant telling her mother that Lexa was of no importance to keep her as far away from the sheriff as possible then so be it. She would live with the pain, let it burn in her chest so she could take the brut of it like she did for everything else. Clarke would explain to Lexa what she told Abby, just so she knew in case there was ever any kind of mix up or overhearing, because she didn’t want the brunette to get the wrong idea.

Although, she was sure Lexa wasn’t going to be pleased at first.

_“You’re at least getting some rest, right? Eating well and not getting lost in studying. Your grades are important but not as important as your health, Clarke.”_

From an outsider’s view they may have said that it was the doctor in her mother that was asking the questions but Clarke knew that it was both. One and the same but still more motherly than anything. It warmed the blonde’s heart when Abby would go into that motherly doctor mode and begin questioning her about every little detail of her health. It made her feel like a child again, when she fell off her bike and scraped her knee and Abby was instant on checking for broken bones. Clarke knew that she would always be loved and protected by her mother.

And it hurt her all the more to hide her abuse from her because Clarke knew if she ever found out she would be devastated.

_“Clarke, honey? Are you listening?”_

The blonde quickly snapped out of her haze and wiped a hand down her face in exhaustion.

“No, mom, sorry. I was just reading this paper that’s due on Tuesday.”

_“I was just saying that if you start getting tired or stressed to take a break. Go out for the weekend. You deserve a little reprieve from your studies. I can’t remember the last time you really went out for a weekend.”_

“Yeah, I’ll think about it,” Clarke sighed, peeking over her shoulder a bit when she heard the front door open,“Hey, listen I really need to work on this paper but I’ll talk to you later. And if I get too stressed I promise to take a break. Maybe go see a movie or something.”

Abby sighed deeply into the phone, knowing there was no fighting her daughter, _”Okay. Just call me if you need me. I’m always here for you, Clarke.”_

“I know, mom. I love you.”

_“I love you, too, sweetie. Call me later, okay?”_

“I will. Bye.”

Once her mother hung up with a quick ‘goodbye’ Clarke let her phone clatter onto the table as she heavily leaned back into her chair. She wasn’t at all scared when a pair of toned arms wrapped around her and a soft kiss was being pressed into the crown of her head. Clarke snuggled back into Lexa’s hold as much as possible, sighing in content when the tension started melting from her body.

“What’s got you all tense?” Lexa whispered into her hair.

“Just homework and my mom. She was worried about me since I, and quote, ‘just sent a vague text about where I’ve been staying’,” Clarke mumbled.

“Ah,” The brunette sighed,“That’s who you were on the phone with when I walked in.”

The blonde nodded lazily,“Yeah, I know she just wanted to make sure I was somewhere safe and taking care of myself. She knows I can get lost in my studies sometimes. She even suggested I go out for the weekend if I get too stressed.”

Lexa’s arms suddenly disappeared and Clarke could feel her move around to squat down next to her chair. Clarke eyed her with suspicion as the brunette smiled widely at her.

“What?”

“Let’s go away for the weekend.”

Clarke’s eyes widened a bit,“To where exactly?”

If possible, the brunette’s smile widened even further,“The cabin. It’ll be nice. We can cook out, swim in the lake, watch some movies. We’ll be away from the city. And if you want we can see if everyone wants to meet us out there after a few hours alone.”

She liked the idea of going back to the cabin, remembering the soothing effect the quietness of the wilderness around them had on her. And Clarke couldn’t lie that she would love to spend some more time with Raven and Octavia again…maybe even Anya, too.

Clarke turned in her seat and let her hands weave into Lexa’s messy bun,“I think I’d really like that. It’d be nice to spend some quality time with Rae and O, too.”

“It’s settled then,” Lexa said with a kiss to her nose,“You and me for a few hours and then we’ll call the others to join us if they want. A little vacation for the weekend.”

A bright smile broke over Clarke’s features at the impending relaxing time. It had been much too long since she had gone on anything even remotely similar to a vacation. And the thought of spending it with Lexa and her friends made her even more excited. She found herself placing a deep kiss to the brunette’s lips before she could stop herself.

“I guess we should start getting ready then,” Clarke whispered before she was pulled back into another kiss.

* * *

After almost two hours of packing and stopping at the store for food Clarke was finally watching the city disappear through the passenger window. Brick buildings and crowded sidewalks soon turned to blurring trees and winding roads, the gentle breeze blowing in from open windows caressing her face and filling her with a sense of calm. The radio was a distant buzz in her ears as Clarke’s head fell back against the headrest, eyes closed and breathing steady.

The drive felt much quicker than the first time, more than likely because Clarke knew where they were heading. She wiggled around in her seat a bit as Lexa finally turned onto the dirt road, happy to be back in a place that offered her such peace. The lake soon came into view and Clarke could just feel her body aching to feel the water against her skin. Before Lexa was even putting the Jeep into park the blonde was unbuckled and hopping out of the vehicle.

“Clarke! I’ve barley stopped the car!” Lexa laughed at her eagerness.

“Hurry up slow poke!”

She couldn’t explain the sudden rush of freedom. The want to just jump into the lake and feel the water rush around her and just know that she was _free_. That she didn’t have to worry about watching over her shoulder every second, waiting for that punishing fist. Her skin tingled at the thought, sun beaming down on her and making her feel _alive_.

She was _free_ and _alive_.

Even if it was only for the weekend…Clarke was _happy_.

Clarke made it to the back of the Jeep and threw the door open so she could grab their things and haul them inside.

“Come on, Lexa! The faster we get everything in the cabin the faster we can get in the lake!” The blonde shouted as she grabbed the closest duffle bag.

She felt Lexa slide up behind her, hovering and crouching,“You brought plenty of clothes with you, right?”

“Yeah, I mean we’re ou—.”

Clarke’s words were cut off with a squeal as she was spun around and thrown over Lexa’s shoulder. Laughter bubbled up in her chest as the brunette began running towards the pier. She knew that Lexa was strong, remembering the time hat her and Anya sparred at the gym, but she didn’t know she was _this_ strong. It had her biting her lip to contain a low moan and her lower belly burning in a way that was becoming all too familiar.

Her laughter turned into a light scream as Lexa finally launched them off the edge of the pier. For a moment, they were airborne, complete weightless and uncaring, before water rushed around them. Bubbles floated around as blue eyes peeked open under slightly cloudy water. Brunette waves suddenly filled her vision with a quick sweep to her left and Clarke smiled as she saw Lexa moving towards the surface.

The cool liquid was a nice contrast against her sun heated skin and Clarke reveled in the feeling as she broke the surface. The sound of Lexa giggling filled her ears as she pushed away brassy strands of wet hair from her face. Clarke playfully glared at Lexa as she slowly swam towards her.

“You’re so going to pay for that.”

The brunette’s smirk only grew,“You were the one that wanted to get into the lake as fast as possible.”

“After we put the food and all of our things away!”

“The food is in a cooler so it’ll be fine,” Lexa said as she waded around in the water,“The rest of our stuff can wait until later.”

Instead of responding, Clarke flicked a wave of water over the brunette and laughed as she watched Lexa sputter at the onslaught.

“Oh, it’s on,” Lexa growled lightly as she shot through the water and grabbed ahold of Clarke.

Shouts and laughter echoed off the trees surrounding the lake as they continued their water war, completely blocking out the outside world and just _living_.

* * *

“Anya, Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln are getting their stuff together and they’ll be down in a little while. We’ve probably got about another hour and a half given the way Anya drives,” Lexa said after she ended her phone call, draping a towel over Clarke’s shoulders.

The blonde quietly thanked her as she dried the droplets of water dotting her skin.

“Who’s Lincoln again? I remember you mentioning him once before.”

Lexa took her seat next to her on the picnic table outside the cabin,“He’s a friend of mine that I’ve known since I was really young. He’s dating Octavia now. You probably would have met him at the bar if not for…”

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s hesitance to bring up the incident with Bellamy.

“It’s okay,” The blonde whispered, moving so she was cuddled up into Lexa’s side.

“You’ll like him. He’s a big softie and he’s into art as well.”

That peak Clarke’s interest a little,“Really?”

“Yeah,” The brunette said with a small nod,“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind showing you some of his work and discussing…whatever it is you all talk about.”

Clarke giggled at Lexa’s lack of knowledge. She curled closer into her side and slipped her hand into the brunette’s with confident fingers. If you asked her, Clarke wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Sun beginning to dip past the tall tree line, wet clothes clinging to warm skin, Clarke’s fingers tracing intricate patterns on the back of Lexa’s hand. A sigh of content left Clarke’s lips as she felt the brunette place a delicate kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you for this. For everything you’ve done. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough,” Clarke whispered.

A hand was suddenly cupping her cheek and pulled her to lock onto emerald orbs. Lexa smiled at her softly, those eyes searching hers and trying to find what laid behind them.

“You don’t have to thank me, Clarke. I do it because I want to. I don’t…I don’t want to see you hurt. Ever. Not a little scratch or a bruise. Nothing.”

And Clarke couldn’t stop herself from pushing up and locking herself onto Lexa’s lips. The sudden rush of emotion from the woman’s words overflowing in her heart and making her see stars. There was that one emotion, those three words, so hidden and important, that she tasted on Lexa’s lips and was sure that same taste lingered on her own. Neither ready to fully say it out loud but could express it through the languid movement of their lips.

But the movement wasn’t languid for long. The fire growing in her belly had Clarke lifting herself and throwing a leg over Lexa’s so she could straddle her. Lexa’s hands wondered down from cupping her cheeks to grasp onto full hips, holding her closer than she thought possible. Clarke carded her fingers through drying brunette tresses, not carrying when they began entangled in them. Her hips moved mostly of their own accord along with small jolts from Lexa, rolling and grinding down for some sort of friction.

Clarke broke away from the kiss with a gasp as Lexa suddenly stood from the table making her lock her legs around her waist and throw her arms over her shoulders. A zap of arousal struck down the blonde’s spine at Lexa’s display of strength once again as she carried her off towards the cabin.

With a quick flick of a key and the door knob Lexa had the door open and was pushing them inside and onto the wall next to the door. Another gasp broke from Clarke’s lips as Lexa’s mouth descended down her neck before latching onto her pulse point and sucking gently. Blonde hair fell back against the wall with a dull thump as Clarke moaned out, hips rolling forward at the feeling. Lexa’s fingers squeezed gently at her ass, having found their way over the fleshy mound in the midst of their walk.

“ _Lexa_ ,” Clarke moaned as the brunette’s tongue soothed the small nip that she had just placed against her skin.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” Lexa husked as she pulled away slightly.

Her heart leapt in her throat at the little distance between them and Clarke didn’t hesitate to pull her back flush against her.

“Don’t you dare.”

What was probably meant to be smirk but turned to a dazzling smile broke along Lexa’s lips before she was rushing forward and locking lips with her once more. Clarke removed her fingers from Lexa’s hair and slid them down to the hem of her shirt, tugging at the damp material. Getting the silent message, the brunette quickly removed the garment before going back to her lips, jaw, neck.

“Mine,” Clarke moaned, head thrown back,“Take it off.”

Lexa happily followed the demand, her deep chuckle cutting off to a moan as Clarke attached her neck. There was a little growl in the back of the brunette’s throat, more playful and loving than anything, when Clarke nipped at a particularly sensitive spot just below her ear. When she repeated the action she found herself lifted higher onto Lexa’s hips and swiftly moved away from the wall. Much too busy indulging herself in the woman’s skin, Clarke didn’t know where Lexa was moving them until her back met the cool fabric of what she thought to be a couch.

A forest of green hovered above her, searching her face and the ocean that laid in her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Clarke’s thoughts took her back to the very moment she ran into Lexa. Shirt ripped and her secret exposed on her arm in the dark shape of a hand. Lexa’s first reaction of wanting to know who had hurt her, the look of fierce protectiveness locked in her eyes. She may not have known it but in that moment she had found her safe haven. Someone who she would come to care a great deal for. Maybe even…

“ _Yes_.”

And, god, she thought Lexa’s eyes were already the brightest they had been, swirling with unhindered emotions and something _more_. But as that one word rolled off her lips they seemed to glow brighter, little flecks of gold dotting along her irises.

Branches of green reflecting bright rays of sun.

Warm fingers splayed across her ribs, slowly gliding upwards and brushing against the edge of her bra. Ribs expanded, back arched as Clarke fell into the feeling. Each little brush was a jolt to her core. Flares of fire burning along her spine and tingling in her lower back. Lips brushed against collarbones, skating over the protruding bones and lower, lower. Clarke’s nails dug lightly into the skin of Lexa’s hips as she felt her tongue slide along her sternum, barely catching the swell of her breast that spilled from her bra. The hands that toyed gently at her ribs moved around, fumbling for the clasp of her damp bra, desperate to feel more heated skin.

Clarke arched impossibly further into Lexa as the material loosened around her chest, the straps slipping down her shoulders and resting halfway down her arms. Lexa hovered over her, lip held firmly between her teeth, eyes skating across the material that was about to be dropped to the floor no longer hindering her path to silky skin. Gently hands moved back to her ribs and slowly began to slide upwards and push the material out of the way. An agonizing pace that had Clarke panting.

And just as Lexa was about to slip the fabric over pink nipples, only the bottom curve of her breasts shown, the sound of tires on dirt had her stopping in her tracks.

Clarke’s heart stilled as she heard door slam shut and the sound of voices fill the silence around them. Those voices were all too familiar. The loudest obviously belonging to one Raven Reyes.

“Shit,” Lexa cursed above her.

A giggle escaped the blonde’s lips as Lexa fumbled to help her clasp her bra back before moving to find their shirts discarded on the floor.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, really,” Clarke replied with a lazy giggle,“I like this.”

Lexa eyes her with a raised eyebrow as she pulled on her shirt,“You like that we were about to get caught having sex by our friends?”

Clarke sat up and took her offered shirt from the brunette’s hands and put it on,“I like that I was about to get caught having sex with you. I would have been horrified if it was anyone else but…I can’t really explain it. I guess it’s just the fact that they would know I’m…your’s.”

Her stomach turned in knots. Clarke wasn’t sure how Lexa would react to her saying she was her’s.

A soft smile tipped at the corners of Lexa’s lips as she registered her words. Gentle fingers cradled her cheeks and brushed away wild strands of gold.

“And I’m your’s,” Lexa whispered before placing a chaste but deep kiss to her lips.

* * *

"Damn, this place is nice!” Raven shouted towards the lake as Clarke and Lexa finally stepped out the cabin,“So fresh and quiet!”

Clarke chuckled as Anya appeared from around her car with a roll of her eyes.

“Not when you’re here, Reyes,” the older blonde scoffed.

The Latina fixed her girlfriend with a faux glare before moving towards the couple heading their way.

“What? You two already went swimming without us?”

Lexa pulled Raven into a swift hug once they reached her,“Had to find a way to pass the time.”

Raven moved back and eyed the two in front of her before smirking,“I think there’s other way of passing the time. If you know what I mean.”

Clarke felt the blush creep along her cheeks as Raven laughed and pulled her into a hug. It felt good to have the brunette’s quick wit back in her life but most of all if felt good to just have Raven.

“Um, where’s my hug?”

Clarke moved away from Raven to see Octavia standing behind them, duffle bag thrown over her shoulder and arms held out at her sides. She laughed before moving to wrap her arms around her friend, sighing happily when the finally embraced.

“It’s good to see you, Clarke. Even if it’s only been a few days,” Octavia whispered.

The blonde buried her face into her friend’s shoulder,“I’m glad you’re all here.”

“Me too,” Octavia said as she pulled away,“Oh, and there’s someone I want you to meet. You remember us mentioning Lincoln, right? Lincoln!”

Lincoln, a tan muscular bear of a man, peeked up from the trunk of Anya’s car at the sound of his name. He quickly slung the bag in his hands over his shoulder and made his way towards them as Octavia waved him over.

“Hey,” Lincoln said softly as he reached them,“Clarke, right? Octavia’s mentioned you before.”

Clarke nodded and smiled teasingly at Octavia,“Oh? She has?”

The brunette scoffed playfully at her teasing and only made Lincoln chuckle.

“Yeah. All about how you met in high school and that you’re into art.”

“Lexa mentioned you were, too,” Clarke said with a nod,“I think her words were ‘I’m sure he wouldn’t mind showing you some of his work and discussing…whatever it is you all talk about’.”

“Hey, I don’t know al the things you artists discuss amongst one another,” Lexa said as she slipped in at Clarke’s side causing the three friends to laugh.

“I’d love to share some of my work with you one day, Clarke. As long as you don’t mind sharing yourself?”

“I’d love to,” Clarke said sincerely.

Lincoln smiled brightly before throwing an arm over Octavia’s shoulders,“Awesome! Well, let’s go ahead and get the rest of the stuff out the car.”

Octavia groaned as her boyfriend lead her back towards the car where Raven and Anya were currently unloading a small cooler.

Lexa maneuvered herself behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder as they watched their friends argue about something.

“You’ll let him see your work but not me?” Lexa pouted.

Clarke rolled her eyes and turned in the brunette’s hold so she could face her,“I let you see those sketches I did of you. I just didn’t want you to see the painting yet until it’s finished. Lincoln won’t be seeing that one either. So don’t get jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous,” Lexa mumbled.

“Sure you weren’t,” Clarke laughed as she pressed kiss to the brunette’s nose.

“Hey, love birds!” Anya’s voice called out from her car,“I can see your cooler sitting in the back seat from here! Hurry up and unpack so we can eat! We’re starving!”

Lexa huffed and let her head thump against Clarke’s shoulder.

“Why did we invite them again?”

Laughter filled the surrounding area as Clarke threw her head towards the sky, shoulders shaking. Filled with happiness, the blonde failed to feel the four pairs of eyes that watched her with complete happiness.

That night after dinner was spent siting around a bonfire, sticks sizzling with marshmallows, as the friends filled the smoky air with life stories. Clarke hadn’t felt that relaxed in a long time. Sharing memories of her, Raven, and Octavia from when they were younger.

_More free._

Bellies full and hearts stated with long stories everyone had retired late into the night, the moon high above their head and stars dancing wildly. When Clarke fell into the bed and Lexa slid in right beside her, she knew she would have no trouble falling asleep. There was a peace that had settled over her heart and didn’t want to let it go. And she found that when Lexa’s arms tightened around her it felt impossible for that feeling to slip away.

* * *

“Dammit, Clarke! Don’t do this!”

The words were burned in her ears. Stabbed through her head with each individual syllable. Her head swam, unable to place just what moved around her. Black lashes drooped along with heavy blue eyes.

“No! Clarke stay awake! Hey, listen to me! Focus on my voice!”

The voice above her was sweet, firm and trembled helplessly. It was determined and scared. Bleary eyes tried to lock in on the face hovering above her but all she could make out was brown and green.

_So much green._

“Lexa?”

Green eyes came more into focus as the brunette placed her forehead on her’s for a split second. She could feel her nod hastily and Clarke could feel something warm hit her cheeks, mingling with the water that was already covering them.

_Lexa’s tears._

“The ambulance is coming!” A voice called from somewhere Clarke couldn’t pinpoint,“They said just keep her awake as long as possible.”

 _Anya_.

There was a tremble in her voice too. Not quite as dominant in her voice as it was in Lexa’s. A few sniffles came from the same directions and Clarke knew all too well that it wasn’t Anya.

_Raven._

_Octavia._

_Lincoln._

Her chest was heavy, lungs burning almost unbearably with each expand of her ribs. She could feel Lexa’s hands soothing away a few drops of water from her face as she tried to keep her awake.

“Why, Clarke? Why would you do this?”

Her voice was helpless, almost broken. Fearful. Worried.

 _Loving_.

Clarke smiled weakly.

“To keep you safe,” she rasped.

“God…Clarke,” Lexa sighed,“You can’t—I told you not to worry about me. I can’t…I can’t lose you. What were you thinking?”

She wasn’t mad. Clarke knew that. She was desperate to understand. Desperate to know why Clarke had taken the plunge.

The blonde could feel her eyes growing weaker. The pain in her lungs too much and her throat aching with each uttered word. Just as her eyes fluttered once more, the sight of Lexa came into complete focus. Brunette curls framed by the brilliant glow of the rising sun and forest filled eyes overcome by salty tears.

Lexa was beautiful. Full of life. Worth so much more than Clarke knew her own was worth. And so she did it for her.

_All for her._

_Always._

“To keep you safe.”

The words were weak on her lips as her eyes became too heavy. The golden glow of the sun rose just over Lexa’s head, filling her remaining vision with a last glimpse of the crying brunette before being over come by a blinding light of gold and then nothing. For the last few seconds that she floated in that nothingness, before drifting away, she could hear the calls of her name swimming in her ears. In that lovely voice that she would do anything for.

_“Clarke, come back! We need you… **I** need you….I **love** you. Don’t do this, please.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, no one dies here. Remember that. (For future reference) ;) I hated to just jump into that last part like that but I feel like the build up is so much more better, leaving you hanging on the edge of your seat to know what happened. I love to rile you all up if you haven't noticed yet. BUT I have decided that I'm going to go ahead and write the next chapter before updating any of my other once because like I said earlier, I'm an impatient bean. Can't help it. So be looking for another new chapter here soon. Maybe in the next few days. ;)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies. 
> 
> Love to all!
> 
> Xoxo
> 
> And I promise everything will be explain in the next chapter! :)


	19. I'm Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Clarke is reveled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't really think I could finish this as fast as I did. But I'm really happy I did! You're responses to the last chapter were definitely what I was expecting so I'm happy to give you all the answers that you're looking for! I'm not sure who all on here gets on tumblr but I felt so bad I posted two sneak peeks on my Tumblr to help get you through the 'tough' time. XD 
> 
> Anyway, I think I've answered most questions that were left unanswered in the last chapter. There's still a few I haven't covered for specific reasons and you probably won't even realize they haven't been answered! I'll explain more at the end! ;)

_A flutter of black lashes. Green eyes. Halo of chestnut curls._

_“Good morning,” Lexa whispered with a gentle stroke of fingertips along soft skin._

_There was a buzz of disorientation in the back of her mind. Fuzzy and unfocused. She could no longer feel the water in her lungs. The oxygen leaving her body in millions of bubbles ascending to the water’s surface._

_“Clarke? What’s wrong?”_

_Blue eyes resurfaced from their clenched state, willing away the traumatic images in lieu for the woman before her. There was no pain here. No oxygen deprivation. No fear._

_Just them._

_“This isn’t real,” Clarke mumbled, her hands tracing the outline of Lexa’s jaw,“This is heaven.”_

_Lexa gave her that lopsided smile. The one where just the corner of her mouth quirked up and made Clarke want to kiss her lips all the more._

_“No, Clarke. You’re dreaming,” Lexa said as she tucked a golden curl behind her ear,“I need you to wake up. You’re so much stronger than this.”_

_That’s when she felt it. The pain, radiating from her chest and spreading to her fingertips, her toes. It took her breath away. Almost as if she had taken the plunge into the cloudy water once again._

_“You can fight it, Clarke. I know you can. Just come back to us…to **me**.”_

* * *

**Shift In POV (Lexa)**

Lexa repeated those words over and over, whispered into blonde hair, hands holding onto a limp pale one and never letting go. The steady beep of the heart monitor next to the bed and the rise and fall of Clarke’s chest were the only two things keeping her awake in the uncomfortable hospital chair. It had already been a good nine hours since the ambulance had arrived at the cabin. Eight hours since Clarke’s heart was restarted once more and driven to the nearest hospital.

Seven hours since Lexa was finally allowed to see her again. Weak and connected to so many machines that she didn’t understand.

But all she could focus on was her heartbeat and the even rise and fall of her chest. It was the only thing her mind was finely tuned on since walking into the sterile white room.

“You can fight it, Clarke. I know you can. Just come back to us…to _me_.”  
  
The words were on repeat since Lexa had picked up the blonde’s limp hand and she couldn’t find it in herself to stop saying them. Hoping that somewhere in that stubborn head of her’s Clarke could hear her. She allowed one hand to move away slowly and fix the nasal cannula delivering oxygen to Clarke before smoothing back her hair and letting it linger there.

She studied Clarke’s peaceful face. Her smooth skin, cheeks slowly gaining a little more color, lips cracked but now back to a rosy pink instead of the pale blue they were when Lexa had first found her. Lexa wanted to will her to awaken so she could see those cerulean eyes filled with life once again. The knot that had lodged itself in her throat since the moment she found Clarke, floating, grew tighter as the past few hours replayed over in her head.

The sound of a door opening had Lexa blinking away the tears that had welled up in her eyes. With a light sniff she turned her head and was greeted with the sight of Abby who held two cups of coffee in both hands.

“I figured you could use this,” Abby said as she walked over and handed her one of the cups with a broken smile,“Still hasn’t woken up?”

Lexa shook her head, setting the cup down on the table next to the bed so she could wrap both hands around Clarke’s once more.

“No. Not even a little twitch of her hand. I-I’ve been talking to her. Thinking maybe she can hear me but it doesn’t seem to be helping any.”

Abby rested a hand on the brunette’s shoulder and smiled softly,“She can hear you. Trust me. I’ve heard of many patients waking up after accidents and saying that they could hear their loved ones talking to them.”

“I guess she’s just being stubborn then. Not wanting to wake up,” Lexa chuckled softly.

The surgeon pulled another chair up next to Lexa’s and took a seat.

“She gets it from her father. Couldn’t win an argument between either of them and put them together…they’re an unstoppable force,” Abby laughed.

Clarke hadn’t mentioned anything about her father and Lexa thought it wrong to learn about him from someone that wasn’t Clarke. She wanted the blonde to open up to her completely about her life when she was ready. Not try and pull some details out of her mother while she was unconscious in a hospital bed. But Lexa would remember to try and bring it up casually later on and see if Clarke was willing to talk about it.

The brunette didn’t even like the fact that she had met Abby without being introduced by Clarke herself. But there was no way she could avoid meeting her when the person they both cared about most was laying in a bed connected to all sorts of monitoring machines. They hadn’t gotten the chance to really introduce themselves, much too busy worrying over Clarke and keeping everyone else informed on her condition.

“So, are you the friend she’s been staying with?”

“Uh, yeah. We’ve been cramming for upcoming exams pretty much every night. We thought it’d save us some time and energy if she just stayed at my place,” Lexa said slowly.

They had discussed their little coverup just incase Abby questioned why she was staying with Lexa and by the look on the older woman’s face Clarke had already told her.

“That’s what Clarke said. I just miss seeing her when I _am_ home. I hate that I don’t get to see her as much as I should because of work. And now with this, the accident…I think I may need to take some time off.”

The flinch across her face was fleeting and thankfully Abby had been too enraptured by her daughter to notice it. Lexa hadn’t been sure how she was going to explain Clarke’s attempt at taking her own life without somehow revealing Anthony’s abusing ways so she covered it up by claiming it was an accident. A clumsy blonde and a protruding board from the pier causing a tripping incident where said blonde fell head first into the lake wasn’t as hard for people to believe as Lexa originally thought.

Don’t get her wrong. Lexa wanted more than anything else to tell everyone about Anthony, especially since she was sure that he played some part in Clarke’s ‘accident’, but she respected Clarke’s wishes to get help when she was ready. Even if it hurt her every single day, every single minute and second. This had almost been her breaking point, though. If Clarke would have been underwater for just another minute…she couldn’t process that thought any longer.

“I’m glad she met you,” Abby whispered next to her.

Green eyes filled with confusion,“Why? I mean…I’m glad I met her, too. More than anything but…why?”

Abby smiled as she leaned back in her chair, eyes scanning over Lexa,“Well for starters you got her away from her studies which is nearly impossible for me to do let alone anyone else. And Raven and Octavia have suddenly shown back up in her life which strangely happens just after she’s met you. And…she’s happy.”

Now, Lexa was really confused.

“How…how do you know she’s happy? I-I mean you haven’t seen her since she started staying with me, have you?”

“No,” Abby chuckled at her confusion,“But I could hear her voice over the phone. She was distracted and lost in another world altogether but I could hear it in her voice. It’s…it’s something I haven’t heard in a long time. At least not that much.”

Lexa smiled kindly at the mother, knowing that she knew what she was talking about when she spoke of her daughter. Almost every mother always knew what their child was truly feeling. Lexa knew from personal experience because she was never able to hide any of her moods from her own mother. She could read her like an open book. And she knew that, even with their lack of physically seeing each other, Abby was still able to tell just exactly what her daughter was feeling.

* * *

She had just finished the cup of coffee when it happened. As the last lukewarm sip of dark roast slid down her throat there was that unmistakable twitch of fingers around her hand. Abby was still sitting next to her, lost in a paperback novel that she had whipped out from seemingly nowhere, and hadn’t seem to notice Lexa’s sharp intake of breath. She stayed silent, thinking that maybe it was actually a fluke and Clarke was still unconscious.

But there was no mistaking the light groan that slipped from chapped lips. Not when Abby heard it too and was out of her seat in seconds and on the other side of the bed. Both watched in nervous anticipation, eyeing the weak blonde and silently praying that she would wake up instead of just falling back into her slumber. The held breathes and clenching hearts eased as soon as the first flutter of blue eyes welcomed their sights.

Abby was instantly all over her daughter while pressing the call button on the wall and notifying the other doctor and nurses. Within minutes the room was filled, each one gently pushing around Lexa who for one second never let her hand linger from Clarke’s.

“Lexa?”

Her voice was hoarse. Much like how it was when she yelling at her to stay awake. She was pushing a nurse from her line of vision before anyone else could hear the strangled word.

“Hey, Clarke,” Lexa whispered as she leaned over her carefully,“I’m here. You’re okay now. You’re safe.”

Blue eyes were dazed but locked on her intensely.

“I saw you…heard you. I thought I was dead,” Clarke croaked.

Lexa’s heart clenched impossibly tighter at the last word and didn’t even try to quell the lone tear that slipped down her cheek.

“Well, you’re not. I won’t let you leave me that easily,” The brunette teased lightly as she brushed her hand along her cheek.

She hadn’t realized it until just now, a fleeting movement of eyes to gauge everyone’s reactions that surround them, that Clarke’s room was devoid of everyone save for Abby. The surgeon stood by the door, smiling softly at her and gave her a curt nod when their eyes met.

“She’s okay for now. I’ll let you two talk.”

Abby was out the door before she had any time to protest…and she was thankful. Because she was pretty sure that she wasn’t going to be leaving Clarke’s side anytime soon, even if her mother asked for a minute alone with her. She wasn’t letting the blonde out of her sight at least for the next couple of days.

Lexa’s feet moved her to sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to jolt Clarke too much. The blonde’s face was droopy, tired, as she looked up at her. But there was still that soft smile on her face. The one that housed so many unspoken emotions but were so easily read from it. Emerald eyes locked onto blue and held them fiercely, determined to know what happened, but not angry.

“Why, Clarke?” Lexa whispered brokenly,“Why’d you do it?”

Clarke looked away from her then,“My mom…does she know?”

“No,” The brunette shook her head,“No one does besides me and Anya. Everyone else thinks it was an accident.”

“Why’d you pull me out?”

The words weren’t bitter but anguished. They housed years of hurt and emotional pain, as well as physical. Lexa could feel her heart breaking with each one of them.

“I wasn’t going to let you die, Clarke. I couldn’t…I won’t let that happen. As long as I’m alive I will do _everything_ and _anything_ to keep you breathing. You’re too strong to just give up like that,” Lexa whispered.

“It would have just made everything easier, Lexa.”

She couldn’t meet those baby blues that she had come to love. Not when Clarke was faced away from her and just staring at the wall beside her. Lexa could see the shimmer of tears that rose just in the corner of her eyes and felt her heart break even more if possible.

“It was him…wasn’t it?”

Lexa didn’t need to see or hear any confirmation from Clarke to know the answer to her question. There was no other reason that Lexa knew of for Clarke to just attempt to take her own life out of the blue like that.

“He called me.”

“Tell me what happened. Please.”

* * *

**Shift In POV (Clarke)**

**_Earlier that day…_ **

_There was always something Clarke loved about waking before the sun rose. That moment where she could look up into the sky and see the stars fading and giving way for the pinks and golds of the slowly rising sun. The way the world was silent, just barely waking up, and wrapped around her comfortingly. The lake before her was calm. The surface smooth and unbroken, resembling a large mirror and reflecting the dimming stars above her._

_She smiled contently as she remembered the events of yesterday, last night. How safe and secure she felt around her friends and Lexa. How peaceful the woods surrounding them were, pulling away all the stress and nightmares that piled onto her shoulders._

_Clarke breathed in the fresh air billowing around her, happy to have just a small moment to herself before everyone else awoke. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Lexa was up since she was normally awake with the rising of the sun. With a smile, Clarke decided that she would wait for her to come looking for her in hopes of pulling her down on the pier with her and getting lost in the soon-to-be rising sun._

_There was a sharp buzz in the pocket of her pajama pants. Her brow crinkled in confusion at who would be calling her at such an ungodly hour as she pulled out the device. Her mother’s face popped up along her screen and Clarke’s heart warmed instantly. Probably just another call between surgeries to check on her well being. With a quick swipe of the screen Clarke lifted the phone to her ear with a bright smile._

_“Hey, mom. I texted you and tol—.”_

_“Lexa Woods.”_

_There was instant ice in her veins. The kind that stopped her heart and dragged her body to land on the wooden planks below her feet. The world spun around her at his voice. Head dizzy and chest heaving with chocked breathes. No. This couldn’t be happening. She should have seen it coming. She should have stayed away._

_“How did yo—.”_

_“You really think I wouldn’t find out sooner or later?” Anthony laughed,“I’m the city’s sheriff, Clarke. I know how to get the information I want, when I want.”_

_His voice was chilling, threatening. That sick playful tone edging on his voice because he felt like he was winning, getting what he wanted._

_“Stay away from her,” Clarke growled, backbone forming at the thought of Lexa being entangled in Anthony’s grasp._

_“And where would the fun in that be? I mean, she’s been keeping you away from all your chores, from me. Shouldn’t she be the one to pay for that?”_

_Clarke wanted to be sick at his question. There was no way she was letting him touch her._

_“What do you want? What do I have to do for you to leave her alone?”_

_Anthony was silent for a moment before letting out a quick snort of breath._

_“Come home,” He said as if the answer was obvious,“We’ll go back our…routine as if nothing happened. You keep our little deal and no one else gets hurt.”_

_“What if I said no? What if I said I’m going to turn you in? That I’m done with your shit and I’m finally going to do something about it.”_

_“You’re mother. Raven Reyes. Octavia and Bellamy Blake. Lincoln Winters. Anya Williams,” Each name was a chocked sob on her lips,“We wouldn’t want an accident to happen, would we Clarke?”_

_Everything she feared would happen was happening. He knew who Lexa was. Probably had all her information right in front of him. Anthony and her and everyone else in the palm of his hand if she didn’t do as he said. Clarke could just feel the bruises forming under her skin with each fleeting second._

_The tears were too much in her eyes, finally sliding down flushed cheeks and landing on the wood below her. She trained her eyes on the droplets as she tried to control her breathing from the oncoming panic attack she could feel rising in her chest. The sound of Anthony’s twisted laughter was a muffled sound as her eyes landed on the carved wood beside her hand that was supporting her weight._

_**Lexa**._

_Clarke let her fingers trace over the carved name. So precious and young. The image of a younger Lexa that she had imagined the first time seeing the name was conjured in her head once more. But this time her mind formed the timeline of Lexa. Filling her eyes with the passing days of her childhood and seeing her grow into the gorgeous woman she was today. The one that was so precious and soft and helpful._

_Selfless._

_And that’s when it hit her. Clarke knew what she needed to do. Why she needed to do it. She wasn’t going to let Lexa’s precious timeline stop now. Wasn’t going to let it fall into Anthony’s hands and be twisted painfully to the point of no return. Anyone’s for that matter. Clarke was done letting her friends and family be the pawns in his game that he used to control her._

_If he didn’t have her…they were useless to him._

_“They’re nothing to you if I’m no longer here.”_

_The words were laced with malicious and wrapped around her heart like a vice, spurring her on as she clicked the ‘end’ button and let the phone clatter onto the pier. She barely caught her weight with both hands as she fell forward, chest wracking with sobs once more. Clarke didn’t want it to end like this but knew it was the only sure way that he wouldn’t touch any of them, at least in her mind._

_Her fingers ghosted over Lexa’s name one more time, letting the image of the smiling brunette linger in her mind as she stood from her slouch. Feet unsteady beneath her, Clarke stumbled to the edge of the pier and looked over the water. The first peak of sunlight snuck between the trees and reflected brightly off the undisturbed water. A quick glance over her shoulder told her that everyone was still asleep in the cabin. No lights or moving shadows showing from the bedroom windows._

_Memories flashed through her mind as she took a slight step forward, toes dangling off the edge. Her mother, her father, her friends…her Lexa. It was an all too painful pit in her chest to realize that she wouldn’t see them anymore but it filled with the thought that she was doing this to keep them safe._

_To keep her safe._

_And she took the plunge._

_The water rushed around her, swallowed her much differently than it had the previous day when she and Lexa had jumped in. This water was heavy, pulling, dragging. She allowed it to fill her lungs and burn through her nose as it drug her under. The millions of bubbles that climbed from her throat danced around her in an almost beautiful way. Like seeing her life leave her body in the form of bubbles. It was both bitter and sweet._

_Clarke didn’t fight against it. Instead she welcomed it. The painful ache in her lungs as they searched for oxygen. The heaviness of her eyes as they fought to stay open. Her fingers and toes were numb to the pain only tingling as the edges of her vision began to turn black. She could feel the moment her body became completely weightless, floating up towards the top slowly._

_With one last flutter of her eyes, all Clarke could see was Lexa smiling back at her brightly._

_Alive and happy._

* * *

**Shift In POV (Lexa)**

_It was a strange thing, waking up to an empty bed, after spending so many days waking up with Clarke in her arms. Her first thought was that she was in the bathroom but one quick glance through the open doorway told her she was wrong. Lexa didn’t think much of it as she pulled herself from the bed, thinking that the blonde was just wondering around the cabin in the blissful silence before their friends awoke._

_With sleep tingling legs, Lexa slowly walked over to the bedroom window with a large yawn on her lips. The sun was just barley peeking over the tops of the tress as she scanned the horizon. Green eyes marbled at the beauty of the dawn, gold hues washing over her skin through the window and painting the room brightly. She followed down the lines of trees, watching as a few birds flew into the sky to start the day, before settling on the rippling surface of the lake._

_She wasn’t sure when she saw her, how it even registered in her mind before she was sprinting from the room with shouts to her friends. She nearly ran into Anya as she tore through the hallway, pushing past her and calling out helplessly._

_“Call 911! It’s Clarke!”_

_The cabin turned from silence to helpless panic in a matter of seconds, but it fell on deaf ears for her._

_She crashed through the door, not caring when her shoulder burned slighting with the force, and let her feet pound against the fresh soil towards the lake. There was no stopping. Not for a moment because a moment could mean a world of difference for Clarke. She had been running for such a sort amount of time but still her legs burned and her chest heaved as she reached the wooden pier. But Lexa paid no mind to her own body’s demands to slow down as she dove into the water towards a floating and lifeless Clarke._

_The water was icy around her, stinging to the bone despite it’s warm temperature. There was a momentary lapse in the silence as the water splashed from her paddling arms and kicking legs. Her blood pumped heavily in her veins, white noise deafening in her ears as her fingers grazed the edges of Clarke’s prone form. The beat of her heart stuttered, stopped, as she rolled her over. Slightly pale blue lips, paler in color than normal, eyes no longer twitching under delicate eyelids and wet lashes._

_“Clarke. No, no, no. You can’t do this, dammit!” Lexa cried out as she slapped at her cheek,“Come on, wake up!”_

_When she received no answer, no movement, she quickly began wading them back to the pier. It took her panicked brain a few moments to recognize the forms of Octavia, Raven, and Lincoln calling to her from the wooden structure. Lexa pulled Clarke as she swam, trying to get her out of the water as fast as possible knowing that she needed to get her breathing again. There was no telling just how long Clarke had been under._

_“Give me her arms!” Lincoln said as he reached down to them, gripping carefully onto Clarke’s skin as he pulled her up._

_Raven and Octavia helped to heave her onto the pier where she fell breathlessly next to Clarke’s lifeless body. There was only a split second that she allowed her lungs to breath in a mouthful of oxygen before she was up and hovering over Clarke._

_“Dammit, Clarke! Don’t do this!”_

_Trembling hands cupped her cheeks, tilted her head back, before they were pressing down over her chest. She counted in her head, the numbers blurring with each passing second that no breath left Clarke’s lips, before pressing her lips against cold blue ones and trying to blow the life back into her._

_It was a process that felt like hours in her head._

_Thirty compressions. **Breathe**._

_Thirty compressions. **Breathe**._

_Thirty compression. **Breathe**._

_Until finally a gurgle of water was rushing up Clarke’s throat and onto the wood next to her as Lexa turned her on her side. Once she was sure all the water was out and Clarke’s chest was rising at least slightly on it’s own Lexa turned her back over. Dazed baby blues blinked up in rapid succession before drooping heavily, trying to fall back into that floating void._

_“No! Clarke stay awake! Hey, listen to me! Focus on my voice!”_

_She could hear the tremble in her voice, fear the tears that threatened to spill over high cheek bones. But she didn’t care. Not with Clarke lying here before her barely hanging on to life itself._

_“Lexa?”_

_A stuttered breath left her lips as she dropped her forehead down onto Clarke’s and nodded helplessly. The tears finally fell, landing shamelessly on Clarke’s cheeks to mingle with the drops of lake water dotting her face. She knew that the blonde could feel them hit her face by the tiny crinkle that formed between her brows but she didn’t try to explain them as Anya’s voice rung out._

_“The ambulance is coming! They said just keep her awake as long as possible,” Anya yelled as she ran towards the pier, more than likely having seen them drag Clarke from the water from her bedroom window._

_Lexa turned back to Clarke with a silent nod to her friend. She could see her face scrunched in pain most likely from swallowing so much water and probably from the many chest compressions. The brunette was sure that Clarke would at least have some bruised ribs if not cracked ones. Her throat tightened as she took in a particularly painful breathe and Lexa let herself brush a few drops of water from her face gently._

_“Why, Clarke? Why would you do this?”_

_Clarke smiled weakly._

_“To keep you safe.”_

_It made the pain in her own chest double, the fact that Clarke thought she had to take her own life just to protect her. Didn’t she realize that she didn’t know what she would do if Clarke was gone? If she had…_

_“God…Clarke,” Lexa sighed,“You can’t—I told you not to worry about me. I can’t…I can’t lose you. What were you thinking?”_

_She could never be mad. Not when Clarke just thought that it was the best way to protect her. Lexa could see the blonde’s eyes drooping lower but she could also see the moment that her eyes zeroed in on her hovering form. How she studied her for a moment before giving her another weak smile._

_“To keep you safe,” She repeated._

_They were weak. Weaker than the first time she had spoke them and Lexa worried. Her hand drifted down to rest above her slowly beating heart and felt the painful throb of her own as it became slower and slower. There was only a split second between the time when her eyes dropped down to glance at her hand before looking back up to Clarke’s eyes which had fallen shut at the last beat of her heart._

_“Clarke, come back!” Lexa called as she began compressions again._

_Their friends hovered around them, trying to give space but also be there if needed._

_“We need you…I need you…,” The brunette cried brokenly,“I **love** you. Don’t do this, please.”_

_It felt like time faded away as she pumped at Clarke’s chest, breathed into her lips, to her lungs. She barely remembered Anya switching places with her when her arms grew too weak to continue. The sound of an ambulance’s siren was the one thing that pulled her back, but just barely. She was a dominate force at Clarke’s side, not moving an inch away from her spot at the blonde’s knees as the medics began working on her. Barley taking her hands away from her skin when the defibrillator went off and finally restarted her heart._

_And no one could keep her from holding Clarke’s hand all the way to the bus after they loaded her onto the stretcher. No one could keep her from hoping in along with her and being a steady but anxious presence at her side. The medic taking position in the back moved around her as best he could, completely understanding the shock that was coursing through her body as her lips grazed helplessly over the skin of Clarke’s hand._

_They were driven to the nearest hospital where, when she could no longer follow through the ER doors, Lexa met her friends in the waiting room. Where Anya handed over Clarke’s cellphone and she fumbled nervously for ten minutes before giving a call to the blonde’s mother. Where she quickly came up with a cover story of Clarke being a little clumsier than usual. Where, after ending the phone call, she finally broken into full sobs and slide down the wall just outside the waiting room doors._

_It had taken Abby showing up, realizing who she was with Clarke’s phone wrapped tightly in her grip, to get Lexa back on her feet. A motherly hug and whispered words of ‘she’s going to be fine’ and ‘she’s too stubborn to leave us just yet’. The words soothed her tears but not the pain in her chest. In her heart. That could only be lifted when she was finally staring into mesmerizing blues once again._

_It was a waiting game after. Abby had tried to work her way in with her ranking as head surgeon in the city’s largest hospital but the receptionist wouldn’t budge. Everyone was piled nervously in uncomfortable plastic chairs, Lexa’s head resting on Anya’s shoulder and her hand in Abby’s motherly grip. Every passing minute the brunette’s chest got heavier and heavier. And just when she felt like she would pass out Clarke’s last name rang out through the crowded room._

_They were out of their seats in seconds. Crowding the doctor and spitting a million questions all at once. He answered as best he could though the noise. Jumbled sentences like ‘she’s fine now’ and ‘if it had been any longer’ and ‘she’s unconscious and we don’t know when she’ll wake up’ spoken firmly over their voices. Lexa felt like she was floating at his words, no longer feeling as heavy as before because Clarke was going to be **fine**._

_She was going to be **okay**._

_And no one stopped her as she burst through the group and ran towards the room with the peacefully sleeping blonde._

* * *

Lexa placed a long kiss to the back of Clark’s hand as the memories tapered off. Both of them sniffled and tried the few tears that had fallen in the midst of their stories. Fingertips brushed over her cheek and emerald eyes shot up to finally lock onto ocean orbs.

“Why didn’t you tell everyone what really happened?”

She had asked herself the same question. Over and over. Why she didn’t just get it over with and let it all out. But she knew it wasn’t her story to tell no matter how badly she wanted to.

“It’s not my story to tell, Clarke. It’s your’s. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t wish you would just tell someone. Anyone. It hurts me to see…this happening to you. I can’t watch it happen to you again. You need to tell someone. I will help you, just…please,” Lexa pleaded.

Clarke’s eyes reflected so many years of physical and emotional pain at her words. She could see the gears turning in her head as she thought over Lexa’s words. But still, there was that little dimming there. The one that told Lexa that she hadn’t gotten through to Clarke just yet.

Or at least she thought.

“Okay,” Clarke whispered,“I’m ready. If this is what I need to do to keep you safe then I will.”

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered,“Don’t do this because of me. Do this because of you. Do it for yourself. Because it’s what’s best for you and will keep you safe.”

The blonde smiled softly, slowly rising from the bed and locking a free hand around Lexa’s neck and pulling her close, bumping foreheads.

“Because it’s what will keep us safe. If I do this with your help then there’s nothing stopping him from trying to take both of us down with him. We do this together.”

Lips brushed lightly across the blonde’s as Lexa nodded slowly.

“Okay,” She whispered as soon as she pulled away,“Together.”

“I want to tell my mom first before anyone else,” Clarke said as she backed away from Lexa.

The brunette tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,“Of course. Do you want me to go get her now?”

She smiled softly at her before shaking her head, the nasal cannula slipping from her nose slightly. Lexa chuckled as she straightened it once again.

“I want to be alone with you just a little longer,” Clarke said gently as she fell into Lexa’s chest.

With the warmth of Clarke’s body against her’s, _alive_ , Lexa felt her emotions rising back to the surface. How close she had come to not having a moment like this ever again. She buried her face in blonde hair and tugged her impossibly closer as if willing them to become one. One body. One mind. One soul.

“I thought I lost you, Clarke.”

“I know,” Clarke whispered,“And I’m sorry.”

Lexa couldn’t find the right words to reply so she just fell into the silence and the warm essence of the woman that she held.

“Lexa?” Clarke husked after a few long minutes of silence.

“Yeah?”

There was a little kiss placed just above her heart and Lexa could almost feel the words before they tumbled from Clarke’s smiling lips.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's really about to happen. Everything is really about to change here. But don't worry. It's still not over. I've got everything planned and written down just waiting to be put into chapters and I can't wait to see all of your reactions to the rest of the story! Starting from here on out there's going to be more twists and turns than any of you are probably even thinking about and it makes me excited. So be prepared. It's coming. ;)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	20. It Can't Be This Easy...Can It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tells all. A surprise visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I posted a poll on twitter on which story I should update next and SR won! CM was supposed to be next but I just didn't have the motivation to write the next chapter because it's definitely going to be a heavy one but I promise it won't be much longer! FTVB is the next winner so that will be my next one I work on and then CM, followed by LM! 
> 
> I've been really excited about this chapter, we're actually starting to get into the real part of the story. Setting everything into place and uncovering some secrets and whatnot. So get excited and prepare because it will start to get dark in some parts and maybe even a little...heated. ;)
> 
> **I'd also like to point out that I'm not completely versed on the rankings of officers and the law so I hope whatever is written here isn't too far from reality. :)

It never came easy; reliving the memories…and telling her mother at the same time didn’t make it any easier. It was painful, more so than she ever thought it would be, to watch the emotions splay across Abby’s face. Each flinch, stray tear, and angry twitch was like a knife to Clarke’s heart.

But Lexa was there to help her through it.

With each word, each painful memory, Lexa’s fingers were strong around her’s. A helpful and supportive presence that gave Clarke the courage she needed to get through the conversation with Abby. There was also the slight brush of lips against her temple every time Lexa heard even the slightest tremble in her voice at a particularly hard moment. And Clarke didn’t miss her mother’s eyebrows raise curiously at the motion.

“So your accident wasn’t an accident?” Abby choked, hand reaching out to Clarke only to fall back in her lap helplessly.

Clarke turned her face into Lexa’s neck as she shook her head slowly. She couldn’t stand to see the look that she would be on her mother’s face when she answered. It would be too painful.

“Why, Clarke? Nothing is worth more than your life. Especially not some coward who’s been…who’s been—.”

The older woman couldn’t finish the vile sentence, the soft sobs rising to hack mercilessly at her chest.

Clarke kept her face hidden in Lexa’s neck but reached out blindly to grab Abby’s hand.

“He wouldn’t have had any leverage to hurt anyone if I was gone. He wouldn’t have a reason to hurt Rae or O, you, or Lexa. Maybe he…maybe he would have changed.”

“Someone like that doesn’t just change, Clarke,” Lexa whispered into her hair, low enough that Abby probably didn’t hear.

“Do you really think that would have stopped him?” Abby questioned,“Do you really think that would have kept him from coming back and doing it to someone else? I’m not trying to put you down Clarke but you need to think about things. It’s not because of _you_ that Anthony has done the things he’s done. It’s because of himself. Because of the person he’s allowed himself to become. You shouldn’t, and _won’t_ , have to give up your life just to give him a chance to change or whatever else you were thinking he would do when you…”

Clarke could feel the tears prick at her eyes at her mother’s words. Her mother was right. In her haze to keep Lexa safe Clarke didn’t clearly think about how Anthony _really_ would have reacted to the news. Would he have really not hurt anyone else? Would he have been angry because she had escaped him? Took it out on her mother? Her friends? Maybe even Lexa since she was the one that finally drove her away from him? Clarke knew in the back of her mind that with her out of the picture that maybe he wouldn’t be so hateful. That maybe it was her that caused him to do the things he did. With her gone he wouldn’t hold anymore anger.

Maybe she was the reason Anthony was so filled with anger.

The confusion in her mind, still foggy from the almost drowning, swirled heavily in her mind.

Was she to blame? Was she not?

_She didn’t know._

_Maybe the world was better off without her._

So lost in her thoughts Clarke hadn't realized that Lexa had moved away from her to stare down into her eyes, catching the questions roaming around behind her baby blues.

Lexa shook her head,“No, Clarke. I know what you’re thinking. Like I said, Anthony isn’t just going to change because you’re gone. And just like your mother said, it’s not you that makes him act the way he does. It’s all on him not you. You’ve put yourself down too much and after all this I’m not going to allow you to go back to that place. You are worthy of your life more than he is of his. If you think for one second that I’m going to let you try something as stupid as taking your own life again then you clearly don’t know me.”

And just like that, hearing the words so clearly from Lexa’s own lips, the fog was gone. Replaced with clear understanding that it wasn’t her. That she is, and always was, worthy of her life. A life devoid of pain and bruises. A life filled with happiness. Family and friends. Love. Filled with _Lexa_. Clarke hadn’t felt this way since her first run-in with Anthony’s fists. So strong and filled with confidence. No longer afraid.

And she had Lexa to thank for that.

It was a complete roller coaster of emotions but ever since meeting her Clarke had grown more aware of herself and what she deserved. The life she deserved. And, if she was being honest, she wouldn’t change anything about it. Because even if it had been a few fucked up years…they lead her to Lexa. They lead her to the person that loved her for her, cared so much deeper than Clarke thought possible.

_Bruises and all._

Clarke’s arms were wrapped around Lexa’s neck before she knew what she was doing. Pulling her close and nuzzling her nose in the crook of her neck. She was barely aware of the sound of her door closing as Abby let herself out to give them a moment.

“I love you,” Clarke whispered,“So much.”

A warm kiss was placed to the crown of her head and she felt Lexa smile into it,“And I love you, Clarke. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I’d do.”

The blonde backed away and cupped Lexa’s cheek, thumb brushing away the lone tear that slid down her cheek. Blue searched green with a soft smile.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not anytime soon.”

Lexa pressed her lips to her’s urgently, nose bumping against her nasal cannula, just wanting to feel all of her. Clarke could feel herself get lost in the kiss. The warmth that enveloped her as their lips slid together over and over again. It was only when her chest started to ache slightly did Clarke pull away, but not far. Lexa’s forehead fell down onto her’s and she raised her hands to quickly fix the nasal cannula with a breathless chuckle.

“You know,” Lexa said with a light nudge of her nose,“I still have to take you on that date.”

“I thought our first day at the cabin was considered out date?” Clarke asked as she leaned back in Lexa’s hold.

The brunette shook her head with a little ‘tsking’ noise and Clarke was happy that they were back to their teasing ways.

“Oh, no, no, no, Clarke. I will properly romance you.”

Clarke didn’t miss how Lexa strategically avoided the topic of their trip to the cabin and she decided not to push. Clearly Lexa wasn’t comfortable reliving the trip, and the incident, and she understood completely.

“Romance me?” The blonde asked with a raised eyebrow,“And just how do you plan to do that?”

Suddenly Lexa was hovering over her, her back pressed gently into the thin hospital mattress. Her lips tingled as the brunette’s brushed lightly against her’s, the touch almost nonexistent.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Lexa rasped as her eyes bore down into Clarke’s.

Clarke was back into a sitting position almost as fast as she had been pushed down and that caused her head to spin a little. The brunette chuckled at her dazed expression as she stood next to the bed arms folded over her chest confidently.

“As much as I’d like to continue this,” Lexa paused and let her face become serious,“I’m sure you still want to talk to everyone else about everything.”

The blonde nodded slowly in reply. She had almost forgotten that she had more people to tell. It felt almost foreign to her. Having people wait to see how she was doing. Worried for her. Would they be mad? Would they hate her for keeping something so horrible a secret from them?

“Hey,” Lexa said lowly, pulling her from her thoughts,“It’s going to be okay. They’ll understand. The only person they’re going to be mad at is Anthony. We’ll just have to be sure to keep all bomb making equipment away from Raven.”

That pulled a little smile at the corner of her lips,“Raven can make a bomb out of anything if she wants to.”

“Exactly.”

Clarke wrung her hands nervously in her hospital gown as she geared herself up for another talk with her friends.

“Whenever you’re ready I’ll text Anya so they can all come in,” Lexa said as she squatted down next to the bed.

“Let’s get it over with. The faster the better.”

Lexa looked over her face for any signs of discomfort before nodding and sending the text to Anya. When the little ding signaling an incoming text sounded through the almost silent room Clarke began gathering her thoughts and breathing deeply through her nose.

_Now or never._

* * *

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Raven billowed as she stood from her seat.

Clarke eyed her nervously, the anger rolling off her friend sending her heart almost into panic mode, and nodded shakily.

“Raven,” Anya warned,“Calm down. You’re scaring her.”

The Latina dropped helplessly in her chair,“I’m sorry, Clarke. I just…why didn’t you tell us?”

“Yeah?” Octavia asked,“We would have helped you. We wouldn’t have let anything happen to you or Mama G. You know that.”

The blonde almost smiled at her friend’s use of her mother’s old nickname but she kept it at bay.

“Anthony’s got connections all over the city guys. He would have stopped at nothing and made your lives miserable. I couldn’t do that to you,” Clarke said as she ducked her head down.

“So you let yourself be miserable? We wouldn’t have cared Clarke. As long as you were safe and unhurt,” Raven said softly, rubbing her hadn't soothingly over the blonde’s.

Octavia nodded hastily,“There’s nothing he could have done that would have kept us from making sure you were safe. You’re our best friend, Clarke. Our sister.”

The tears were back.

“Thanks, guys. I’m really glad that we’re friends again,” Clarke rasped.

Raven and Octavia were wrapping their arms around her as soon as the second tear fell from her cheeks.

“We never stopped being friends, princess,” They both whispered at the same time.

Clarke open her eyes and could see Anya and Lexa smiling at the softly. She gave them both a small nod before snuggling deeper into her friends’ shoulders. No one dared to bother them for the next few minutes as they soaked up the warmth from each other. Just glad to be back in each other’s presence, even if it had only been a few hours.

Raven was the first to pull back, flicking Clarke’s forehead playfully as she went,“Don’t do something so stupid again, princess.”

The blonde could see the faint shimmer of tears coating the Latina’s eyes as she nodded slowly.

“So what happens now?” Octavia asked as she leaned back in the bed next to Clarke.

Anya and Lexa shared a glance before looking back at the friends.

“We need to find someone that isn’t already under Anthony’s control,” Lexa began,“We need someone we can to trust and will be able to help us bring him down for good. I think it’d be best if we pretended like we know nothing until we find the right person. If Anthony knows that we all know then there’s nothing stopping him from disappearing or trying to turn this all on Clarke.”

The blonde could see her mother cringe at the thought of having to pretend that she didn’t want to wring Anthony’s throat the next time she saw him. Her mother hadn’t reacted the way she had expected but knowing her Abby wouldn’t let it all out until it had time to sink in after a few hours. Clarke knew that she would have to prepare herself to deal with her mother’s soon-to-be breakdown.

“I actually might be able to help with that,” Lincoln spoke up from his position standing quietly in the corner,“Finding someone we can trust, I mean.”

Clarke was just as bewildered as everyone around her,“Who, Lincoln?”

Lincoln stepped forward from the corner and nervously rubbed at his neck. The blonde wanted to roll her eyes playfully at how much of a teddy bear the muscular man was.

“My aunt is actually on the board of the Florida Sheriff Association. I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to help us take your stepfather down. I doubt they want a man who abuses someone who’s supposed to be their family representing them.”

Clarke was skeptical. Nothing had ever presented itself so easily to her before, but here she was basically being handed the perfect opportunity to put Anthony behind bars and out of her life for good. But, despite it’s unsettling easiness, Clarke was going to accept it with open arms.

The blonde smiled fondly at Lincoln,“I’d really appreciate that, Lincoln. If you’re sure it won’t be too much of a problem.”

“Of course not,” Lincoln waved her off,“She lives in the next city over so she’s not that far. Just an hour’s drive and she can be down here to take a statement from you and get Anthony in handcuffs in no time. Besides, she owes me a favor. I’ll give her a call and see when she can get down here.”

Lincoln quickly left, dialing his aunt’s number and speaking softly into the phone as he stepped out the door.

And it all came rushing to her much faster than she thought it would. After this, after a simple statement that would probably take place in the next few days, Anthony would be out of her life. Would no longer be in reach to hurt her. Would be behind bars where he deserved.

_It all seemed too easy._

Octavia and Raven had moved away from the bed and were quietly talking with Lexa and Anya at the foot of her bed. Abby slowly made her way over to the side of her bed, letting her eyes wonder over her daughter’s form before pushing back a few limp golden curls. Clarke smiled weakly up at her mother while trying to figure out just what she was thinking.

“I spoke with the doctor earlier while you and Lexa talked. They said everything seemed surprisingly fine and that if all your tests come back fine you should be able to go home sometime later tonight,” Abby whispered as she took a seat on the edge of the bed.

The blonde grasped her mother’s hand in her’s tightly,“I’m sorry I kept everything from you, mom. I just…you were happy.”

“Oh, honey. Don’t ever think that you need to live a life in pain just to keep my happy. If I had known what he was like…I wouldn’t have let you anywhere near him. God, why couldn’t I see it before?” Abby sobbed.

Clarke pulled her mother into a delicate hug, her chest still aching a bit.

“You couldn’t have known. He made me keep it hidden so well. Always checked to make sure everything was covered before I left the house. You never could have guessed.”

Abby shook her head vigorously,“No, you’re my daughter. I should have seen that something was off. I should have—.”

Clarke silenced her mother with a quick finger over her lips before dropping it.

“Let’s not talk about it right now, okay? What matters is that you know now and we’re going to put him away. After everything is said and done then we can argue about who’s right and who’s wrong.”

The mother sighed, silently agreeing after seeing the weariness starting to settle in Clarke’s eyes,“Okay, but as soon as you’ve given your statement to Lincoln’s aunt and you’re feeling better I’d like it if we could talk some more.”

Clarke finally allowed her head to fall back against her bed, the sleepiness starting to take hold over her once again,“I’d like that. I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Clarke,” Abby whispered as she fondly watched the blonde’s eyes fight to stay open,“We’ll let you get some sleep. I’ll bring everyone down to the cafeteria to get some food so it won’t be so loud in here. You know how Raven’s mouth can get.”

“I heard that Mama G!” Raven said swiftly before receiving a hand to the head from Anya.

As Abby moved from her spot and began trying to usher them all out the room Clarke noticed that she didn’t bother to correct the Latina’s initial to her last name. No longer a Griffin…but the blonde knew it wouldn’t be Johnson for much longer.

Raven’s playfully bickering with Abby and everyone else’s laughter slowly began to die down as they filed out the door and Clarke just allowed her eyes to fall shut silently. A few moments passed by before there was a soft dip on the side of her bed and she didn’t need to open her eyes to know that it was Lexa. A soft splay of fingers against her neck, brushing up past her pulse and rising to cup her cheek.

Blue slowly became visible from behind droopy lids and Clarke smiled sleepily up at Lexa.

“You should go eat. I’ll be fine for a little while.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched and Clarke could already see the war fighting behind her eyes,“I don’t want to leave you, Clarke.”

“Lexa, I’ll be fine,” Clarke repeated and couldn’t hold back her tired smirk when the sound of the brunette’s stomach rumbling reached her ears,“Please go eat. If it’ll make you feel better you can go get something and bring it back up here.”

Green eyes were losing their fight as the steady rumbling grew louder. The brunette gave in with a deep sigh of defeat, a small blush painting her cheeks.

“Fine. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Try to get some rest. No getting into trouble.”

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully,“Yes ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am. It makes me sound old,” Lexa said as she dropped a kiss to her forehead before standing up.

“Yes, Lexa,” Clarke purred.

She could almost hear the jump in Lexa’s heart due to her tone. Could see the clench of her jaw and the slight widening of her eyes.

“Uh, I’ll…,” Lexa stammered,“I’ll be r-right back. Just…sleep.”

The blonde couldn’t help the weak chuckle that followed Lexa as she swiftly made her way out the door. It was nice to be able to tease the brunette as if nothing happened, but Clarke knew they were going to have to talk about it a little more sooner or later. But instead of dwelling on it she allowed herself to fall into a peaceful slumber, lulled away by the steady beep of the heart monitor next to her bed.

* * *

To Clarke, it felt like hours since her eyes had finally drifted shut, but, in reality, it had been mere minutes. The soft thump of boots against the cold hospital floor had Clarke slowly cracking open an eyes and praying to god the one fact that she never wanted to see again wasn’t standing at the foot of her bed.

To her surprise Bellamy stood there, eyes slowly raking over her form before stopping on her face.

“Bellamy? What are you doing here?”

The officer sheepishly looked around the room,“I just wanted to see how you were doing. I heard about what happened.”

“How’d yo—.”

“That’s not important,” Bellamy quickly cut her off, coming to stand at her side,“I just needed to make sure that she wasn’t hurting you while you were here.”

Now, Clarke was _really_ confused.

“What are you _talking_ about?”

“Lexa. The one that you’ve been running around with the past few weeks. Anthony said you’ve been coming home in different clothes and had bruises,” Bellamy was mumbling quickly by now,“She’s the one that’s been doing it. She’s the reason you’re here now. I just needed to make sure that you’re safe and get you away from he—.”

“Oh my god,” Clarke breathed out as she sat up in her bed,“It was you!”

The officer took a stumbling step back as the blonde pointed a ridged finger towards him.

“What are you talking about, Clarke?”

“You told Anthony about Lexa! It’s because of _you_ that he knows who she is!” Her chest started to tighten, the room slowly closing in around her,“You’ve been following me? Giving him information about what I’ve been doing and who I’ve been with, haven’t you?”

“Yes! Anthony was worried about you. It’s not safe for you to be with Lex—.”

Clarke cut him off quickly.

“It’s not safe for me to be with Anthony, Bellamy! It’s been him! It’s always been him! Lexa hasn’t and never will hurt me! Anthony’s been using you to get the information he wanted! And now he knows!” Clarke’s mind slowly slipped into panic mode,“He knows. He knows. And he’s going to—.”

The words choked off in her throat. Clarke knew that Bellamy was more than likely sent here by Anthony, trying to turn the tables and make it look like Lexa was to blame. Probably sending Bellamy here to stir the pot of boiling mess that was already beginning to fester.

“Did he send you here? Did Anthony tell you to come?”

Bellamy still looked dazed from her sudden yelled confession, not fully comprehending the words as of yet. He nodded his head slowly.

“Yeah. Told me to come check on you and keep an eye on Woods.”

“Do you know how he knows I’m here?”

“Yeah,” Bellamy said as he seemed to come out of confusion,“Said Abby called right after she got a call from Lexa saying you were in the hospital. He didn’t know anything after that and hasn’t heard from Abby since so he sent me. He…He’s really the one that’s been hurting you, Clarke? Not Lexa?”

Clarke nodded helplessly, the tightness in her chest still steadily rising and she knew what would come next. The spinning of her mind as she came to terms with everything that had happened. The fact that Anthony used someone who had basically been almost something akin to an older brother at one point to get to the people she loved. Used him to try to hurt them. And even though Bellamy hadn’t known what he was really helping him do, she couldn’t help but feel nervous around him.

Sort heavy breathes followed her tightening chest. A sweat broke out along her spine and pooled at her lower back and Clarke suddenly felt sweltering in the thin hospital gown. Her hand went to her chest in hopes of trying to beat a few solid breathes from it but to no avail. Thankfully, the heart monitor next to her started to beep loudly, signaling the sudden increase of her heart and it’s hazardous rhythm. Bellamy was upon her in an instant but it only seemed to worse her condition.

Her wheezing turned to nothing as she struggled to breathe. No air coming from her lungs as her throat seems to completely close. Her vision swam and she was vaguely aware of Bellamy being moved aside by nurses and doctors. People moved around her, her back hitting the mattress and the bed moving to lay flat beneath her. A bright light was shone in her eyes and made her wince at it’s intensity. There was a slight prick in her arm as soon as the light disappeared but whatever medicine they had administered her didn’t seem to be helping. Just when black spots began to dot at the edge of her vision, when she was sure that she’d die from oxygen deprivation, her name echoed around the room. That one voice that pulled her away from the creeping darkness.

_“Clarke!”_

Lexa’s arms were wrapped around her in an instant, tugging her hands and placing them over her heart. Lips pressed against her ear and a calming humming began. She could faintly hear the protests of the hospital staff around them but they all quieted down as soon as her heart monitor slowly began to calm down. The brunette gently swayed them as she cradled her and continued to hum lowly into her ear. Her chest eased and her fingers clenched at the strong and steady beat beneath them. Her hand snuck it’s way under Lexa’s shirt collar and Clarke sighed contently when she found warm skin.

Within moments her head lulled forward and rested perfectly cradled in the crook of Lexa’s neck. Clarke could faintly hear the shuffles of the nurses around them as they checked over her vitals and heart monitor. Lexa moved cautiously and she felt her tense up.

“Get out,” Lexa hissed and Clarke knew that she was talking to Bellamy.

She didn’t need to look up to know that Bellamy’s face held a bewildered look at what had just occurred. But she let her worries of him fade out the door as his footsteps disappeared down the hospital hallway.

“It was him, Lexa. He didn’t know what he was really doing but he gave Anthony your name. It was him,” Clarke stated frantically into her skin.

“Shhh, Clarke,” Lexa hushed her soothingly,“It’s okay. There’s nothing more that can be done right now. Just rest.”

A warm hand cupped the back of her neck and she let it fall back completely into it’s hold. Blue clashed with green and Clarke smiled softly into the worried gaze of Lexa’s before letting herself finally fall into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

_“What do you mean he’s gone?”_

_“Everything is gone. His clothes. His truck. Just gone.”_

_“This can’t be happening. Who would have even told him?”_

Clarke groaned lowly, a dull ache forming behind her eyes as she pushed herself up onto her elbows. Looking around she noticed that she was still in the hospital room, the window showing her that they were well into the night. Abby, Lexa, and the rest of their friends stood all around her room, faces holding worried expressions.

Lexa, of course, was the first one to move towards her and ghost a hand a across her cheek lovingly.

“Hey, you. How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Clarke croaked,“Just a little headache.”

“I’ll see if I can get a nurse to get you something,” Abby commented before stepping out of the room.

The blonde looked around the room, noticing that no one besides Lexa could meet her gaze.

“What’s going on?”

She could see the nervous bob of Lexa’s throat at her question.

“What are you talking about?”

“When I was waking up I heard you say something about someone being gone.”

Lexa glanced over her shoulder towards their friends who’s gazes were all downcast. Everyone shuffled in their spots, a somewhat awkward silence filling the room and leaving Clarke confused.

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s happening?”

With a defeated sigh the brunette sitting beside her ran her hands over her face before letting them firmly hold her own between them. Lexa eyed her nervously for a few moments, as if contemplating if she could handle what she was about to tell her.

And Clarke knew. Just from the obvious ‘he’ stated earlier. She knew what that meant. But she needed to hear it for herself. Needed to solidly confirm it.

“Anthony’s gone. No one knows where he is.”

_She knew it wouldn’t be so easy._

_Nothing ever was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did this one justice. Especially with Bellamy's sudden appearance. I also want to point out that I'm going to include flashbacks of Bellamy watching Clarke in future chapters so we can kind of see what transpired between those times! And don't worry, we're not done with Anthony quite yet. I still need him and he still deserves to have his ass handed to him by Lexa herself. ;)
> 
> Oh, and Abby will have more of a reaction to Clarke's confession in a later chapter. Don't think she's just gonna sit there and not freak out. She's just gotta keep it together long enough to help Clarke through everything right in this moment. :)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	21. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke talks with Abby. Another surprise visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry! I've been slacking again! This should have been up ages ago but you know...life happens. This is more of a filler chapter than anything, just something to keep you on your toes while I plan out the next few chapters and work out a few key details. Also, I've got a few works in the making for Christmas so those are currently taking my attention. The holidays are getting closer and it's only getting busier for me so updates may be a bit spotty for the rest of the month. ;)

It felt as if she was floating under the water again. Weightless. Lifeless. The sounds around her drowning out and leaving a distant buzzing in her ears. Her lungs contracted, trying to pull in air as if she was continuing to sink further and further down.

_No._

_It was supposed to be over._

_He was supposed to be behind bars._

_But instead he’s gone._

_Free._

And somehow he knows that she spoke of her secret. That she spoke of her abuse. How? Clarke wasn’t completely sure but she had a good idea that needed to be confirmed.

But maybe after she was able to regulate her breathing.

“Just breathe, Clarke,” Warm, comforting hands found her cheeks and a forehead rested against her own,“I’m right here. Just feel me.”

Trembling hands twisted into the fabric of Lexa’s shirt, pulling her close and feeling her heart beat against her knuckles. She felt the even breathes leave the brunette’s and tried to sync her own with her’s. She could feel their friends’ eyes on them but no one said a word as Lexa calmed her down.

Clarke could hear her heart monitor slowly returning to normal. Lexa calmed her in a way that no one could. Just the feel of her under her fingers was more than enough to pull her from a panic attack. Was enough to pull her from the nonexistent water that felt so real swirling around her.

“That’s it. Just keep breathing,” Lexa mumbled as she rubbed at Clarke’s back,“You’re so strong. You can do it.”

And Lexa’s words hit her like a freight train. She was right. She was strong. Strong enough to stomp this panic attack before it went beyond her control. Strong enough to accept that Anthony was gone to god knows where.

Strong enough to know that she didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

Yes, Anthony may be MIA but that didn’t take away from the fact that everyone knew what was going on now. She had a group of amazing people surrounding her, waiting for the moment that they were needed to step in and protect her. Clarke had the strength to fully tell her story and eventually put Anthony behind bars where he belonged.

Clarke had enough strength to _fight back_.

Slender fingers tilting her chin upwards broke her from her thoughts and she looked up into soft green eyes.

“Better?” Lexa asked gently.

Clarke nodded, eyes darting over to see their friends watching worriedly from the corner before looking back at Lexa,“Yeah. I’m good. Just a bit of panic but I’m fine now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Clarke said reassuringly as she bumped her nose against Lexa’s, inhaling deeply.

“What are you thinking?”

Blue peered into curious green and she smiled. Clarke was beginning to fully understand that there was nothing that she could hide from Lexa.

“That I’m strong enough now. Even though he’s missing or whatever I can still share my story. I can get the help I need and, when he’s found, put him behind bars for what he did,” Clarke said confidently,“And it’s because of you, Lexa.”

Lexa shook her head,“No. That’s all you. That strength is your’s, Clarke.”

“No. I wouldn’t have found it without you. You helped me and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that,” Clarke whispered.

The brunette pulled her closer, their lips barely brushing,“You don’t need to thank me. I’d do it a thousand times over if it meant that you were here, alive and….with me.”

“But I do. I owe you so mu—.”

Her words were cut short by silk lips. Lexa clung to her tightly and allowed no room for her to wiggle free. The kiss was desperate, needy, loving. Clarke sighed into it as Lexa languidly moved her lips against her own, dragging it out and never wanting it to end. But finally, when they could no longer deprive themselves of oxygen, they broke apart. Labored breathes blew across her swollen lips causing them to tingling with the missing sensation of Lexa.

“You owe me nothing, Clarke,” Lexa whispered,“Leave it be. Please.”

Clarke could feel that there was something Lexa wasn’t telling her but, with one look into those pleading green orbs, she decided it could wait a little while. She could give this to her now.

“Okay,” She whispered as she cupped her cheek.

Just as the word was uttered from her lips her mother and another doctor appeared through the door. Abby was at the side of her bed in an instant, pushing her hair from her face once Lexa had moved away from her a bit.

“How are you feeling?”

“My head still hurts a bit but other than that I’m fine.”

Lexa’s fingers tightened around her’s at the end.

“She had a slight panic attack when I told her the news. She came down from it pretty fast though,” The brunette informed her mother.

Abby nodded slowly as she took everything in before looking back at Clarke and gesturing to the doctor behind her.

“Clarke, this is Dr. Ryder Steel. He’s the one that will taking care of you until you’re discharged.”

The man stepped forward and held his hand out for Clarke to shake,“It’s nice to meet you, Clarke.”

The blonde took his hand and smiled at the firm grip before looking at her mother.

“And you agreed to this?”

She knew how picky her mother was when it came to other doctors treating her. Abby wanted the best and only the best treating her daughter since by law she was not allowed to do so herself.

“Yes, Clarke,” Abby said with a small laugh and a shake of her head,“I actually worked with Dr. Steel a bit before he transferred here. You’re safe with him.”

There was a little bit of unease the lifted from her gut at her mother’s words. If Abby trusted him then she could trust him. The tall muscular man stepped around her mother and began scanning over the monitors next to her bed. Blue eyes darted between her mother and Lexa as the doctor scribbled everything onto her chart.

“You’re vitals are strong. You thankfully didn’t suffer any damage from the lack of oxygen to your brain which is a miracle seeing as to how your heart stopped beating for at least three minutes,” Dr. Steel said evenly as he finished her charts,“You’ll notice a bit of pain while breathing. That’s just from some bruising on your ribs from the compressions.”

Clarke could feel Lexa stiffen next to her and she was quick to console her.

“It’s okay, Lexa. You didn’t mean to hurt me. You saved my life.”

The brunette’s body relaxed slightly and she nodded slowly while inhaling deeply.

Dr. Steel cleared his throat to gain their attention once more,“Other than your ribs and a partially sore throat from the water, you’ll be fine. At your consent, your mother explained to me the events that lead up to you being here, Clarke. I’d like for you to see a therapist at least once a week to work some things out.”

Clarke had been skeptical about letting her mother explain to the doctor what exactly brought her into the emergency room. In the end, Abby had explained that he needed to know exactly what happened in order to treat her to the best of his abilities. And Clarke also knew that her mother knew he would express his concern for her and request she see a therapist in the very least. It made her a little uncomfortable, thinking of telling a complete stranger everything that had occurred over the years, but it was a step she needed to take to recover. She knew it would help in the end. With the nightmares, the constant fear that made her look over her shoulder, the nerves that ran up her spine when she got too close to a male cop or any male in general that looked slightly similar to Anthony.

“Of course,” Clarke nodded,“I was expecting that to come up.”

A tiny smile pulled at the corner of Dr. Steel’s lips,“Of course you did. Your mother says she knows someone personally that she’d like for you to see if you’re willing. If not I have a few suggestions for you to think about.”

To exhausted to even think about anything Clarke put her trust into her mother,“I think I’ll go with my mom’s choice. I trust her.”

The doctor nodded, scribbling what she assumed to be the therapist’s name onto her paperwork,“I just want to run a few more tests just to make sure everything is fine but I can pretty much say I’ll have you out of here by the end of tonight.”

Relief flooded her veins. Despite her mother being a doctor and practically growing up in one Clarke really didn’t care too much for hospitals or at least being a patient in one.

“Awesome. No offense but I’m ready to get the hell out of here.”

Everyone chuckled around her and Dr. Steel pat her shoulder comfortingly,“I understand. You’re not the first patient ready to leave. I promise to try and get you out as soon as possible but for now just rest. Your body will be a little sore for the next few days.”

Clarke and everyone else expressed their thanks as the man showed himself out. Silence filled the room, no one really knowing where to go from there. Clarke could see her mother fidgeting with the hem of her shirt nervously and knew something was off. Blue eyes moved to Lexa who was busy brushing a chaotic curl behind her ear.

“Do you mind if I have a moment with my mom?”

Lexa smiled softly and nodded,“Yeah. You don’t have to ask though. I’ll take everyone down to the cafeteria. I’ll grab you and Abby something as well.”

She knew that Lexa was a little hesitant to leave her if the tightening of her fingers around her own was anything to go by. But Lexa knew that she needed a moment to speak with her mother privately and understood that that moment was now.

The brunette pressed a quick kiss to her temple before standing from the bed and stretching.

“Guys, why don’t we go get some food from downstairs? I’m starving.”

Her friends quickly agreed, Clarke swearing that she could hear Raven’s stomach growling greedily as they walked out the door. When the door shut quietly behind them Clarke couldn’t keep her gaze from shifting over to her mother. Abby stood rooted in her spot, eyes downcast and hands clenching at the edge of her shirt. From the angle of her head Clarke could just barley make out the bags under her eyes and her heart stuttered painfully.

“Mom…,” Clarke started slowly only to stop completely when a sob escaped her mother’s lips.

“Why didn’t…why…,” The subs racked her chest making her words broken and unable to form correctly.

Clarke could already hear the questions buzzing through her mind.

_Why didn’t you tell me?_

_Why did you let this go on for so long?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

She waited, feeling the deep guilt bubble up in her chest for making her mother cry.

“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

A tiny gasp echoed through the room from Clarke’s lips. Of all the ‘why’s’ that she thought of not once did Clarke think that that would be one of them. She didn’t expect her mother to blame herself. She was busy, head surgeon had it’s drawbacks on being home frequently, but Clarke never blamed her for it. Abby did it to give her the best in life. She understood that there could have been no way for Abby to see it, with both her absence and how well Anthony made sure she kept everything hidden.

“I-I should have known something wasn’t right,” Abby rattled off as she sat on the edge of Clarke’s bed,“I should have seen the signs. God, for so long…why? Am I that stupid? To not see that my own daughter was being abused. If I’d had seen it then maybe we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have tried to—.”

“Mom!” The blonde called out, stopping the older woman’s rambling,“You’re not to blame for this. You can’t blame yourself for something that _I_ kept from you. It’s not your fault.”

Abby shook her head wildly, eyes overflowing with tears as she met Clarke’s gaze,“No, Clarke. You’re my daughter. My own flesh and blood. I should have noticed something wasn’t right. I should have been home more. I was working way too much. I can’t—what if he had killed you, Clarke? What would I have done then?”

Clarke was at a loss. She understood where her mother was coming from but not for one second did she blame her for anything that happened. Her mother worked to provide for her, put her through school, and make her comfortable in life. Yes, she worked long hours and there were some times where she didn’t see Abby for almost three days straight but she _understood_. Clarke just couldn’t figure out how to get it through her mother’s head that it was okay.

“Mom,” The blonde grasped Abby’s trembling hands in her own,“Listen to me. What happened with Anthony, it is _not_ your fault. Before I tell you why I kept it a secret you need to understand that you are _not_ the reason I’m in here right now. It’s all on him, okay?”

With a shuttering breath Abby nodded slowly. She waited a moment as her mother quelled her tears and calmed her nerves.

“The reason I kept it a secret for so long…He, uh, Anthony threatened you…Rae and Octavia. Lexa. Basically everyone I cared for,” Clarke let her eyes fall to their joined hands when she heard the hitch of her mother’s breath,“I couldn’t…I wasn’t going to let him hurt someone else. Not after I knew what he was capable of.”

“Clark—.”

The blonde stopped her mother, already knowing the tone in her voice,“No, mom. It was my decision. I made the choice to keep you and everyone safe from him. You are not to blame for that. No one is but him. I know that now.”

Abby’s eyes were hardened. Clarke could tell that she was far from convincing her that it wasn’t her fault that she had kept it a secret or that she hadn’t realized it sooner. In a way, she was grateful that Abby found out this way instead of walking in on Anthony mid swing or noticing the bruises. She feared that if something along those lines had happened that her mother might go off on her husband and end up getting hurt herself. That, for Clarke, was her biggest worry.

“I-It’s going to take some time for me,” Abby confessed slowly,“To not think that if I had been home more or payed more attention that I could have stopped it. That it’s partially my fault. But I know you’re exhausted and need some more rest, maybe a nap, before your tests and discharge so we’ll talk more about this later, okay?”

As Clarke nodded her head the faint buzzing of Abby’s phone caught both of their attentions. The older woman pulled the device from her pocket and scanned over the lit up screen. Clarke watched curiously as a smile broke out over her mother’s face and wondered just what she was reading. The device went dark a few seconds later and Abby placed it back into her pocket before looking up at her daughter, smile still in place.

“Actually, I don’t think you’ll want to take a nap just yet.”

Her brow furrowed,“Why?”

As the word was uttered from her lips a light knock came from her door. The solid wood door was pushed open slowly and she waited with bated breath. Clarke half expected it to be Lexa or one of their friends…but not her _father_. Eyes as blue as her own stared back at her, laugh lines forming around his mouth as he smiled both sadly and happily at her. The older Griffen jumped forward, teddy bear in hand, right passed Abby and into the outstretched arms of his daughter.

“Hey, little bug,” Jake whispered into her hair as a sob racked her body at her old nickname,“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You’re safe now.”

It had been far too long since she had last seen her father. There was only the occasional phone call and FaceTime due to the demands of his job as an engineer but nothing compared to being in his arms. Clarke felt like a child again when she was with him. Protected and safe as he checked under her bed and in her closet for monsters and drove away the ones he ‘found’.

Clarke rubbed her face into the fabric of his shirt, inhaling the light cologne he always wore,“What are you doing here?”

Jake pulled away, rubbing a thumb lightly over her cheek as he smiled down at her,“You’re mother called. Told me what happened. I was on the next plane leaving from Charleston the second I was off the phone.”

The blonde laughed a little.

“You know a flight is only two hours less than driving right? You spent all that money on a plane ticket for two hours.”

Her father’s eyes searched her face, eyes filled with something…fear?

“Two hours - _two seconds_ \- can change a lifetime, Clarke. I wasn’t willing to wait longer than necessary to get here to you. Not when I heard about what that bastard’s been doing.”

Jake Griffin wasn’t normally one to get angry or cuss so Clarke knew that his blood was just boiling right below the surface. Maybe it was a good thing Anthony was missing at the moment because she was sure that if her father came face to face with him she’d be visiting him in jail for murder.

“When I get my hands on that son of a bi—.”

“Dad,” Clarke stopped him,“He’s not worth it. He’s not worth you going to jail over. Anthony is going to get what’s coming to him as soon as he’s found. Lincoln’s aunt will make sure of it.”

“What does Lincoln’s aunt have to do with it? Who’s Lincoln?” Jake asked as he looked between her and Abby.

Clarke quickly went on to explain Lincoln’s aunt’s position with the Florida Sheriff Association and how she would be able to help them.

“So she’s the one that will be able to put him behind bars for good?”

“Yeah,” Clarke confirmed with a nod,“Lincoln’s already contacted her and she should be here sometime later tonight or early tomorrow. With Anthony MIA now someone was bound to be here in the next few days so Lincoln says she’ll actually be able to kill two birds with one stone.”

“I’d like to kill _him_ with a stone,” Jake muttered jokingly under his breath causing Clarke to smile.

She missed this. This is what it felt like to have her _real_ father around. Someone who would lay his life down to keep her safe. Would do anything for her.

Not someone who she _feared_.

Clarke unexpectedly pulled her father down into a hug once more, arms wrapping tightly around his neck and ignoring the dull ache in her ribs.

“I really missed you, dad.”

She could feel him smile into her hair and his own arms pulling her further into him.

“Me too, bug. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In future chapters there's going to be more with Jake and Abby talking with Clarke, mainly with the therapist, so be prepared for that! And I think it's pretty obvious that Lexa is hiding something from Clarke. Well, we'll see what that is later. ;)
> 
> I honesty don't think I say this enough. Thank you all to everyone who reads, comments, and leaves kudos. You guys are amazing. 
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo


	22. And He Strikes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy confronts Anthony. Costia makes a short appearance, Lexa gets something off her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! I know, I know. It's been forever. But...I took an unexpected break. I think the amount of stories that I've piled on myself kinda added up and I just needed a bit of a break. But I'm back and ready to start writing some more! This chapters a bit shorter than the rest but its a chapter! 
> 
> I was going to introduce Indra into this chapter but I decided to save that for the next. There's going to be quite a reveal at the end of next chapter and I'm very excited to give it to you hopefully soon! :)

Anthony fiddled with a pen, leaned back in his office chair still contemplating the news that Abby had delivered to him over the phone. He played his role of the loving husband and hid his distain at the mention of Clarke, stated how ‘upset’ he was that he couldn’t head to the hospital with her.

That was hours ago. And now, he waited in the thankfully quite precinct for any word on his step-daughter.

He wasn’t foolish. Anthony understood what lengths Clarke was willing to go to, to keep those she loved safe. And she only proved that with the frantic phone call he received from Abby. He’d be the first to admit that he didn’t think she’d have the guts to do it but apparently he was wrong. The girl was a lot braver than he gave her credit for…that only meant he’d have to knock her down a few more pegs.

In all the thoughts that drifted in and out of his mind, surprisingly, not once did Anthony ever think that Clarke would confess to being beaten at his hand.

That’s why, when Bellamy Blake burst through his office door only two hours after sending him to check on Clarke’s condition, everything that followed brought his life to a screeching halt.

“You mother fucker,” Bellamy spat as he stormed up to his desk,“Give me one damn good reason I shouldn’t just beat your face right here, right now.”

Anthony quirked an eyebrow and scoffed before throwing the pen down onto his desk and slowly moving to stand from his chair.

“What the hell are you talking about, Blake?”

Bellamy’s furious eyes stayed locked on him,“Clarke. She told me. That it’s you that’s been beating her. Not Lexa. You’re own step-daughter?”

The sheriff froze in his tracks, halfway to rounding his desk to stand next to Bellamy. His throat constricted, memories flashing through his mind as his hand slowly inched up to the gun strapped at his waist.

_This wasn’t happening again._

Anthony composed himself but never let his hand move away from it’s position as he fully faced a seething Bellamy.

“Beating her? You really think I’d hurt her? I’m a sheriff for christ sakes!”

“I won’t lie,” Bellamy bit out,“I thought I could trust you. That I could give you the benefit of the doubt. _But_ when I got a text from Octavia, no more than ten minutes after leaving the hospital, explaining everything that happened and that I needed to stay away from you…I couldn’t deny it anymore. Not one, but two people, who I know wouldn’t lie about things like this…you better have a good mother fucking lawyer.”

Thankfully, for Anthony, Bellamy’s eyes still hadn’t taken in the placement of his hand on his gun; much too angry to remove his eyes from the sheriff’s.

The older man scoffed once more, trying to hide the slight edge in his voice,“And you’re really going to believe that coming from two silly little teenagers? About your superior officer that you’ve known for how many years? Who got you to where you are today?”

“I’ve known them both longer than I have you,” Bellamy ground out as he took a step closer,“I trust them both with my life. And, honestly, I thought I could trust you with their’s but clearly I was wrong.”

Anthony’s hand clenched automatically around his gun as Bellamy pulled out his phone and furiously tapped against the screen.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting someone down here who can put your ass in jail where you belong,” Bellamy spat as he pushed the phone up to his ear, slightly angling his body away from the older male as he listened to the phone ring.

Despite the cool temperature of the office, Anthony could feel sweat forming across his brow, the back of his neck. His hand clammy against the handle of the gun, fingers adjusting their grip as he slowly pulled it from it’s holster. Hot puffs of air rolled through clenched teeth, jaw twitching under the pressure.

_“He did this to me!”_

_“It’s his fault!”_

_“He killed her! He killed my mother!”_

_“You’re not going to get away with this anymore!”_

Anthony shook his head, trying to rid himself of the all too familiar voice defiling his head. A deep ache rose from the base of his neck, sprouting and spreading into his temples. His empty hand raising and slapping against the side of his head.

Bellamy made no move, not even registering the rapidly deteriorating man next to him.

And Anthony wasted no time taking his strike.

* * *

**Shift in POV (Lexa)**

Lexa sighed, leaning against the wall some feet away from the hospital entrance, staring down at her phone. Clarke’s face smiled back at her from the lock screen. A rare picture that she was able to capture on the way to the cabin. Blonde curls whipped around her face, pearly teeth peaking out past pink lips, blue eyes shining with mirth. The perfect picture of happy.

But it didn’t last long.

Every time her eyes closed, Lexa could still see Clarke face down in the lake. She could still feel the painful squeeze in her chest, the ache in her lungs and legs as she ran for her. The water still roared in her ears before becoming deafeningly silent…the same sound she heard when she put her ear against Clarke’s chest. No heart beat, no breathing. Just silence.

And it was all because of h—.

“Lexa!”

Green eyes fluttered up from the now black phone screen and locked on a fast approaching Costia.

“Costia…what are you doing here?”

Frizzy brown curls bounced as Costia cleared the remaining steps between them, hands resting against her knees as she took in deep breathes.

“Anya…she called…said Clarke was in the h-hospital. I left as soon as I could,” Costia’s breathing slowly evened out,“How is she? Is Clarke okay?”

Lexa rested a hand against the woman’s shoulder, smiling slightly.

“Clarke’s fine. Some bruised ribs and a sore throat but she’s fine. They might release her tonight if her tests come back okay.”

Costia nodded, taking in the information,“Good. Now, what happened? Anya wouldn’t give me any details over the phone.”

Lexa pushed away from the wall, eyeing the few people standing by the doors, before leading Costia away by the arm.

“Anthony…he threatened Clarke. He used us. Me, Octavia, Raven….all of us, against her. He knew that at least I knew about what he did to her. Clarke…she uh, sh-.”

Lexa’s throat constricted around the words, lodging them in her throat.

Costia rubbed her arm soothingly,“Take your time, Lexa.”

Lexa nodded before taking a deep breath, calming her nerves a bit.

“Clarke thought that if she wasn’t….if she was no longer here then Anthony wouldn’t have any means to go after any of us. She…jumped into the lake, didn’t come back up. Swallowed a bunch of water. If I hadn’t…Clarke would be…”

She couldn’t stop the blur of tears that covered her eyes. Lexa finally let the emotions consume her, break open and come forth. Costia’s arms wrapped around her and her hands rubbed along her back trying to quiet the sobs escaping from her.

“There was no way you could have known what was going to happen, Lexa. What matters now is that Clarke’s okay. She’s safe and healthy in her hospital room. She’s alive. Because of you.”

Lexa shook her head against her friend’s shoulder, tears smearing across the fabric of her shirt.

“She’s in there because of me,” She whispered.

Costia pushed her away instantly and smacked lightly against her arm.

“Don’t say that! You’re not the one that threatened everyone she cared for. That was him! Not you! You did nothing to cause this, Lexa!”

“But I did!” Lexa practically yelled,“She jumped in that lake to keep _me_ safe! When I pulled her out of the water and got her breathing and asked her why she said it was to keep me safe! She kept repeating it! She tried to take her life because of me! _I’m_ the reason she was in that water! _I’m_ the reason her heart stopped! _I’m_ the reason she’s in that damn room!”

“But you’re not, Lexa.”

Lexa’s heart froze, her eyes never leaving Costia, who’s eyes were trained over her shoulder and smiling sadly. She dropped her gaze to the ground, her hands forming into fists at her sides.

“I am, Clarke. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

“Look at me, Lexa.”

Costia was already moving away by time Lexa gathered her courage enough to turn around. Clarke sat in a wheelchair, still in her hospital gown, with her mother behind her. Lexa nodded to Abby and pursed her lips.

“I’ll give you both a few minutes,” Abby whispered, patting Clarke’s shoulder comfortingly before moving back towards the hospital entrance.

Both women were quite for some time after Abby left, neither one wanting to be the first to continue the conversation. Lexa couldn’t even bring herself to meet Clarke’s eyes.

“You should be in bed,” Lexa finally mumbled.

Clarke smiled,“Dr. Steel said I was fine to move around a little. I just wanted to get some air…and find you.”

Green eyes finally moved to meet blue.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.”

Clarke didn’t even hesitate to restart her argument.

“Don’t, Lexa. You’re not the damn reason I’m here and you know it.”

Lexa sighed heavily, almost like the weight of the word had lifted off her shoulders by Clarke’s words.

 _Almost_.

_**“To keep you safe.”** _

The memory of Clarke’s weak voice repeating those words was enough to push her back into her self loathing box inside her head.

“You said you did it for me. To keep me safe. I…Clarke, you can’t say I’m not part of the reason you’re here. Because I am.”

“Dammit, Lexa,” Clarke ground out as she weakly pushed herself of the wheelchair.

Lexa was at her side in an instant, thankfully, because Clarke’s knees wobbled from the sudden movement before giving out from under her. She took the entirety of Clarke’s weight and slowly lowered them to the ground, being careful of Clarke’s bare legs against the concrete.

“Clarke, I know you’re feeling better but you shouldn’t be standing on your own just yet.”

“I don’t care about me right now, Lexa,” Clarke huffed as she cupped Lexa’s cheeks,“You’re standing out here thinking that everything is your fault when it’s not. Yes, I said I did it for you. To _protect_ you. But it was him that lead me to that point. He had your name, probably everything about you down to your childhood address…and everyone else’s names…I couldn’t take that risk.”

Clarke’s eyes welled with tears as they searched her’s. The emotions swirling in those sky blue eyes left her head spinning. To think she could have lost them forever.

“I would have done, - _will_ \- do anything, to keep you safe from him. And everyone else. If it meant taking myself out of this world to accomplish that then so be it. But that would never be on you, Lexa. It would be all him. Only Anthony. You’ve done so much to help me since we met. You’re the reason I had the strength to tell my parents, my friends. You…you saved me, and not just at the lake. I wanted to push you away in the beginning but I just couldn’t. I think…I think you’re the reason I’m still here today…the reason I didn’t end it a long time ago. I contemplated it before, ending it I mean, but then you ran into me. Literally. And after that day I just didn’t want to see the end anymore. The lake…that was Anthony. Not you. And that’s all I’m going to say about it right now.”

Lexa’s mouth opened and closed, trying to form any words in her muddled brain. Her eyes darted across every feature of Clarke’s face, completely taken by her.

“I don’t…Clarke, I can’t—.”

Clarke pressed her thumb gently against Lexa’s trembling bottom lip, stopping any more scattered words from tumbling out.

“You don’t need to say anything right now. Just…let it be for now. Don’t blame yourself for this one, okay? We’ll talk about it later.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, her mouth feeling as if it was stuffed with cotton.

“Yeah, okay. We should get you back up to your room anyway.”

Slowly but surely, Lexa was able to get Clarke off the ground and back into her wheelchair. After a quick check of the blonde’s legs, satisfied to see the skin was left unmarked from the rough pavement, Lexa began leading them back to the front entrance. A few people lined the walkways. Some patients, a few nurses, and visitors. Neither girl really paid any mind to the sound of an ambulance’s sirens as they made their way through the people with stiff smiles directed at a few of them. It wasn’t until they stopped just outside the entrance to allow the EMTs and stretcher through that everything came to a screeching halt.

“Bellamy…,” Clarke’s whisper was broken and Lexa barely had time to pull her eyes away from Bellamy’s prone form, breathing mask covering his face and thick line of blood seeping from his temple, to catch Clarke from shooting out of her seat.

The stretcher was already disappearing down the corridor as Clarke struggled against her.

“Bellamy! No! Bring him back!” Clarke fought in her arms, determined to get the to older man but Lexa clung tight.

“Clarke! Clarke, you need to calm down! You’re going to hurt yourself even more!”

“Just let me go, Lexa!”

Clarke struggled against her more and just when Lexa thought she would lose her grip a passing EMT from the ambulance just happened to get within Clarke’s gripping distance. The poor man’s shirt was pulled so hard by the blonde Lexa was sure she heard something rip.

“What happened?! Who did that to him?!”

The man, surprisingly calm, carefully put his hands on Clarke’s shoulders and stared her down as he spoke.

“Are you family?”

“Practically! His sister is like my sister! She’s here now!” Clarke tried,“His names Bellamy Blake. He’s a police officer. Ju-Just tell me what happened! Please!”

The EMT sighed, shoulders dropping,“Another officer found him outside behind the precinct near the squad cars, like he was hidden but meant to be found. They’re not sure what happened just yet. He sustained some head trauma and some heavy blows to the chest and abdomen from what we could see in the bus. His blood oxygen levels were low so his lungs could have taken some damage. We won’t know more until the doctors run some tests. If you can find his sister and send her to the trauma ward the doctors can give her more information there.”

Clarke seemed to calm, or break down, or maybe both, at the EMTs words. Her ribs expanded with a sharp intake of oxygen under Lexa’s hands where they supported most of her weight as she nodded and Lexa knew the tears would be inevitable.

“O-Okay. I will. Thank you.”

He gave a sympathetic nod before disappearing into the hospital. Clarke’s head fell forward, blonde hair covering her eyes and it took everything in Lexa for her to wait until she was ready to turn around on her own.

And when she finally did Lexa wanted nothing more than to see Anthony rotting behind bars for the rest of his life. Tears streamed down Clarke’s cheeks, blue eyes rimmed red and cloudy with pain.

“You know it was him. It had to be him, Lexa. Who else would do that to Bellamy?”

Lexa’s chest stung as she pulled Clarke further into her arms as she sobbed. Long fingers carded through messy blonde strands and she scratched soothingly at her scalp hoping to calm the body wracking sobs.

“We’re going to catch him, Clarke. He’s not going to get away with this. I promise.”

And, as Lexa stared blankly through the glass doors of the hospital that Bellamy had just been transported to, she knew, in her heart and soul, that she would live up to those words. She would go to any lengths to make sure that Anthony served the time he deserved for hurting the woman in her arms…and anyone else he had or will hurt.

She would make damn sure of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through this. I know the updates have been spotty but I said I wasn't going to quit any of my stories and I'm not! And for those who are wondering, yes, I will be continuing the Christmas AU. It may not be Christmas but who says you still can't be in the spirit? ;) Though it won't be the next one updated, that will be FTVB so look for that here soon! ;)
> 
> Until next time, Lovelies!
> 
> Love to all! 
> 
> Xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> So? How was it? :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and always welcome! Don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you guys can be alerted to any and all story updates! 
> 
> Have an awesome day lovelies! 
> 
> Love too all!
> 
> Xoxo


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